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Any parent is pleased with the child's achievements. It's nice when your son or daughter does an excellent job at school and regularly receives approval from teachers. Some parents get used to this. And others think that being an excellent student is the child’s direct responsibility. They continue to press even when he loses interest in some subject.
But is it really so good to get straight A's and diligently cram for lessons?
We are in website have compiled a list of explanations why being an excellent student at school does not equal being successful in life. And they found reasons why requiring only A’s from a child can lead to very depressing consequences.
1. Will ruin your health
If a child manages to study well, play sports and communicate with peers, then everything is great. But in the real world, many children experience great stress. Quite rarely, a child’s work is limited to one school. Often parents add music lessons, English lessons and other additional clubs to this. Plus chores.
In an attempt to raise a genius from an heir, parents do not take into account the capabilities of his body. They are often indifferent to physical activity unless the child himself shows interest in it. Apparently, this is why more and more children in the world are overweight, and spend their free time on the computer to disconnect from reality. However, a child's physical and mental health are just as important as their intellect: they must be developed and protected in order to grow into a full-fledged person.
2. Will not learn to prioritize correctly
What is more important: getting A's in all subjects in a quarter or diluting the grades with B's, but preparing for an important conference that will help you get into university? The answer would seem obvious. But not for those who are used to studying excellently. In high school, it is still more important for such children to receive the approval of teachers and parents than to choose what will help them succeed in adulthood.
Good grades are good. But it is more important to teach a child not to mechanically cram the material, but to navigate real life and determine what will actually be useful for him.
3. Will not learn to motivate himself independently
It may seem that excellent students are the most motivated children. But it is not always the case. Many people, from an early age, due to parental pressure, developed the skill to study well and do their homework on time. In high school, such children continue to study diligently, but avoid other activities where they need to control themselves. Others are motivated by fear of punishment or parental disappointment, and this is what drives them to study hard.
An adult has to independently praise, encourage and force himself. Those who, as a child, were not used to doing anything without external pressure have the risk of quickly turning from an excellent student to a failure.
4. Will not develop social skills
In teen movies, the overachievers are shunned and teased and are unable to stand up for themselves. And this stereotype, unfortunately, is not always far from the truth. Knowledge is no substitute for communication. You can tell yourself as much as you like that your child is special and is no match for his ill-mannered classmates. Or think that he will go to university and everything will change. But social skills don't appear out of nowhere. They, like others, need to be developed. Otherwise, in the end, a smart child will envy a charming classmate with a C grade, who easily communicates with girls and is liked by teachers so much that they inflate his grades.
By adulthood, it is important for a person to learn how to make connections and communicate easily with others. You should not isolate your child from their peers for the sake of good grades.
5. Get used to evaluating yourself and others based on external achievements.
Children also dislike excellent students because they consider themselves better than others. But it’s difficult to blame a child for this: from an early age, he gets used to thinking that good grades make him good, and bad grades, on the contrary.
Such logic will not only prevent you from making friends, but can also ruin your adult life. After all, if you evaluate yourself only by your achievements, any failure will turn you from a winner into a loser. It is important to instill in a child the unconditional value of himself and others, so that he understands that grades, and other external achievements too, do not determine either his personality or the personality of those around him.
6. Will avoid failure
Everyone has to face failure sooner or later. And it's better if it happens early. Then the child will learn to cope with unpleasant emotions and move on. If he gets used to the idea that everything should be easy, in adult life, most likely, he will avoid and be afraid of failures.
For people who are accustomed to assessing their abilities as innate, failure is a signal that they are not that smart or talented. Those who understand that abilities develop view failures as lessons and inevitable mistakes on the path to improvement. Simply put, it is more beneficial for a child to get a C, correct it and learn from it than to desperately cram and shake with horror that he will get it.
7. Will not learn to think creatively
High grades are largely the result of good memory and perseverance. But adult life does not provide ready-made solutions and does not assign points to test results. The child will have to face complex ethical issues, regularly make choices in situations where there is no clearly correct decision, independently analyze data and draw conclusions based on them.
Fantasy, thinking and logic are much more useful in life than the ability to memorize two paragraphs in an evening. You should focus on developing these skills in your child, rather than on getting perfect grades.
8. Will not learn to defend his point of view
If your son or daughter diligently crams, performs tasks responsibly and dutifully follows all your instructions, you should not rejoice in complaisance and obedience.
Children are ready to play football for days, voraciously read books on history or science fiction. And it’s normal to defend your interests and try to avoid what you don’t want to do. If a child is not interested in anything other than good grades, he tries to fulfill all the demands of adults and is afraid to object - things are bad. Submissiveness and weak character are not the best traits for adulthood. It is better to provide the child with at least minimal freedom and responsibility in making decisions, including in school. This will develop independence and make future life easier.
Of course, it’s not bad to study with excellent marks. But there is nothing wrong with having average grades. In the end, success in life is not determined by a school certificate. How did grades in school influence your future life?
(1 vote)All parents wish their children happiness and mean approximately the same thing in this concept: the child should be healthy, prosperous, physically and emotionally developed. Does he also need to be an excellent student to be completely happy? Is it worth demanding the highest results from a student, and how justified are they?
Are being an excellent student and being successful the same thing?
For success in life, academic knowledge, which excellent students are strong in, is, of course, important, but is not decisive. The most important are communication skills, i.e. the ability to communicate with people, establish connections, work with information, think outside the box, look for new ideas and bring them to life, a thirst for new things. Financial literacy is also important. Most often, these skills are deprived of “excellent students under duress.”
Types of excellent students
1.Really talented kid
Captures everything on the fly. All school subjects are easy for him. Such students, as a rule, become winners of various Olympiads.
2. Smart child
Certain subjects are easy for him. He himself shows a desire to study, he is interested. He realizes that studying is important. These guys learn excellently on their own without being forced.
3. Excellent student under duress
The child is an excellent student because of the great desire of his parents, who want to raise him to be an excellent student. Parents work with him, explain, such a student comes to lessons fully prepared.
Can all children becomeexcellent students?
(commentary from a psychologist at Darovskaya Secondary SchoolSvetlana Vasilievna Sadrieva)
To become an excellent student, you must have academic talent, which, by the way, 90% of people have. Then the question arises: “Why do we see both C students and even D students in a regular class?”
Every working person receives payment for his work, the only question is its amount. It’s the same with students, the “size” of their grade depends on the amount of time spent preparing for lessons, the effort they put in, and the presence of motivation. If the student does not understand that he is working for his own comfortable future, he will not put in his maximum effort. Accordingly, a C student or a D student is just an unmotivated lazy person who most often perceives learning as a process of satisfying the needs of others, and not his own.
You will say that there are children who try, but still remain among the good students! To be an excellent student, you must not only have academic talent, but also constantly develop it. Of course, there are children for whom a lot comes easily and quickly, but there are only a few of them; the majority need to try very hard to achieve the desired result. Excellent study is work that requires dedication, patience, and a colossal investment of time and energy from the student.
IT IS BELIEVED that it is cool to be an excellent student- everything works out, parents don’t scold, and teachers respect. But not everyone realizes what hard work it is to get excellent grades. Such children spend more time than their peers doing lessons and doing extra work, because it is no secret that at school students are required to have more extensive knowledge than the school itself provides. Parents of those children who study no better than their classmates always set excellent students as examples, without even suspecting what it is like for them, these excellent students?
We decided to find out about this from the excellent students themselves and their mothers. We asked the students what they need to do in order to study only with “A” grades, and we found out from their mothers whether it is easy to be the mother of an excellent student.
Ilya Vokhmyanin, 7th grade:
- Of course, he studies, makes great efforts and strives to learn even more!
Irina Nikolaevna Vokhmyanina:
- In elementary school, we studied systematically every day for 2-3 hours. Now Ilya does his homework on his own, I just check. If something doesn’t work out for him, he turns to me, dad or grandma for help. Together we look for information in reference books or on the Internet, trying to figure it out. I don’t demand excellent grades from Ilya, but I’m very glad that he likes to study. I feel proud when I stand next to him at the honors meeting at school.
Honestly, I don’t know how easy it is to be the mother of an excellent student. I have two children: my daughter has already finished school. She was not an excellent student, but she studied well. I always worked with her too. You need to find an approach to each child, take into account his interests, pay attention to his physical and moral condition.
Nastya Zakharova, 10th grade:
- Being an excellent student is not at all difficult. Firstly, you must always do everything on time and not leave any student debts. Secondly, listen carefully to the teacher who explains the material in class, and consolidate what you have learned at home, then you will have more free time for rest, which is necessary for normal study. And thirdly, you need to take your homework seriously every day, and immediately sort out incomprehensible moments with the teacher.
Lyudmila Petrovna Zakharova:
- I have two daughters: Nastya will go to the tenth grade, Masha will go to the fourth. They both get straight A's. I am proud to be the mother of excellent students. They manage to study “excellently” without any effort. You can even say that this is their talent: someone sings well, someone draws well, and they get “A’s” for their knowledge. Of course, every talent needs a push to develop. I believe that the impetus for my daughters was their early acquaintance with the alphabet. At the age of two they both knew the alphabet, and at the age of 4-5 they could read without effort. When a child begins to read independently and understand what he is reading about, an interesting world opens up for him and new knowledge appears.
Teachers play an important role in the lives of children. For the eldest daughter Nastya, it was a great success that she started studying at the Vondan school. There were only three students in the class, so the teachers paid great attention to each of them, asked questions in class every day, explained the material in detail, if necessary, returned to the material already covered and reinforced it again.
Do I demand too much from my daughters? No more than other mothers: learn lessons, respect adults, be responsible for your actions. If at some point they stop being excellent students, I won’t scold them! The most important thing is that they grow up to be good people, so that I can always, as now, be proud of them.
Masha Pozdina, 3rd grade:
- You must love to study, listen well to the teacher in class and do your homework “excellently.”
Evgenia Vladimirovna Pozdina:
- It’s easy and pleasant to be the mother of an excellent student, especially since Masha studies on her own, I only help her with projects. But what I demand from her, it seems to me, is not much. Masha is a fickle excellent student. In the first half of the year she got all A's, and at the end of the year she got a B in English. But I am sure that she will try very hard to improve this grade in the new school year.
Svetlana, 38 years old:
- I was an excellent student at school, however, this was the firm desire of my parents. Nobody asked my opinion. I endlessly studied lessons, read books, studied encyclopedias. I graduated from school with a gold medal and easily entered college. It was only during my student years that I realized that I had lost a lot. At the institute, I devoted myself not only to studies, but also to communication with peers, went to various events, attended yoga courses, and became interested in dancing. With my “blue” diploma, which even had a few C grades, I found a normal job that I like.
Now I have three schoolchildren, all of them are good students, they study to the best of their ability. I will never demand excellent grades from them, because I understand that this is not the most important thing in life.
Natalia Sennikova, gold medalist at Darovskaya Secondary School in 2015:
I was an excellent student from second to eleventh grade. For me it was quite easy, since I did not strive for the status of an excellent student. I just studied to the best of my ability, and was happy, of course, when the final results were only A’s. Being an excellent student was not my main goal of the class until the 10th grade; in the senior year, I purposefully walked towards a medal, knowing that it gives additional points when entering a university (5 points towards the total).
My classmates and I were very lucky that in our school there were teachers who were not fixated on preparing for the Unified State Exam, who understood the great importance of oral, detailed answers, supported by argumentation, before solving “test guesses”. Now I am a third-year student at the Volga-Vyatka Institute of the University named after O.E. Kutafina (branch of Moscow State Law Academy in Kirov). I am studying at a law school, and in my chosen profession it is very important to be able to speak, defend your point of view in front of an audience, not mumble, and be able to reproduce out loud what you write on paper.
Do you need to be an excellent student? I believe that being an excellent student should not be the goal and meaning of schooling. If it works out, great, but no, it’s not worth going out of your way for it.
Dear students!
Remember that you cannot be the best at everything! It is more advisable to decide on the area of knowledge that is most interesting, since studying ceases to be hard work if you turn it into pleasure.
Dear parents!
Believe in your child, be close to him and instill confidence in his own abilities. Motivate him by explaining that a mark is just a reward for his efforts, and the main value is mastering new knowledge. Do not control too much: the child must understand that he is studying for himself, and not to satisfy your unrealized ambitions. Praise even minor successes, comparing them to his own achievements, not to the achievements of others.
Prepared by Elena KOBAKA.
Usually parents are proud that their child is an excellent student, that he wins all competitions, receives certificates, that teachers are proud of him and set him as an example. But is this really good for the child himself? An excellent student is not just a successful student, it is a special psychological state, and a student who always prepares for lessons, diligently approaches all assignments, receives the highest grades, for some reason does not always look successful. Why is this happening? Let's try to figure it out.
"Chess Queen Syndrome"
One day I heard a snippet of dialogue between two boys.
I don’t know how to go home. Now at home they will scold me for getting a B on a test. They'll probably punish you.
Wow! I would have been praised for a B.
This conversation clearly shows the attitude towards learning in the families of both boys. For the average student, an excellent grade is what he strives for, but he and his parents are also happy with just good results. For the same, getting an A means nothing, this is the norm, but getting a lower grade is a shame, worthy of reproach. Paradox: an excellent student is not rewarded for his high academic performance, but is scolded for his lack of it.
What psychological state is such a student in? Quite tense. You need to constantly prepare for lessons and complete all assignments. At the same time, parents and teachers take the child’s diligence for granted and react only when the student becomes less diligent. A decline in academic performance is immediately noticed by everyone.
In elementary school, being an excellent student is easy. The first successes do not require much effort from children, and much depends on how prepared the child is for school. Well-developed fine motor skills, proper school motivation, an inquisitive mind - and now A’s become frequent “guests” or permanent “residents” of children’s notebooks.
Over time, simplicity disappears: tasks become more difficult, more effort is required, but at the same time, an “A” ceases to be something outstanding. At first the child was praised for excellent grades, and then they began to scold him for good ones.
Success at school is projected onto family relationships. Excellent grades initially pleased parents, but then began to be perceived as the norm. But everything else causes indignation.
This is where the chess queen’s rule comes into play: “You have to run as fast as you can just to stay in the same place!” If you want to get to another place, then you need to run at least twice as fast!” (L. Carroll “Alice Through the Looking Glass”). Running faster than yourself is difficult and sometimes impossible. When A's are no longer enough, the child begins to win competitions and Olympiads. But this soon becomes commonplace.
Human possibilities are not limitless, and when the desire for victories ceases to lead to them,... He becomes dissatisfied with himself, complexes develop, and life loses its meaning. In addition, constant mental stress leads to emotional exhaustion and nervous breakdowns. Often only a specialist can help a child in such a situation.
However, any disease, as we know, is easier to prevent than to cure. In order not to lead a child to an excellent student complex, parents need to understand why a child develops and what mistakes should not be made in their desire to raise the best of the best.
Reasons for the appearance of the excellent student complex:
Buying love. Parents often “pay” for their children’s successes with manifestations of their love. For the first five, the child is “loved”, and if he fails, they show indifference or blame him.
Wrong priorities. Adults don’t know how to prioritize and don’t teach this to children. As a result, excellent grades are more important than universal values, entertainment, hobbies, more important than communicating with friends and everything without which it is difficult to imagine the life of an ordinary child.
Inability to accept other people's victories. You can't be the first in everything. You need to recognize someone else's superiority and be able to lose. Losing is always an experience, but, unfortunately, not all parents and certainly not all children understand this.
Disrespect for others. Often excellent students recognize only their own kind. For this reason, they become unrecognized by their peers. They simply do not have the opportunity to “come off the pedestal.” Any failure will please others and hurt the child’s self-esteem.
How to help a child with an excellent student complex?
An excellent student needs the help of an adult. Otherwise, this can develop into very serious problems. If you notice that your child is beginning to acquire an excellent student complex, then use the following tips:
Encourage any success of your child, even the most insignificant.
Do not set impossible tasks for your child.
Teach your child to respect everyone around him, regardless of their success at school. Encourage communication with classmates.
Do not scold your child for mistakes and bad grades, but teach your children to correct them.
Teach children to enjoy everyday activities, regardless of whether they bring success or not (playing with the dog or swimming in the pool is also interesting).
Take care of your child's health. Don't overload his nervous system.
It is important that the child clearly understands that what is most important is himself, and not his successes. Success is temporary, but personality is priceless.
And postscript, no one argues about the importance of doing well in school. But it is much more important to educate a real person than to teach an excellent student. Look at the success of people around you through the prism of school performance. Believe me, you will discover a lot of interesting things.
Svetlana Sadova
The stereotype that every schoolchild needs to study diligently and get only high grades is familiar to us from childhood. Our parents often told us to listen to our teachers in everything and do what was written in the textbook. After all, if you study poorly, you can forget about a good job.
But does the status of an excellent student really open all doors for a young man? Heads of large institutions, successful businessmen and researchers believe that everything is just the opposite. It turns out that the saying “ Excellent students work for C students, and good people - for the state” is reflected in real life. It turns out that being an excellent student is bad? Let's figure it out.
Every year we hear more and more criticism of the current education system. Many claim that school is outdated, and its best graduates turn out to be completely unadapted to real life. All they can do is do the work according to the instructions. Is it so? And what is the difference between good and bad students.
Is it good to be an excellent student?
Excellent students love theory, C students love practice
C students do not want to solve equations or study theoretical material that they do not see as useful. They simply don't have enough motivation for this nonsense. A C student tries to understand the goal and moves straight towards it, not paying attention to everything else.
Excellent students get used to doing everything right
For an excellent student, a mistake is a terrible blow, which results in a low grade, subsequent sitting at books and a retake. For a C student, a mistake is a familiar event that serves as a guide to the correct option. A bad student does not strive for perfection right away, because he knows that the main thing is to try, then every time he will get better and better.
Excellent students are afraid to take risks
By getting used to doing everything correctly, an excellent student gets used to a feeling of security. He knows: do as the textbook says, and you will get the highest grades. But in life there is no textbook that will answer any questions, and here you need to take responsibility, get out and take risks. And here risky C students have an advantage.
C students are more sociable
Excellent students are confident in their knowledge. They believe that they have what it takes to solve the problem alone. C students understand that they don’t know much, so they are constantly looking for specialists and establishing connections with them. Even at school, in order to get passable grades, a C student has to negotiate with teachers, explain himself to the director, or find contact with excellent and good students in order to cheat.
C students find easier ways
They do not know book templates, so C students approach solving problems based on their life experience. Because of this, their solutions look original and quite simple. The ability to find such answers will be useful in adult life.
C students love to dream about the future
While excellent students are busy in the present, because they study diligently and delve into every word of the teacher, C students make plans for life. A bad student imagines his future, what he will have and what he will do. This helps him get to know himself and his needs better, so his chances of making the right life choices increase.
Researchers say that a person needs more than just knowledge to be successful. To succeed in life, you need to be able to establish contacts with people, take risks, find simple solutions, show persistence and character.
Life is multifaceted, and it poses a wide variety of challenges to a person. Therefore, it is foolish to hope that excellent grades guarantee a good future for the child. Do not forget that it is the parents who are responsible for guiding the child through life.
For me, as for many other people, I went through university with the firm belief that grades are everything.
Teachers and parents insisted that high academic performance would open all the doors of this world for us. A high score is the key to a successful life.
And I blindly believed their words...
I remember a time when I worked myself into a half-dead state with my studies just to get a high score in an exam.
And it seemed to me that all this made sense, but now I would not want my child to study as hard as his father once did.
This sounds strange, but I will explain my position.
- No one has ever asked me about my grades
No employer has ever been interested in my grades at university!
I didn’t see the column “academic performance” in any resume, but in all of them, without exception, there was a mandatory item - “work experience.”
Even more surprising is the fact that my computer skills and athletic achievements give me more “weight” when applying for a new job than an A in my grade book.
- I forgot everything I learned at university
My memory is exceptional: I forgot all the material immediately after passing the exam. When I first came to practice, I realized that in all my years at university I had never learned anything.
And, although my grades said otherwise, my head was a complete mess, scraps of knowledge that I did not know how and where to apply.
As it turned out, 5 years of studying at the university with excellent marks did not give me any advantages over other “less” educated people.
Ultimately, in just the first 2 months of practice, I “picked up” more useful knowledge and acquired more professional skills than in all the previous 5 years of chasing good grades. So was it worth the effort all these years?
- Good grades were bad for my health
If someone can grasp everything on the fly, then I am not one of these people. To put knowledge into my head, I had to memorize the material. Before the session, I studied 12-15 hours a day. I remember passing out during classes and on public transport because I was so sleep deprived.
Due to chronic fatigue, my productivity dropped, knowledge did not get into my head, my hands were not “standing” for work, the day passed in a fog.
Today I am surprised at my tenacity, perseverance and perseverance - through force, forcing myself to do what makes you sick. And for some reason I am sure that I could not repeat this “feat” again.
- I didn't have time for other people
At university I had a lot of opportunities to develop a network of useful contacts. But I didn't.
Studying and thinking about studying took up almost all of my time; I didn’t even have enough time for personal affairs and meeting with friends.
Perhaps the most valuable opportunity that the university offers is the network.
University is a springboard for new relationships and a test of your ability to make new acquaintances and maintain relationships.
I noticed the following interesting fact: those people who were the life of the party during their studies have now arranged their lives well. Among them there is even the head of the MREO, but he is only 30. And he, in fact, rarely went to class...
If I had another chance, I would prefer to focus less on studying and spend more time on student movements, events, and parties. And without any regret, he would exchange his honors diploma for the title of “the most sociable person.”
- Everything that brings me money today I learned outside of university
Effective learning is only possible when there is interest. Modern education kills this very interest, filling your head with all sorts of theoretical facts that will never find their application in real life.
Sometimes, watching programs on the Discovery Channel, I learn more about this world in an hour than in 15 years of study.
This is how I learned English in just 1.5 years, when I developed an interest in it. Although I “tried” to teach him for 8 years at school and another 5 years at the university.
I learned to express my thoughts on paper not in Russian lessons, but by publishing articles on my blog.
Here are the tips I will give my son when he starts school:
- The difference between 4 and 5 is so blurry that it is unlikely to seriously affect the quality of your life. But to study at 5, you should invest much more of your time and effort. Is the game worth the candle?
- It's your skills that pay your bills, not your grades on a piece of paper. Collect experience, not marks. The more experience you have in different areas, the more you are worth.
- A diploma with honors will not give you tangible advantages, which cannot be said about influential acquaintances. Pay more attention to new acquaintances and communication with other people - they are the ones who can open all the doors of the world for you, but not your diploma.
- Do what makes sense to you, not what others expect of you. Only through interest will all your great achievements become possible.
- This article cannot be completed without your participation.
I raised a very serious topic and I am sure that there will be people who support me and those who will not agree with my point of view.
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