How to persuade your parents to buy a dog, what should you do to push them to buy? Strong arguments for having a pet. How to convince my parents that I need specialist help

Question for a psychologist:

Hello. Please advise how to convince my parents that I need the help of a psychotherapist (later severe stress arose anxiety disorder, tormented by obsessive thoughts and fears. I survived for a short time depressive state, and derealization, etc.)? It just so happened that when my terrible moral state first manifested itself outwardly in loss of sleep and appetite, constant tears, and my family realized that I really wasn’t “making it up” that I was feeling bad, we turned to a specialist - but, to be honest, to " the first one that comes along." Somehow we didn’t look for any reviews on the Internet or recommendations, which I now regret. Maybe then everything would have turned out differently in the first place. I thought the doctor would prescribe long-term therapy, I was already mentally prepared for it, but everything was limited to two sessions, during which they calmed me down and prescribed antidepressants. For a period of time, I really felt better thanks to the pills and my own efforts - I began to try, despite my condition, to move, walk, play sports at least a little, and return to my favorite activities. But now the problem has begun to worsen again - not as much as last time, but still. But September is coming soon, school will begin - I’m going to university, but meanwhile I have absolutely no idea how to study when I’m fixated on my own obsessive thoughts when you suffer from such neurosis. One of the psychologists on your site advised me to undergo longer-term therapy, not medicinal, but psychoanalytic (and I myself feel that I need it. After all, if I could cope on my own, I would have managed it long ago). I tried to start a conversation with my mother about this, but she was critical: “I won’t drag you to see a psychotherapist anymore, because apparently there’s no point.” And all our conversations in the end boiled down to just my regular tears and descriptions of my fears. I don’t know how to explain to her that if one doctor didn’t help, it doesn’t mean that it will be exactly the same with another - after all, specialists, as you know, are different. And how can you explain that sessions with a psychotherapist do not mean that you are mentally ill, but that there is a problem that needs to be solved. After all, it interferes with life. And since this pandemonium has been going on for almost the entire summer, I’m very tired. I want to feel like a person again, free from all fears and phobias. Yes, sessions are usually not cheap, but health and peace of mind are much more valuable than money! And I have no doubt that if I can convince my mother of the need foreign aid If I “don’t invent” my fear, but rather this is an internal conflict between the subconscious and consciousness, which I cannot solve on my own, then finances will not become a huge problem (besides, although I feel bad, my intuition tells me that if I won’t need too much time working with an experienced psychotherapist to understand myself). Thanks in advance, I look forward to your advice.

Psychologist Zhemchuznikova Valentina Mikhailovna answers the question.

Good afternoon, Leta!

I am very sorry that this situation has arisen.

It’s not entirely clear how your mother explains her stubbornness and how she reacts to what is happening to you? Does she really see your physical condition (that you don’t sleep, don’t eat normally)?

Perhaps your mother needs to constantly show that you cannot sleep (wake you up at night, for example, and tell her that you cannot sleep and why), constantly share your experiences and fears with her so that she understands that this is not a joke. In general, hide everything less inside yourself and demonstrate your condition to your mother more.

It’s not entirely clear about dad. Is he there, does he support you, or are you and your mother just the two of you?

Share with your mother your feelings - a feeling of helplessness, fear that the closest and dearest person, your mother, does not support you and does not help you in such a difficult moment for you, that you are lonely and that you feel that your mother has turned away from you.

Perhaps your mother will be influenced by the argument that you will not be able to study normally at university.

It’s difficult to say what exactly might hook your mother without knowing anything at all about your relationship with her and what kind of person she is.

Children don't always see eye to eye with their parents - that's normal. Sometimes it can be difficult to convince your parents to let you do something, even if you think you deserve a chance to do it. To convince your parents to let you do something, you need to find compelling reasons, and only then, when your parents are in a good mood, ask them about it in a calm, polite tone. Don't rush your parents to answer, give them time to think it over. Show that you are old enough to wait patiently for a decision. Yes, there is a possibility that you will be rejected. But, believe me, it’s not scary, because in the process of “negotiations” with your parents you will improve your communication skills, which in the future will help you hear the cherished “yes” more than once.

Steps

Part 1

Prepare for negotiations

Research the issue. Make sure you have a good understanding of what you will be asking your parents to do and that you can answer their questions. For example, if you want to ask your parents to finally buy you a mobile phone, find out how much it costs and what the different tariff plans cost. If you present the issue in a coherent and organized manner, it will be easier for parents to accept your idea because you will appear mature and reasonable. In addition, you can offer to bear part of the costs yourself.

If you want them to let you get a dog, find out how expensive it will be to own a dog and how much it will cost to get a puppy. Study especially positive sides of the issue - a dog, for example, can bring a family together.
There are always arguments against. Parents will definitely find them, so do not ignore these arguments, but think about them in advance. If you don't think through the cons in advance, there's a good chance you'll get rejected. Prepare in advance. Knowing all the pros is, of course, good, but you also need to know all the cons.

Prepare credible sources of information. Parents will “breathe easier” if they know the necessary information. People are afraid of the unknown, and the more parents become familiar with the issue, the less fears and doubts they will have. And then perhaps they will agree.
- For example, if you want to spend the night with someone, provide them with your home number, name of the owners of the house and address. It would be a good idea for your parents to know the person with whom you want to spend the night.
- If you want to get a piercing or tattoo, have the establishment's number and several reliable websites dedicated to the subject handy. It will be more difficult if the parents have never seen a tattoo parlor.
Make a list of key arguments. It's easy to get caught up in verbal squabbles and lose your train of thought, missing the key points you wanted to make in the first place. Write 3-4 main points that should convince your parents. Return to them during the discussion and make sure that these points are fully stated before you come up with less convincing arguments like: “I WANT ALL!”
- If you want to start pet, iron arguments easy to find. A pet keeps a family together, prolongs life thanks to walks and games, improves health and - teaches responsibility. Who won't be convinced by this?
Prepare for questions like:“Have you cleaned up the room?” Parents often try to change the topic of conversation. Prepare for this in advance by cleaning the room, cleaning the bath, the living room, etc., doing your homework, eating your daily serving of vegetables, in general, completing all your responsibilities. This way you will let your parents know that you can behave responsibly, and they will probably not shy away from answering.
- It's best to perform your duties responsibly for a few days or a week before asking. Surprise your parents with a clean room for the first time in years. Difficult questions require lengthy preparation.
Part 2
Convince your parents
1. Select the right time to start a conversation. In addition, it is also important to have a place where parents will not be nervous and will probably not refuse you. Start the conversation when the parents look happy and relaxed. Don't ask when parents look tired or stressed, otherwise you will only achieve irritation. The best and safe time For questions, dinner is considered.
  
  Maintain a calm tone when speaking. If you whine or get angry, your parents will likely think that you are not mature enough to get what you ask for. Parents will simply stop talking immediately until you calm down. Failure to remain calm is further evidence that you are not ready. Therefore, avoid whining and anger!
  - Even if it ends in you not getting what you want, invariably adult behavior will set the tone for future discussions in which you are most likely to achieve what you want. Your parents will probably think that you are really growing up. Therefore, returning to the question later will help you gain more understanding.
2. Let parents know it's beneficial. everyone. Usually, resolving any issue causes inconvenience and requires money and/or time. Emphasize that resolving the issue will benefit everyone.
  - For example, a cell phone will allow your parents to know where you are. What happens if you can't answer your old phone?
  - If you want to return home later than usual, emphasize that this will give the parents a chance to rest. But make sure you can get home so your parents don't have to drive to pick you up.
3. Give them time to think. Don't force them to give you an answer immediately. Invite them to come back to the conversation in a couple of hours or days and discuss any questions or concerns they have. Let them know that you want to discuss this as a mature, responsible adult and that you are willing to work on everything possible problems. Amaze them with your impeccable argumentation.
  - It is better to agree on a time for a new conversation in advance. Otherwise, parents may say that they have not discussed this issue yet, and you will have to painfully look for a new reason to start this conversation. Agree, for example, to return to the conversation next Monday at dinner - this will be more specific.
4. Find a compromise. Work on an agreement that suits both you and your parents. Offer to pay part of the phone bill or take on extra chores in return. Make sure they get something for themselves too. In the end, the issue may be resolved at least partially.
  - If you want a dog, agree who will look after it, feed it, walk it, and so on. And who will buy dog and will pay veterinary services. The responsibility doesn't end with buying a dog (or a phone), and that's what parents worry about most.
  - Stipulate liability for failure to fulfill obligations. For example, if you forget to walk the dog, emphasize that you are prepared to reduce your pocket money and prohibit evening walks with friends. This will show that you are ready for responsibility and willing to sacrifice yourself.
5. Write the reasons. Want to get what you need? Write an essay. No not like this. Write a persuasive essay. The essay structure looks like this:
  - A sentence that reflects the main idea of the topic. Transitional proposal. Thesis (main point).
  - First thesis. Arguments: evidence of why you need this thing. Explanation of evidence: What exactly does your example show your parents? Transitional proposal.
  - Thesis number two. Argument number two. Explanation of the argument. Transitional proposal.
  - This thesis shows alternative view on the subject of conversation. Argument in in this case refutes the first thesis. Explanation of the argument. Transitional proposal.
  - Thesis number four. This thesis may reflect a different view of the problem. It can be lowered. Argument number four. Explanation of the argument. Transitional proposal.
  - Final statement. Final point regarding the thesis. A final sentence that reaffirms the main point.
  - By composing an essay as described above, you will be thoroughly prepared for the conversation.
Part 3
Dealing with failure
1. Ask them why. You can always just ask them why they won't let you do what you want. Sometimes in response you can hear a fair remark, and sometimes - nonsense. If you ask as an adult, parents will be happy to give their reasons. If they have any questions or concerns, try to dispel them. Perhaps this will help change their point of view.
  - If you find out why they rejected you, you can find a way to eliminate the unfavorable factor or talk about it in such a way that the parents will agree. For example, if they think you shouldn't buy a cell phone because you're not mature enough, show them how mature you can be. Knowing the exact reason for the failure will help you fix the problem.
2. Improve your behavior. Parents will take note of how your behavior changes. Start getting good grades (if you aren't already), do your homework before your parents ask, and stay out of trouble. Show that you are responsible enough to get what you want.
  - As noted earlier, some “prep” time will be required. A few days of good behavior may not be enough, but weeks? A few weeks of calm and diligence can really help and show that you are a responsible person.
3. Even if you are rejected, treat your parents well. There is no need to show that you are very upset. Be kind to your parents and act normal. They may look like they don't care, but inside they are smiling, which can help in the long run.
  - You can try to instill in your parents a feeling of guilt, which is not so bad in the current situation. The kinder you are to your parents, the worse they will feel about the rejection. Eventually, they may change their mind.
4. Write a letter. Sometimes parents respond better to well-written arguments. Write them a persuasive letter with strong arguments that you deserve what you are trying to get. Parents will be surprised by an adult and professional approach to resolve the issue.
  - Write the letter by hand and hand it beautifully. This way parents will see the work done and appreciate the importance of the issue. If you were able to write a beautiful letter, perhaps you will take good care of the dog, walk it, feed it, and so on.
5. Change your strategy. If the first method of persuasion does not work, try changing your arguments. If some facts or arguments do not convince your parents, do not return to them over and over again. Show them that you have many great reasons to get what you want.
  - For example, in the case of mobile phone The argument about security and control may not work. Then say that you need the phone to find friends at school, or for part-time work. Or that there is a sale right now and the phone can be bought very cheaply. Think about what argument might work?
6. Humble yourself. Sometimes you should just accept their decision on this moment. Just say, “Okay, thanks for discussing this with me,” and walk away. You can try another time. If you continue to show your parents mature behavior, they may change their minds. After all, you are getting older and more mature every day.
  - Come back to the conversation later, but take your time. If your parents say it's okay to discuss this after New Year's Day, for example, wait about a week after New Year's. Respect their wishes and they will respect yours.
7. Consider reducing your requests. If you wanted a dog but your parents said no, calm down. If they don't want to take German Shepherd maybe they will agree to goldfish or a hamster? Who knows, maybe you just need little friend that you can take care of.
- Act mature and responsible for at least a month before asking. Choose a time that is convenient for everyone. Once you receive a positive (or negative) answer, do not change your behavior. It will be more difficult to convince your parents with your good behavior next time if you immediately stop behaving well. So continue to act mature and responsible so that your parents can see how well you can behave. In the end, they may change their mind to the positive.
- Do what your parents don't expect from you. This will give parents the idea that the child needs to be rewarded for doing the right thing. For example: “Yesterday you behaved very well, here is some money.” - “Ma, I don’t need money, I’d just like to go to the cinema with my friends on Friday, if possible.”
- Give parents time to think. There is no need to constantly ask if they have made a decision.
- If this concerns an event in which parents can take part, invite them too. Your parents will probably be happy to spend time with you.
- There is no need to beg your parents every day just because they are in a good mood. Instead, show them what you want. For example, if you want to get a dog, ask them for permission to go for a walk with a friend who has a dog. This way they will understand what you want.
- Don't throw a tantrum. Show your disappointment. This way they will understand that you really need what you are asking for. But don’t overdo it, on other days behave as usual - this way you will show your parents that you are an adult. If immediately after the request you act as if nothing happened, they will most likely refuse you.
- In the week before your request, make sure you complete all your homework and behave respectfully with your parents. Don't forget to also tell them about future positive aspects that will arise if you get what you want. Never show your parents doubts about your wishes - always speak confidently.
- Remember that parents are concerned about the safety of their children, and each parent has their own assessments and points of view about what you can do.
- Listen to their arguments against. Then bring yours. Try to dispel doubts by giving strong arguments. For example: “I want those shoes.” - “No, they are harmful to the feet.” - “And I’ll insert orthopedic insoles. And I’ll add my money.”
- If it's very important to you, do it without asking permission. After this, be sure to ask for forgiveness. Of course, it’s worth doing something like this extreme cases. For example, your friend is about to move to another country, and you have planned a trip together by car.

Starting to live separately from parents is a natural and expected stage in the life of every mature child. But for some reason, many adult children think with fear about leaving their home.

The imagination pictures an inevitable scandal with elders or a shameful return “to the roots” after an unsuccessful attempt to cope with everyday life on their own. How to convince your parents that you are already an adult?

So, your parents fall into the category of those who do not want to let you go from them, including from under their roof. Their arguments can range from the most well-intentioned - saving your money and time, taking care of you, to the most harsh: you are a stupid creature who will not soon mature for an independent life.

In both cases the underlying reason is the same: your parents don't want you to start growing up. It is easier for them to continue solving your problems themselves while being next to you. It seems to them that this way you will not make fatal mistakes and will save yourself and their nerves.

In addition, you do a lot around the house, you smooth out conflicts between father and mother who have not understood each other for a long time... Finally, parents are simply afraid to be left alone with their problems.

When is it time to “fly the nest”?

It is normal to separate from your parents between the ages of 19 and 23. People who began an independent life during these years are more adapted to society, more self-confident, know exactly what they want, and can stand up for themselves and their interests.

They calmly solve their problems without wasting energy on constant conflicts with their parents. Yes, and the elders begin a new round of life: when the children leave for another home, more time appears for themselves, for the implementation of long-planned plans.

How to escape from your parents' house painlessly?

1. Talk to your elders, explain that your desire to separate is not caused by hostility towards them. Let them know that you will see each other often and that you will continue to help and consult with your parents.

2. If you are not confident in your abilities, give yourself a rehearsal for a separate life. Live alone in the summer at the dacha or in your grandmother’s apartment; when she goes to the village, move in with a friend.

Try to solve all everyday issues yourself, and not endlessly call mom and dad asking for advice or telling you where you are.

3. Solve your financial problems. If your salary or stipend is not enough to live on your own, find a part-time job. Do everything so as not to take a penny from your parents - otherwise this is not an independent life at all. On the contrary, strive to earn in such a way as to financially support your elders.

4. If your parents continue to create obstacles to your departure and cannot talk about it without scandals, then someone can help you only your determination.

Packing things and leaving without listening to anyone is for some adult children this is the only chance to escape from their father’s house. And after this, the scandals will gradually subside: time and distance will force your parents to perceive you as equals.

Even though I am a human and an adult, I understand your childhood dreams of a dog, since since childhood I myself have been raising a puppy, which I picked up on the street and persuaded its parents to leave it under my full responsibility. As a person experienced in this matter, I will advise you on how to persuade your parents to buy a dog. But, first of all, understand, my friends, that a dog is not a teddy bear with which you can walk in front of envious children, and then take it to your apartment and hand it over to your mother for care.

Why is it so difficult to persuade your parents to buy a dog, and they often do not agree to this step? Can you answer this simple question? I think yes, you can. Your parents are busy people, they have their own work, their own concerns and interests, which sometimes intersect with yours. IN free time they can plan their vacation the way they want. Go to nature, I think that with you, read interesting book, go visit, just sleep. And here you, having played with the puppy, your puppy, leave him at home and run off to do your own interesting things. The puppy went and peed, chewed on the shoes, began to whine and complain that he was bored and wanted to eat. And who will educate him so that he grows up? smart dog? Everyone in the house has their own interests, but it was you who asked for the dog, and you have studies, friends, interests.

Therefore, before persuading your parents to buy a dog, I advise you, with all the knowledge of the matter, to read all the literature on the breed of dog that interests you. Collect all the clippings from newspapers and magazines, paste them into a separate notebook, which will be devoted to studying your favorite species. You should know everything about him from infancy to adult dog. Study questions on feeding, toilet training, stages of raising a pet.

Find out all about possible diseases dogs of this breed and where to contact them. Find out where the closest one to your home is Vet clinic, and a pharmacy for animals. In general, carefully, like for an exam, study and take notes on all the little details so that you know it by heart. And then go to your parents, give them your notes, and tell them about everything that is written there. I'm almost sure that this way you will be able to persuade your parents to buy you a dog.

Where is the best place to buy a dog?

To the question How to persuade parents? given by the author Conjugate the best answer is It depends where you want to go..
Imagine that you have a daughter and she goes out late at night for a walk, no one knows where and no one knows with whom... You'll go crazy while you wait for her to come...
I understand that your parents should have trust in you, but it’s not you they don’t trust, but those about whom the newspapers write about murders and rapes!! !
And because you will be a nerd (study well and think with your head), just a few years will pass and you will have a normal circle of friends who will respect you for your choice, respect from your parents for not hanging out on a bench in the evenings with your girlfriends , and are you interested in something...
And a few more years will pass - you will see - normal guys only look at such girls... And you will find your happiness - without losing it during the festivities..
Believe the experience of so many people - when they grow up a little, they really regret the past!

Answer from Anna Friedl[guru]
Try to understand your parents! It’s easier for them to yell at you than to endure the grief that may happen to you. Of course - don’t go into the forest to be afraid of wolves! But it’s better to sit at home for now in our time!

Answer from hospitable[guru]
Perhaps the parents are right. The world is very cruel now and drunken chumps of Caucasian nationality can, for example, drag you into a car after school and rape you..

Answer from Imofeevna[guru]
It is at this age that the most unpleasant things happen to girls. You need to be patient and grow up. Don't despair.

Answer from Eurovision[guru]
and nowhere - where is this? introduce your parents to your friends so they don't worry

Answer from Ray of light[guru]
They do it right. You'll still have time to run around discos.

Answer from Diana -[guru]
The key to a parent's heart
If you want to look at taboos more easily or gain more freedom, learn to communicate with your parents. But perhaps you will say: “I tried to talk, but to no avail! “Then think: maybe we need to find an approach to them? Communication is the key to 1) your parents understanding your concerns and 2) you understanding why your parents are denying you something. If you want your parents to treat you like an adult, then learn to have a dialogue with them. How?
Learn to control your feelings. Constructive communication requires self-control. The Bible says, “A fool pours out all his spirit, but a wise man keeps it quiet until the end” (Proverbs 29:11). So don't whine or act like a naughty child. As much as you want to slam the door and sulk, restrain yourself. Otherwise you will not achieve freedom, it will only lead to even greater restrictions.
Put yourself in your parents' shoes. Young Tracy grew up in a single-parent family. She shared: “When my mother forbids something, I ask myself why? And it becomes clear to me that she wants to grow me good man” (Proverbs 3:1, 2). This attitude helps to achieve mutual understanding with parents.
Let's say they don't allow you to go out with your friends. Instead of arguing, ask: “What if we invite someone you trust with us? “But even in this case, your parents may not let you go. However, by understanding the reason for their concern, you can offer an option that may suit them.
Gain the trust of your parents. Imagine that you borrowed money from a bank. If you make payments on time, you will gain trust and next time you will be able to receive an even larger amount. It's the same at home. Your duty is to obey your parents. If it is clear that you can be relied upon - even in small things - then trust in you will increase. But if you constantly let your parents down, then you waste their trust.
When you broke a rule
Sooner or later you will break some kind of prohibition: either you will come home at the wrong time, or you will not do something around the house, or you will talk on the phone for too long. I'll have to explain myself. How to avoid creating even more trouble for yourself?
Tell the truth. Now is not the time to use your imagination - otherwise you will only destroy the remnants of their trust. Be honest and tell us exactly what happened. Don't make excuses or downplay your guilt. Always remember that “a gentle answer turns away wrath” (Proverbs 15:1).
Apologize. If you admit that you upset your parents, caused them trouble, or caused them trouble, then perhaps this will reduce the punishment. However, your regret must be sincere.
Accept the consequences. At first, you always want to challenge the punishment, especially if it seems unfair. However, the ability to take responsibility for one's actions is a sign of maturity. The best thing you can do is try to regain your parents' trust.
Remember that your parents control you because it is their responsibility. It is not for nothing that the Bible mentions the commandment of the father and the law of the mother. However, do not think that parental rules will ruin your life. On the contrary, God wants you to obey your parents and, ultimately, “it will be good for you”!
“Honor your father and mother... So that you feel good.” Ephesians 6:2, 3
ADVICE
If you want your parents to give you more freedom, follow their rules. This way you will gain a good reputation and, most likely, they will allow you more.
DO YOU KNOW... ?
Research shows that when children feel a caring but firm hand from their parents, they tend to do better academically, be more social, and generally happier.