Many representatives of the fairer sex sooner or later face problems at work, family relationships, begin to conflict with relatives. And this list of life's troubles goes on and on. As a result, the woman begins to feel discriminated against and develops self-doubt. And, naturally, this leads to the fact that her self-esteem drops to almost zero. Even simple envy of long-legged beauties from glossy magazines can provoke the above problem.
Of course, many representatives of the fair half would like to know the answer to the question of how to raise a woman’s self-esteem.
It just so happened historically that she was perceived at all times exclusively as the keeper of the hearth. The woman had to cook food, wash clothes, and keep the home clean and comfortable.
In all other respects, men dominated. They even started making fun of women's thinking and logic. Despite the fact that the times of patriarchy are already a thing of the past, nevertheless their echoes remain - great amount women still believe that their gender is given too modest a place in society. Of course, the ideas of feminism in modern society are progressing. However, the question of how to raise a woman’s self-esteem needs to be decided, so to speak, “here and now.” Firstly, because this form of self-doubt can become a serious obstacle to success in your career and personal life, and secondly, those around such a lady will treat her with a negative sign. Before we begin to consider the question of how to raise a woman’s self-esteem, it is necessary to decide what it is and what the nature of its formation is.
Self-esteem - what is it?
Self-esteem is how we perceive ourselves. A person can praise himself if he manages to achieve something, thinking about how great he is. We can also scold ourselves for failures and mistakes. Of course, such an evaluation system is purely subjective, but as practice shows, people with positive self-esteem are more successful and happy than their opposites.
The origins of self-esteem begin in early childhood, they are determined by our relationships with family, loved ones, and friends. Self-esteem is finally formed in adulthood. Unfortunately, it is very easy to instill self-doubt in a person.
So, let's move on to a practical consideration of the question of how to raise a woman's self-esteem.
Don't compare yourself to others
Remember that if you envy those who have a figure of 90-60-90 and who are more successful, then nothing will happen in your life. better side will not change. You must understand that absolutely every person has shortcomings and it is possible that they are more serious than your own. There is no ideal, and you simply cannot please everyone.
Watch your appearance
A huge number of young ladies believe that if a girl is beautiful, it means she will achieve everything in this life. Unfortunately, natural beauty Only a few can boast, while the rest of the ladies are content with simply skillfully highlighting it. Regularly go to hairdressers and beauty salons, update your wardrobe, visit fitness centers. After this you will feel much more confident.
Develop intellectually
Remember that beauty without intelligence is of no value. Try to learn something new and useful for yourself every day. Read more, open educational pages on the Internet more often. It will be very useful to help your child do homework- Believe me, you can develop intellectually in such a banal way.
Let go of past mistakes
It is important to learn to realize the simple “You learn from mistakes.” Of course, the consequences of wrong actions can be irreversible, in particular, lost health, a child’s childhood without a father, a failed career. Don’t blame yourself for the past, just remember that it gave you life experience.
Maintain a healthy lifestyle
As they say, in a healthy body healthy mind. By playing sports, you will not only become even more beautiful in appearance, but also gain confidence from a psychological point of view. Believe me, nicotine and alcohol addiction only make problems worse.
Love yourself
A woman who doubts herself must realize that the qualities that are inherent in her give her a unique inner strength, through which you can overcome all the adversities and troubles of life. Know that every person is unique by nature. Any disadvantages can be transformed into advantages.
If a woman is emotional, it means she is able to repel anyone. If a young lady is lazy, then remember that laziness is, to some extent, the engine of progress; a persistent and not amenable to external persuasion can achieve any goal that she sets for herself. A jealous lady will make her husband's life bright and unforgettable.
Guided by the above rules, you yourself will not notice how you answer the question of how to increase self-esteem and self-confidence. Women, the most important thing is to start implementing such rules as quickly as possible!
How to gain confidence as a woman after 40
For many representatives of the fairer sex, the question of age and how to raise the self-esteem of a 40-year-old woman is a very painful one. Indeed, after crossing this line, ladies begin to experience a feeling of fear due to the fact that wrinkles appear on their faces. Such women often feel unclaimed because their children have grown up and at work they give preference to younger people.
First of all, they must learn to “make peace” with their age, but this does not mean that they should forget to maintain their external beauty. A woman at 40 should be who she is. If you don't have a soulmate, make every effort to find one. It should be cozy and warm with your loved one.
Many ladies are also racking their brains over how to raise a woman’s self-esteem after 50 years. The recommendations here are similar to those given to forty-year-old ladies with the only addition that the “50+” category of women has a more urgent need to do what they love. You need to try to find an interesting hobby for yourself.
Like after betrayal and divorce
And, of course, a huge audience of representatives of the fairer sex is interested in the answer to the question of how to raise a woman’s self-esteem after cheating. First of all, you should not envy your “homewrecker” and consider yourself worse than her. Try to abstract yourself from negative thoughts and not think about a topic that is sore for you. If you are overwhelmed with emotions and indignation is about to spill out, then go to the fitness center or to gym. Physical exercise will help you calm down. Are you worried about the problem of how to raise a woman’s self-esteem after cheating? Take care of your appearance, visit a beauty salon, update your wardrobe, go shopping - all of the above is very important. After you finally come to your senses, you should sit down with your husband at the negotiating table and discuss the problem that has arisen.
The question of how to raise a woman’s self-esteem after a divorce is also very relevant. To get over a separation from your spouse as quickly as possible, try to have more contact with people close and dear to you. Believe that from communicating with them you will perk up and feel relieved. The main thing is to avoid loneliness and not withdraw into yourself.
Smile at others more often. At first, this idea will seem somewhat strange, but after some time you will see for yourself that such tactics of behavior charge you with positive emotions and lift your spirits.
Now you know, woman. All you have to do is act without delay - and your life will change for the better!
Self-esteem is one of the most pressing issues for many women. Their attitude towards themselves changes several times a day, and it is never possible to definitively answer the question of why this happened.
Meanwhile, it is a high sense of self-worth that is very significant for a woman and affects all aspects of her life. Let's try to figure out how you can maintain and increase your self-esteem, let's try to consider as many factors as possible on which it depends.
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The number of achievements and the attitude of people around you.
A man's sense of self-worth is almost always in direct proportion to the number of achievements. The actual result is compared with the planned, desired result. Everything worked out - that’s great. Simple and clear.
For women, things are not so simple. Often a woman has a lot of professional success, but she treats herself worse than ever. The dependence is the opposite - the lower the self-esteem, the more victories she tries to achieve, proving to herself and the world that she is the best. It seems to her that her attitude towards herself is the better, the more success she achieves.
However, achievements alone are not enough, no matter how many there are. A woman is greatly influenced by the attitude of the people around her, especially people close or significant to her. One unpleasant conversation, a careless assessment from an important person of any gender can be enough for a serious revision of one’s qualities and a deeply personal analysis. That is, the level of her self-esteem depends on what kind of relationship a woman has with her family members, her beloved man, friends, and colleagues.
And vice versa, in accordance with it, a woman chooses her close circle. The way she treats herself is the kind of people she surrounds herself with. It is not achievements that are summed up, but care, support, respect and love.
Beautiful, smart - happy?
It’s paradoxical, but very often beautiful and impressive girls have self-esteem much lower than girls with average data or even, let’s say, with a peculiar appearance. Why is this so? The quality of communication they receive does not meet their expectations, and their acceptance of themselves and their body suffers as a result. If there are no difficulties with acceptance, there are none either with the number of gentlemen and friends, or with self-esteem.
Have you heard the saying “Good girls go to heaven, but bad girls go wherever they want”? She perfectly illustrates the story about gorgeous appearance and at the same time a greatly underestimated sense of self-worth. Good girls often think that they are not good enough (beautiful, smart, kind, in general, emphasize what is necessary). Moreover, they tend to blame themselves for this.
I am not loved, am I treated with disdain? I deserve it. This line of reasoning is common to a huge number of women. They tend to look for the reason within themselves. Successful, beautiful woman in response to an unpleasant remark or an obscene joke, he is more likely to think: “What’s wrong with me?” than “Here... (expletive here)!”
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Girls with good appearance and internal qualities from childhood, often in an atmosphere of constant “improvement”. To whom much is given, much will be required. They are afraid to overpraise them, and as a result they are constantly underpraised. Such girls are forced to constantly prove that they are worthy of what nature has given them. At a young age - to parents, teachers, then - to husbands, their families, work teams, and so on endlessly.
They do not love themselves, and are internally convinced that they are also unworthy of the love of other people. This is where the race for victories begins - in the professional field, in the creative field. IN family life(I’ll give birth to five children, I’ll prove to myself and everyone what a good mother and wife I am). Does these successes increase your self-esteem? Not always.
Self-love is a capricious plant
Remember Rose from " The Little Prince"Exupery? Self-love has to be cultivated in the same way. She is afraid of the slightest drafts, as soon as her bud closes and the leaves fall off. You need to weed the weeds (critics, envious people), water them abundantly (warm attitude, support), but not flood them (your sense of self is sensitive to excessive flattery).
You need to be aware of what shapes your sense of self-acceptance and set clear boundaries for all the factors that devalue it. Unpleasant communication simply needs to be eliminated or minimized. Don't try to be nice to those who treat you badly, and loving yourself will become much easier. with people who are difficult to communicate with, a caring attitude towards those who show love and care towards you will ensure a steady increase in self-esteem and self-love.
Why should a woman improve her attitude towards herself?
“What about humility?” - you ask me. Getting rid of selfishness, living for the sake of others, dedication and sacrifice? Our critics are ours best teachers. Nobody, and you have to selflessly take lessons and behave correctly, conform.
This is what the logic looks like good girls. Please everyone and please everyone, no matter the cost. But if a woman is dissatisfied with herself, she cannot be completely happy. She suffers herself, and tortures her loved ones. High self-esteem is the basis, the basis for building relationships with yourself and the world, and without it you won’t go far.
Good self-esteem directly affects good mood and the woman's well-being. On the quality of relationships with loved ones, satisfaction with today's reality. The latter, in turn, creates the reality of tomorrow, that is, it is the key to a happy future. That is why it is important to take care of it today. In order to get what you want tomorrow.
Self-esteem is your choice
Allow yourself to be happy, let others make you happy. Feel a deep conviction that you are worthy of love, care, and respect. Then, and only then, will you receive this attitude from the people around you.
Another choice is to consider yourself as someone else sees you. Not feeling worthy, making excuses for not being good enough for someone. Don't take care of yourself and don't let others do it. The choice to define yourself by how others treat you.
In both cases, it is your decision. Conscious and unconscious is another question and a subject for another, separate conversation. The point is one thing: to love yourself or not is up to you to decide. But remember, this greatly determines whether others will love you.
Change your perspective
Difficulties with self-esteem most often begin with whose eyes a woman sees herself at the moment. She does not evaluate herself - she imposes on the feeling self-esteem other people's assessments. Parents, teachers, bosses, our children's teachers, neighbors - anyone.
See yourself through the eyes of those who love you. Fix this view, develop and deepen it. Are there enough such people and such views in your environment? Expand it, increase that focus of attention.
Nurture and develop relationships with such people. This is the “place” where your sense of self-worth will grow, take care and appreciate it.
Be prepared that it is not that easy. To insults from those with whom you take distance. To the feeling that you are not worthy of such a relationship with those with whom you feel good. This is a necessary step to reassess the value of oneself, to indicate the value of one’s internal boundaries. Start respecting any of your decisions, even if they go against your deepest beliefs. Over time, you will understand how much more important your sense of self-worth is than other people's judgments or insults, and you will be grateful to yourself for this choice.
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Raising self-esteem
How to increase self-esteem for men (women), what is important to know, how to act?
Hello, dear reader! In this article I will give the first recommendations on how to increase self-esteem. You will find even more information on this topic in other articles on the site.
What self-esteem is and how important it is for a person - there is no need to say, this is already clear. What do you need to raise your self-esteem and make it more stable and independent from external factors, in particular, people.
Firstly, a real desire (not just a “wish”, but a firm intention), certain knowledge and 100% responsibility, without which it is impossible to do anything worthwhile in life.
It is important to understand that you cannot destroy something and then build a new one in a few days. With the right approach you can make it faster, but that doesn't mean fast.
Although there is a quick way. This " miracle", which can happen to you, or which you can arrange for yourself. For example, arrange for yourself amnesia. And then form yourself, your views and your self-esteem again, unless your memory returns to you again.
True, I don’t advise anyone to do this." miracle"Besides, self-esteem is not so difficult to change; there are much more difficult things in life, for example, finding and achieving your goal.
How to raise our self-esteem? How to become more confident?
The first thing is important to keep in mind.
Self-esteem may change not only throughout life, but even during the day, and more than once, everything depends on the person, in particular, on his character traits, situation and mood in this moment. I think many of you have noticed how recently you felt good and confident, it seemed to you that you could do anything, but some unpleasant event happened (for example, someone said something to you), you got upset, and inner emptiness or even depression immediately appeared.
And the most interesting thing is that all this is quite normal, it happens to everyone, even the most confident people, only in their case, it is not acute (painful) in nature, because they self-sufficient, they value, love themselves and are guided mainly by their own opinion.
Many are sure that you can always be on top, you can always be consistently confident and strive for this state. But this is a big misconception - you cannot always be strong, confident and the best, always be cheerful and positive!
We have different periods: moments of decline and rise, sadness and joy, calm and excitement; only for some this happens less frequently, for others - more often and in sharp, sharp jumps.
Depending on the circumstances, you can feel less confident at any moment, for example, when your plan did not work out or you are faced with completely new circumstances; this is a reality that makes no sense to resist.
Causes of tension, weakness and constant loss of self-esteem
When a person always tries to be strong and confident, but does not feel like that internally, he is in constant anxiety and tension, he drives himself into limits and is forced to constantly control his actions. After all, he believes that he must strive to maintain his status, and he simply cannot relax.
And if suddenly something does not turn out the way he wants (as he expected), if he, in his opinion, shows unacceptable weakness in some words and behavior, then voluntarily or involuntarily he becomes upset, angry and criticizes himself. This takes a lot of energy, his vitality and immediately reduces self-esteem.
Therefore, to begin with, you should not attach too much importance to this fact, a certain decrease in self-esteem is normal, it’s just that today was not your day. We all have those days that we don't want to remember.
And it’s important not to force yourself to always be strong (oh), on top, but you just need to gradually stabilize your self-esteem, learn to live with the state that you have, admit that you may not be in the best mood and allow yourself to be insecure.
This approach makes it possible to fully relax, and when a person is relaxed, he himself becomes calmer and more confident.
The fact and awareness of this is already can help you, give you more freedom, liberate and give you confidence in your actions.
There is another very important point, similar to what was written above. When some unpleasant event happened, someone criticized you, “attacked” you, or maybe they forgot about you (ignored you), treated you with disrespect - and you expected something different and for this reason you experienced unpleasant feelings, and your self-esteem decreased , besides, you might think that it’s your fault, you’re somehow different - do not engage in self-examination and destructive analysis.
The reason may not be in you at all, and even if this is the case, then you will not achieve anything good except pain by digging yourself.
What's happening? Self-esteem has fallen, you are upset and against this background bad mood trying to understand why this happened, what they did or said wrong. Your mood and self-esteem due to such unpleasant thoughts instantly decreases even more. Think about it, this happens often.
In this situation, it is impossible to draw useful conclusions (for this you need to have good self-control and be), and all this is just an apparent impression that, they say, I will delve into myself, find a solution (some words of justification) and I will feel better.
Here you just need to internally completely reconcile with what happened, leave all self-analysis and boldly move on.
And one of the main reasons why, in principle, you should never engage in self-flagellation and self-examination - this does not in any way reinforce your confidence, but on the contrary, only aggravates your situation and general state. Why this happens, you can read in the article "", about how stressful thoughts and emotions affect our body.
As for the experience that is important to learn from situations, this must be done calm, cold introspection, without criticizing, without scolding yourself and without imprinting your whole past.
Such self-analysis is not done immediately, but some time after the event, when you have already calmed down, this makes it possible to look at the situation with a sober look. After all, only with a cool head, without unnecessary emotions, in a calm atmosphere, can you draw objective conclusions, and not blame yourself or others.
It’s even better to do it on paper. This way the brain perceives and processes information better, you will see better (more clearly) what is important to you and what is just harmful nonsense.
From the entire analysis, only the essence is taken, that is, a piece real experience, a short (concise) conclusion without any anger or criticism directed at you, you find and extract a positive conclusion (benefit for yourself), this is real self-analysis and useful, constructive, light criticism.
Many people judge themselves so mercilessly that there is no way to achieve inner peace, confidence and self-love. But is it possible to achieve spiritual harmony through violence and guilt? How can you raise your self-esteem? Think for yourself.
And also, I know very well how tempting it is, despite all the warnings, to continue soul-searching and self-analysis while remaining emotionally shaken, because you want to quickly find a logical solution to calm yourself down, but very often, this does not give anything good, just keep in mind.
Conclusion:
Never engage in self-flagellation and self-examination;
Do introspection when you are calm and better on paper;
Temporary uncertainty and a decline in self-esteem are normal, it happens to everyone, just be calm about it.
Self-esteem and people's influence
It is always important to remember that no assessments of other people should not affect your self-esteem, they can evoke something internally unpleasant or good in you, depending on whether they praise you or criticize you, but this influence should be more like ripples on the surface of water, and not a tsunami that destroys everything. No matter what anyone tells you, learn to treat it with detachment, without unnecessary emotions.
If you have done or said something wrong and you believe that you are wrong, there is no point in dwelling on it, you have already done it, and there is nothing to take back. Over time, you will still have the opportunity to correct something, if necessary, and it is not so important who and what thinks about you, the main thing is how you think about yourself.
Exactly what we ourselves we think about ourselves, the most important thing , that’s why self-esteem is called self-esteem, and not mom-assessment, dad-assessment, colleagues-assessment, etc., let the rest think what they want, it’s their legal right and their problem to think about something.
By the way, most people themselves are fixated on what others think about them - how they look, how they look at them, how they treat them, they think about controlling their behavior, words and facial expressions - and, in essence, they don’t really care up to you, so worry less.
1) Your thoughts and words to yourself
Talk to yourself, your thoughts - your friends, your thoughts should to help you to act, not to harm. And I mean only common sense, and not everything that might come to mind.
We cannot believe everything that we consciously and unconsciously think. Our particular thoughts depend on many circumstances: on mood, general tone and many external and internal factors, and many of them do not even have a hint of any meaning (absurd) and are useless. Pay attention only to positive and constructive thoughts.
The way you talk to yourself is very important.
Try to give yourself good, successful thoughts and talk to yourself like a friend(don’t be afraid, this is non-forgiving :), this is a very useful and good thing). Self-esteem is, first of all, attitude towards oneself. Having a good attitude towards yourself, no matter what you do, no matter how bad you act regarding the morals and opinions of others.
What words do you say to yourself? How do you feel? What are your thoughts contributing to?
If you tell yourself: " I won't succeed", " I'm not capable, I can't", "where do I care about that?", "I won’t go and meet her, in case she doesn’t like me"or "I'm a fool, I'm somehow different" - these thoughts are the way Vnowhere. You definitely won't achieve anything with them.
The reality is that if you think you can't succeed, you will. doesn't mean at all that you really won’t succeed, it just means that it may not work out, but it might also work out if you pull yourself together and try hard.
And if it seems to you that they will not understand you, will not appreciate you, and will laugh at you, this does not mean at all that this will happen.
Courage and actions are highly valued by others, even if they are unsuccessful. Reasonable people will see that you are someone who can take action!
2) If you want to have stable self-esteem, don't focus on your failures and shortcomings.
It’s corny, but it’s true, although many people don’t succeed. Failures happen to everyone. Don't get hung up on a thought like this when you're about to do something: " I may not succeed"If you think like that, most likely it will happen, or it will turn out badly.
Thoughts of failure are blocks, which arise in our head as protection against a miss.
But if you are afraid of everything, then what will you achieve? You need to react correctly to such harmful “thought blocks” - just calmly ignore them. It is best to passively observe yourself and everything that is happening around you, without analyzing anything, and just do what you decide (despite the possibility of failure).
A simple word or a few words spoken to yourself helps a lot. For example, this unpleasant thought came to me: " A suddenly I can't do anything at all", answer yourself: " I can do it, I will do it, and let it turn out what happens". Then don’t have a meaningless conversation with yourself that deprives you of confidence. Just do it and see the result.
Don't be afraid to make mistakes.
Only the one who pleases everyone or does nothing makes no mistakes. We all have the right to make mistakes, and we all make mistakes. A mistake is an opportunity to use your bad experience to adjust your actions and do something better in the future. We should not be afraid of mistakes, but of inaction and ignorance of our (desires).
As they say: our success is built on the ruins of our mistakes, and it is impossible to achieve success without making mistakes.
3) Never blame yourself. I repeat, it is important to get rid of feelings of guilt, no matter what thoughts and beliefs interfere with you.
If you have constantly blamed yourself before, this feeling settles inside, in your 
subconscious).
And it starts working as a background, automatically. You yourself don’t notice how you suddenly begin to feel guilty, sometimes without doing anything wrong.
For example, in your direction they could some suspicions arise those around you, and you about it just a passing thought , a feeling of guilt could immediately arise inside.
Whatever you did wrong or bad, you can draw conclusions for the future, but you don’t need to blame yourself.
4) Don't make excuses. Justification in itself causes negative emotions. When making excuses, you are trying to prove something to someone, already implying that you may be guilty.
But even if you prove something, a sediment will still remain on your soul, and justification, no matter how you look at it, implies guilt. So never make excuses, even if you are guilty, it’s better to just apologize if you are really guilty, and that’s all.
5) Fear. Good protective reaction of the body. It occurs in all people without exception. This is a natural feeling of self-defense. But if fear completely takes over a person, then expect trouble.
6) Learn to accept gratitude. Many, having done a good deed, are embarrassed to accept gratitude, compliments and praise. But it is important to demonstrate to yourself that you are worthy of this gratitude; pride is not arrogance, pride in oneself, one’s successes and actions always increases self-esteem. It nourishes you, and you may unwisely resist it. And if you are praised, it means you deserve it, you need to accept it with dignity.
By avoiding and refusing gratitude, you subconsciously believe that you are not worth it, and unconsciously, from within, you reinforce this unnecessary stiffness and shyness in yourself.
The next time you are praised, maybe you should believe it and be happy for yourself? Yes, it may be unusual for you, but still learn to accept gratitude with dignity.
And as for modesty - this 
It’s not bad when it’s to the point and alternates with good arrogance.
Praise yourself to your loved one - this is the name of a small but very useful practice that is important to apply. Praise yourself for everything you can, for any simple and useful things.
I made lunch - great, I did well, however, the chicken was burnt - nothing, next time it will turn out better. I washed my underpants - great, I'm just super.
7) If you always or almost all the time, , pay attention to the past, the opinions of friends and family, wanting support and confirmation of the correctness of your decision, then you are already dependent on yourself.
Such dependence on the opinions of others - the presence of self-doubt and self-esteem will not increase you.
And by shifting decisions to others, you are throwing off responsibility for possible consequences. Yes, in case of failure, you will have someone to blame and “excuse yourself” with, but if you succeed, you will not be able to feel a “winner” within yourself (which you COULD do), which means you will not increase your confidence in your abilities!
Just try to make not too important decisions to begin with, most importantly, without regard to others.
We thought about it, firmly decided, and that’s it. Even if it is a wrong decision. Just try to ensure that the decision does not harm the people around you. There is a fine line here, but it is necessary to do this in order to feel within yourself that you too can make a decision and have your own real opinion.
8) The level of aspiration also affects self-esteem. If you set yourself too much lofty goals that cannot be achieved in a relatively short time a short time, prolonged unfulfillment can undermine your spirit, disappoint you and lower your self-esteem.
Set high goals and work towards them, but they must be realistically achievable in the near future..
Plan your goals, divide them into parts, having done one thing, move on to another. Having achieved your goal and become more confident and strong internally, set yourself a more significant goal.
9) How to increase self-esteem? Practice in front of a mirror, for both women and men.
True, this exercise is not suitable for everyone. If you feel severe discomfort, and this continues for 3-4 days each time, leave it, it’s just not your thing right now. A different approach will be needed here.
It all depends on the person’s perception and some points that I will no longer describe here.
When performing practice, treat yourself as your holistic “I”, do not focus only on appearance, individual features, some thoughts or internal state. You are all together, one whole, and this is how you need to approach it.
The exercise can help a lot, but it takes time, because here you are programming yourself, your subconscious, and this is not so easy.
It is important to do the practice without straining, calmly and without fuss, without forcing yourself through gritted teeth, to say: “I love myself and.”
You must say this, even if at first not with love and without faith, but with ease for yourself, that is, without tension. It doesn't matter if you don't like something about your appearance. 
Repeat these words in front of the mirror for at least two minutes. It is better to do this in the morning, as soon as you get up, and your brain is not completely awake, not loaded with thoughts and is still clean, this will make it easier to accept information.
Smiling slightly, say to yourself: " I love and respect myself in both my successes and failures. I love myself in sickness and in health. I accept myself as I am with all the good and bad that is in me. I respect and love myself. I am a unique person and I have my own strengths and talents, and there is no one completely similar to me, externally and internally. I respect and love myself regardless of my “shortcomings”. I appreciate and love as I am".
It’s very important here to just calmly tell yourself this, and not look closely at every little thing that you like or don’t like, and not get drawn into all sorts of unpleasant thoughts. You just have to tell yourself that and go.
10)
Make a list of what you can do and what you are good at.
.
Write everything that is true. Describe your positive traits(everyone has them), achievements and skills. After writing everything on a piece of paper, read it out loud. Try to read cheerfully and with feeling. If at the end of reading you feel pleasant emotions, then everything worked out, and this is what you should strive for.
You can spend 2-3 minutes on this at least once a day. Take one of your skills and describe it, then read it. The next day (or the day after) describe something else.
11) Take small steps towards what you want. Extra tension and exhaustion are completely useless. You feel that now you don’t want to do anything at all, you want to rest, rest, gain strength and energy.
How to raise self-esteem. Important point!
Don't wait until your self-esteem is stronger to decide on something, act little by little already right now.
The more you do something, the more you decide to take steps that are meaningful to you, the faster you will feel confident, and at the same time everything will begin to work out better and more calmly for you.
Nothing boosts self-esteem (confidence) like - stop self-criticism and take new actions!
Try to do more of what you enjoy. If now you have to go to a job you don’t like, then clearly define for yourself that you are doing this because now it is necessary and it benefits you, provides for your family, etc. That is, formulate a value in order to eliminate (weaken) the negative connotation of the situation, otherwise an unloved job will itself reduce your importance and self-esteem.
If you don’t like the job, you don’t need any drastic changes, continue working, but start looking for something that will be more to your liking, what you would like to do. Doing your favorite thing (hobby) has a very beneficial effect on inner satisfaction, self-esteem and life in general. Make your life more interesting!
I would like to draw your attention to the fact that in the process of working on yourself, pendulums can arise - this is when everything was good, and then suddenly it became bad. Treat such moments as temporary troubles. Just be calm during such periods!
The most difficult thing is to be patient and achieve the first noticeable success, and then it will be easier. As your self-esteem grows, your uniqueness begins to reveal itself, and new perspectives open up. You will be able to take more risks and be less dependent on others.
Finally: how to increase self-esteem?
You may feel anxious anywhere there are people, without realizing why you are so anxious. One of the reasons noted above is judgment. You are afraid of how you are perceived and what others may think of you, this comes from your unstable self-esteem.
Therefore small, but important advice - do not compare yourself to others and do not judge others. In comparison, you will still lose in something, somewhere, to someone, you are good and unique, so be who you are. Such evaluative thoughts always lead to anxiety and tension.
Do not judge others, because by judging, you consciously and unconsciously evaluate them, which means that within yourself you will always feel that they are evaluating you.
This manifests itself in the so-called mental phenomenon of “Mind Reading,” when you think that you know what other people are thinking about you. Moreover, what you think about yourself, you seem to “transfer” into their head, and it seems to you that this is exactly what they think about you.
By and large, all people have different ways of thinking, and we cannot know what others think about us, we can only guess. But what does it matter, if, for example, you think something bad about someone, he won’t care.
The same is true in your case - there is no point in worrying that someone might think something about you, this cannot in any way affect your success, peace of mind and happiness in general, unless you cheat yourself in some way. then thoughts. Only you can bring yourself to emotional tension, stress and bad mood with your thinking. Remember this.
Having stopped judging people, the anxiety formed on evaluation and judgment will become weaker and weaker, and such thoughts will become less and less.
IN modern world self-esteem in itself is hardly needed; rather, one wants significance and self-confidence. Without a doubt, people's actions are influenced by their own level of self-esteem. Very often there are people whose self-esteem is significantly underestimated. Such people have much greater potential than they themselves think about their abilities and capabilities. Such problems usually come from childhood, and psychology can cope with them: this science will tell you how to increase a woman’s self-esteem and self-confidence.
Often a woman’s self-esteem is underestimated, that is, a person’s real capabilities are higher than the idea of them. This is usually due to the fact that the formation of self-esteem occurs mainly in childhood, when capabilities are poorly developed. In addition, a negative environment has a serious influence. Of course, there are cases when a person has inflated ideas, but, in my opinion, this is typical only for very young people. But for adult women, the opposite situation is typical - low self-esteem and lack of self-confidence. Personality is formed in childhood and early youth, when opportunities are, for obvious reasons, seriously limited.
It is possible to increase a woman's self-esteem, although it is often a rather slow process. However, making a conscious effort to build self-esteem can benefit almost everyone.
How to increase self-esteem and self-confidence
Simple tips will help you cope with the task.
Stop comparing yourself to other people
There will always be people who have more of something than you. If you make comparisons, you will always have too many opponents or opponents that you cannot surpass.
Stop scolding and blaming yourself
You will not be able to increase your self-esteem and gain confidence if you repeat negative statements about yourself and your abilities. Whether you're talking about appearance, career, relationships, financial status, or any other aspect of life, avoid self-deprecating comments. Correcting your worldview is directly related to statements about yourself.
Accept all compliments and congratulations with a “thank you”
When you respond to a compliment with something like “no big deal,” you are deflecting the compliment and simultaneously sending the message that you are not worthy of praise, creating low self-esteem. Therefore, accept praise with confidence, without belittling your dignity.
Use affirmations to increase your self-confidence
Place a statement on a frequently used item, such as a card or wallet, such as “I love and accept myself” or “I am an attractive woman and deserve the best in life.” May this statement always be with you. Repeat the affirmation several times throughout the day, especially before you go to bed and after you wake up. Whenever you repeat an affirmation, feel positive emotions regarding affirmation. Thus, the effect of the impact will be significantly enhanced.
Use seminars, books, audio and video recordings
Any information allowed into the mind takes root there and influences behavior. Dominant information influences a woman's actions in a dominant way. If you watch negative television programs or read crime stories in newspapers, your mood will most likely lean toward the cynical and pessimistic side. Likewise, if you read books or listen to programs that are positive in nature and can boost self-esteem, you will gain confidence from them.
- Try to communicate with positive and confident women who are ready to support you. When you're surrounded negative people who constantly suppress you and your ideas, confidence in the best disappears. On the other hand, when you are accepted and encouraged, a woman's self-esteem increases.
- Make a list of past achievements. It doesn't have to consist of anything monumental. The list may include small victories, for example: learned to snowboard, received driver license, started going to the gym regularly, etc. Review this list regularly. As you read the achievements, try to close your eyes and once again feel the satisfaction and joy that you once experienced.
- Make a list of your positive qualities.
Are you honest? Selfless? Helpful to others? Are you creative? Be supportive and write down at least 20 of your positive qualities.
As with the previous list, it is important to review this list frequently. Many people focus on shortcomings, reinforcing the very low bar there. Start focusing on your strengths and you will be much more likely to achieve what you want.
- Start giving more to others. I'm not talking about money. This involves giving back in the form of actions you can take to help others or positive encouragement to others.
When you do something for others, your self-esteem and confidence in your self-worth increases.
How to increase self-esteem through professional activities
Self-esteem thrives when you are engaged in work or some other active activity that brings you pleasure and makes you feel valued.
Even if the job does not completely suit you, you can devote free time hobbies that bring you joy. Live your own life. If you make decisions based on the approval of friends and family, you will not love yourself.
But whether we are talking about work or leisure time related to hobbies, a woman needs to constantly act! You cannot sit still and not accept the challenges that arise. When you take action, regardless of the outcome, your sense of self-esteem and self-confidence grows. When you hesitate to act because of fear or some other anxiety, you will only feel frustration and sad feelings, which, of course, will lead to a decrease in self-esteem.
Self-confidence will come when you learn to live your life
As self-esteem improves, true abilities will be revealed. You will begin to not be afraid of rejection; you will not rely on other people's approval. Most importantly, the absence of self-deprecation will bring peace of mind.
Personal happiness, or How to increase self-confidence
Self-confidence is, first of all, a feeling of psychological comfort and a sign of a complete personality. Such a woman lives in peace with her essence, actions are purposeful, and personal desires are balanced by the desire to benefit and give joy to others.
So what does a confident woman look like, and what does it take to become one?
The answer is simple: be yourself and be happy.
Increasing a woman's self-esteem: no painful transformations
But this is only at first glance. Because understanding and accepting the inner essence, making friends with “demons” and “cockroaches” is not an easy task. And not everyone is able, figuratively speaking, to show their real face by removing the mask and washing off the wedding makeup. People, like mystical shapeshifters, copy each other in appearance, behavior, life values and aspirations. And it is already difficult to discern whose idea took over the brain and whose thought prompted one to perform a particular action: one’s own, one’s own, or initiated by others and flown in from outside.
It is not a fact that this alien thought is harmful or completely useless - perhaps those who advise have considerable life experience and sincerely want to help. However, it doesn’t hurt to awaken your inner instincts and create a kind of “censor-supervisor” who would impartially analyze the situation. The mental mixer in our heads is created by society, and the canons of beauty and fashion trends recognized by it at the moment, behavioral stereotypes and life values. In other words, society prescribes the same recipe for happiness to everyone. Apparently, this is why happiness is so scarce, and the question “do you like the way you live?” most women answer negatively.
Woman and motherhood: how it affects self-confidence
About five years ago, independent Western sociologists conducted an anonymous survey of women. He touched on the standard maternal topic: “why did you have a child?”
It is noteworthy that about 80% of women were stumped and answered vaguely like “it’s supposed to be like that,” “everyone does it that way,” or “it happened unplanned,” and only a fifth of mothers said that they intentionally wanted children and felt the need to communicate with them .
As a result, society is rewarded with single-parent families, abandoned children and disabled children who were born “by chance” into dysfunctional families. To live your own life, develop self-esteem and confidence: following public opinion, you will make yourself and your child unhappy.
Take courage
Let’s say that there is nowhere to put new outfits, and the husband is loaded with fur coats and diamonds... Then why is the media full of scandalous headlines about drug and alcohol addiction of pop stars and suicides? successful women? This means that happiness is something else... That personal and internal thing that makes a person strong, bright, able to cope with any temptations and life's difficulties. In other words, happiness, like papillary patterns on the fingers, is individual, and its source is not in the Magic Land of Oz, but within each of us.
You just need to turn to your subtle instinct, and you will immediately understand whether to follow the thought that has arrived with actions, or whether it is better to let it go without regret. After all, if the soul says “no,” it means an unequivocal “NO!”
Get into the habit of running thoughts that motivate you to action through your internal scanner and you will be surprised how much foreign stuff is lodged in your head. unnecessary rubbish. Just don't be disingenuous! It’s so commonplace that the human mass is guided by the faceless attitude “so that it’s no worse than others.”
Have the courage to declare the vinaigrette from someone else's installations rotten and throw it in the trash! From now on, everything is only personally prepared, fresh and tasty! The internal censor is capable of leading a person onto that very cherished path leading to personal happiness, but in order to follow it and not turn off, you need to have a special psychological weapon in your arsenal.
Psychology: how to increase a girl’s self-esteem
People want to imitate famous and successful people; they are called “divas” and “style icons.” At the same time, few people think that copying is useful only when creating clones, and even pearls in an expensive necklace do not repeat each other. The diva is as original as a star in the sky, and it is this individuality that makes her so.
A person who has achieved some wonderful heights in life is not necessarily the best. It’s just that once he became obsessed with his dream and did everything to realize it.
There are no gray and unlucky people, mediocre and mediocre. There are weak-willed, driven and vulnerable people who allow others to control their lives. Because it’s easier and safer this way: to bury dreams, bury talent in barren soil, destroy castles in the air and lull into eternal sleep the desire to change something. A merciless society declares a childhood dream to be nonsense, individual talents - an idle pastime, and now the person has become wilted, upset, succumbed to negativity, and then became like everyone else: home, family, work. A home without comfort, a family without mutual understanding, work without pleasure...
Self-development will help you gain confidence in your own abilities. And you just had to do what you were passionate about. And then the desired goal will shine as a guiding star and the path will not seem as long and difficult as in the darkness and meaninglessness.
Stand out to respect yourself
“Standing out” is not synonymous with “deliberately shocking others with one’s appearance” or “committing unacceptable acts.” Self-confidence should not be confused with self-confidence - an exaggerated sense of self-worth, flavored with shades of egocentrism and superiority over others.
Standing out means emphasizing your personal style and becoming recognizable. This means revealing your talents and turning disadvantages into advantages. A good example is the now popular XXL models, luxurious “bulges” that blew up the canons of the Fashion industry and proved that “beauty is not size, but self-awareness.”
Having learned to resist imposed physical norms, these girls are convinced of their sexuality
They do not hesitate to advertise lingerie, decorating the covers of Elle, Glamor and Vogue magazines with their shapes. The body positivism they preach gives confidence and makes thousands of women around the world happy, whose parameters are far from the standard 90-60-90.
Don't be shy about your craft, hobbies, and surroundings. If you like to draw, let your house look like a workshop, and if you love decorative plants, turn it into a jungle! Make new friends who share hobbies and worldviews - after all a true friend this is the one for whom it is easy and pleasant to admit his little follies.
Stop sacrificing yourself: a common mistake women make
Diametrical opposite bright spot- a gray chicken that was pecked by worries and worries. Her feathers faded, and her personal desires faded, turning her into a creature catering to the needs of others. As sad as it is to realize, most women sacrifice their dreams: to small children, a sick mother, a selfish husband, a tyrant boss, etc. They devote themselves entirely to this or that, believing that this is right, and sacrifice is equated with happiness. When the illusion crumbles - the children grow up, the boss is imprisoned for bribes, and the husband leaves for another - life seems devoid of meaning and turns into ruins. And then, in the ruins, a terrible process of self-flagellation begins...
Undoubtedly, there are such concepts as responsibility, care and mercy, but making yourself a hostage to someone else's egoism is unacceptable. Remember, a complete personality is in demand at any stage of life, so never equate yourself to a disposable napkin, which is so convenient to use, refresh one or another part of the body, and then simply throw it away. Learn to appreciate yourself always and everywhere: please yourself every day, take care of yourself, cherish yourself, take yourself shopping, give yourself gifts, visit beauty salons and cat shows...
Believe me - you deserve the best!
Stop Worrying: Personal Growth and Fears
The female half of humanity is more emotional, expansive, sensual and therefore, undoubtedly, more vulnerable. Emotions splash and rage, undermining the shores of a private island called “personality,” and sometimes it happens that all that remains is faceless sand.
Stress destroys the psyche and physical body, generates intrusive thoughts and increases dissatisfaction with oneself. Undoubtedly, there are terrible periods in life when the familiar world is shattered and everything around is plunged into darkness. Place your emphasis, choose the main thing, decide on your prerogatives, and then you will understand that in most cases an explosion of emotions is simply incontinence and lack of self-control.
In this regard, dear women, learn to tame emotional storms and calm storms. Yes, you have the right to worry, foam and be nervous, but only on the surface. Just for show. And inside there is a cool bottomless depth, a blue tone and calm. Just remember that legendary movie “I am the most charming and attractive”, smile and most of the stress factors will seem like meaningless nonsense.
Free yourself from negativity
There is always room for dissatisfaction in life. Experiences cause a stress reaction, it results in negativity, and that, in turn, is stored and pressed, occupying all corners of consciousness. Irritation, fatigue, fear, indignation, impotent anger - these are emotional markers of overload with negativity and a sign that a little more and a person will completely plunge into the muddy waves of depression.
There is only one way out: learn not to notice these “50 shades of black” that life throws up every hour. Don't waste yourself on gossip, quarrels and scandals. Without regret, erase from your life those who always complain about fate and like to “wash other people’s bones” in conversation. In return, make new acquaintances among individuals who have achieved something in this life, who have become professionals, who have overcome a personal problem, and then the thirst for creation will overtake you too.
Take action!
So, for the world around you to change, you need to change something in your life.
- You need to get off the couch and take action.
- Move, try, create and get up.
- Just be yourself and be happy
How to start believing in yourself
The question of how to become a confident girl worries many. Confidence is one of the few qualities that is difficult to develop as you age. This character trait is laid down by upbringing from childhood and plays a fundamental role in many areas of life. The lack of this quality has a particularly strong impact on the sphere of personal life. How to please the opposite sex if you lack confidence?
The world around us is a mirror for every person, reflecting his own inner world. This means that your vision of the world depends on your own feelings, thoughts, beliefs, attitudes, and attitude. One more an important component relationships in society is a person’s idea of himself, his own assessment of his personality.
The formation of self-esteem is influenced by various factors, among which we can highlight upbringing, social environment, features of professional activity. Oscar Wilde said that self-love means a lifelong romance. And this is true, because an individual feeling of happiness, peace and well-being of a person is possible only with an adequate assessment of oneself as a significant person and acceptance of one’s individuality. To learn how to increase your self-esteem and find specific ways to increase your self-esteem, listen to the advice of a psychologist and try doing exercises aimed at increasing your self-esteem.
How we evaluate ourselves
American psychotherapist K. Rogers, the author of the famous client-centered psychotherapy, believed that the main component of the personality structure is the “Self-concept” - a person’s idea of himself, which is formed in the process of socialization, in other words, in his interaction with society. This process involves the internalization mechanism—the acceptance of other people’s assessments of one’s personality as one’s own—as well as the identification mechanism—the ability to put oneself in the place of another person and thus evaluate one’s personality.
Each person at birth has a personal phenomenal field - an empty space of life experience. In progress individual development this field is filled, the person’s personal “I” begins to appear, and his “I-concept” is formed. Rogers believed that the final point of personal development is self-actualization - the realization of all potential possibilities.
Self-esteem is a central component of the “I-concept”, because it is a person’s rational assessment of himself, his capabilities and qualities that provides a real opportunity to achieve his goals. Self-esteem performs a protective and regulatory function, influences relationships with other people, behavior and human development. Self-criticism and demands on oneself depend on it. Self-esteem is the basis of a person’s attitude towards his successes and failures, the choice of goals of a certain level of complexity, which characterizes the level of a person’s aspirations.
We can distinguish specific types of self-esteem, based on its individual characteristics:
- Reality: adequate and inadequate self-esteem (low or high). Adequate self-esteem allows a person to be critical of himself and correctly assess his strengths and capabilities. Inadequate self-esteem manifests itself in overestimating or underestimating one’s strengths and capabilities.
- Time: retrospective, current and prognostic. The first characterizes a person’s assessment of his past experience, the second characterizes his current capabilities, and the last characterizes a person’s opinion about his possible successes or failures.
- Level: high, medium and low. The level of self-esteem itself is not so important, because in different situations and areas of activity, self-esteem can be both low and high. For example, a person is competent in the field of finance and has high level self-esteem in this area, but he does not know how to manage household chores and rates himself rather low in this matter. A high or low level of self-esteem does not play a key role; first of all, it must be adequate.
The famous American psychologist W. James proposed determining the level of self-esteem using the formula:
Self-esteem = Success/Level of aspirations
Level of aspiration– this is the one upper limit achievements of a person to which he strives. This may include different types success: career, personal life, social status, material well-being.
Success is a specific accomplished fact, specific achievements from the list of aspirations of an individual.
Obviously, psychology offers two ways to increase self-esteem:
- reduce the level of claims;
- or increase the efficiency and effectiveness of your own actions.
The level of aspirations is influenced by various successes and failures in a person’s life. If the level of aspirations is adequate, a person sets realistically achievable goals. A person with a high adequate level of aspirations is able to set fairly high goals, knowing that he is able to successfully achieve them. A moderate or average level of aspiration means that a person is able to cope well with tasks of an average level of complexity and does not want to increase his results. A low, and even underestimated, level of aspirations is characteristic of a person who is not too ambitious, who puts quite simple goals. This choice is explained either by low self-esteem or by “social cunning.” Psychology explains the latter as a conscious avoidance of complex tasks and responsible decisions.
Self-esteem is formed in childhood when a person’s capabilities are in a state of development. It is for this reason that an adult’s self-esteem is often underestimated when actual capabilities are much higher than personal ideas about them. Having understood the features of the formation of self-esteem and its types, it becomes obvious that working with this component of personality means precisely raising self-esteem to an adequate level.
Raising self-esteem is not an easy process, but there are no limits to a person’s capabilities. They will tell you how to raise your self-esteem effective advice psychologist, among whom you will also find effective exercises.
Tip #1. You shouldn't compare yourself to other people. There will always be people around you who will be worse or better than you in various aspects. Constant comparison will simply lead you into a blind corner, where over time you can not only develop low self-esteem, but also completely lose self-confidence. Remember, you are a unique individual, find your strengths and weaknesses and learn to use them depending on the situation.
Exercises: Write a list of your goals and the positive qualities that will help you achieve those goals. Also create a list of qualities that are a barrier to achieving your goals. This way you will understand that your failures are a consequence of your actions, and your personality has nothing to do with it.
Tip #2. Stop looking for flaws in yourself and scolding yourself. All great people have achieved heights in their field by learning from their own mistakes. Main principle– the error forces you to choose new strategy actions, increase efficiency, and not give up.
Exercises: Take a piece of paper, colored pencils and draw yourself the way you want to see yourself, with all the attributes of success. You can also come up with and depict a personal symbol of success. Drawing will help you better express your desires and increase your confidence.
Tip #3. Always accept other people's compliments with gratitude. Instead of “no need”, answer “thank you”. With this response, human psychology accepts this assessment of one’s personality, and it becomes its integral attribute.
Exercises: try using special statements (affirmations). Several times during the course of the day (at the beginning of the day, it is necessary) clearly and thoughtfully pronounce the phrases “I am a unique, unique person,” “I can achieve this goal,” “I have all the necessary qualities.”
Tip #4. Change your social circle. Our social environment has a key influence on lowering or increasing self-esteem. Positive people, who are able to give constructive criticism, adequately assess your abilities and increase your confidence should become your constant companions. Try to constantly expand your social circle and meet new people.
Tip #5. Live by your own desires. People who constantly do what others ask of them will never learn how to improve their self-esteem. They are used to following other people's goals, living a life that is not their own. Do what you enjoy. Work where you feel respected and where you can realize your abilities. Try to travel more, make your old dreams come true, don’t be afraid to take risks and experiment.
Exercises: Make a list of your desires and make them realistic goals. Write down step by step what you need to do to achieve these goals and start moving in the chosen direction. You can also create a route for your next trip, make it unusual. If you usually go to the sea, then this time go hiking in the mountains. You may not even be aware of your own capabilities because you have never tried to leave your “comfort zone.”
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