Who are narcissistic women? Signs of narcissism in men and women. Grumbling about your partner's work and lifestyle

– Why did you divorce your husband?
- According to religious views. He didn't want to admit that I was a goddess.

About narcissistic women, their strengths and weaknesses and methods of correct behavior with the “queens of the world” - in our material.

A discreet clothing style, perfect manicure, proud posture and an arrogant look - a narcissist woman can be seen from afar.

She looks with contempt at people who, in her opinion, are not successful or rich enough. Men feel the energy of contempt and avoid such ladies.

No one even realizes that behind the outer shell is hidden a vulnerable girl, an excellent student, who is waiting for approval from her parents.

Yes, a narcissistic girl knows how to hide her weaknesses. But we will still try to expose her and reveal the deep secrets of her personality.

Show what is hidden..

What associations does the word “narcissist” evoke in you? Who is this girl who spends hours admiring her reflection in the mirror and is completely unable to love anyone other than herself?

In reality, everything is much more complicated. Yes, a narcissist is a woman who values herself highly, but also evaluates herself very harshly.

She does not give herself the right to make mistakes and tries to live up to the ideal in everything, and to complete the assigned tasks with “A plus two pluses.”

What does ideal mean to her? This is an image of how to look, live, love and raise children correctly.

What is the reason? This behavior is influenced by the environment, religious beliefs and moral principles that she adopted from her parents.

If she fails to live up to this image 100%, she severely punishes herself.

This means that she is the same as all these “worthless little people” with their weaknesses and shortcomings.

A narcissistic woman simply cannot allow this to happen. She should be an example in everything. Otherwise, why love her?..

Where do legs come from?

Signs of narcissism in women are not uncommon. The painful desire for ideality does not arise out of nowhere.

It, like a flower, blooms on fertile soil, previously fertilized by its parents.

Psychology often associates personality disorders with errors in upbringing. And this is exactly such a case. The female narcissist is the adult version of the little girl who is often devalued and humiliated.

Her parents actively play on the feeling of shame, comparing their daughter with other children. “Look what your brother has achieved,” “Aren’t you ashamed of being so stupid,” “You don’t deserve this” were frequent phrases she heard from her mom and dad.

She was praised only for high and truly significant results. An A in mathematics or second place in an Olympiad is not a reason for pride or encouragement.

A gold medal or an unconditional victory in a competition are achievements worthy of parental praise.

Narcissistic woman in a relationship

The girl grows up with the firm conviction that love must be earned. And if you take on something, do it a thousand percent - there is no other way.

She expects the same from other people. But since narcissistic personality disorder is not so common, it is very difficult to find someone who fully meets its requirements.

Yes, she doesn’t need him. Men and women narcissists usually do not get along together. Their relationship resembles an endless military conflict, where everyone wants to prove their superiority.

The man with whom a narcissistic woman usually builds a relationship does not suffer from a pathological desire for ideals.

But at the same time he is necessarily promising and ambitious. She won't even look at anyone else. Unpromising lovers of beer and idle time with such a friend have no chance.

She values herself too much to agree to a relationship with a loser. Having made her choice, the narcissistic woman builds a relationship according to one of two scenarios:

Treats a man as a deity, extols him, admires him and tries with all his might to live up to him.
She puts herself on a pedestal and herself tries on the role of a goddess, to whom a man should pray.

Which scenario will work in a particular situation also depends on the man: how successful he is, what heights he has achieved, and whether he has a strong character.

Intimate life

A narcissistic woman does everything right. Even in bed. She will never refuse her husband sex, she will try to do everything “perfectly”, even if she is tired or not in the mood.

The main thing is that she is praised and her efforts are appreciated. But there is another side to the coin. A narcissist strictly evaluates her appearance, and always strives to look better in the eyes of other people.

Especially in the eyes of your man. To appear clumsy or funny is like death to her.

Therefore, she cannot completely relax in bed. It is important for her to control the process so that the man does not find an extra fold on her waist and does not feel a tubercle of cellulite on her thigh.

Yes, she will do everything to make her partner feel good. But she doesn’t always enjoy it. It’s just emotional – from the fact that she completed her task one hundred and ten percent.

Instructions for use

The main advice for men who want to build a relationship with a narcissistic woman is to praise, praise and praise again.

She lacked this as a child, and now your task is to compensate for the lack of praise and admiration.

Accept that your wife will constantly criticize you, tell you what to do right, and be nervous about little things.

The trash that hasn't been taken out or a dirty plate on the table can make her angry, so try not to awaken the beast in her with such trifles.

Never compare her to other women.

A narcissistic personality will never forgive you for this. If she doesn’t leave you right away, she will take revenge - regularly remind you of your shortcomings or defeats.

Don't blame her for mistakes. Believe me, she will punish herself a thousand times more.

It’s better to calm her down, hug her tightly, remind her of her achievements and tell her that you love her. This is very important to her.

She will be immensely grateful and will do everything to do something nice for you in return.

Narcissistic woman – pros

Every person has shortcomings, and throwing in your lot with a girl who strives for the ideal is not the worst option.

Yes, it’s not easy with her. But if you get used to the constant ups and downs of her self-esteem and learn to ignore criticism, you will get a devoted, almost ideal wife who will support you in everything and stimulate you to new achievements.

If you want to reach heights in your career, build a successful business, or even become president, marry a narcissist woman.

It will definitely lead you to your goal. Have you met narcissistic women?

Narcissism, narcissists are words that are heard by everyone even slightly interested in psychology. In recent years, this phenomenon has received particular attention, which is not surprising. From the covers of magazines, handsome men and beauties look at us, retouched to shine. Social network users compete with each other to see whose life/partner/job is more attractive and successful. Dating for modern people is more like interviews. Many begin to treat their partner not as a living unique being, but as a prestigious accessory to satisfy their needs, which can be replaced at any time. Have you noticed how you yourself are imperceptibly drawn into this race for achievements? Do you look at photos of more successful friends on social networks and feel desperately jealous? Do you feel like a thing in a relationship with a partner who plays the role of God, or do you yourself put on the mask of a cold, irresistible beauty or gentleman, not letting anyone in? Or maybe you are tired of your loved one tormenting you with constant criticism and demands to be perfect? Then our article is for you.

In everyday speech, we are accustomed to calling narcissistic, selfish people narcissists. However, this is not entirely true. Firstly, paradoxically, narcissists do not suffer from excessive self-love, but quite the opposite - from burning hatred, which they carefully hide. But more on that later. And secondly, the main goal of a narcissist is by no means getting pleasure, like a real egoist. The narcissist craves world fame, recognition, perfection and does not settle for less.

For example, a selfish person can allow himself to lie on the couch all his life if it is so convenient for him. Wear comfortable but ugly clothes. Demonstrate your contempt for the opinions of others in every possible way and live the way you want. Not so with a narcissist. He can flaunt his contempt for people and the world, but secretly do everything to earn their love. Or, at least, hatred, which, as we know, is no less powerful than love. The worst thing for him is indifference, awareness of his mediocrity.

A narcissist is a woman who gets up hours before leaving home for work to get her hair and makeup perfect. This is a man who works seven days a week to get to the top of the career ladder as quickly as possible. They are not sorry for their health, they are even less concerned about their own mental well-being. There is only a Goal (perfection) and for it any means are justified.

The narcissist is unable to see himself with his own eyes; he constantly needs a reflection. For example, today a woman was praised for her well-done makeup and she is at the height of bliss, looking down on everyone and enjoying her superiority. And tomorrow her new photo received a little less likes than usual, and she already considers herself a complete nonentity. Narcissists' self-esteem is like a roller coaster.

So, main features of narcissism:

1. Passion for excellence, thirst for publicity, fame, recognition

2. Fluctuating self-esteem

3. Strong dependence on the opinions of others

How do narcissists behave in relationships?

It is in personal life that the narcissistic character manifests itself most clearly. As we remember, these people are obsessed with the idea of perfection, are not able to see themselves, and therefore do not know how to see others. Narcissists fall in love not with real people, but with the images they create in their heads. And these images are as contradictory and categorical as their self-esteem. The main feature of a relationship with a narcissist is the “swing” of idealization and devaluation.

At first, the narcissist may shower his “victim” with compliments and gifts. In psychology this is called love bombing. A lot of loud words are said about kindred spirits, pretentious promises are made. The narcissist is in a hurry to get closer to his victim in order to subjugate him. He inspires her that rapprochement occurs solely because of the sudden outbreak of unearthly love.

Sooner or later, idealization gives way to devaluation. The narcissist begins to become unsatisfied with some little things, he allows himself to criticize and humiliate his partner. Moreover, all this is done for his own good: his hidden potential, rules of decency, etc. A wife may criticize her husband for his low salary, saying that he was born to be a great businessman. Some narcissists make it clear to the victim that since he allowed her to be around, she must live up to his own perfection. This is how a successful husband ridicules his wife’s style and manner of speaking, because she lives with God, which means she herself must be a goddess.

Why do victims tolerate such treatment? The fact is that the narcissist is a master at feeding them with idealization. They sincerely believe that he loved them in the beginning, and then, through their own fault, something went wrong. They are ashamed that they disappointed such a wonderful person. Or they think that the narcissist’s demands are completely justified: all “normal people” should look perfect/make good money, etc. People with low self-esteem and masochistic character traits most often become partners of a narcissist. Plus, narcissists are master manipulators. When they feel that the victim is ready to leave, they again “throw a bone” to him and begin to admire and idealize him.

Another important feature of relationships with narcissists is their obsession with rules, the habit of doing everything for show. Such a person can shower his beloved with compliments in public, but cruelly insult her at home. Calling your partner “like you” and dirtyly manipulating him. The main thing is that everything looks beautiful.

A match for a narcissist

Narcissists always choose partners for a reason:

1. They want to stand out from their background. For example, a handsome, prominent man deliberately chooses a less attractive woman as his partner. Or a woman meets a man below her intellectual level. This way they not only raise their self-esteem, but also get a punching bag. That is, they constantly take out their anger on their partner.

2. They want to “merge” with their loved one in order to appropriate his qualities for themselves. This is a woman looking for a rich and influential husband to enter high society. Or a woman who has a complex about her appearance and therefore falls in love exclusively with men who look like models.

How do people become narcissists?

Like other character disorders, narcissism originates from errors in upbringing. A child who becomes a narcissist receives a message from his parents: “We don’t need you the way you are, become someone else.” Parents may be annoyed by the child’s temperament (too active or slow) or his natural inclinations. Many parents have plans for their child long before he is born. For example, a family of doctors refuses to see their son as anyone other than a doctor. Or a mother sends her little daughter to ballet, despite her aptitude for drawing, since as a child she herself dreamed of becoming a ballerina.

Without receiving acceptance from the parents, the narcissistic child develops a false personality. He becomes obsessed with perfection because he believes that if I become perfect, my parents will finally love me. A girl born to be an artist becomes a ballerina. The boy, quiet and assiduous, is forced to develop completely different qualities in himself in order to realize his father’s dream of a tomboy son. Hungry for parental approval, such people dream all their lives of getting it from others. But their tragedy is that they do not understand: love does not need to be earned and cannot be earned. They love people not for perfection, but for who they are, along with all their weaknesses and shortcomings.

I am a narcissist, what should I do?

If you find yourself in this portrait, do not despair and do not be afraid. The first and most difficult thing you must understand is that the perfection you are chasing is unattainable. Fortunately or not, we are only human, with our limitations and shortcomings. Learn to accept yourself for who you are. Ask yourself often, are you doing something because you really want it or to gain the admiration of others?

Think about why you strive so obsessively for perfection. Perhaps because you are trying to hide behind it a humiliated, ashamed child who was forbidden to be himself? Hear him, learn to establish contact with him. Exercises to connect with your inner child will help you with this. As well as modern popular science books on the topic of narcissism, for example, the works of the American psychologist Brené Brown.

My partner is a narcissist, what should I do?

Everything is more complicated here than if you yourself have discovered signs of narcissism. A person cannot be helped against his will. Therefore, the main thing you should think about now is your own well-being. If a loved one regularly devalues you, sets a certain bar in front of you that you must reach, these are extremely alarming bells. The only way to protect yourself from these manipulations is, unfortunately, to end the relationship.

But if your partner recognizes the problem and is willing to work on it, you can see a psychologist together. Remember, you should never let your partner devalue you. Don't let your self-worth depend on how he treats you. He criticizes, humiliates, insults you not because there is something wrong with you. This is solely his problem, not yours. The narcissist does this for the sole purpose of coping with the painful shame inside (when he criticizes someone, his shame becomes less) and working off his suppressed aggression towards his parents, of which he has a lot.

Tatyana Kulinich for https://site

A narcissistic person and life with him. The article will talk about egocentrists and ways for your significant other to find a common language with them.

The content of the article:

A narcissistic person is a time bomb for those close to him. Everyone is kind to themselves, if you do not take into account convinced fatalists and suicidal individuals. However, everything in life must be clearly dosed, so communicating with narcissists can create many problems for his family and friends. Consequently, the question of tactics of behavior with such individuals is quite acute for a large number of people.

Causes of narcissism

It becomes frivolous to believe that narcissists are only born. Of course, genes play an important role in the formation of any personality, but a person is created primarily by family and society.

The narcissist's love for himself often arises for the following reasons:

. Since childhood, such little darlings have been praised and extolled to unimaginable heights by families. You definitely need to praise your children so that they do not develop an inferiority complex. However, it is extremely dangerous to feed a child’s excessive selfishness, because later for him it will end in outright narcissism to the detriment of the interests of loved ones. As they say, if you want a problem, systematically overpraise your beloved child.
The appearance of a little genius in the family. This reason for the emergence of narcissism in the future is very close to the previously stated factor of parents’ excessive love for their child. However, some children really begin to amaze society from an early age with their undoubted talents. In this case, everything depends on the parents, who should not ruin their young talent without giving the opportunity to develop a pseudo-genius.
Insufficient attention from parents. The voiced type of children is the other side of the coin regarding the small family member placed on a pedestal. Some children, as compensation for their uselessness, are able to begin an inner life known only to them. Intuitively protecting themselves from the indifference of the people closest to them, they begin to idealize their own “I”. At the same time, it remains interesting that such small individuals with a strange attitude towards themselves and others continue to idolize their irresponsible parents.
Consistent success in life. Fortune is a capricious lady who can caress any person with her attention. However, often a systematic streak of luck can turn even an adequate person into a narcissist. At the same time, luck can pursue a rather ordinary individual, which will create for him an aura of greatness, which will be quite difficult for those close to the newly-minted Caesar to eliminate.
Conjured Idol. At first glance, this theory may seem absurd, but it has a fairly clear justification. Some people, having created an idol for themselves, believe that they are in some way comparable to him. Similar features with the chosen legendary person make the newly-minted proud people think about their own exclusivity, which ultimately leads to narcissism.
Protest to everyone and everything. At the same time, it is worth talking about a very rare variety of rebel narcissists. They plunge into self-contemplation only because they are tired of looking at what fate has presented to them. Basically, these are rather hardened cynics, but the line between them and newly minted narcissists is very thin.

Note! Psychologists state the fact that narcissism is an acquired quality of a behavioral model. Therefore, it is quite possible to fight such a mental illness if the chosen one is really dear to the heart.

Signs of a Narcissist

If we are talking about a secret erotomaniac or a notorious hypocrite, then this type of people is quite difficult to identify. There is no need to look for signs of a narcissist for the simple reason that he himself will not notice excessive attention to him.

Psychologists, having studied the problem of increased narcissism of some individuals with themselves, identified the following characteristics of such people:

Egocentrism. God is the creation of everything around, but this is far from a fact for people of this type of character. True narcissists believe that everyone is owed to them forever and ever. They explain this statement practically in no way, because they have no time to conduct a dialogue with mere mortals. In their opinion, the people around them themselves should understand all their mistakes when communicating with perfection.
"I see through you" pattern. The situation is very simple: they listen to you and don’t even see you. The narcissist is indifferent to the problems of not only strangers, but also the sorrows of relatives. For them, the main thing is not to lose the state of perfect self-contemplation, in which there is no place for everyday life and other everyday trifles. It is difficult to communicate with such a person, not because he is rude or poorly mannered. He simply does not see his opponent until he begins to give him the desired and obvious compliments.
. A narcissistic person is an extremely indifferent nature, even if something does not go according to his ideal plan of self-contemplation. In this case, there are two ways to identify an overt and covert (inverted) narcissist. An open egoist is admired because he simply openly declares his indifference to the whole world. The highest aerobatics of this kind of people is the complete absence of such an outburst of feelings, because egocentrists to the nth degree do not care about anything that interferes with their peace of mind. The inverted narcissist is touchy to the extreme because he is a slight shadow of his bright and contented egocentric idol.
Arrogance. In this case, the family tree that has become so popular recently comes to mind. “He who was nobody became everything” is an excellent saying for some presumptuous upstarts. We are all equal in this world, but some people consider themselves the center of not just the Earth, but the entire Galaxy. The weakest manifestation of this phenomenon is snobs. There is little harm from them, because these subjects are tightly enclosed within the framework and limitations of their own moral principles. The saddest fact is when the narcissist falls straight into the “rags to riches” category. People will not say too much that we sometimes have the pleasure of observing in modern reality.
Aggressiveness. If we recall the myth of the beautiful Narcissus, we will not notice a single drop of emotion on his part in relation to the people around him. Lonely and abandoned by him, Echo fell into oblivion, which would never happen in our time. We all clearly know our rights, and for narcissists, this is a prayer before every meal. Active egocentrists who are ready to look in the mirror or at a passport photograph for hours will not tolerate more brilliant competitors nearby. The result is excessive aggression towards those who do not appreciate the dignity of a militant selfish person. Passive narcissists will not even notice the threatening danger, because they do not really imply the presence of a more intelligent and beautiful being in the Universe than them.

Important! Psychologists strongly advise taking a closer look at people with a similar pattern of behavior. Very often, society considers it necessary to turn its attention to aggressive psychopaths, outright revelers and rowdies. However, we should not forget that a narcissist is capable of destroying the fate of any person who decides to connect his life with such a selfish selfish person.

Consequences of a relationship with a narcissist

First of all, you should understand for yourself the fact that it will be extremely difficult to live and spend your free leisure time with such a person. The first task in this case is to generally draw the narcissist’s attention to his own person.

If such manipulations have resulted in some success, then you need to remember the following consequences of communicating with this type of personality:

. Next to a male peacock, the female often feels some discomfort due to her modest plumage. You can joke about this for a long time, but the fact remains that a narcissistic person is capable of destroying the own “I” of the person in love with him. In this case, we can talk about the craving of the weak for the strong, which is so typical of many conversations about the meaning of life. However, it is sometimes difficult to determine who is weaker in spirit: the narcissist or his victim blinded by passion.
Depression. A person is initially designed in such a way that a relationship with a narcissist is unlikely to bring him fireworks of emotions and a lot of positive things. Strong-willed people will immediately refuse such relationships, which is not always an easy solution to the problem. Even narcissistic people are capable of arousing passion in the opposite sex, bringing only suffering to ardent lovers in the future. Seeing indifference to oneself on the part of an egocentric person to whom the soul has become attached, any person is capable of falling into a state of depression.
Revenge. The times of Othello have not yet passed, because the temperament and behavior patterns of all people are radically different. A narcissistic partner can cause both depression and feelings that are radically opposite to the stated state of mind. In this case, one should feel sorry only for the egocentric, who, in the process of narcissism, will forget about the elementary sense of self-preservation next to an angry fan.

Note! All the voiced consequences of communicating with a narcissist do not carry a positive attitude and hope for further happy relationships. Psychologists strongly recommend starting an active fight against excessive selfishness in your significant other.

How to deal with a narcissist

Loving yourself is not forbidden, as evidenced by the cult film “The Most Charming and Attractive”, beloved by everyone in the 80s. However, all those who carefully watched this masterpiece of Gerald Bezhanov remember the result of such a phenomenon.

Tactics for dealing with a narcissistic man

If a woman has chosen a narcissistic man as her partner, then she should listen to the following advice from psychologists:

Full equality of partners. A self-lover is a tough nut to crack, which not every woman can crack. The voiced option is one of the most difficult when it comes to the fight for the heart of a narcissist man. In this case, a woman needs to clearly express her individuality. The outcome of the voiced manipulations can be twofold: the narcissist will wake up after narcissism full of energy or simply run away from an aggressive partner.
Approval of your significant other's actions. It is a known fact that narcissists have no time to harm other people and commit illegal acts. Therefore, extra praise for their excellent communication skills (even if not deserved) will never hurt. Women, as they say, will not lose weight, and the egocentric will once again feel like the axis around which the Earth rotates. There is another significant advantage in this: we praise, but someone will tolerate it. Therefore, we groom and cherish our narcissistic man until the self-sufficient woman gets tired of it.
Complete lack of criticism. Approving does not always mean not condemning. Very often in this life, a narcissist man listens to those strong women who are able to express their claims to his face. However, there is one small “but”: does he need it? Therefore, a wise woman who has the misfortune of falling in love with a narcissist should be even more insightful in her statements.

The subtleties of a relationship with a narcissistic woman

A woman in her accomplishments is a complete mystery, so the fair sex always knows what it needs to do. Men in a relationship with a narcissist should take the following actions:

The effect of surprise. The first step to failure when living with a narcissist is complete submission to him. A person who loves himself too much will never see the efforts of someone who does not value his own dignity. In this case, we recall the film based on Shakespeare’s play “Twelfth Night,” where the plot line between partners in a voiced situation is clearly outlined. Beautiful Olivia did not want to know anyone, because everyone around her praised her extraordinary beauty. She was so bored with noble nobles that the narcissistic woman decided to remain alone for the rest of her days. However, the further unfolding intrigue awakened the narcissistic beauty from her sleep and gave her a chance to find her happiness.
Element of intrigue. The phrase “you look good in all your outfits, darling” will become a catalyst for a narcissistic woman if her lover gives a speech of praise to someone other than his idol. At first the selfish woman will think about it, and then she will be angry that she was exchanged for that gray mouse in a nondescript dress.
. Everyone knows that a woman loves with her ears. It should be noted that narcissistic ladies love with all their nerve points. Consequently, it is no longer possible to overpraise them, because they are firmly convinced of their ideality. A man who falls in love with a woman of this type must constantly convince his other half that she is the best. At the same time, the lady will not be surprised by a fact that is obvious to her, but she will not go looking for adventures on the side of a reliable family abode.

How to behave with a narcissist - watch the video:

Life is always a certain streak of failures and success, which should not be surprising to a sane person. It is illogical to firmly tell yourself that your chosen one is a complete loser. Even in relationships with convinced egocentrists, voiced advice on how to behave with narcissists will help. However, should we continue communicating or part with this type of personality? You can only answer this question yourself.

Self-love is a normal, healthy quality of the human psyche. Without loving yourself, it is impossible to achieve success in life or build strong, trusting relationships with other people. But sometimes this feeling becomes decisive, and a person turns into a narcissist, capable of admiring only his own perfection.

It is through their attitude towards themselves that young children learn to understand and love the people around them. Children's “egoism” and confidence in their own irresistibility seem charming and funny to us. But what to do if this affair with yourself continues into adulthood? How to determine where ordinary self-confidence and pride ends and narcissism begins?

Is narcissism a character trait or a pathology?

According to legend, Narcissus died of longing for himself, unable to take his eyes off his reflection in the water surface. And modern narcissists prefer to starve their loved ones, forcing them to bring all their feelings and strength to the altar of serving them, the beautiful ones.

Most people who are far from psychology think that people susceptible to narcissism are those who love only themselves, admire themselves, do not notice their shortcomings and are distinguished by enviable self-confidence and selfishness. Such people are easy to recognize by their manners and behavior, and they can only cause irritation or laughter among others.

But modern women and narcissistic men - smart, educated, accomplished people - do not fit this description at all. They easily establish relationships with others, people like them and enter into various relationships with them, but after a while, people who come into contact with narcissists are surprised to realize that they are not busy with their own lives, but devote all their time to admiring, consoling or praising the narcissist.

So what is a narcissist?

Narcissism is a special state of mind or accentuation of character, the main thing in which is a certain emotional scarcity; such a person is not able to sincerely empathize, sympathize, all his emotions, affection and care are directed only towards himself. Such narcissists are usually “raised” by overly caring parents and grandparents. Accustomed to constant admiration, adoration and complete impunity, the child, growing up, tries to get all this from those around him.

Psychologists distinguish two “types” of people susceptible to narcissism:

Narcissists or “classic” narcissists are firmly confident in their own irresistibility, importance, talent and genius. The narcissist graciously allows those around him to take care of him, considering that he is doing them a favor by allowing him to admire and serve him without complaint.
“Insecure” narcissists - they also consider themselves the crown of creation, but at the same time they constantly feel insecure in themselves and their abilities; in order to be happy, they need to constantly “reflect” in the eyes of others, feel their admiration and care. Celebrities often suffer from such narcissism - although they gather crowds of fans, they still feel unclaimed and unnecessary.

How to recognize a narcissist?

There is a little narcissism in each of us; we enjoy admiring our own reflection in the mirror, listening to praise or admiring our own talents, but this does not prevent us from caring for our parents, loving children and helping friends and acquaintances.

But living next to those for whom their own “I” comes first is very uncomfortable. You won’t get help and support from such a person; he will gladly poke your nose at any shortcomings and will in every possible way cultivate in those around him a sense of his own inferiority and inferiority, because such people are much easier to manage!

If you do not want to devote your life to serving anyone, you need to learn from afar to recognize narcissism in people, who can be both male and female narcissists, and not allow them into your personal space.

Here are some of the main distinguishing features of such people:

It is quite easy to recognize narcissism; you just need to not turn a blind eye to a person’s selfishness and emotional coldness; you should not think that with love and affection a narcissist can be turned into a caring husband or a selfless mother. Narcissism is a character trait; if it has not yet “taken root” in a person’s soul, it is certainly possible to help him realize his mistakes and change, but this will require enormous effort and mental stress from you, and no one can say how favorable the result will be.

Dana, Kazan

Psychologist's comment:

Who is a narcissist really and what is narcissism anyway? A person with a narcissistic character suffered severe psychological trauma in early childhood. The result of this trauma was that such a child used all his mental and emotional strength to create around himself a certain aura of significance, authority and strength, but which at the same time is not true and is intended only to create an impression.

The people around him, captivated by this confidence and even royalty, sometimes quite easily succumb to the charms of this halo and get involved in one or another relationship with a woman or a narcissistic man. But, characteristically, real relationships do not arise in this case, because the narcissist is not very capable of this. Where other people devote their energy to the relationship itself - its development and strengthening - narcissists, as before, are engaged in upgrading their skills to impress.

Therefore, when, for example, a narcissist and a non-narcissist start dating, real emotional contact never occurs in their relationship: a person who has narcissism, learned from childhood trauma, is very afraid to open up to the other. After all, then this other person will see that inside all this fancy royal splendor there is a ringing, absolute emptiness.

Narcissism and love relationships

Because the narcissist believes (and not without reason) that to truly love him is the way he deserves it! - no one can, he builds any of his relationships, including personal ones, on manipulations, which, naturally, are also designed to hide from those around him and from himself the feeling of inner emptiness.

And a few more words about narcissism and its manifestations in relationships. To whom are narcissistic women and men especially attractive as potential partners? Most often - for people whose self-esteem suffers throughout life and in one way or another expresses self-doubt. When communicating with a narcissist, such people willy-nilly admire how this person can behave, envy his powerful self-esteem (which, as we remember, is in fact inflated), and the narcissist’s ability to present himself.

When in contact with a person whose leading character trait is narcissism, such people secretly hope that his self-confidence and ability to always look great will be at least a little transferred to themselves. Of course, this is an illusion: in fact, self-esteem and self-confidence always come from within. Therefore, from the very beginning to the very end, a relationship with a narcissist will be devoid of true reciprocity: love in such a relationship will always flow only in one direction - feeding the narcissist’s ego and actually giving little in return to his partner - the “donor” person.

If it happens that you find yourself in a relationship with a narcissist, and you feel that such a relationship does not give you anything, but only takes away, this is a good reason to seek advice from a competent psychologist. Together with him, you will be able to understand what traits of your own character led you to be involved in such a relationship, and in what direction to move in order to get out of it and meet a person with whom you can date as equals.

Narcissists themselves rarely come to a psychotherapist. Can such magnificent people as them have any problems? But, nevertheless, closer to the middle of life, people of a narcissistic type gradually begin to see and realize their own limitations. When this starts to happen, they may well end up in a psychologist's office. And even then, psychological work with him can bring, if not the brightest, but still good results...

Narcissism is understood as such a personality trait as excessive narcissism, narcissism. This term comes from Greek mythology (the legend of Narcissus) and was first introduced by S. Freud. At the same time, to a small extent, narcissism is characteristic of mentally healthy people. Only excessive development of the trait is considered a psychiatric illness and requires treatment. Narcissism in women manifests itself more often than in men, and less often becomes pathological.

Signs of female narcissism

Narcissists are usually people who love themselves more than any other person. At the same time, internal confidence in one’s superiority is accompanied by admiration “from the outside” and requires confirmation from the environment.

A narcissistic person combines the following traits:

heightened self-esteem;
confidence in one’s own exclusivity (talents, attractiveness, charm, intelligence, etc.);
a sense of independence from external rules;
expectation of a good attitude and at the same time submission, envy from others;
seeking admiration from other people;
inability to sympathize and empathize;
fantasies about your successes.

For women, mild narcissism is typical in an unconscious form: periodically admiring oneself in the mirror, the desire to decorate oneself, boasting to friends, seducing men. Conscious narcissism is present in the form of deliberate theatrical behavior. Such “narcissists” demonstrate to others their exclusivity and demand attention regardless of the circumstances.

The Dangers of Narcissism

Narcissism as a personality trait has positive and negative consequences. The positive ones include:

desire for self-improvement. This applies to appearance, education, success in work or creativity;
external attractiveness, regardless of initial data - such people know how to “present themselves”;
charm, eloquence.

Negative Characteristics of a Narcissist:

an unjustifiably high opinion of one’s own data and an unjustifiably low opinion of others;
unwillingness to listen to other people's opinions and criticism;
inability to work on oneself in accordance with the needs of others, including in the professional sphere;
rapid idealization and devaluation of others;
preoccupation with yourself, your needs and desires.

At the same time, the positive character traits of narcissistic people are overshadowed by their negative qualities. With age, problems with adequate assessment of oneself and the people around them worsen. This makes narcissists unpleasant, cold, selfish and intolerant.

Psychology data

According to psychologists' studies, narcissism in men is more focused on achievements, while in women it is more focused on appearance. Achievements that allow a narcissistic woman to be exaggeratedly proud of herself often concern her spouse and/or children.

Manifestations of narcissism in women towards themselves look like frequent admiration of reflections, excessively careful selection of clothes and accessories, cosmetics and hairstyles. In addition, narcissistic women can concentrate on achieving a harmonious (from their point of view) appearance of their home, workplace, and the appearance of loved ones.

Perverted narcissism is especially dangerous in women. Signs of such a personality disorder appear when communicating with other people: this is an attractive person who is significant to others. Moreover, her attractiveness is perverted (the term “perverse” is associated with the Latin word perverere - to pervert, turn out). Such a woman elevates herself by humiliating others. This happens hidden, masked by external goodwill and charm.

Perverted narcissists are aggressors who “feed” on the fear, doubts, and suffering of their “victims.”

Self-admiration and putting oneself on display

Exhibitionism is close in external manifestations and destructive consequences to narcissism in men and women. The desire to prove to oneself and others one’s own exclusivity and attractiveness leads to hidden or obvious posing, flaunting one’s appearance or achievements.

A clear example of exhibitionism as part of the narcissistic character is taking multiple selfies. The popularity of self-photography and video is associated with the uncertainty of young and mature people about their attractiveness to others.

By displaying themselves on social networks, on public and private sites, and by viewing personally taken photos and videos, narcissistic individuals become convinced of their exclusivity. Example: a girl takes selfies, posts them on Instagram or Facebook and, based on the number of likes and reposts, judges her popularity and ability to charm men.

Phallic narcissism in women

The association of the term “phallus” with masculinity in psychology is not unconditional. “Phallic narcissism” in women is understood as the desire to increase, “inflate” some of their features to a state of “eroticity.” This desire to stand out from the group, to become unique. Under the influence of this desire, women undergo plastic surgery, modifying their body and face to an absurd appearance, blindly following fashion or trying to create it. Narcissism also includes the desire to use expensive things that are inaccessible to most to show superiority over other women (and men).

When a female person is fixated on work, narcissistic disorder manifests itself as a manic desire to build a career, get a position/salary/opportunities that exceed those of colleagues.

Conclusion

Reasonable and moderate self-love, the desire to improve one’s data and capabilities is the engine of personal progress. However, at the same time, the inability to adequately perceive criticism, build relationships with people on the basis of equality and balance, strengthening the ego through belittling others is reasonably considered a mental disorder and requires treatment.

When a person realizes a psychological problem or receives qualified help from the outside (psychoanalyst, psychotherapist), narcissism returns to a rational framework, allowing a person to live a full life and be accepted by society and the inner “I”.