How to stay calm and focused if you have a nervous job? How to get rid of excitement in a jiffy if you have a responsible performance ahead of you? How to acquire the ability to think soberly and adequately respond if someone tries to piss you off? Finally, how do you find the "off" button when you're so energized that you can't sleep at the end of a hard day? These and many other questions are answered in her book Resilience: How to Stay Calm and Highly Efficient in Any Situation by Sharon Melnick.
Professional business psychologist Sharon Melnick wrote a book in which there is no "water" and empty reasoning, it is not overloaded with scientific terms - the information is presented in a lively language and is very exciting. It was quite difficult to choose an excerpt for publication on our website - almost every chapter contained very interesting theoretical information and, not least, practical advice on coping with stress.
Melnik believes that the algorithm for getting out of any stressful situation is based on three basic rules, on three pillars - the psychologist suggests:
1) And change your attitude towards the situation. That is, look at the problem from a different angle and, perhaps, find new solutions.
2) Learn to manage physiology. This means discovering new ways to relax or, conversely, if necessary, to concentrate. (And Melnik gives a lot of such methods and specific techniques).
3) Solve the problem of. Simply put, eradicate the source of stress, and you no longer have to deal with it.
We suggest staying at management of physiology, and we give the corresponding excerpt from Sharon Melnick's book "Stress resistance: how to remain calm and highly effective in any situation", published by Mann, Ivanov and Ferber.
The following strategies or, as the author calls them, tools, will help you find your "off" button and use it effectively. Try these simple exercises - they won't take long. Perhaps, thanks to them, you can learn how to easily restore strength and balance your nervous system.
Have you ever felt like your head was about to explode, and meanwhile the situation requires the utmost concentration and clarity of mind? And you start dreaming about a magic wand that could fix everything in the blink of an eye? Then the exercise "breathing in three stages" is just for you! It can be used to unwind after intense concentration, clear your mind after a stressful business meeting, or as a mental reset during a moment of chaotic thought in your head…
Breath: inhale through your nose, hold your breath, exhale through your nose, all in equal counts (e.g., inhale for five counts, hold your breath for five counts, and exhale for five counts).
Hand position: bring your fingertips together to balance the right and left hemispheres.
Duration: three minutes 1-2 times a day or when overloading.
For more effective results, you can perform the exercise daily and increase its duration to 7-11 minutes.
I have taught the Three Step Breathing technique to thousands of business people, and almost all of them agree on how practical this tool is. In the words of one of my clients, “The calmness and concentration that you get by doing 90 minutes of yoga, you can get in less than 3 minutes, without leaving your workplace!”…
Tool #2 Breathing to get back to sleep: sleep well and wake up refreshed
During sleep, our body restores strength and all major systems so that we can stay healthy, not experience mood swings and perfectly concentrate during the day. Sufficient sleep even reduces the feeling of hunger. We all know from personal experience how cranky we get when we don't get enough sleep. In addition, sleep-deprived people have been shown to be more likely to review negative events from the past. However, sleep is usually the first thing we sacrifice for an extra hour of productivity...
Breathing to return to sleep: breathe through the left nostril
Breath: close the right nostril with the thumb or forefinger of the right hand and breathe through the left nostril. If possible, you can also roll over on your right side, resting your head on a pillow so that the right nostril is closed.
Duration: 3-5 minutes to achieve a relaxed state and return to sleep.
Application: technique for quickly relaxing and falling asleep or returning to sleep.
In addition, there are folk remedies for stress relief. For example, chamomile tea is calming and relaxing. In a state of stress, especially in an urban environment, your body is constantly deficient in magnesium. Taking magnesium supplements is a great addition to your resilience toolbox.
Do too many thoughts keep you from falling asleep? Do you wake up in the middle of the night thinking about work and then can't go back to sleep? I offer you a magic wand that will help you sleep soundly at night and wake up refreshed.
Can you use this technique throughout the day? Of course, because it helps to relax ...
Tool #3 "Breathing for a quick cleansing"
Do you only have one minute? Put it to good use – the quick cleansing breathing exercise will help you rid your bloodstream of the harmful stress hormone cortisol.
Take a slow breath, counting to three.
Tool #4 "Instant Bliss"
I use this technique regularly when I'm sitting at my desk, waiting for the elevator, or standing in line at the grocery store. First, I relax the area around the eyes, then the muscles of the body and lower the shoulders. I take a deep breath. My whole body seems to “flow” down and relax. Once I have entered this state, I continue to take slow and deep breaths in and out to relax and prolong the moment of bliss for 1-3 minutes. Then I take a deep breath. Having replenished my energy reserves, I am ready to go into battle again! I notice that a few minutes of this practice lead to so-called "insight moments." For example, I manage to optimally use the information received in the projects I work on.
Tool #5 Meditation
Meditation is a broad concept that refers to a state of consciousness in which all attention is directed inward. The technique of bringing oneself into such a state has gained immense popularity and today has become practically a phenomenon of mass culture. This is confirmed by the fact that many large companies have begun to implement this and similar practices and programs for personnel development.
There are different types of meditation. One type, meditation for mental clarity, helps focus and improves the functioning of the frontal lobe of the brain, which is responsible for thinking and decision-making…
Another type of meditation promotes the development of an internal state of empathy for others by strengthening the work of those areas of the brain that are responsible for managing emotions.
The third type of meditation, the well-known "transcendental meditation" (TM), uses "mantras" (sounds, syllables, or phrases) that require no effort to repeat, yet help achieve clear consciousness...
Today, many yoga studios and health centers also offer classes in various meditation practices. Find a method that works for you and find time for it during the day.
Tool No. 6 Gas Fatigue Relief
For many of us, work involves the constant use of a computer or other electronic devices. Try these exercises to give love to the eyes that work so hard for you!
Throughout the exercise, the eyes should be closed. Rub your hands quickly until you feel warm. Close your eyes with your hands so that the palms are opposite the eyes at a distance of about 2.5 cm. Feel how heat penetrates into the eyes, warming them. Keep your hands in front of your eyes until the heat starts to disappear. The exercise can be repeated as often as you like.
Another method is to bring the thumb, index and middle fingers together, placing them at a distance of about 2.5 cm from the eyes. Point your fingertips at your eyes as if you are directing a laser beam of healing energy at them (which is exactly what you are doing).
Now you are armed with several techniques that will help you find the "off" button. Some of them will take you no more than three minutes (the duration of the meditation depends on the type you will practice), so you have no more excuses! You've been looking for a "shutdown" button, and now you have all the tools you need to use it. Start with the practice that interests you the most and make time in your schedule for it. How do you remember to use technique and use it regularly when you need a quick "recovery" exercise? Just do it every day.
Workaholism, unstable daily routines and the need to exist in a state of permanent uncertainty are an integral part of the life of business people and the reason why they are so stressed. Yale University research has shown that constant stress is not only harmful to health, but also leads to degeneration of the areas of the brain responsible for self-control and decision-making. On the one hand, a light, short-term state of stress is useful, it makes us move more actively and promotes concentration, on the other hand, its excess leads to a loss of control over the situation. H&F figured out what can be done to maintain the necessary balance.
Imagine how this situation your grandmother responded. Firstly, it's funny, and funny thoughts defuse the situation. Secondly, we usually become calmer with age, since we have already been through a lot, and there is little that can make us worry. Try to apply this point of view to yourself. If the feeling of fear does not go away, find a child or a cat nearby - playing with them will allow you to relax and look at the world through their eyes.
Another way to get ready to a stressful situation - to have your own rituals. It can be a bath before bed, a walk with the dog, your favorite music that you listen to during breaks at work. It turns out that such daily habits improve the body's ability to deal with stress, as they allow you to keep at least a small part of your life under control. As soon as you start to worry, remember that no matter what happens, you will still do the same today as usual. This will put you back in your comfort zone.
If the conflict has already flared up, in this case, composure will not hurt. According to psychologists, it is the extra emotionality of partners that leads to a break in relations. Indeed, in the process of clarifying the relationship, loving people move away from each other, and since our people do not like to go to psychologists, this leads to the dissolution of marriages. In order to always find common ground with your loved one, psychologists recommend restraining your emotions and remaining calm.Among the most common reasons for family scandals, psychologists identified infidelity, disagreements in raising children, and relationships with relatives and friends.
If the couple decided to resolve the conflict on their own, then experts recommend learning how to calmly argue their point of view and try not to lose close contact with the partner. It is in the distance from each other and overly emotional scenes of showdown that the reason for the collapse of the union of two loving people lies.
The average couple tries to resort to the help of professional psychologists as little as possible. Indeed, for the majority, the very fact of contacting a specialist already indicates the end of the relationship.
Do we respond appropriately to insults and swearing? At any work, misunderstandings with colleagues, conflict situations with management are possible. Not to mention the sphere of everyday life, which is crammed with stressful situations. Is it possible to maintain peace of mind in a conflict environment? Psychologists say that it is possible if applied assertiveness.
An assertive person is psychologically stable and independent of other people's opinions.
Instructions: how to remain calm during a quarrel or conflict
- Oriental sages, famous for their measured attitude to life, advise at the moment of conflict not to instinctively clench your fists, but, on the contrary, to straighten your fingers. This simple movement helps with the outflow of blood from the head and makes it possible to instantly cool down and assess the situation calmly, as if from the outside.
- If you are deliberately provoked into a conflict, do not give in. To begin with, do not look the interlocutor in the eye, break eye contact with him, through which he could manipulate you on a subconscious level. In no case do not raise your voice: on the contrary, if you are being yelled at, answer deliberately quietly, but clearly. This confuses the enemy, makes him shut up in order to listen to what you are talking about.
- In cases where you go to a meeting or event where it will be difficult to remain calm (this could be a party with your ex, or a corporate meeting with competitors), take care of your mood in advance. In critical cases, you can drink a sedative, just do not overdo it so as not to experience drowsiness. But it's best to just remind yourself of the basic rules of equanimity: regular breathing, a smile on your face.
What is meant by assertiveness?
The English word "assert" means - to assert. From this word came the psychological concept of "assertiveness" - such an internal state in which a person has his own, independent opinion, but at the same time he is independent of external pressure, from external assessments. There are three scales of response to conflict, negative events: aggressiveness - assertiveness - passivity. Moreover, assertiveness is in the middle, as the most correct and calm state.
Faced with negativity, a person most often has two main reactions: aggressiveness - to respond with swearing for swearing, anger for anger, as a result - conflict, spoiled mood, frayed nerves, bad relationships, in extreme cases - there are worse consequences. The second response option: passivity - when a person runs away from a dangerous conflict. This can be expressed in passive silence, inaction, leaving the room where the conflict flares up, avoiding negative situations or a negative person for you. This option is non-aggressive, but it brings spiritual devastation, dissatisfaction with oneself, humiliation.
But there is a third option for responding to negativity - assertiveness. Various sages of antiquity have always adhered to this "golden mean", the most correct option for responding to conflict situations.
assertive state- this is an autonomous state, the ability to have one's own opinion, and not aggressive, in need of upholding, like a fighting cock, but a calm, analytical assessment of events or people. Being in an assertive state, it is difficult to put pressure on a person, it is difficult to manipulate him. Such a person is internally, psychologically stable, he is independent of other people's assessments, from outside opinions, from standard frameworks.
Assertiveness is somewhat detached - it allows you to look at the negative situation from the outside, and, moreover, not indifferently or coldly, but as if you are looking at the stage from the theater hall, but at the same time you are not just a spectator, but an arbiter who must give his opinion about the created situations, their decision, to give an internal assessment of what is happening. But it is important not to impose an internal assessment of what is happening on others, not to dictate your will and not to prove your opinion as the only correct one.
Assertive personality traits
It is important to develop assertive skill:
Quickly deal with a negative situation;
Analyze it;
Develop your own position regarding it and all participants - why it arose, who is the instigator, what are the true and external causes of its occurrence, what the consequences may be and what can be done in such a situation;
Do not violate other people's psychological boundaries - do not attack, do not insult, do not scold;
To be able to protect one's own psychological boundaries - to remain calm and balanced, not to take insults personally, not to be offended, not to let someone else's anger deep into one's soul.
Confucius said: "No one can be humiliated until they feel humiliated". Russian folk wisdom says: "They carry water on the offended". This is the stereotypical thinking of the last century - that one must respond with an insult for an insult, with a blow for a blow, and that if you do not answer, then you are a coward, and you cannot "allow you to wipe your feet on yourself", etc. Self-esteem does not consist in an aggressive retaliatory strike, but in a calm, wise and balanced reaction to any negative. Among the monkeys in the herd, the true leader is not the one who behaves most defiantly and yells and bullies the most, but the one who sits a little further away, somewhat detached, he is the calmest, and it is he who solves all conflicts.
Applying Assertiveness
"When a stick is thrown, the lion looks at the one who threw the stick, and the dog looks at the stick itself. There is a huge difference between them." So is assertiveness - understanding the conflict, look at who and why threw the stick and react to it correctly. Assertiveness can help in the following areas:
Resolution of any conflict situations, both in a work environment and in a domestic or home environment;
Understand your internal disagreements;
Learn to perform a variety of, even unpleasant, work, to overcome time pressure - without stress and panic;
Improve your professionalism at work;
Ability to establish and maintain relationships with different clients;
Do not lose an aggressive client;
Develop self-esteem.
Let's look at some practical examples of assertiveness. It is worth bearing in mind that people are often vengeful, even in small things. Sometimes it manifests itself at a very deep subconscious level. How can this be overcome? A paradoxical response: positive to negative. For example, in the office, you have to approach an employee and, after showing him a poorly done job, ask him to redo it. The reaction of the employee may be:
1) aggressive - indignation "I did everything well", "they find fault with me", "redo it yourself";
2) passive - dismissive throwing the folder on the table, "okay, I'll do it later", detached silence.
In any case, you will hear impartial remarks addressed to you: if you are on an equal footing and colleagues, then right in your face, if you are a leader, then behind your back. It is rare that someone will show the right reaction and calmly ask: "What exactly needs to be redone? What mistakes have I made?" and then say, "OK, I'll redo it."
What can you do with assertiveness? First, understand why this employee did such a poor job: tired, sick, something is not right at home, he is incompetent, he is tired of his work, it's time for a vacation, etc. Your reaction depends on what answer you get. But in any case, you can manifest something positive and unexpected. For example: "I understand that you are tired of everything and you are tired, I also have such a mood, but it would be better if we try and redo the work", warmly thank the employee "thank you, you know that I like horror films" , and your report was from this series", etc. An unexpected, and even with a sense of humor, answer can neutralize vindictiveness. It can also help to involve in joint work, in a joint discussion: "let's see together how we can fix this situation", "first we all calm down, have a cup of coffee, and then think about what we can do," etc.
In any case, it is important to show calmness, understanding and tolerance. Especially, this applies to especially aggressive situations in which emotions rage over the edge and the arguments of the mind are powerless until the person calms down. There are trainings for assertiveness, various techniques that you can learn. But the most important thing is an internal position, thought out and developed, which will allow you to maintain balance in any life situation and not destroy the psychological boundaries of other people.
Stay calm in stressful situations
Anything can piss you off: both serious problems and even the most insignificant trifles. There is nothing wrong with giving vent to emotions, but in some cases it is still better to refrain and calm down. Especially if the emotions are negative.
There are some simple ways to help you quickly pull yourself together and calm down.
1. Sit down, relax, restore your breath. Close your eyes and for 30 seconds imagine cool white water falling like a waterfall over the top of your head and slowly running down from your head to your toes. Then imagine how all the water slowly flows down to the floor in a funnel. Imagine everything in detail. Then take a deep breath and open your eyes.
2. Moisten your hands with cool water and touch your neck (first with one hand, then with two). Gently, in a circular motion, for 30 seconds, rub the neck and shoulders, gradually increasing the force of pressing the fingers. Then, within 30 seconds, reduce the pressing force to a light touch. Then rinse your neck with cool water.
3. Take a thick towel. Squeeze it well in your hands and twist it with all your might, as if squeezing it. Clench your teeth, close your eyes tightly and strain all the muscles of the body as much as possible (especially in the neck and arms). After 25-30 seconds, abruptly drop the towel on the floor and relax your muscles.
Using these simple exercises, you can quickly recover and calm down both before an important event and after an unpleasant quarrel. Most importantly, remember that there are very few things in the world that are really worth the nerves you spent.
When I was a little younger, I had grandiose goals and aspirations, and a strong desire to achieve them every day of my life. In those days, my greatest desire was to live each day with dignity and peace of mind—to be calm and peacefully move from one task to another with concentration and calm, restrained energy.
Everything seems to be simple? Probably no. But there are steps we can take to at least stay calm more often. Why be calm? Damn it, because it's a fantastic feeling! Anger and impatience wear down our hearts, our souls, and our families. When we control our emotions, we get more done, communicate better, and live more productive and purposeful lives.
Below are twelve tips on how to keep your cool and remain calm in various life situations.
1. Try not to be dramatic
It is very easy to dramatize and make an elephant out of a fly. In any stressful situations where the problem concerns you, resist the urge to exaggerate the negative. Avoid the words "always" and "when". You may feel like Stuart Smalley, but telling yourself “I can handle it,” “It’s okay,” and “I’m stronger than this” can really help you look at the problem in a different way.
Don't talk, blog, or tweet about your problem. Don't discuss it with your friends right away; digest it yourself first, this will give you time to calm down a bit. Sometimes, well-meaning friends are too sympathetic to you. By doing this, they only add fuel to the fire, and you are even more upset.
3. Discover metaphors and visualization as a way to stay calm
Here's what helps me: I try to represent the problem as a node. The more I panic and pull on the ends, the tighter the knot tightens. But when I concentrate fully, I calm down and can loosen one thread at a time.
It also helps if you visualize yourself acting with restraint and focus. Stop screaming and move as slowly as possible. Speak slowly and quietly. Become that calm and unflappable person that you see in your imagination.
Here's another technique: Do you know any person who can be called unflappable? Think about what this person would do in your place.
4. Identify the factors that drive you crazy
Are there certain situations that make you lose control? Identify specific factors, from the time of day, to how busy (or bored) you are, to your blood sugar levels. Do you lose your temper when it's too noisy - or too quiet? Knowing your personal irritants will help you stay calm throughout the day.
5. Realize that you can control your emotions
Recall times when you were able to successfully remain calm in a difficult situation. Perhaps it was when you wanted to yell at your spouse or children, but then the doorbell rang, and you were able to instantly reorganize. Remember that you can repeat this knowing what irritates you and what can help you maintain peace of mind.
6.Create a calm environment with relaxing rituals
If calm music comforts you, use it. If silence calms you, use it. Maybe you put on soothing instrumental music, dim the lights, and light scented candles.
When you get home from work, take a few minutes to calm your mind before diving into family chores. Sit in the car for a couple of minutes and take a few deep breaths. Kick off your shoes and drink a few sips of water. Such rituals are extremely calming during the transition from one activity to another.
7. Take care of your basic needs
Make sure you get enough sleep and get enough protein, fiber, vitamins and minerals. Most often, I get irritated when my blood sugar is low. However, it is enough to eat something nutritious, and I feel (relatively) lighter.
Also try to exercise. Daily exercise helps relieve physical tension, and this in turn helps you control your feelings. If I feel the need, then instead of a half-hour run, I do kickboxing. It helps.
Avoid excessive consumption of sugar and caffeine, and do not dehydrate the body. Drink a large glass of water and see if you feel better, more calm and alert.
8. Pay Attention to the Soul and Spirit
Depending on your religious preferences, meditate or pray. Practice yoga - or just sit quietly for a while. The ability to find peace of mind will serve you well more than once. Take a meditation class and learn techniques to help control your busy mind.
9. Get distracted
Instead of thinking about the same things, do something interesting, exciting, or creative. Try to laugh (or laugh at yourself). Watch a comedy or read a blog that always makes you laugh. When you are animated, it is much easier to remain calm.
10. Take a day off
If I resist like crazy not to take a day off, I know for sure - I need it. If I can get over myself and spend a whole day away from work, I always return there calmer, more confident and filled with fresh ideas.
11. Don't forget to breathe
When my children were very young, we helped them calm down by teaching them to breathe with their belly. It still works, both for them and for me. Diaphragm breathing helps relieve tension immediately, and it gives you a couple of minutes to calm down. This is often enough time to assess the situation and regain a sense of control.
During proper belly breathing, your belly will literally rise and fall. To practice, put your hand on your stomach. Inhale through your nose and see if your hand goes up as you inhale. Hold your breath for a few counts and exhale slowly.
12. Consider quotes that can help calm your mind.
Here are a few quotes that I find inspiring:
“You are heaven. Everything else is just the weather.” Pema Chodron
"A calm, focused mind, not directed to harm others, is stronger than any physical force in the universe" Wayne Dyer (Wayne Dyer).
“It is useless to rush life. If I'm living on the run, then I'm living wrong. My habit of haste will not lead to anything good. The art of living is to learn how to make time for everything. If I sacrifice my life for haste, it will become impossible. Ultimately, procrastination means taking the time to think. It means taking time to think. Slowly you will be in time everywhere " Carlos Petrini (Carlos Petrini) - the founder of the movement "slow food".
“The single most important reason to stay calm is that calm parents hear more. Restrained, receptive parents are those whose children keep talking.” Mary Pipher
“Keep calm, serenity, always control yourself. Then you will understand how easy it is to be in harmony with yourself.” Paramahansa Yogananda
Learning how to be calm in any situation of the ocean of life is simply necessary. Problems are raining down on the heads of the inhabitants of the planet Earth, as if from a cornucopia. Ecology, politics, social upheavals, the economy, the psychological state of society as a whole and of each individual individually - nowhere is there even a hint of at least a stabilization of the situation.
Not everyone will be able to fence themselves off from everyone with a high fence, go to a desert island - there simply won’t be enough islands and fences, but everyone can try to become a self-confident and balanced person.
Do I need it?
Owners of certain types of temperament initially have this skill. It was born with them, and helps to maintain equanimity in any situation throughout the life path. We are talking about phlegmatic people who do not know how to be nervous, these unsinkable cruisers of calm and confidence. But, firstly, there are not so many pure types of temperament in nature, and, secondly, having mastered the techniques of how to learn to remain calm, you can teach this to your relatives and loved ones.Those representatives of society should master the methods of adjusting their internal state:
- who find it difficult to control emotions;
- who avoids difficult questions and difficult situations;
- who gets on the nerves of every little thing;
- who are worried about upcoming difficulties, real or imagined;
- who dreams of always being a discreet person.
Why You Shouldn't Be Nervous
Maybe, well, this training on having calmness? Everyone is nervous, and somehow survive, and some also manage to look great at the same time, build a career, defend dissertations, create families. However, not everything is so rosy, there are many reasons why you should not be nervous.- You will be nervous - you will lose control over the situation, and then take you with "bare hands" whoever wants.
- If you are nervous, family relationships will suffer in all verticals (husband-wife, children-parents, etc.).
- If you get nervous, you will get something like a boomerang effect from others, your emotion will return to you, only twice as much. Do you need this?
- You will be nervous - you will get vasospasm, and everything that follows from here (migraine, atherosclerosis, stroke).
- You will be nervous - the body will begin increased production of the hormone cortisol, which destroys brain cells and nitrogenous decomposition of muscles.
Learning to be calm
Before you start mastering the techniques that allow you to experience and then, at will, return this blissful state, it is advisable to find a picture that will personify this calmness for you and place it in the area of \u200b\u200bthe immediate environment.It can be wallpaper on your computer desktop, a wall calendar, a poster on the wall depicting a peaceful landscape, a sleeping child, sunsets and sunrises, a starry sky, in general, everything that will be a symbol of peace for you.
The following four techniques were suggested by the French psychologist E. Pigani in order to artificially evoke and reinforce a sense of calm.
"Jar of honey" - a technique for slowing down movements
You need to choose some routine action that you do every day “on the machine”, quickly and without hesitation. It can be cleaning the closet, washing dishes, taking a shower, making tea, any other kind of simple activity. Breathing slowly and deeply, you need to slow down your movements as much as possible.
Now attention is directed to each movement, to the feeling of contact with the object being used. For more believability, you can imagine yourself immersed in a huge jar of honey, and slow down your movements even more.
The purpose of this exercise is to stop being nervous, to quickly recover in stressful situations, to feel your presence “here and now” with all the acuteness.
"Jar of rice" - patience training technique
To do this, you need to count the grains of rice, shifting them from one glass to another. Have you counted? Write down how much you got, and then do everything in reverse order. The results, of course, should match. If you want to grumble, remember that in a Buddhist monastery you would be forced to number each grain of rice.
"Kettle with food" - a mindful meal reception
Attitudes towards food in the days of fast food and convenience foods, frozen desserts and ready-made meals from the supermarket have undergone significant changes compared to the beginning of the last century. However, the human body, both then and now, is able to send a satiety signal to the brain only 20-30 minutes after the onset of the action of digestive juices.
Start your first meal by eating slowly, chewing slowly, and slowly breaking off pieces of the food served. You need to sit with a straight back and with a straight neck, bring cutlery to your mouth slowly, eat calmly. Satiety signals will reach the brain on time, less food will be required, a slim figure is provided along with the ability not to be irritated while eating.
"Empty pot" - listening to silence
Every week you need to set aside five (only five!) minutes in order to listen to silence. Turn off all phones, TVs, computers, dim the lights. You need to sit comfortably, without tension, put your hands on your hips. The left hand lies on the right, the thumb of the right hand - on the left palm, does not press on it, but simply lies.
With your eyes closed, you need to focus on the sensations at the point where the finger touches the palm. In this position, listen to silence for five minutes. Two months later, meetings with silence are already taking place daily. During them, you can think about good and evil. The feeling of how to remain calm will consolidate over time, it can be easily called up in order not to be nervous, to be balanced in any conflict situation.
Controlling negative emotions
Zen Buddhists believe that every negative emotion is a message to be read and released. They compare negative emotions with fire and water, they say, it is easier to cope with a fire that has just started and a leaky faucet when you immediately take up the problem. As always, easier said than done, however, and here is the technology to help put everything on the shelves.- Make a list of the 14 most commonly experienced negative emotions (anxiety, shame, hatred, longing, envy, rancor, etc.).
- Separate these emotions from your inner self. For example, not “I am jealous”, but “I feel jealous”, not “I am guilty”, but “I feel guilty”, further along the lines.
- Remember the strongest attack of anger, its cause, your feelings at the same time, physical sensations. Well, where is he now, this anger?
- We return to the list from the first paragraph. Now we need to determine what service each emotion served. "Anxiety helps you stay alert." "Embarrassment helps you adapt around strangers."
- In the future, feeling the growth of negativity, try to determine how this emotion can be useful. Most likely, now, having realized this, you will no longer become her hostage.
For every stress there is ... anti-stress
If you want to assess the level of stress in your life, you can use the "social compliance scale" of American psychologists T. Holmes and R. Rahe, who evaluated every event in the life of an average person on a 100-point scale. In the first place there is the death of a spouse (100 points), and in the last place are the New Year holidays (12 points) and a minor violation of the law (11 points).By the sum of points, the level of stress and (attention!) the risk of getting sick are calculated. We don’t need such problems - in order to help ourselves and not get annoyed, we will perform the Antistress exercises.
We pretend
Exercise is effective for any level of stress. It is necessary to feign calmness, while a feeling of relaxation arises, and after a few minutes there comes a real calm. Here you need to be a little actor, to convince yourself that you are playing the role of a calm person. The secret here is that our subconscious mind always takes everything at face value - believing you, it influenced the external state.
We smile and yawn
Every textbook on psychology gives an example of how, with a smile, 42 facial muscles send a signal to the nervous system, starting the process of regulating breathing, relieving muscle clamps, and releasing “happiness hormones”. It works even with a forced, forced smile, and instantly. The same effect is produced by wide yawning, which does not give annoyance and brings relaxation.
Understanding the world around
The best remedy for growing stress is to keep in touch with your own Self. To achieve this, you need to observe what is happening as if from the outside, act somewhat detached. You can not lose attention and control over the situation, call yourself all your actions. When you leave the house, say to yourself, "I'm leaving the house." As you wash the dishes, say to yourself, "I'm washing the dishes." When you turn on the computer, say to yourself: "I turn on the computer."
Think it's too primitive? But “everything ingenious is simple”, you just need to try and make sure of the effectiveness of simple tips that will help you always be confident in your calmness and not get annoyed over trifles.
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