Moscow life
When we moved from Nizhny Novgorod to Moscow, I was four years old. Mom had been planning to move to the capital for a long time and finally found a way out - marriage to a Muscovite. And not fictitiously, but “out of love.” With his hand. The groom at that time was an enviable one - an engineer, his own three-room apartment. That's how we moved. My stepfather doted on me, treated me like my own, I called him dad. Mom was very grateful to him for this and built the family nest with renewed vigor.
Then perestroika came. My stepfather didn’t particularly want to work; he switched from his position as an engineer to working as a part-time watchman, saying that “this way he will devote more time to his family.” At the same time, my mother worked as a waitress in a restaurant in two shifts, that is, she brought in the main income: at that time, the salary of an engineer was not even close to the income of a waitress. Well, in the evenings there is constant beer and wine brought by mom from work.
While my mother was working, my stepfather sat with me: he taught me to read, bathed me, and walked me. On my mother’s rare weekends, the whole family went to the cinema or just for a walk in the park. In general, a normal family.
Ugly duck
At school, I felt like an ugly duckling: fat, got straight C grades, the boys didn’t pay attention at all. And, as it seemed to me then, I was nothing of myself, I had no talent for anything, my mother always said: “With your talents, you need to get a specialty and go to work.” Of course, I liked the cutest boy in the class, but I didn’t even dare to dream about him, I understood that he would never pay attention to me.
When I turned fourteen, my mother got a job as a bartender on a ship. It's 1990, and the cruise ship is a thieves' place, a bonanza. Mom began to go on cruises along the Moscow River and Volga for 2-3 days on a voyage.
And I, as always, stayed with my stepfather. In principle, there was nothing to be afraid of, since he raised me and I never heard a bad gesture or a bad word from him.
A little over a year passed like this. I entered technical school, a new life began, new girlfriends. One day I came home from a disco, wearing a new short plaid skirt, feeling almost beautiful. The stepfather was drunk - lately he had been drinking more and more. Out of nowhere he started pestering me. I quickly went to my room and locked myself.
A couple of hours later, when he calmed down, I went to the toilet. Suddenly, in the corridor, he ran into me, grabbed me in his arms and dragged me into his and my mother’s bedroom. I tried to scream, but he covered his mouth with his hand. And what happened happened. All this time it seemed to me that this was not happening to me or that it was just a bad dream. I couldn’t get it into my head that the one I call dad and this strange cruel man who is breathing fumes on me are one and the same person.
Shame
When he fell asleep, I got up and went to the shower. I threw away that unfortunate skirt, as if if I had been dressed in something more modest, nothing would have happened. Then she locked herself in her room again, there were no tears, there was shock. In the morning, as soon as it became light outside, she ran away from the house without even having breakfast. But the cold and hunger still forced me to come home in the evening. There was one more day left before mom returned from the flight.
At home, my stepfather, as if nothing had happened, poured me soup and warned me: if I tell my mother, he will tell me that I molested him myself. That he was not a fool, he saw me twirling my butt in front of him in short skirts and walking around half naked without a bra. But I myself would have remained silent. I was ashamed in front of my mother; she often liked to repeat that if a woman doesn’t want it, a man won’t pay attention.
Now I think that, probably, I was somewhat flattered by this attention from an adult man, there was a feeling that I was somehow cooler than my prettier friends. The fear came later, when I lied to my first boy in the first year of college about my first love, about the young man with whom everything happened. You can’t tell me that my first experience was a drunken stepfather.
Year of Hell
Under the pretext “I’ll tell my mother that you molested me,” this continued for about a year. When my mother was on a flight, I tried not to catch my stepfather’s eye; if possible, I stayed overnight with friends. But it didn't always work out that way. Sometimes I had to sleep with him. Not often, once every couple of months, when my mother was away and my stepfather got drunk. It's strange that she didn't get pregnant. Everything was like a dream.
Why did you endure it? I didn’t want to bother my mother; although she looked strong, she sometimes complained that her heart was hurting. That’s why I didn’t tell you years later, you still can’t change anything. Mom married this freak for the sake of the apartment, that is, for the sake of me. So that I have more opportunities, a good future. She couldn’t know how I would have to pay for these “opportunities.” And I didn’t go to the police for the same reason: there would be a scandal, but there would be no point, they wouldn’t rewind my life.
Then my attitude towards my stepfather changed. A quiet hatred came over, very calm. Just the smell of it made me sick.
New life
In my first year of college, I found a job and moved out. I started renting an apartment with a fellow student. Mom reacted well to this: she began an independent life early. She never realized that I literally ran away from home because of my stepfather.
Occasionally I came to visit my mother, we all sat together at the dinner table, behaved as usual, and my stepfather didn’t bother me anymore either. But still, I never stayed overnight, my mother didn’t insist, we sat and drank wine - and that’s it.
His mother divorced him eight years later: he was already a serious drinker. After the divorce, she did not live with him, remaining registered in the apartment, she rented a one-room apartment in the Moscow region, being already retired. But at the same time, she didn’t completely break ties with her stepfather. When my stepfather was seriously ill before his death, I went to see him at my mother’s request: to bring food or medicine. He almost didn’t recognize me anymore. When he died, we were given a three-room apartment.
I have a son
It’s strange that then, in my youth, I even treated all this with understanding, well, I’m a sick man, what can you do... Now, years later, I understand that my stepfather is simply scum. These guys need to be shot. Just as I didn’t tell my mother, I still won’t tell her, let her live in peace. If I had to admit it, then, in my youth, but now why bother? So that she thinks that while she was earning money, her daughter was raped? I am a mother myself, I would not like to receive such confessions at the end of my life, although I still don’t understand how she didn’t feel that something was wrong, why she didn’t ask.
Hello. I am 27 years old, married. My husband is in his second marriage, from his first he has a 9-year-old daughter, I myself am 26 weeks pregnant. The problem is that his daughter mostly lives with us and we are jealous of each other. She does everything so that he sleeps with her and not with me, she is constantly capricious, saying, I want to sleep with dad, and, naturally, he sleeps with her, and I sleep alone. Then, she is very happy when we quarrel with him, and gets angry when we joke with him or he hugs me... I understand that she is small, that I am ashamed in principle to write such things, but, believe me, she behaves sometimes behaves not like a 9-year-old girl, but like an adult, and it seems to me that her mother, that is, her first wife, is telling her how to behave, because she does not mind getting back together with her husband. I tried to talk to his daughter, they say, let’s be friends, soon you will have a brother or sister, she is happy, helps, but then again everything starts all over again, jealousy, envy and so on... My husband is crazy about my daughter, and I’m afraid that - talk to him about this topic, because I know that he will be on her side. I understand that from the outside it looks stupid, but believe me, it’s very difficult for me to live like this, I hope for one thing, that when my baby is born, everything will change... Please tell me how to behave, what I’m doing wrong, what to do... Or maybe it's just that during pregnancy I take everything to heart... I'm waiting for advice, thanks in advance.
Svetlana, Kazakhstan, 27 years old / 12/08/09
Our experts' opinions
Alyona
I think it's necessary to talk to your husband. And precisely because his second child will be born soon. If dad now indulges his daughter’s whims so much, then what kind of stress will it be for her later when he switches to the younger child? And if he doesn’t plan to engage with the younger one, then why start a family and bring your sexual relationship to pregnancy? A girl entering puberty has no place in bed next to an adult man, no matter who it is: dad, older brother, grandfather... This can lead to problems in her personal life in the future, at a minimum. At the most, a girl may want to literally replace her mother. Before everything goes off the rails, you need to discuss with your husband the inappropriateness of spending the night in the same bed with your daughter. Her desire to fall asleep next to her dad can be limited to the ritual of going to bed with reading a fairy tale, saying good night, and that’s all. You are a wife and have the right to negotiate with your husband the extent to which he will fulfill the whims of his daughter. Spouses should have their own bedroom, children should have their own. It doesn’t matter what marriage these children are from, whether they are common or not. But at 9 years old, the child must sleep in his own bed and in his own room (if there is one in the house). That's it, this is not discussed. Children should not make adjustments to their parents' personal lives on such a personal level, such as who mom and dad can sleep with and who they can't. If your husband doesn't understand this, insist on going to a psychologist with him. I seriously doubt that he would like it if you had a son from your first marriage, about ten or twelve years old (boys develop more slowly than girls), who would demand that his mother sleep with him, and not with her new husband. So such points must be discussed. You are not against the girl, you are against some of her unreasonable and psychologically damaging demands. And in general, you shouldn’t be so afraid to express your own opinion to your husband, you are not a young girl, you are 27 years old, and you, by the way, are a wife and almost already the mother of his child. As for my husband’s daughter: I would simply not pay attention to some of her actions. Precisely because she is a child. Children tend to be jealous even of their mother and father and vice versa, let alone the second spouses of divorced parents. And one more thing: it is fundamentally wrong to try to become a girlfriend for a 9-year-old girl. You are 18 years older than her, what kind of girlfriends can you have? Friendship presupposes an equal sign. The only possible relationship between you is the relationship between an adult woman and a child. You make a mistake by trying to be friends with your husband’s daughter, and by doing so you provoke her behavior and methods of fighting with you as an equal. And the funny thing is: you yourself already perceive her as your equal. She is a child. And you don’t need to fight or be friends with her. She needs to be educated and guided. When she gets into your house, behave like an elder, without timidity and without regard to what your husband will say. Act as if it were your child. Reward for good deeds, and for bad deeds, question them to the fullest extent. And you need to tell your husband directly: when a girl lives with you, she must obey the rules of your home. There is nothing good about a child who sits on the heads of adults only because they were unable to sort out their personal lives in time.
Sergey
In my opinion, you should first have a serious conversation with your husband. You just need to set the record straight in your own relationships. Without this, nothing good will happen. Personally, it’s strange for me to hear that an adult pregnant woman is afraid to talk about something with her husband. Moreover, about what worries her and is important from the point of view of normal coexistence. I believe that until there is mutual understanding and mutual support between you, you will not be able to “resolve” the situation. It is clear that the girl is jealous of her father. It is clear that she wants to return everything to normal. But this can be dealt with. The main thing is to present a united front. After all, if you feel the support of your husband, you will calm down and be able to think sensibly, you will be able to enter into the position of a child who is also having a hard time right now. And if you understand it, then your attitude will change. After all, while you are not behaving like an adult, wise woman, your husband’s indulgences are only aggravating the situation. And if everything continues in the same vein, then it is possible that the situation will reach the point of complete absurdity and direct, uncontrollable conflict. And this is very bad for everyone. I can also say from experience that it is difficult to understand someone with whom you do not communicate. Try to pay as much attention to the girl as possible. Not once a month, offer to become friends, but constantly involve her in your own affairs. Talk to her, ask for help, help. That is, replace her temporarily absent mother. Yes, it's very difficult. It is clear that you will not completely replace it, but in some things - very much so. At least your attention and care will not go unpunished. And even if great love does not appear between you, there will be respect. Only your interest must be sincere. In general, there are options for the development of events in a favorable direction. But only if you and your husband find a common language.
“Misha and I have been married for about three years. After the wedding, we rented an apartment, but my husband lost his job, and we had to move in with my mother. At first, the relationship between son-in-law and mother-in-law developed well. And then off we went. Misha constantly found fault with his mother and caused scandals. Either he didn’t like the way she prepared the borscht, or the way she wiped away the dust. In a word, he was not satisfied with everything that my mother did. Living together was simply unbearable. But renting a separate apartment again was out of the question: there was a catastrophic lack of money. Then we decided to live with my husband’s parents for some time. That's when it all happened...
He stroked my ass
Mishka looked for a job every day. He came home only in the evening. His mother worked several hours a day as a cleaner in a grocery store, and spent the rest of her time in the garden. The father-in-law was sitting on a well-deserved rest and lay on the sofa all day long, staring at the TV. In general, most of the time he and I were alone in the apartment. At first, my second dad just gave me lustful looks. I was terribly embarrassed and looked away. When he realized that shooting with his eyes had no effect, he decided to seduce me in a different way. I was peeling potatoes in the kitchen, he came up behind me and started stroking my ass. I jumped away from him, shamed him and demanded an explanation. But the father-in-law just smiled and went in for a kiss. I threw the knife, ran out of the kitchen and locked myself in the toilet. I was disgusted, but all this excited me at the same time. I decided not to tell my husband anything. Why spoil relationships?
It's impossible to tear yourself away...
The next time, my father-in-law asked me to make coffee and bring it to his room. When I went in to see him, I immediately dropped the cup from what I saw: daddy was watching porn! God knows what was happening on the screen. He looked at me with a languid look and offered to do... the same thing. I refused, but... I decided to watch the movie a little too. And again I felt both self-loathing and insane excitement at the same time! Then the father-in-law went into the bathroom and asked him to rub his back. I didn’t answer, but after a few minutes I still went after him. Seeing a naked man, I was very embarrassed and wanted to leave. But when she looked at his manhood (which was simply enormous!), she attacked her husband’s father! What happened in the bathroom was simply indescribable. I have never experienced such an orgasm before. I love my husband very much, and in bed with him, in principle, I feel good, but... His father made me feel like a real woman. I am unable to end an intimate relationship with this man - such a thrill! What will happen to my marriage?..
I now find myself in the same situation, I don’t even know how to describe it all... Well, my dad and mom, I can’t say that they loved each other very much. They argued with each other around the clock and all that. When I was 13 years old (now 18), my dad often began to stay in the hospital. For a week, for two weeks, sometimes for a month. Mom said that he burned all his lungs by smoking. She somehow didn’t worry about him; she always brought her friends to visit. Well, I wasn’t worried either, I thought that if mom wasn’t worried, then dad would be cured soon. One day I got up late at night and left the room - my mother was giving herself to some guy on all fours in her room. I was in such shock, I couldn’t look at her for a long time. Then sometimes I saw her with this guy, I tried not to notice and not think about them.
And three years ago dad died. Six months later my mother married that lover of hers. I felt so bad for my dad, and I didn’t even have anyone to complain to. Well, I really couldn’t say that mom cheated on dad for three years. I cried and, as always, pretended that I didn’t understand anything.
And my stepfather... Well, at first everything was fine. And then it turned out that it was impossible to argue with him at all. He began to beat his mother every time she objected to him in something. I was scared, I didn’t know what he would do to me. I tried to come home later, just to eat and go straight to bed.
And this spring I fell in love with a boy. All our girls liked him, and when we started dating, I was in seventh heaven. One day in the summer, he and I had sex. Then he accompanied me home and kissed me near the entrance. I come home, it seems, the happiest in the world. And my mother is not at home. Then my stepfather comes out and says that he saw everything, called me a slut and said that he would tell my mother everything. I was so scared, I imagined how everyone around me was calling me a slut. Now I understand that my stepfather did not know or see anything except the kiss. And then, how scary it was. He also said that I would have to pay for his silence. I had no doubt what I would have to pay, I just spread my legs in front of him. From that time on, my stepfather comes into my room when my mother is not at home, and then you know what. He is usually affectionate with me. He always says that he loves me and only me. That he married my mother just to be closer to me. At some point I even believed him. After all, he doesn’t beat me like he did my mother, he doesn’t pull me by the hair, so maybe he really loves me.
And a week ago he called me to his place. He kissed me for a long time, I kissed him too, it was nice. And after sex, he showed me his camera. He hid it in the room to film us fucking. He said that he would keep the video as a souvenir. Now I keep thinking about what to do next. I tried to find the camera, but it was nowhere to be found. He doesn't have a video on his computer either.
If my mother sees this video, I will never be able to justify myself to her. In that video you can absolutely see how we kiss, you can see my orgasm! How can I explain to her that he started all this himself?! Mom will kill me, but I never wanted him myself, he always starts! He lied to me all this time, from the very beginning, and I believed everything! he never loved me, he was just buttering me up so that I wouldn’t tell my mom! It’s a shame that I’m such a fool, I fell for all this! I’m so ashamed that I’m *** from having sex with him, am I really a slut?! If dad knew, then he would think about me!
I really wanted to go to college, but now I want to quit. Well, screw them all. I'm going to go somewhere else to another city. I’ll rent an apartment and work as a saleswoman, I’ve already worked.
Divorce with children from one to three years old. They can easily resort to regressions in their development, that is, returning to some behavior patterns that have already been overcome, such as wetting or talking again when they were younger. It is also likely that the baby will return, require much more attention, and be nocturnal. Divorce with children from 3 to 6 years old. The child will probably think that it is his fault and react in the opposite way: either he becomes very obedient, or also more aggressive or rebellious than his character expected.
Not everything in life always turns out the way we would like. Such unpleasant situations happen when suddenly you are not nearby.
The reasons may be different - he died, left for someone else, or simply lives separately on his own - it doesn’t matter, just dad is not around.
The situation is unfortunately common nowadays. It is clear that sooner or later the mother will meet a man with whom she will decide to build a destiny and share a common life - her, the child and a new man, someone else’s uncle for her daughter or son.
At this age they often appear; some suffer from conscription, which manifests itself with symptoms of withdrawal, decreased concentration or even denial of school attendance. Divorce with children under 6 years of age. Children as young as 5, in addition to the fear of abandonment, may present with a deep sense of loss and feel they must decide between their parents. They live the situation with feelings of abandonment and disappointment about being “left behind.” Their school performance is on a downward trend. In some cases, if they don't know how to express what they feel, they turn their sadness into truth.
Quite often it happens that the family unites from the very beginning and turns into one whole, into one friendly and strong team. Relations between all its members are based on respect, understanding and trust. It's very cool when it works out like this!
But there are also situations when, from the moment a new man appears in the house, life seems to start going awry. Mom, trying to build a relationship with her stepfather, pays less attention to the child or even forgets about him.
They may suffer from disorders and adopt regressive behavior. Divorce with children from 6 to 9 years old. Feelings of abandonment, fantasies of reconciliation, and loyalty issues emerge. Children may feel anger, sadness, and nostalgia for parents who are gone. When spouses have had serious conflicts, children may fight with their parents. In other cases, they are neglected in material terms, forcing them to prepare meals, look after children and take on responsibilities that are too heavy for their age.
Divorce with children aged 9 to 12 years. Children often express feelings of shame about their parents' behavior, including anger or rage toward the one who made the decision to separate. A very typical behavior is to reproach parents for not solving their family problems. In addition, attempts are made to reconcile parents and psychosomatic problems.
The stepfather, having found himself in a new family, where everything is already set up - both life and hobbies, tries to make his contribution or rebuild everything for himself. Undoubtedly, a warm and friendly atmosphere in such situations is out of the question.
Children suffer the most in such situations. Not only do they not have the opportunity to receive attention and love from their father, but the mother also deprives the child of some of her attention.
Divorce with teenage children. Su is influenced and may develop habits of their own age, such as smoking, drinking or having more independence. Between the ages of 13 and 18, parental separation will raise ethical issues and will therefore create strong conflicts between the need to love the father and mother and disapproval of their behavior.
Please enter a valid email address which will not appear on our page. There are specific cases in which physical separation inevitably occurs for the benefit of the spouse or children. But the great wave of divorces that has plagued this country over the last decade is not just due to emergencies. Loving is a voluntary act, not a feeling, and also requires a willingness to love another person with their flaws and their strengths. Parents who say their children are the most important and divorced really don't know what is most important to them. When a couple has a child, there are many relatives who immediately have a new “position”.
I think everyone understands that only the mother and the adequacy of the stepfather can “resolve” this situation in the house.
It is the mother who knows how to behave with the child, who knows what kind of man she is, his principles and character - therefore only she can draw up a plan for normal or even good interaction between all members.
Why does a child worry so much about their parents' divorce?
Firstly, no matter what the child’s father is, he is still his own. The child is already attached to him, and it is much more difficult for children to change their life structure and adapt to a new situation than for adults. It's practically impossible.
A couple becomes “father” and “mother”, a child becomes “son”, brothers and sisters of father and mother become “uncles” and “aunts”, and parents of father and mother become “grandparents” and “grandmothers”. This is done primarily by grandmothers and grannies who will soon provide their services if they can somehow handle the grannies.
That's all right, however, in some cases, grandparents, also working with parents, become too intrusive in what the parents do or stop doing with their child, creating discomfort in which the child's parents they are not very good at know how to react because they are still children and, in many cases, act as such.
Secondly, the child does not understand the true parents. He thinks that he lost the love of one of his parents only because it was his fault. He takes the blame for what happened on himself, thinking that his disobedience or stubbornness is to blame. In any case, he thinks that they stopped loving him, that’s why they break up.
And one more interesting feature - the little man does not yet know how to separate himself from his mother and father, and perceives himself and his parents as a single whole.
Grandparents, for reassurance, are often more consultative, even when no one has asked for their opinion. If you also raise your child differently than with him, then arguments will be filed because they will believe that you don't know, or that you can't raise your child, and they will put a hand in the matter to prevent it from being too late .
And to know what, as they say, to know, we do not know. We do what we think is best at every moment. So if we hit, we hit, and if we miss, we miss. There is no doubt that our parents made many mistakes with us, and they undoubtedly tried to correct them. We must do the same and make mistakes in order to correct, learn and make mistakes on the way back and take a new path.
Therefore, if parents break up with a scandal, insult and humiliate each other, then the baby projects all this onto himself.
Make it clear to your child that he is not obligated and should not pretend that he trusts and loves your partner.
For the first time, it will be enough just respect and a sense of politeness for an adult who is building a relationship with his mother - just like in relationships with other adults.
When the comments and advice from grandparents start pouring in and they notice that they are not getting the results they usually insist in a way that can become harmful as they sometimes focus their comments on the child.
To give an example, when a mother tells her daughter that she shouldn't hold the baby and she doesn't pay too much attention, the mother is left with the feeling that "my daughter is ignoring me, this baby is going to end up badly." Thus, when a child shows that he wants to be almost exclusively with his mother, a very normal behavior of children in certain eras, the grandmother can use this fact as an argument that adds credibility to their beliefs: See?
Try to maintain an atmosphere of calm and stability in the family, and most importantly, a routine that is familiar to you. Remember that each family member must have their own responsibilities.
If possible, create the most favorable atmosphere possible for the child to meet with his absent parent - your ex-spouse.
Something that also happens in some families is that when you have a child, grandparents will show up at home to "see their grandchild" unannounced. Sometimes such visits can be appreciated, but the most common is that there is an unexpected disruption to good family harmony.
Having grandparents come in when the baby is sleeping, or when the mother is in bed trying to regain lost sleep at night, or when she and her partner are trying to get some peace at home to keep the baby calm, can be quite problematic.
Stepfather's behavior
If you decide to start building a relationship with a woman who already has a child (or children), then you must be prepared for a change in your life.
To start building such a relationship means you need to adapt to the lifestyle of mother and baby.
For all these reasons, the ideal in this case is to veto visits and create an imaginary agenda for the appointment. You shouldn’t call on the phone and ask: “When is the best time, when are we going?” It is much less surprising and much easier for the child's parents if they should say, "You'd better not come today."
It is quite possible that grandparents, despite their parents' refusal to follow their advice, feel rejected and even judging by the way they were born with their children, now parents. Fortunately, the child must be very poorly educated for the effects of such education to be evident in adulthood. Soon you will put in a little effort so that you have a son who is more or less healthy, emotionally speaking and able to adapt to various life situations. Some will be more outgoing and others less so, some will be considered rare, extravagant or different and others a bunch, but most will be accepted in society.
Don’t expect the child to throw himself on your neck as if he were a relative – this trust and love must be won. Of course, not with commanding manners, but with love and affection.
You must understand his feelings and experiences. After all, for a small child to accept a new parent means to betray him, even if this separation was quite a long time ago.
First of all, you must become an adult friend for him. Gradually begin to join in his activities and activities and soon start doing it together.
Our parents raised and raised us the best they knew how to do. Some with more success and some with less. For this reason, they cannot be blamed for anything, because we, active parents, do the same with our children: we raise them as we know we can.
Those who feel unsure about how to act ask for advice and then decide what to do. Those who are clear on how to teach, listen to free advice, and then decide what to do. In both cases, the decision will be in line with what they think is best, even if the advice they receive is not followed.
Many people do this when they start raising someone else’s child according to their own requirements. Remember - it’s not he who should adapt to you, it’s you who should be able to adapt to his way of life. It will be much easier for you to do this than for him. Become an unobtrusive mentor and educator for him.
Why does a bad relationship develop between a child and a stepfather?
All initiative comes initially from the child. The stepfather is a rival for the child in terms of winning love, attention, care and affection.
Dad, Mom, thank you for your advice, but Martin is our son, and we will decide for ourselves what we think is better or worse for their education. Don't be offended if we don't follow your advice or share your opinion. You had your opportunity with us and you did the best you could and knew, but now we have to train our son and make decisions that we have to make ourselves.
By the way, we love that you come home to see us, but call ahead. For many, being a good stepfather can be a real headache, as no one teaches you how to be a good father to your children, yet will teach you how to adopt a child. Whether we like it or not, being a stepfather means becoming a father to children who are not yours and caring for them as if they were our own, so many of us want to be a good element in this role of being a good stepfather.
The child understands that now mother’s love will be divided between him and his stepfather. This is an indescribable pain for him.
Mom and dad are everything for a child! This is his protection, patronage and reliable companion in life. Therefore, the appearance of another person, a stranger, a stranger, is a risk of losing what has already been acquired and is familiar in terms of emotions and feelings.
Let's say it like it is, stepfather is a word that doesn't sound very good, movies and television have used the word "stepmother" and very often for characters who have no good in them. Even the definition of the word has negative connotations. The mother's husband, in relation to the children she previously had.
Bad father. The stepfather is a masculine figure for children as they are likely to be in contact with him longer than their biological father, so it is important for children that this relationship is natural, loving and respectful. Our recommendations are not ranked by importance, so we recommend reading them one at a time. And, just in case, I wrote everything down.
That is why the child begins to conflict, he is against competition, he is burning with the desire for this person to leave their home, and therefore their life.
It also follows from this that the child is simply jealous of his mother for someone else’s uncle. But the same jealousy is also often possible from a stepfather.
Don't expect your stepson to respond with care and love at first. Many times they experienced difficult emotional situations related to their biological father and the breakup with their mother. Perhaps your mother was alone and your presence may bring back bad memories. Many children may find it difficult to accept a new love relationship from their mother. It's better to act positively and be patient, over time your stepsons will get easier.
Many people make the mistake of buying all the fancy toys and giving them a taste of everything to their new stepchildren. Material things never become love, you may get a little more approval, but giving them toys and candy will not make a child feel love for you. This doesn't mean you shouldn't buy something or give it a treat from time to time, but it will certainly be much better if you give some of your time.
The situation is quite difficult - the mother needs to behave correctly so as not to disrupt the established way of life in her family.
It is mothers who very often make a grave mistake, thanks to which she can lose not only the child’s affection, but also disrupt her relationship with her loved one.
Why do problems start in the house with the arrival of a new family member? As I already said, with the appearance of a strange man in the house, the established way of life undergoes changes - it takes time to get used to them, understand and accept them.
Mom's behavior
The role of the mother in this situation plays a dominant and very important role. It depends only on you how the new family situation will develop. You must adjust the behavior of each family member so that everyone can live comfortably and be neighbors with each other.
Unfortunately, things don't always go according to plan. In this case, create certain rules that all participants in the process of building a new strong and friendly family must follow. Resolve controversial issues ONLY in a friendly atmosphere.
Remember, the child copies the behavior model of adults. Therefore, if you do not want to have problems with your child’s behavior, monitor your own behavior.
Show him an example of correct behavior - yours should become an example for him to follow. And remember, a healthy personality is formed in an atmosphere of mutual respect and understanding on the part of all family members.
Let's look at how a mother should behave correctly:
- Gather everyone around the table;
- Tell your child about the new family member - stepfather. There is no need to force him to love this person. It is important that the child treats him with respect, if only because he is an adult, and elders must be treated with respect.
- Warn the stepfather that at first there will undoubtedly be difficulties and they must be endured with dignity. As for the child, you need to be wise and help her survive and get used to the new member, who will also treat the child with respect. There is no need to try to remake it and adjust it to suit yourself - this will cause a wave of negativity in it.
- Explain to everyone that everyone together should not incite conflicts, but try to find a compromise and make concessions. This needs to be shown by example, not just talked about.
This is all possible only if adults approach problems and disagreements that arise wisely. If they don’t demand too much from the child, the main thing is response a sense of respect for adults. Accordingly, parents must respect the feelings and needs of the child.
I strongly advise that in order to improve and strengthen relationships between all members, you need to devote as much time as possible to joint hobbies. Find 2-3 common hobbies and devote time to them at least on weekends.
I won’t believe it if you say that you are all different and you don’t have common hobbies! There are categories of recreation that you can’t help but like. For example, travel, sports, extreme sports and many other categories.
No matter how the relationship develops in your family, always remember one thing - learn to share your feelings, emotions and experiences and be patient with each other, respect and be wise in words and actions.
Hello, dear editors of "Love!"
It all started when we were relaxing in a sanatorium. One day I was taking a shower with my father. This had happened before, but this time it was different. When I saw my naked, wet father, and especially his penis, I got wildly excited (so much so that my own penis stood up). My father, watching me, was not at all surprised and asked: “Do you want me?” I was taken aback by this reaction, but still answered: “Yes.” Then the father said: “Then take me in your mouth or put your penis in my anus.” Without thinking twice, I knelt down and took my father’s penis into my mouth (he also got it erect). The father happily inserted his penis deeper and began rhythmic movements. After a while, he groaned from the onset of orgasm and came violently into my mouth, and I happily swallowed his sperm. Then the father said: “Now it’s my turn.” We got out of the shower, I lay down on the bed, my father took my dick in his mouth and also gave me a great blowjob. For the first time, it was all over. However, we could no longer stop.
After returning from the sanatorium, we had sex every day, and sometimes several times a day. Now it wasn't just a blow job. We fell in love with anal sex. I especially like it when my father inserts his penis into my anus and masturbates my penis with his hands. As a result, you get double pleasure. We also love to cum in each other’s hands, then coat our penises, testicles and anus with sperm, and then, taking the “69” position, lick each other’s sperm.
I think even the author of the Kama Sutra can be jealous of what we do in bed. We can have sex all day long without stopping.
At home we walk around completely naked, because at any moment we may have an irresistible desire to have sex. We sleep together and sometimes even in the same position in which we had sex. For example, I may not remove my penis from my father's anus or vice versa.
The father's friends advise him to get a girlfriend, because he is still quite young (only 34 years old), but he brushes it off and says that living with his own son is much better. Yes, if others knew how we “live”...
Perhaps someone will consider us complete perverts, but in any case, my father and I like this life, and we are not going to change it. I’m still interested in knowing readers’ opinions about our relationship with my father.
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