On the street today you can often see a young man in tight pants, pink clothes, long hair, with all sorts of rhinestones and hearts, a chain around his neck, a bracelet on his wrists, etc. Sometimes it is not always possible to determine whether it is a guy or a girl... Even more often you can see girls in jeans, trousers, chewing gum, laughing loudly, using obscene language...
In this article we will try to express the point of view of Sharia regarding such self-expression - when men acquire feminine qualities, and women acquire masculine qualities.
Imam al-Bukhari and others cite a hadith from Ibn Abbas (may Allah be pleased with him) which says:
At-Tabarani narrates the following hadith: “One day a woman passed by the Prophet (PBUH) with a bow around her neck, and the Messenger of Allah (PBUH) said: “The Almighty has cursed women who resemble men and men who resemble women.” A hadith narrated by Imam al-Bukhari says: “The Messenger of Allah (PBUH) cursed effeminate men and masculine women.”
Imams Abu Dawud an-Nasai, ibn Majah and al-Hakim cite the following hadith in their collections: “The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) cursed a man who wears a woman’s attire and a woman who wears a man’s attire.” The hadith narrated by Imam Ahmad says: “The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) cursed effeminate men who resemble women and masculine women who resemble men and the woman who set out on a journey alone without a mahram (without a close relative, with whom she is prohibited from marrying )". Another hadith cited by Imam at-Tabari says: “Four categories of people will be cursed (deprived of the mercy of the Almighty) and the angels will say “Amin” (O Allah, curse him!) both in this world and in the next: the man whom The Almighty made him a man, and he became like a woman; a woman whom the Almighty made a woman, and she became like a man; the one who misleads the blind and the one who does not marry, having a passion for women, and the Almighty did not make anyone like that except Yahya, the son of Zakariya (alayhima-s-salam).”
Imam Abu Dawud narrates: “Once upon a time, an effeminate man was brought to the Messenger of Allah (PBUH), whose hands and feet were painted with henna. The Messenger of Allah (sallallahu alayhi wasallam) asked: “What is this for?”, the companions replied: “With this he is trying to become like women,” and the Messenger of Allah (sallallahu alayhi wasallam) ordered to send him away from Medina.”
An authentic hadith says: “Three will not enter Paradise: the one who tormented his parents (did not treat them well), the pimp (was not jealous of his wife, i.e. did not pay attention to the fact that she was secluded with strangers) and masculine women,” another version of this hadith says: “Three will never enter Paradise: a pimp, masculine women and a constant drinker of alcohol,” then the companions exclaimed: “O Messenger of Allah (PBUH), as for the one who constantly drinks alcohol, we know, but who is a pimp?” The Prophet (PBUH) replied: “This is the one who does not pay attention to those who come to his house (that is, does not show any jealousy when a stranger comes to his wife in his absence), then the Companions said: “ And who are these masculine women?” The Prophet (PBUH) replied: “They are those who resemble men.”
Likening one sex to another is considered a grave sin, and in favor of this there are many reliable hadiths cited above, and also speaks of the threat of punishment for such an action. In general, Muslim theologians are divided regarding this: some believe that this is clearly haram (forbidden), Imam an-Nawawi also shares this opinion, others believe that this is an undesirable action (makruh), and Imam al-Rafi'i holds this opinion. However, Ibn Hajar preferred the first. From the hadith about a man who painted his hands and feet with henna in order to resemble women, and whom the Messenger of Allah (PBUH) ordered to be sent away from Medina, it can be understood that it is haram (forbidden) for a man to paint his hands and feet.
Also, the husband has the obligation to prohibit his wife from anything that might make her resemble a man, for example, walking with a man’s gait, wearing men’s clothes, etc. so that she, and he too, would not be touched by the curse of the Almighty, since the husband is also responsible for the actions of his wife. If the husband agrees with his wife’s behavior, then the same thing will affect him as her, that is, the curse of Allah. For the Koran says:
يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا قُوا أَنْفُسَكُمْ وَأَهْلِيكُمْ نَ ارًا (سورة التحريم آية 6)
“O you who believe, save yourselves and your families from the fire of hell!” that is, teaching them, educating them, commanding them to obey the Almighty and forbidding disobedience to Him.
Also in the hadith of the Messenger of Allah (PBUH) it is said: “Each of you is a shepherd and each is responsible for his flock.”
راع وكلكم مسئول عن رعيته (جامع الأحاديث 15753)
A man is a shepherd in his family and there will be a demand from him for all family members on the Day of Judgment. One of the hadiths says: “Truly the ruin of men lies in their subjection to their wives.”
ان هلاك الرجال طاعتهم لنسائهم
On this occasion, Hasan al-Basri said: “I swear by Allah, in our time a man will not indulge (submit) to his wife in everything she desires, unless Allah throws him into the fire of hell.”
From Ibn Abbas (may Allah be pleased with him) it is narrated: “The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) cursed men who resemble women and women who resemble men.”
The meaning of the word “cursed” means that the Almighty will deprive them of His mercy, because in these actions lies an attempt to change the creation of the Almighty. The curse applies only to those who consciously try and try to become like women in soft, gentle speech, gait, slightly swaying, etc. As for the fact that a man, by nature and physiology, has a soft, gentle voice or a gait similar to a woman’s and he is not able to do anything about it, even after persistent attempts, then this is not forbidden, not to mention the deprivation of mercy Allah.
Al-Hafiz ibn Hajar in the book “Fathul-Bari” quotes the scientist at-Tabari. The meaning is that men are forbidden to be like women is not only in likeness in clothing and jewelry, but also in speech (soft, gentle) and gait. As for clothing, it varies depending on the tradition of each city. Sometimes it happens that women's clothing is no different from men's, but women differ in their hijab (scarf, etc.) and more carefully covering their bodies. As for the ban on similar speech and gait, this only applies to those who do it on purpose. If a person has similar qualities (speech and gait) in his physiology, he is commanded to be diligent in abandoning such behavior, and also gradually get used to it (that is, abandoning such behavior). If he is not diligent in abandoning such actions and continues to behave like the opposite sex, then this is already condemnable, especially if he does it with desire.
Wisdom lies in the curse of the one who is likened to the opposite kind in that he changes what the Wise of the wise did, i.e. Allah. This is also indicated by the words “those who change what the Almighty created,” which are cited in the hadith, which curses women who add someone else’s hair extensions to their own hair.
The following hadith is narrated from Ibn Abbas: “The Prophet (PBUH) cursed effeminate men and masculine women,” and then said: “Drive them out of your homes!” An effeminate man here means one who deliberately speaks softly, tenderly and moves like a woman (Irshad al-Sari).
Imam Abu Dawud reports the following: “Once Aisha (the wife of the Prophet (PBUH) was told: “What do you think about the one who wears slippers (meaning men’s)?” Aisha replied: “The Messenger of Allah (PBUH) cursed masculine women." By masculine woman we mean a woman who resembles men in some actions and qualities. Ibn Abi Jamra said that by the word “similar” it is understood that in everything, but still, despite his opinion due to numerous other arguments, it is understood that the purpose of the word “similar” is similarity in the form of clothing, some qualities and movements , but not in good deeds, that is, in performing good deeds, women are allowed to become like men. Also, a curse (when mentioned in hadiths) is one of the signs of grave sin.
Actions that cause a woman to be cursed include displaying jewelry, gold, and pearls from under her hijab.
The article was prepared based on the following books: “al-Kabair”, “al-Zawajir” and “Mukhtasar al-Bukhari”
The concept of femininity evokes our own associations in each of us. If we ask men what their definition of femininity is, we will get a vision with which we may well disagree. At least most of them will criticize our crazy desire to achieve the lightness of Cara Delevingne’s shape or her half-face eyebrows. In addition, we are accustomed to identifying external manifestations of attractiveness and sexuality with femininity. Although even a very beautiful girl who impudently lights a cigarette at a bus stop or curses at a taxi driver will lose all charm in the eyes of a man. So, to paraphrase Victor Hugo with his eternal question: “So what is beauty and why do people deify it?”, together with you, let’s try to find the answer.
shutr.bzWhat is the essence of femininity and does it really evaporate when you make the wrong choice? For example, once again, when getting ready for work, should you give preference to comfortable ballet flats or leather shoes (depending on the season) instead of an elegant heel? Solve work matters without yielding to male colleagues, achieve leadership positions and split the bill between two, “so as not to be obliged to do anything”? Or, being born in a female body, as a bonus, we get the ability to charm, attract glances, and we just need to find a button that will launch this program? Then why are we surrounded by so many lonely, yet beautiful women? Let's look together for the reasons why such women have failed to incorporate their femininity and how to change the situation for the better.
Wrong attitude towards the body
We are used to taking our body and appearance as a given and a way to get many bonuses. Society encourages beautiful people - we run to the gym, to a cosmetologist, a makeup artist and get the desired picture. As a result, we are faced with the fact that in pursuit of the desired image we lose our inner content. As an example, I would like to give a pathological desire to increase the volume of the lips, breasts, and hips.
Not a single man would agree that a “duck” mouth or a Botoxed face has anything to do with femininity. The same can be said about overdoing strength training. A slender body is, of course, great, but looking at sculpted, wiry women without a drop of subcutaneous fat, you begin to wonder what pushes them to such “beauty.” The problem is that they couldn't stop in time and want to get more from their body. Even more attention from others and even more applause that they are the best. Unfortunately, then we meet them on sites where these “goddesses” are ridiculed by all and sundry.
The desire to be in trend
Continuing the topic of following social standards, I want to draw your attention to how important it is to accept your body and yourself as nature created you. Often the desire to conform to the ruling stereotype of attractiveness destroys our inner femininity and harmony. A woman of integrity will not succumb to fashion trends, experimenting with her body and appearance. For example, thinness, the main trend - we sit on fresh juices and smoothies, pumped up butts - we actively squat and drink protein shakes.
Often the desire to conform to the ruling stereotype of attractiveness destroys our inner femininity and harmony
To quote Clarissa Pinkola Estes, a researcher of the female archetype: “There is nothing in the body that is “supposed to be this way.” It's not about shape, not about size, not about age... The question of primordiality is this: is the body sensitive, does it have the proper connection with pleasure, with the heart, with the soul, with wild nature? Is happiness and joy available to him?” After all, we often even unwittingly fall under the influence of fashion and are ready to cut our hair, shave our temples in the “Hunger Games” style, and decorate our bodies with tattoos. We start starving ourselves with diets for the sake of a flat stomach or spend hours in the gym, pumping out our butt and abs, so that it is impossible not to notice our efforts. At the same time, despite all the “compliance” with the standard, there is no self-confidence, smooth movements, or ease of gait.
By cutting our hair too short, constantly wearing rough shoes and only comfortable clothes, we drive ourselves to the other extreme - rejection of our feminine nature. The same thing happens when you imitate male behavior (no matter for what purpose): you start using obscene language, boasting about random one-night stands, and never letting go of a cigarette.
This does not mean that for a feminine image you always need to be the right girl, but if you go too far in this direction, do not count on the Miss charming nomination. I want to emphasize that the external manifestation of such indifference to one’s feminine nature is only a symptom of internal problems. The fact that you never paint your lips and eyelashes indicates either your laziness or your desire to be invisible.
shutr.bz Atmosphere of beauty
Of course, in an article about femininity, I could not help but mention the Vedic view on this topic. In Rami Blackt's lectures, I heard something that made me incredibly happy. A woman should try to be beautiful: do makeup, wear beautiful clothes - in the process of such preening, her emotional background changes (guess in which direction). This, in turn, affects those around us; they feel and, in fact, see the reflection of our efforts. That is, we literally bring beauty into the world.
On the same team
You probably had a classmate (there is such a girl in every class!) who, like the boys, ran cross-country, played football, spat the furthest and could punch her in the forehead if something went wrong. They accepted her as one of their own and were friends, but for some reason they didn’t offer to carry her briefcase.
There are so many men around, but they ask for advice, invite you to a bar to “take away your sadness” or watch football, but they don’t notice the woman in you
It’s the same in adult life: there seem to be so many men around, but they all share their love stories, ask for advice, invite you to a bar to “drink away your sadness” or watch football, but essentially they don’t notice the woman. Why? Of course, because she came too close. Metaphorically, of course. This strategy comes into play when a girl/woman wants to protect herself and join the company of men in order to become one of her own. Unconsciously, you expect that you will study them thoroughly, choose the appropriate option, make friends with it - and it is yours. But in reality, it turns out that a man is looking not for a friend, but for his beloved, and does not see “his boyfriend” as a fragile and tender creature.
This reason for the loss of a feminine image is the most insidious; it creeps up completely unnoticed. When you take the path of a career woman, you will most likely be faced with the fact that you will have to show strength and perseverance, perseverance, aggression and the ability to show your teeth - qualities that are more often inherent in men.
You will also have to devote more time to work, which will affect the opportunity to go for a manicure or yoga once again. Therefore, when you are planning to write a sequel to “The Diary of a Career Woman” based on your biography, do not forget that it would be nice to preserve your vulnerable feminine soul and sometimes take off your trouser suit.
shutr.bz Whatever the reasons for your running away from femininity, if you realize this, then you are on the right path. Write, ask for advice, I will be happy to help you with this.
Two different concepts are often confused: “masculine woman” and “strong woman”. The implication is that a strong woman is like a man both internally and externally. This is not always the case.
Strong - yes, but feminine?
What are considered male character traits: the ability to persistently achieve a goal, determination, the desire for dominance, largely depends on hormones. The types of women with characteristic masculine characteristics are based on a biological principle.
The first type of women are individuals whose set of sex chromosomes is disrupted. Their appearance is like that of real women, and they consider themselves as such, but they are not capable of bearing children. Their character is purely masculine.
The second type of women without any chromosomal abnormalities, but with a high level of male sex hormones in the blood. Such changes occur due to certain physiological characteristics of the body, or because the pregnant mother had excess androgens.
Sometimes women who have problems with female identity are the breed of workaholics: they themselves do not see themselves as women, and men stop perceiving them as representatives of the weaker sex. These ladies have successfully crushed the woman within them - both externally and internally.
Ladies who look very cute and feminine are of a completely different type. But life sent them many trials, which affected not only their appearance, but also their inner well-being. And these women carry their family on their shoulders, putting an end to their personal lives. These representatives of the fairer sex are far from hopeless; it is possible to find the feminine principle in their soul.
Bypass routes or main road?
It’s worse when a woman is smart and businesslike, she herself is proud of her masculine qualities, completely forgetting about her feminine ones. And yet she does not realize that she has problems with gender identity. When achieving their goals, such people act assertively and straightforwardly.
And in relationships with men, such ladies experience failure. Such a lady can attack a man she likes like a hurricane, trying to win him over. And if a true woman, in order to please a man, uses coquetry, flirting and other ladylike things, then this person has no idea about them.
Such an onslaught scares off men, and a woman has no chance of success. This is not a hopeless case, but it is not at all easy to make a woman out of her!
A man must dominate at least in sex. After all, sexual positions are similar to positions of dominance and submission, and this is very important for male pride. And at the beginning of meeting the woman he loves, the initiative should still come from him, or at least he should be allowed to think that he is in charge of the situation.
You know everything is in your hands
The most important thing for a woman with a strong character is to understand what her problem is. If she realizes that she has gender identity disorders, then she needs to take action.
There are many ways to do this, and only she can decide which one is right for this woman: she will choose the opportunity to work on herself independently, or turn to a psychologist. It is best to combine both, because a woman must change herself with the professional help of a specialist.
How to awaken a real woman in a person with a masculine character? You can start with her internal sensations, or you can start with her external appearance. People who are oppressed by life need to learn how a real woman behaves, walks, talks to men, and flirts.
This way is faster and easier. When a woman feels confident, sees herself as attractive and desirable, changes will occur. The creature of indeterminate gender inside her recognizes herself as a woman. And then her problems will be solved.
And if a woman is confident that something wrong is happening with her gender identification, she should not despair - everything is in her hands. The main thing is to act and not be afraid of anything.
19 main differences between women and men, and vice versa
Expressions. The words that fall from the lips of a woman who has hit her fingers with a hammer, not a nail, can be safely broadcast. What comes out of men in such cases cannot be broadcast.
Movements. When swinging to throw something, a woman moves her hand not to the side, but back. A woman does not bite a cigarette with her teeth, does not leave it in her mouth, but always holds it in her hand. The woman walks on tiptoes on the hot pebbles, the man walks on his heels. Women plug their ears with their fingers, men cover them with their palms. When you ask a woman to pass you a lighter, she hands it to you, rather than throwing it, testing your reaction. Women never scratch their heads - it ruins their hairstyle.
Mirrors. Men look in the mirror only to evaluate their appearance. Women evaluate their appearance by looking into any reflective object, be it the mirror itself, a shop window, or even the polished hood of a car.
Telephone. Men consider the telephone a means of communication and use it as an information transmitter. A woman can stay with a friend for several days, but when she returns home, immediately call her and chat for another good hour.
Purchases. When a woman goes to the store, she makes a preliminary list of what she needs, buys everything that is planned, and returns home. A man gets ready to go to the store only when the only food left in the refrigerator is a dried-out lemon and half a can of beer.
Shoes. Arriving at work, a woman exchanges comfortable street shoes for more elegant shoes. Sitting down at the table, she quietly takes off her shoes: who is able to torture their feet all day long? A man usually does not change his shoes throughout the day.
Leaving the house. When a man says he is ready to go out, it means that he is only a trip to the toilet away from leaving. The same phrase in a woman’s mouth means that before going out she needs to have time to wash her hair, iron her outfit and, of course, do her makeup.
The end of a love affair. Women, as a rule, cry and share their mental anguish with their friends. After this, having written a poem on the topic “All men are pigs,” the woman faces tomorrow quite confidently. For men, the romance period is “the time when we communicated with:.” About six months after the breakup, a man may call his ex-girlfriend for an hour at 3 am after a fair amount of “breastfeeding” to inform her that, although the hatred still has not subsided in his heart, he is ready to forgive the one who “is to blame for everything.” ". If she agrees to wash the dishes he has accumulated over six months.
Print and body. On the pages of publications for men there are many photographs of naked women. On the pages of women's magazines such photos are also no exception. The reason is that the female body is a beautiful creation of nature and it is not a sin to show it naked. The male body is covered with hair, awkward, and should not be shown in daylight. Most men, when they see a naked female body, show keen interest in it. For women, a photograph of a naked male figure usually causes a surge of fun.
Sex. Women want 30-40 minutes of lovemaking before the actual embrace. Men spend 30-40 seconds on “preliminary preparation”, and they also count the journey from the restaurant to the apartment in this period. While having sex, a woman thinks about whether she looks beautiful. After that, she doesn’t want to sleep, but wants to talk and kiss.
Bathroom and related rituals. A man's bathroom usually contains six items: a toothbrush, toothpaste, shaving foam, a razor, a bar of soap, and more often a remnant of soap, and a towel taken from some motel. In the average woman's bathroom you will find 437 items, most of which the average man would be unlikely to identify. After taking a bath, a woman (it doesn’t matter if she has long hair, bobbed hair or has had typhus) wraps a towel turban around her head, at least for a minute. The reasons for the emergence of this Eastern ritual are unknown.
Offspring. Women know everything about their children: the date of their next visit to the dentist, the day of an important sports competition for their offspring, the story of his last love, the best friends of their children, their favorite foods, secret fears and dreams. Men's ideas about the small creatures that live in their apartment are very vague.
Flora and fauna. Women are afraid of spiders, worms and mice. They don't like caterpillars, even the most beautiful ones. Women love cats. Men claim that they also love cats, but when a woman is not at home, they strive to send this animal to hell. The man doesn’t understand why his girlfriend likes these tattered brooms, which for some reason she calls “arrangements of dried flowers.” A woman leaves for a week and asks a man to water the flowers in her absence. The man naturally undertakes to do this. The woman returns to find that all the flowers have died. Nobody knows why this happened.
Clothes and accessories. A woman dresses differently for going to the store, walking the dog, answering the phone, taking out the trash, reading a book, cooking. Men change their usual attire only in the event of a wedding or funeral.
Behind the wheel. If a woman, while driving, realizes that she is lost, she stops at the nearest gas station and asks for advice. Men consider such behavior to be a purely feminine weakness and spend hours driving around unfamiliar terrain, encouraging themselves with phrases like: “How interesting it is to find a new way to home!” or "Aha, there's a department store - very close now."
Low blows. Watching a boxing match and seeing a blow below the belt, a man can howl and bend over, since only he knows the severity of the pain that the athlete experiences. A woman will never truly understand why football players, lining up in a wall, make a funny “slide” with their palms. That's why she doesn't even flinch when a movie character gets hit in the crotch with a boot.
Toys. Little girls love to play with toys. By adolescence, their interest in this begins to disappear. Men never lose interest in toys. The older they get, the more expensive and impractical their toys become. Typical toys for men: cars, mini-TVs, mobile phones, graphing calculators, small robots that offer different drinks on command, video and computer games, and any other beeping or flashing objects.
In the locker room. Men talk in the locker room about money, hockey and women. They inflate their incomes, know little about hockey, and their stories about women are usually made up. Women only talk about sex in the locker room. They speak directly, without hiding, their descriptions are very detailed and picturesque. They never lie.
Tastes. Men like women. Women only like uncomplicated things, like men.
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