Is fondling yourself bad and dirty? No? Then why doesn’t anyone talk openly about female masturbation, while almost a guide has been written about male masturbation?
We decided to make the world a little fairer and prepared material on how to please yourself, and why women’s fingers in panties are beautiful, natural and sexy, and not at all embarrassing.
The female body is a more complex and sophisticated mechanism compared to the male: it is not enough to take the clitoris in the palm of your hand, move it up and down for three minutes and come. It doesn't work that way for girls! The female orgasm is rather “psychological” and begins in the head - with sexual desire, erotic fantasies and beautiful pictures of sexual intercourse.
Attitude towards masturbation
Over the centuries, people have viewed this piquant process differently: there were times when masturbation was condemned, and sometimes self-pleasure was considered the norm. After the sexual revolution, the number of women masturbating increased from 60% to 80%. Special thanks should be expressed to Freud, who showed: masturbation is completely harmless to health and psyche, and sometimes even useful!
First masturbation
Most often, the first masturbation occurs in adolescence, but even here boys are ahead of girls - they boldly put their hands in their pants and experiment with their sensations from puberty and almost into old age.
It is more difficult for a girl to let go of herself - public discontent and embarrassment take their toll. Some women fundamentally do not engage in self-satisfaction. But in vain! Sexologists recommend this method even if there are problems with orgasm in a couple. So - down with embarrassment!
If you have never tried to please yourself on your own, let's walk this path together.
Masturbation will feel more comfortable if you do it in a relaxed state and in an inviting environment. A toilet in McDonald's or a bed in a dorm are unlikely to put you in an erotic mood.
Make sure that no one will disturb you in the near future. Turn on relaxing music, light candles and create an intimate atmosphere.
Having established external comfort, begin to warm up the body: stroke the entire body: from the hips to the stomach, from the arms to the nipples, from the neck and waist. Your erogenous zones can only be found experimentally. Some women are aroused by touching the breasts, others by touching the buttocks or lower abdomen. Don't rush to go lower.
Get ready to explore yourself, feel every inch of your skin and map your erogenous zones.
When you finally reach the clitoris, gently and gently move your finger up and down over it - this is the easiest way to achieve orgasm. Rub gently with one finger at first, then move on to more intense stimulation.
How to masturbate with your fingers correctly
There is no “right” way or hidden secret to achieving orgasm. But there are several working techniques that will please every female body!
Up down
This is the simplest technique possible, it is perfect if you are just taking the first steps in studying your body.
Place your index or middle finger on your clitoris and start moving it up and down. Take your time, explore the area around the clitoris, play with the pressure, speed of movement and duration of stimulation.
Long slow stroke
Place one or more fingers on the clitoris and gently slide them up and down. Change the direction of movement (from bottom to top), the speed of stroking and the strength of stimulation.
You may not experience an orgasm, but you will explore all the subtleties of your intimate areas: where you need to press harder, where you want subtle touches. This will come in handy when you want to cum faster or sweetly delay pleasure.
Fantastic Four
Place four fingers joined together on the clitoris and begin to describe an invisible circle with them. Play with the size of the radius: small circular movements will help focus on the clitoris, and large circles will stimulate the labia.
This is one of the most effective masturbation techniques!
Numbing technique
Sit on the hand you usually use to masturbate and sit on it for 15 minutes. When numbness occurs in the limb, begin to caress yourself. This will give you the feeling that someone else is touching you, rather than you touching yourself.
Thigh squeeze
Some women are truly lucky - they can experience an orgasm simply by squeezing and unclenching their thighs. What if you are one of them? 😉 If yes, try doing these movements in public places or at work - create the necessary friction in the clitoris - and the day will definitely not be boring.
How to enjoy masturbation if you have low/high clitoral sensitivity?
The sensitivity of intimate areas, including the clitoris, varies from woman to woman. Some people find even light touch painful, while others need intense stimulation to feel even the slightest arousal.
If you have high sensitivity, do not touch the clitoris directly, but make movements in the area around it - the clitoral hood. This will relieve pain but maintain sexual arousal.
If sensitivity is low, on the contrary, “expose” the clitoris by pulling back the clitoral hood and gaining more access to the most “tender” areas.
How important is achieving orgasm?
The more you think about “needing” to cum, the lower your likelihood of orgasm becomes. Such thoughts will put pressure on you - and instead of pleasure you will have to experience a kind of sense of duty.
Relax and take the masturbation process more calmly: you are not under the supervision of the “Quick Orgasm” team. Sensual, long-lasting pleasure will give much more pleasure than a lightning-fast finish, after which only a silent question remains: “What was that?..”
Why is masturbating yourself good?
Starting from the first touch of your fingers to your intimate areas, your global journey into the world of your body began. The first awkward clitoral orgasm, attempts to feel the entrance to the vagina, fingers inside, the feeling that everything is compressing “there”...
The more you touch and explore yourself, the better you feel the body: what touches excite you, what caresses and methods of stimulation bring the most pleasure, what you want to try in the future. You can feel the most sensitive areas of the body.
Self-exploration will also help in sex - you will know how to tighten your toes, which way to turn, or even help yourself to make it easier to achieve orgasm.
Another argument in favor of masturbation: every woman has moments when it seems that she has no strength to fight arousal.
Some go for a five-kilometer interval run, others go to a nightclub in search of casual sex, and others “eat up” their sexual desires with chocolates and cakes. Although there is a solution - and it is masturbation. Sometimes you need to relieve tension, relax, breathe out.
How to please yourself with sex toys?
The sex toy industry offers a whole variety of devices that help women get vivid orgasms without sex, and without any participation from a man. Clitoral selectors, dildos, masturbators, anal plugs, vibrating panties, vibrating finger attachments...
And this is not to mention the fact that the shapes, vibration modes, sizes and materials of the toy can be chosen purely for yourself. You can use the devices anywhere, even during your lunch break at work. No one will notice your slightly flushed cheeks and swaying hips, but your mood will improve!
Don’t spare money on your first vibrator: let it have the ability to regulate the speed and intensity of vibration, and let the material be high-quality silicone. Use toys with water-based lubricant if you feel dry.
A pleasant bonus will be the waterproofness of the masturbator - after all, sometimes you really want to plunge into a hot bath with foam, drink a glass of red semi-sweet and give yourself pleasure.
But the journey into the world of self-satisfaction does not end with fingers and vibrators. 😉
Sexual pleasure in the shower
Women have been using masturbation in the shower for decades and it differs significantly from fingering.
Position yourself under the faucet so that the water pressure is directed towards your private parts, or use a shower head. Running water will quickly help you achieve orgasm. Try it and see for yourself - the pleasure will be no less than from the tongue of your beloved man.
Caresses during sex
Touching your erogenous zones during sex will not only increase your arousal, but will also turn your partner on. Men like it if a woman in bed does not hesitate to caress her clitoris or penetrate her vagina with her fingers.
Playing with yourself is especially useful to relieve the wait while your partner puts on a condom or looks for lube.
Do imbuilding
Imbuilding is a training technique for working with the tone of intimate muscles.
In women, after childbirth, the vaginal muscles are damaged and stretched, which is why the feeling of “narrowness” and elasticity disappears, and it is more difficult to achieve orgasm due to worsening access to the G-spot.
Buy yourself vaginal balls - they come in different weights. For beginners, the easiest ones are suitable. And wear them every day, tightening your intimate muscles 25-30 times. In the early stages of pumping up your muscles, use the balls at home, and only then you can add thrills and walk down the street with them.
Imbuilding is useful for every woman, and not just after childbirth - after all, muscle tone deteriorates with age.
So you can masturbate?
It is possible and necessary! Masturbate bolder and more often: in the shower, at home in front of the mirror, during and after sex. Stop being ashamed of your body: it is beautiful and worthy of pleasure. Get excited, caress yourself and open yourself to pleasure. Cultivate a gentle, caring attitude towards your body and masturbation - you definitely deserve powerful orgasms.
Let's talk about 13 pleasures in life that are usually overlooked. But in vain! They make life as comfortable and joyful as possible.
If it seems to you that you are dragging out a “miserable existence” and it is impossible to change this, you are mistaken. In fact, it’s not difficult to enjoy every minute of this day. We will learn about how to enjoy life using the “means at hand” and little tricks available to each of us.
Learning to live for your own pleasure
The recipes we offer for life's pleasures are truly accessible and, as a rule, completely free. Use them.
Make your night dark and fresh.
You will truly begin to live for your pleasure during the day,
if when night comes you can easily fall asleep and sleep soundly until the morning.
Recommendation: Avoid all sources of artificial lighting 30-40 minutes before going to bed. Sleep in pitch darkness, after ventilating the room, and a life of pleasure will become your constant companion.
Start the day cheerful and with a smile on your face.
“Stupidity and banality,” someone might think. Not at all.How to enjoy life using this rule? Now we are not talking about an artificially forced smile (although it often works), but about how to make the morning truly pleasant.
Recommendation: Have you heard about the Zeigarnik Effect? You can find out more about it by searching for information on the Internet. Let us explain its essence with an example. Before you go to bed, do something pleasant and interesting. Let's say watch 10 minutes of an exciting movie or read a few pages of an interesting story. Go to bed, and in the morning finish watching a movie or finishing a book. You yourself will be surprised at how quickly and pleasantly you woke up. By creating anticipation of something joyful, you can wake up easily and with pleasure, maintaining this state for the whole day.
Another recommendation concerns early rising. No, you don’t have to get up with the first roosters. Just gradually set your alarm 5-10 minutes earlier than usual. This way you will free up time for yourself in the morning to do something pleasant. Rushing is not conducive to a good day. And measured preparations with a cup of coffee and even reading the news will fill the morning with pleasure.
Your menu should contain dishes worthy of any gourmet.
This does not mean that you should only eat delicacies.Don’t forget, we offer only those pleasures in human life that are available to each of us.
Get pleasant emotions from waiting.
Wait and enjoy, and not be nervous?How to enjoy life and get pleasure even from waiting for something or standing in a traffic jam? It’s easy if you use the minutes of forced inactivity as time for pleasant communication with yourself.
Recommendations: you should have weapons at hand against boredom: an audiobook, a pleasant dream that you can visualize in your mind, a handsome neighbor on the subway car (or rather, thoughts about him). Instead of being angry about your circumstances, spend this time doing something that brings you pleasure.
Read interesting books.
Recommendations: such pleasures in human life as books are available to everyone. Don't give up on electronic readers if you prefer paper volumes. Take them on the go. Listen to audiobooks if you can't read paper books.
And the carrier of the material will not be of key importance. Read aloud, especially if you have children. Read in silence and a comfortable chair. Make reading a special ritual that gives peace and joy.
Listen to music that you like.
Change playlists.A selection of music has a magical ability to influence your mood and sense of self. Learn to delve into its essence by listening to songs not in the background. Spend time listening to works by classical composers.
Recommendations: When listening to your favorite or new compositions, do not hunch over. You need a straight back. Try to feel the music and words not only with your ears, but also with your skin itself. You must become one sensitive ear. And then the melody will create magical images in front of you. You should also concentrate on the sensations of the body, especially in the spine area.
The most delicious drink is water. The most pleasant environment is water.
Water is soothing.
It also tones, gives strength, energizes, watching water helps improve thought processes.
Recommendations: Making life a pleasure, drink clean, fresh water every day. You need 7-8 glasses. In addition, you can buy a subscription to the pool, go to the sea or to your own bathroom. An invigorating shower will help relieve stress and provide a healing massage.
Movement is life.
You won't get a healthy body if you sit in one place all day.There is no need to force yourself with heavy physical activity if you don’t like it. But give your body a little treat by stretching every day.
Recommendations: The minimum number of steps that should be taken daily is 10 thousand. Do you think this is impossible? You are wrong. Use pedometer apps; fortunately, you can find them on any smartphone. Measure the distance traveled during the day, and if the distance covered is too small, go outside. Just 15-20 minutes in the fresh air and the job is done.
Also, try dancing or otherwise exercising your body in a pleasant way every day. The main thing is that during the warm-up, every muscle of the body is worked out, which remains inactive during working days. A popular yoga pose called savasana (“dead” pose) is especially recommended.
Don't refuse new experiences.
Your psyche needs emotional nourishment.
And you are in new emotions and impressions. Otherwise, you will begin to mope, and in the end, it is very possible that you will get sick.
Try to find bliss and peace.
Increased anxiety is characteristic of the vast majority of modern people.How to get rid of it? Try to spend every day in the company of people who are really friendly to you.
Recommendations: It often turns out that it is impossible to feel calm even with your family. After all, relatives can always quarrel with each other. In this case, try to find like-minded people with similar interests. A good solution is to visit.
Fill your life with victories and achievements.
Often people let their victories pass them by.Considering them not worthy of paying attention to them. But in vain!
Start praising yourself for any successfully completed task. This way you can set yourself up for success in major events.
Recommendations: try to please yourself even with small victories. Did you have a delicious soup? You deserve praise. Did you wake up quickly and easily and start your day a couple of hours earlier? This is undoubtedly your victory and achievement. Learn to find joy in every day, and life will be enjoyable.
Meet "free will".
This is pleasure in its purest form.It is more than a feeling of freedom within or without oneself.
Recommendations: You can understand what we are talking about in this case by reading the brilliant story “Will” by Nadezhda Teffi. By the way, we have already said that it is thanks to books that you can turn life into real pleasure.
Look for meanings.
Pleasure cannot be meaningless.There is a huge difference between a life that is dedicated to pleasure and pleasure and a life that is filled with meaning, don’t you think? However, you are wrong.
If there is no meaning in life, then any pleasure will not bring the desired pleasure. Remember the popular joke about how a man demanded his money back for a “defective” balloon that did not allow air to pass through, but simply did not bring pleasure...
Recommendations: ask yourself a few magic questions: why and for what? Start searching for higher meaning, considering even simple and everyday joys and pleasures. You will see that pleasure can be found everywhere.
Giving pleasure has always been a very important concept in human life. Most of us are accustomed from childhood to the need to please others, that is, to be pleasant to someone. Almost all cultures agree that a human being comes to Earth to suffer, and therefore must reject all personal pleasures. Pleasure is most often thought of as satisfaction of the senses, satisfaction of the body, its sensuality, sexuality.
At all times, a spiritual person has been defined as one who gives, gives himself. Giving of oneself has been prescribed by all religions. As I mentioned earlier in this book, the natural order of things is for a child to think only about himself at an early age, and when he grows up to think about others. But this thought form was very poorly interpreted.
Starting from the axiom that you cannot give what you do not have, you will understand that it is impossible to give or give pleasure to others if you do not know how to give it to yourself. This may seem like a paradox, but it is true. If you want to fully devote yourself, to give yourself to others, then you must first learn to do this in relation to yourself. Only then will you be able to give gifts to others not out of obligation, not out of guilt, but out of pure pleasure.
If you often give pleasure to others to the detriment of yourself, at the cost of many sacrifices and constant efforts, and even consider yourself a wonderful person, then in fact you are not giving anything, because you do not know how to please yourself. You belong to the type of people who give pleasure to others in anticipation of a gift in return - they do not know how to give it to themselves. But this gift is already in you, but you don’t believe in it.
It is high time for us to get rid of the beliefs that were drilled into our heads as children and which do not allow us to give ourselves pleasure. I have great difficulty accepting the fact that Christian religions show us the image of Jesus almost exclusively on the cross, in agony and suffering, although in reality this suffering lasted only a few moments of his entire life on Earth. Instead of showing us the image of Jesus smiling, happy, cheerful, with open arms, showing us his great love, for some reason they show us a suffering creature.
Giving ourselves pleasure is an aspect of life that we need to pay close attention to. We have to realize all the benefits of learning to give ourselves pleasure, to do various things for the sake of pleasure, to give pleasure, without feeling like a debtor or guilty. From early childhood, we were taught to please our parents, teachers, friends, and later, our spouses and children. But no one taught us to please ourselves. And we don't know how to do this.
Very few of us have ever heard our parents say, “Listen, what would you like today that would give you pleasure? Think about it and try to implement it.” I am sure that only very few of today's adults had such parents - after all, they themselves had no idea about it. Fortunately, it's never too late to change behavior.
Our parents were mostly busy teaching us to be obedient, reasonable, make less noise, and maintain order; but they did not allow us to play for our own pleasure. We had to have good grades in school to please our elders. And if we did sometimes allow ourselves pleasure, it irritated adults, since they were not open to this aspect of life.
Judging by what we see and hear all our lives, we were raised in fear: we are always afraid of not liking someone, of upsetting someone, instead of listening to our own needs and learning to build our lives in such a way as to have pleasure from everything we do.
I want to remind you of what was already said in the chapter on beliefs: every time you behave contrary to how you want, you block your strong desire with an even stronger mental belief. One such belief is that if you please yourself, you will be considered selfish. This belief prevents you from opening up to things that would bring you joy. Do you feel guilty when you buy something for yourself?
This happened to me - when I bought myself a beautiful dress, which, to tell the truth, there was no particular need for. If, soon after this purchase, one of my children asked me for money, and I did not want to give, then all my joy disappeared: I felt guilty that I did not buy anything for the child and did not give him money.
Another strong belief we have is that we can only indulge in pleasure as a reward for hard work. We must be worthy of our pleasure for no reason; seeking it is reprehensible. With the advent of the era of Aquarius, the question of dignity should be removed: who can soup, is this or that person worthy or not worthy of pleasure?
Take for example a housewife who, in broad daylight, sits in a chair and reads a book, although the house is not cleaned and dinner is not prepared. Does she have the right to sit? How do you think this woman will feel if someone unexpectedly comes to her and if she herself does not consider herself entitled to sit? Have you ever been in a similar situation? If so, then you probably had to jump up, pretending to be in the midst of work, so that no one would think that you were spending time in pleasure? If this was the case, it means that you do not allow yourself pleasures because you do not believe in your right to them.
Keep track of those times when you feel guilty if you are caught in the act: you are about to eat, sleep, or do something else that gives you pleasure. If you worry about what others will think of you, it means that you are not giving yourself the right to indulge in pleasure. Some people have this belief so strong that even when everything is fine and no one can condemn them, they judge themselves and do not give themselves the right to reverse the verdict.
Some people feel obligated to give something to others for fear of being seen as ungrateful, especially if those others have already done them a favor or given them something. They literally force themselves to give back. What, do you recognize yourself? Or maybe you are one of those people who do not get any pleasure when accepting a gift? Can you say “Thank you very much” and just be happy about the gift? Or are you thinking at this moment: “If I accept this gift, I will have to give something in return”? If so, then you are blocking your own pleasure. Remember, if you find it difficult to receive and give without expectations, you are blocking your path to abundance, as explained in Chapter 5.
And it is also important to understand: giving and receiving with pleasure and without expectations is an act of humility.
Many people believe that someone who constantly pleases himself is necessarily indifferent to others. This is another example of a popular belief in which the character traits of a small group of individuals spread to the mass of people. I urge caution in making these kinds of generalizations - this is where many prejudices come from. A person does not like other people or does not care about them at all because he allows himself pleasure.
The following example comes up quite often; This has happened to me personally several times. A few minutes before lunch (or dinner), friends unexpectedly arrive. The owner feels obliged to invite them to the table. On the other hand, this is the last day of the hostess's vacation, and her pleasure was not to cook on this day. If she says, “I wasn’t going to cook dinner today. How do you feel about going to a restaurant together?”, you will look like an indifferent, worse, selfish person.
Behind all the various beliefs that I listed, there is a fear - that you will be criticized, that you will be judged, that you will not be loved. As you already understand, all these fears are imaginary. If this couple is capable of pleasing themselves and if both spouses are frank with their guests, then the guests will not be offended at all by such frankness.
It is very important to learn to give pleasure from the pure pleasure of giving pleasure, without expectations. If you feel true pleasure when you give pleasure to another person, then it really doesn’t matter whether he is grateful to you or whether he gives you a gift in return. To feel satisfaction, you don't need to make sure that he is pleased; your satisfaction comes from the very act of giving. This is an example of true self-giving.
Some people think that giving yourself pleasure or having fun means just playing, being self-indulgent, not being serious. We adopted this belief from our parents and educators. As children, we heard more than once: “Stop playing, it’s time to get to work. Life is not always about pleasure." To have fun means to give yourself pleasure, and it is not necessary to laugh or play around. This means having a sense of well-being and balance, enjoying every moment of your own life.
The idea of pleasure as play is so strong that many people say to themselves, “I rush to finish my work so I can have some fun and enjoyment.” Others say differently: “I have almost no time for myself, for my own pleasure.” These people extract pleasure from everyday life. But you can give yourself pleasure at any moment - when you work, play or do nothing. On the other hand, we can prepare for a game for a very long time - and not get any pleasure from it.
If a person forces himself to have fun, saying: “Now it’s my time to have fun, I’ve worked enough this week,” then this same person will force himself to go on a visit or invite guests. He will get little pleasure from this, because, most likely, he needs something completely different, for example, sitting quietly in a chair, reading a detective novel. Anyone who expects pleasure only from games has to constantly force himself.
The ideal option is to learn to derive pleasure from your daily activities. Stop thinking that you don't have time when you're doing this and that. Eat. All twenty-four hours of the day are yours. Nobody stops you from enjoying your work.
For me, the greatest pleasure is learning something new. It fills me, energizes me, gives me a deep sense of well-being. Since I get the most new things from my work, it is my main source of pleasure. Unfortunately, there are times when the amount of pleasure from work is greatly reduced because some situations require more effort; but it is an integral part of our daily life. You cannot and should not separate pleasure and work or pleasure and everyday life.
If you want to learn how to give yourself pleasure, then first be sure to determine what you want; become aware of your desires.
We created an emotional body for ourselves in order to feel desires in our material life. Our being knows this type of experience - we need it to make evolution in this life. This experience helps us get rid of beliefs that are no longer beneficial to us.
We as human beings are not aware enough of what is happening on the physical, emotional and mental levels to know exactly what we need to further develop. But our superconsciousness, our inner GOD knows this. The needs that live within us are gradually transferred to our desire body, that is, to our emotional body, in order to manifest themselves in the physical world. It is in this way that we become conscious.
If you are the kind of person who wants nothing more, then all you can do is die, because you are completely cut off from your emotional body. In order to live a full and happy life on planet Earth, you must live in harmony with your physical, emotional and mental bodies and use these three bodies of the material world to manifest GOD in matter.
But since almost everyone has beliefs that block desires, desires are stifled as soon as they have time to appear. It is at this moment that you can realize that you are no longer in control of your life, that you have allowed your intellectual beliefs to control it.
A harmonious being is one who desires with his emotional body and uses his mental body to find the necessary means and manifest these desires in the physical world.
It is so difficult to be in touch with our true needs that, due to lack of awareness, we often transfer our needs to something else. Here are some examples:
a person needs tenderness, but is satisfied with sexual relations;
a person needs high self-esteem, but stuffs himself with food;
a woman wants to explain herself to her husband, but tells her friend about it;
a person needs a relaxing holiday, but organizes a trip or party for himself;
a person lacks joy in life, but he grabs a glass;
the person needs to drink water, but drinks sweet liquor or coffee.
As you know, most people don't take the time to check whether the product they're grasping for actually meets their needs. They prefer the first thing that comes along. These turn out to be either their physical feelings - and then these feelings control them in attempts to satisfy certain physical desires - or their intellectual beliefs.
For example, a woman who feels a serious need to talk to her husband instead vents all her suffering to her friend; thus she allows the fear generated by beliefs to take over her. This fear persuades her: “Wait, don’t tell your husband about this now. He won't understand you. It’s better to talk to one of your friends, let them tell you what to do.” Her actions are motivated by fear.
Do you recognize yourself in one of the previous examples? Every time you block a desire, when what you say, do or think does not correspond to your desire, it means (it is a sign) that you are currently succumbing to some kind of fear. Fear stifles all joy, destroys all pleasure.
Noticing moments when you don't please yourself is another good way to become aware of your own fears.
As a rule, a person who does not know how to please himself is equally awkward with others. Here's a simple example. A son wants to please his mother on the occasion of her birthday; he buys her an expensive gift and orders a luxurious dinner at a restaurant. But he doesn’t think to check whether this will really give his mother pleasure (he does the same thing, of course, with himself). He is sure that the mother will be happy and show great gratitude. But this may not happen, and then he will be disappointed.
In order to really please a person, you need to take the time and find out - at least from him himself - what he wants most. If our hero had asked his mother what could please her, he would have heard, for example, that she just wanted to see him at home that day, sit at the table with him, play cards; or let him help a little with the housework. It would be much nicer than seeing such a useless waste of money. What pleases one person does not necessarily please another.
Do you act this way with your children, your spouse, your loved ones? Has it ever occurred to you that when you want to give someone a certain kind of pleasure, you would rather have that kind of pleasure yourself? You want to give a gift - perhaps you yourself want this gift? If yes, then you are not giving yourself the right to the pleasure of giving yourself pleasure!
When you desire something, check: will it contribute to your spiritual development?
Will satisfying this desire help you reconnect with your ability to create, with your own spiritual greatness? Will you love yourself more? If your desire is motivated by fear, then the fulfillment of this desire will not bring you any satisfaction.
For example, if a woman wants to get married because she is afraid of being alone at the end of her life, then, of course, she will fulfill her desire, since every real desire has great potential for manifestation. But this woman’s relationship with her husband will not be joyful, because her desire is motivated by fear.
In order for the manifestation of desire to bring you pleasure, it must come from need, from your center, your inner GOD. When you feel a desire, but are fenced off from the inner GOD, that is, when this desire arises only as a function of mental activity (usually fear), then the realization of this desire will bring you only the illusion of happiness or well-being. Only your ego will be satisfied. This type of satisfaction is so ephemeral and illusory that its effects are never lasting. It’s like the effects of a drug: you want more and more often.
On the contrary, if a woman who wants to have a husband says to herself: “I want to have a life partner in order to learn to love more and to grow as a person. I know that I have something to learn with every person I meet along the way. I want to develop more love in myself, and so I let the Universe take care of what I need most,” then she increases the possibility that a joyful test will come into her life, an experience will come that will bring her great well-being.
Very often your physical body tries to show that your desire arises from fear or from an intellectual belief, and for this it gives you a sign in the form of an itch. Itching manifests itself in different ways and in different places of the body; These uncomfortable sensations on the skin are most often expressed by the word “itches.” Depending on the location of the itching, you can also determine the area in which some of your desires remain unsatisfied - due to excessive expectations or due to the desire to control something or someone. This desire will never bring you well-being, because control cannot give true pleasure.
It is curious that dictionaries define the word “pleasure” as sensations or emotions associated with the satisfaction of desire, with harmonious life activity. The basis of this word, like its antonym (“discontent”), is the combination to will; The key is the concept of will, freedom, and unblocked aspiration. With such linguistic - or metaphysical? - approach, the same conclusion is obtained: if a person forbids himself pleasure, does not respond to his true desire, then he thereby blocks his path to freedom, remains unfree, his life becomes inharmonious and, therefore, unhealthy. Ailments and diseases appear.
I often hear from different people that they don’t like their job; they would like a job that brings them pleasure. But the point is that they themselves must create pleasure and joy in their own work! And you - are you learning to grow through your work, through the people you work with? Are you exploring new ways to develop love and creativity? If not, do it; then you can look at your work differently. You will get more pleasure from it, you will experience a great desire to work.
I'm not going to try to convince you not to change jobs. Change it. But remember: if at the same time you condemn her or condemn the people with whom you worked, then another equally unloved job awaits you. Learn to love your job, enjoy it and grow through it, and then, at the very moment when you realize that you have learned everything that could be learned from this job, you will easily and gladly change it. Such a change will happen both harmoniously and quickly, because your desire is to continue learning.
Don't forget how important it is to know what you want. If you ask yourself: “What do I really want? What could bring me pleasure? and if your answer contains only what you do not want, then you need to realize that you have failed to express your desire. You absolutely need to establish exactly what you want. For example, when a person says: “All I know is that I don’t want to be sick and I don’t want to live with such a wife,” then he is expressing only what he does not want, but not what he wants.
Perhaps you are one of the people who says: “How can I know what will bring me pleasure in this life? It never works out the way I want, it always ends in disappointment.” This only happens when a person wants to control everything. If you desire something, then desire it without expectations. Tell the Universe your desire, adding that it is your true desire and that you accept in advance that what you desire will manifest itself in your life only if it is beneficial for you now.
You do not have to worry about the results, knowing that if your request is not beneficial to you now, something better will come your way. You thus give orders to your inner GOD to manifest in your life what you desire, or something better. Thanks to the confidence that everything that happens to you in life can only be for the better, it will be easier for you to see the good side of those situations in which you will find yourself and which will turn out to be far from what you wanted. As a result, your life will look more enjoyable and attractive.
All this entirely applies to the physical level. If you listen only to your physical feelings, then you are not in touch with your true needs, and the pleasure you experience in such moments can only be fleeting. To check whether you are only listening to your feelings, I suggest you pay attention to how you eat. For many people, food is a source of pleasure. But are they listening to their true needs? They often eat too many sweets or other foods, knowing full well that it is not good for them. At first they eat their fill, and then they feel guilty, scold themselves and suffer from pain in the stomach and other parts of the body. Pain and guilt indicate that they were not listening to their true physical needs.
The most important thing here is to realize that when you eat food, you also want to enjoy it. If you realize that food is only a temporary pleasure and that you are not really taking care of your real needs, then think about what other need you are trying to satisfy with food. This will help you discover what pleasure you have denied yourself psychologically, that is, emotionally and mentally, and are now trying to find compensation in the physical world. For most people transfer to the physical level what they failed to do on the emotional and mental level. This approach is a good way to help you realize the pleasure that you can give yourself on a psychological level.
Here's an example: if you want to buy something, are you able to do it just for the pleasure of doing it - to give yourself the right to buy the thing exclusively for yourself? Let me remind you once again: it is very important to see if it is fear that motivates your purchase. If you are afraid, then the purchase will bring you very little pleasure. Additionally, you will feel the need to buy something for someone else because you will feel guilty about buying it for yourself. If you expect to make amends and please someone in this way, then it is very likely that you will be greatly disappointed.
On the other hand, if you feel great pleasure and gratitude at the time of purchase, then you will like the item for a long time. Every time you use it, you will again and again experience the same pleasure as when you bought it. And in this case, it will be easier for you to buy something for another person - just for the pleasure of giving him pleasure. And even if he says that this is not exactly what he would like, you will, without any embarrassment, hand him a cash receipt so that he can exchange the purchase for a more suitable one. Your gesture will show that you made the purchase for the pleasure of giving pleasure; you weren't looking for an indirect way to achieve love.
Some people seek pleasure in helping everyone; remember that the most valuable help is the one you are asked for. There is a line between helping someone and interfering in their affairs. How do you feel when someone comes to you with advice and attempts to guide your behavior? Most likely, you have a desire to fight back, in any case, you think to yourself: “When I need your advice, I will call you.”
The general rule is that we would all like to solve our problems ourselves. Only when we see that a situation is beyond our capabilities do we ask for or accept help from others. Just because you love helping others doesn't mean you know how to please them. Very often it turns out the other way around. Someone who tries too hard to help is considered annoying; His arrival often throws people into panic!
If a person asks you to help him, offer the best help within your knowledge and be aware of your own limitations.
Have you ever discovered and realized that you have taken on unnecessary responsibilities? That they will require too much effort from you? If such obligations can be refused, refuse; Such situations rob you of your well-deserved pleasure. Give yourself the right to refuse. And let this experience teach you that excessive obligations darken the joy of life.
A person open to pleasure loves pleasant novelty, and he constantly encounters it in life. Those who live exclusively by the lessons of the past and, therefore, use the intellect to manage their lives, do nothing but recreate their past. Accordingly, everything new passes under their noses without being either noticed or used.
In order to learn to give yourself pleasure, it is enough to learn to feel pleasure in everything you do. You can start by recognizing the many little pleasures that life gives you at every step. How many joys we have been given, but we do not notice or truly appreciate them - the sunrise, someone’s smile, the pleasure of a completed job, fresh air, etc. If you are able to realize these small holidays, you will be significantly become less dependent on others to please yourself.
The less you expect from others, the closer you are to what brings you pleasure. And the easier it is for you to share pleasure with others without asking yourself: “What could I do to give them pleasure?” It happens naturally. Your presence alone is joy for others. Just the example of your enthusiasm and joy for life inspires joy in others. It is generally accepted that people who know how to please themselves and find pleasure in everything they do are better at work than others, pleasant to talk to, and open to well-being and abundance.
To conclude this chapter, I invite you to ask yourself every morning for the next week: “What will bring me pleasure today?” Your answer may be in the realm of “have”, “do” or “be”. Make a decision today to enjoy this pleasure.
And in the evening, before going to bed, write down all the other pleasures that you experienced during the day - not those brought by other people, but those that you yourself created or stimulated. You could, for example, experience pleasure from giving pleasure to someone. These are the pleasures that should come from you, from your view of the world.
Making a list of your simple joys may seem like a simple exercise. And once you start doing it, you will discover that there are a lot of things and activities in the world that can give us pleasure. The best way to create your list is in three stages. First, write down what comes to mind first. Then, after thinking, leave what you often do in everyday life. And finally, compare the resulting result with another person’s list, receiving additional pleasure from the similarities or differences with him. If you do all this, you will probably be convinced that this is a very useful exercise.
First, it evokes pleasant sensations: the mere memory of what gives us pleasure evokes positive emotions and increases our ability to enjoy life. Secondly, it helps to pay attention to seemingly insignificant things, which at the same time can bring us great joy. “The purpose of the exercise is not simply to find out that some action is enjoyable,” explains cognitive psychologist Sergei Kharitonov. “It’s important to understand that choosing these particular activities can tell us a lot about ourselves.” This exercise is worth repeating regularly: our tastes change, new life experiences appear, and, accordingly, new pleasures appear.
The people who told us about their little joys love home flowers and flamenco dancing, physical labor and the smell of wet stone... What they have in common is the ability to enjoy different manifestations of life and the ability to talk about it with pleasure: reading their words, you want to experience the same sensations and think about what we like to do ourselves. Yes, perhaps it's time to make your own list.
Anatoly Leirikh, 51 years old, businessman
Candidate of Economic Sciences, president of two large companies, member of the general council of the all-Russian public organization “Business Russia”. Wrote the children's fairy tale “Two Boys” (Art Laboratory, 2006).
Create something with your own hands. Draw, sculpt, make something out of metal... By the way, this is how I met my wife: she liked the little man I carved out of wood.
Have breakfast while looking out onto the street. I live outside the city and really love mornings and breakfast. I always sit so that I can look into the garden.
Work physically. I feel best when I do physical labor. I once worked 16 hours a day - in Nizhnevartovsk at the oil fields - and returned from there like a Hercules!
Get up early in the morning. When you get up at five o’clock, your body is still like a child: it hasn’t had time to be frightened by the fact that it woke up, and it still doesn’t understand what’s in store for it. This gives me the right attitude.
Look at the fire in the fireplace. Time seems to stop; there is no beginning or end to this process. Of course, the fire goes out, but at the moment of burning it is eternal - and this is hypnotizing.
Victoria Musvik, 32 years old, culturologist
Take care of my flowers. Replant, spray, water, inspect the leaves, germinate the seeds, and then sit on the balcony in a chair on a summer evening with a glass of wine in your hands, admiring the flower garden.
Participate in family gatherings and holidays. I enjoy seeing how my traits are reflected in people around me and listening to elders talk about the past.
Talk to your best friend. When I am understood and accepted for who I am, I begin to better understand who I actually am.
Chat with an interesting man. I'm worried about slight uncertainty and mutual sympathy.
Wash small items by hand. Warm water is soothing. It's something like meditation.
Anastasia Tikhonova, 24 years old, photographer
She graduated from the Textile University and developed fabrics for body armor. Then I took up photography. Her photographic works designed the cover of Anna Rivelote’s book “Letters from My Friends” and the cover of the debut album of the group Wild Bird.
Listen to music while processing photos. Jazz gives my photographs peace and tranquility. Sometimes I want a special edge - then I turn on something piercing, for example Piazzola. I often name a photograph after the song I was listening to at the time of editing.
Walk around the city. Walking gives me energy and peace.
Communicate with clients. A conversation about what a person wants to get as a result, about his attitude towards photography and himself in the photo results in a frank conversation. Probably, in some ways it is similar to psychotherapy: what comes out in the picture changes something in a person.
To drink coffee. Its taste warms me, it gives me a feeling of comfort and warmth.
Dance. I really love flamenco, latino or old rock and roll. At such moments you feel like a healthy and beautiful person.
Mikhail Litinsky, 46 years old, physician
Developed a healing polyurethane foam coating for wounds. Last year he opened his own medical company. Engaged in attracting investments and introducing new drugs into medicine.
Walk in the forest. I love to completely change my surroundings and merge with nature. Most often I go to the Pskov province, hunting or just walking.
Ride a horse. When a large, strong animal trusts you, you become proud of yourself and take responsibility for it.
Feel the height and wind. You can simply stand on the top of a mountain, over a cliff, when a strong wind hits your face - and this is an indescribable feeling.
Touch a woman. It gives me special pleasure to touch delicate female skin with my lips. To the neck, wrists, elbows. This creates a blissful feeling of togetherness. And just the sight of a beautiful female body gives rise to similar sensations, this is one of the most powerful pleasures.
Look at Dali's paintings. You can look at them endlessly: the more you look, the stronger this feeling of chill and tickling, born at the cervical vertebra and running down.
Georgy Dolmazyan, 35 years old, director
Born in Armenia, he studied to be a geologist. Now he works at the MOST Theater, has staged the play “Luck in the Violin” (it can be seen at the Vysotsky Center on Taganka on May 10) and is preparing the premiere of “Hamlet”.
When you wake up, look at the chandelier. I love opening my eyes in the morning and looking at the chandelier, waiting for the light to come on. I know I will turn it on myself, but being idle and waiting is a fantastic feeling.
Listen to the water. A thin stream from a tap, a powerful pressure from a shower, a mountain stream or the whole sea... This is perhaps the most beautiful sound of all that sounds on earth.
Cook food. I come up with a recipe for a future dish on the go and can never repeat what I’ve already prepared once.
Remember smells. I can smell all the cities where I lived for at least two days. One day in the French city of Cherbourg I was caught in a downpour. The smell of stone wet from rain... I approached the houses (almost all of them were made of stone) and smelled them.
For modern man, stress has become a constant companion. Many people have more stress in life than pleasure. And this is completely unnatural, because if you don’t enjoy life, then what’s the point in it? You don't always have to spend money and time to have fun. We will give examples, and you can continue the list!
Find money you forgot about
While rummaging through the pockets of our jackets, jeans or bags, sometimes we discover “surprises”. For women, this often includes lipstick that they had long considered lost, hairpins, discount cards and other small items. But the best part is finding your own unknowingly made “stash”!
Sleeping to the sound of rain
When the rain patters soothingly outside the window, the night becomes more comfortable and fabulous. The bed, blanket and pillows become even softer and more pleasant, thoughts become more romantic, and sleep becomes deeper. We are, of course, talking about light rain, and not about a thunderstorm with gusts of wind and thunder, when the apartment begins to seem like a cave, and primal fears awaken inside you.
Lie down in a freshly made bed
Nowadays, not everyone spends time ironing bed linen. But this is an incomparable pleasure - after a hard day and a refreshing shower or relaxing bath, lie down in bed with cool, ironed linen. The sensations are completely different than just clean bed linen.
Drink your first cup in the morning
No matter how your day begins, the first sip after sleep is always a pleasure. Be it refreshing lemon water, aromatic coffee, invigorating tea or freshly squeezed juice. The choice of drink is yours, taking into account your lifestyle. But the first cup in the morning, especially if not drunk on the run, is a pleasure.
Crunch hot bread
Fragrant, fresh bread, of course, is not very healthy, but what a pleasure it is to bite into the crispy crust of a freshly baked baguette or “brick”! It's not always possible to catch fresh bread straight from the bakery, so you can enjoy hot toast. And if you spread it with good butter, jam and combine it with your first cup of coffee, then your day will definitely be successful and your mood will be excellent.
Hear suitable music
This doesn’t happen very often, but sometimes we turn on the radio or hear the right song in transport at the right moment. It's like winning the emotional lottery! You're in a great mood, and bam! — dance music starts playing nearby. Or you're pissed off and suddenly you hear heavy rock music. And sometimes it happens that a song just won’t get out of your head and then the radio turns on exactly it and right from the very beginning. Pleasure!
Finish the job successfully
How nice it is when everything goes according to plan and turns out as planned! Crossing things off the list, turning in work on time, realizing that your idea works, cleaning the apartment - for some it may seem boring, but deep down we all rejoice when the puzzle of our tasks comes together. By the way, finishing the puzzle is also a pleasure.
Enjoy the view
Sit on the shore of a picturesque lake, explore the surroundings from a high mountain, enjoy the view of the evening metropolis from a high floor... A beautiful view is one of the excellent sources of joy. And as psychologists add, if you have someone to share this beauty with, then the pleasure will be greater.
Smell a pleasant aroma
Remember how in cartoons sometimes the characters are so carried away by some smell that they even fly up, inhaling it? Smells travel to the part of the brain that processes memory, which is why we can experience nostalgia, pleasure, or disgust from smells that others might not respond to. Our body remembers and associates smells with all events in our lives, even if we ourselves do not pay attention to it. The more often we inhale pleasant aromas, the more likely it is that our mood will remain high.
Remember the “good old times”
If you have friends with whom you have known for many years, then you know how fun it is to remember funny incidents from your common past. It strengthens relationships, charges you with positivity and lifts your spirits. Laughter is also a source of pleasure, which is also good for health.
Splash in the water
According to the theory of evolution, we all came from water. Perhaps this is why there are so few people who are indifferent to water games. A water park, swimming pool, river, sea or just a bath - any water can quickly lift your spirits! Even if you are an adult, respected person, do not hesitate to have one or two toys to play in the water. It's very relaxing and relieves stress.
Do a good deed
Not all joys are associated with giving pleasure to your loved one. Surprisingly, when we do something nice for someone, help or give gifts, we ourselves feel happier. Even if you feed a cat on the street, you will feel it. And there are plenty of reasons to do good deeds! Find what you like and can afford. You can help not only financially. Give someone time, this can also be very important.
The list of pleasures is endless. Wake up and realize that you still have time to sleep, change into home clothes after a working day, take a cold shower on a hot day, smell freshly cut grass, walk barefoot - life is full of joyful little things! You just need to learn to notice them.
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