The first wedding night in Russia was arranged in a special way and had many differences from the analogous tradition of other nations. Among the peoples of Africa, Europe and India, the right of the first night meant the intimate contact of the bride with an outsider. Often it was the elder of the tribe, a noble lord, or even just the first person he met.
In Russia, the right to deprive a girl of her virginity traditionally belonged to her future husband. According to church canons, a married marriage is sacred and any attempt on someone else's marriage bed is a great sin. Later, the feudal lords often neglected this law and used the right of the first wedding night, but the church did not welcome this.
Time spending
The wedding ceremony in Russia was a complex sacrament that combined Christian and pagan traditions. The timing of the wedding has always been carefully selected. For many peoples of the world, the first intercourse of newlyweds could occur on the third or fourth day, or even later (some Muslim countries, India, etc.).
For Russians, the first wedding night took place during a wedding celebration, so it was very important to set the wedding on a date authorized by the church. According to Orthodox laws, it is impossible to have sexual intercourse during fasting and on church holidays, therefore, weddings were not appointed for this time.
Wedding night preparation ritual
For the Russian people, the wedding night has long been called the basement. This is due to the fact that the bed of the young was always arranged in a cool place: in the basement of the hut (pictured), closet, barn or bathhouse.
This always happened on the territory of the groom, since the girl after the wedding went to live with him. For the newlyweds, a high bed was prepared on a sturdy wooden base. He was covered with bedding from the girl's dowry. The preparation of the bed for the bride and groom was carried out by women-bedwomen from among the matchmakers. Also, the mother or sister of the groom could prepare the bed.
Many ritual objects were laid on the bed, which were supposed to protect the newlyweds from damage and ensure a comfortable existence for them in the future. These amulets included small rye sheaves, bags of flour, mattresses, feather beds. Above the bed was covered with a snow-white embroidered bedspread. Several logs, a frying pan, a poker, and a juniper branch were placed under the bed of the bed. These items were supposed to protect the couple from all evil spirits. The logs symbolized future offspring, so they had to be put in more.
Seeing off the newlyweds
A whole crowd of guests accompanied the newlyweds to the “bedchamber” prepared in this way: friends, matchmakers, relatives and in general anyone who wanted to take part in a noisy and cheerful action. Seeing off was accompanied by songs, obscene jokes and advice. The friend beat the box with a whip, expelling evil spirits. Then he had to pay the ransom to the bed-sisters.
Alone
After all these rituals, the newlyweds were finally left alone. The door was locked, and a cell guard was left near it. He, too, had to protect the newlyweds from evil spells and various evil spirits. But the guests often remained at the door and simply spied on the young.
Left alone, the bride and groom first treated themselves to bread and chicken. This food was supposed to give the couple fertility. After eating, the girl was obliged to remove the boots from the guy's feet. Thus, she demonstrated humility in front of her future husband and showed her readiness to obey him in everything. Also, the girl had to ask her husband for permission to lie with him. Then sexual intercourse must have taken place. A friend came to inquire about this several times. As soon as the girl lost her virginity, the marriage was considered physically confirmed, which was loudly announced to all guests. The young could again be taken to a feast and delight them with songs of the most obscene content, or the guests themselves came to the basement of the newlyweds and remained there with them until dawn.
Innocence as the main attribute
The most important moment in this whole ritual was the demonstration of the bride's shirt with blood stains. If the bride kept her virginity before the wedding, she was considered honest. Otherwise, she brought shame not only on herself, but also on her parents. A collar was hung around the neck of the matchmaker and the parents of the dishonest newlywed. Father was offered a glass of wine with a hole in the bottom. The girl could even be returned to her father's house.
The loss of virginity on their wedding night was symbolically celebrated by hanging towels embroidered with red threads and beating pots. After that, the girl became "young", and the guy - "young". After the wedding night, the pullets were dressed in the clothes of a married woman and put on her a corresponding headdress. The whole ritual had to be strictly observed, otherwise the new family was threatened with sterility and poverty.
That night, full of secrets, which the newlyweds are anxiously awaiting with excitement. It is advisable for young people to put on elegant clothes, perfume themselves with incense. The groom, who has entered the bride, must first greet her, give her a small gift, treat her to something and have a heart-to-heart talk. Then it is desirable that the young people separately perform two rak'ah prayers and ask Allah to make their life happy and full of abundance. This will help young people to be distracted and calm down a little, because prayer has a powerful psychological effect.
If the wedding night fell on the bride's menstrual cycle, then the sexual intercourse, of course, is postponed for other days, for sexual intercourse on the days of Haida is haram.
I would not want to ignore the custom, still widespread among Muslim peoples, to wait for the completion of sexual intercourse between the young outside the room to check the bed and make sure of the innocence of the bride. But controlling young people, exploring issues that should remain a secret between spouses, is a habit that leads to haraam. This custom violates Islamic precepts not to spy or spy on other people. He makes public what should be a secret between spouses, for their relationship is the sacrament of marriage. A situation may arise that the bride may become the object of unfounded suspicions, her honor and dignity may be hurt. Such customs can cast a shadow on the relationship of young people and darken the rest of their lives. Therefore, Muslims should make every effort to abandon such customs, which are contrary to the foundations of Islam.
The wedding night requires patience and delicacy. A great responsibility falls on the shoulders of a man. The fright and excitement of the bride is quite normal and the man must do everything so that this night does not disgust the bride and does not frighten her, because this can leave an imprint on his whole life.
Firstly, it is quite difficult for a girl to leave her parental home, where she spent all her years, and start a new life in a new house, to submit to a man, and at this moment she really needs understanding and affection. No woman will ever forget her first man. And if the first night is full of new and pleasant sensations, if everything is surrounded by affection and love, she will be grateful to him all her life. Even if they part for some reason, the memories of the first night will always make them feel good.
Some young people think they need to show their masculinity on the first night and act rude and tactless. The wedding night requires delicacy, and a man must give more than take. Every man needs to learn that the first night can have a big impact on the future life of the family.
Do not start immediately with undressing. It is advisable that the girl does it herself. At the same time, in no case should you immediately greedily examine the body of the bride. In most cases, for the first time in her life, undressing in front of a man, the girl experiences an unprecedented shame. The man's body makes her fear. Therefore, for the first time, it is necessary to extinguish or dim the light of the lamp or to undress behind the curtain, and it is best for a man not to look towards the bride. First you need to take off your outerwear, and your underwear is already in bed, under the covers.
On their wedding night love games and affection are very important. No matter how shy the girl is, no matter how embarrassing she is, but gradually she will begin to calm down. If the man is delicate and behaves as expected, the desire will slowly begin to awaken in the bride.
Defloration is not a painful act, as it seems to many girls. This will not cause any trouble for a normal girl and boy. The main thing is to prepare the girl for sexual intercourse with preliminary love games. If the bride cannot calm down and is experiencing great anxiety, the groom should try to understand her and postpone intercourse until the next day.
Excessive persistence or brute force can cause a girl to have a disease called vaginismus. With this disease, a spasm of the female genital organs occurs, and penetration into the vagina of the male genital organ becomes impossible. Even if intercourse does occur, it causes excruciating pain in the woman.
Each religion differs from the rest in the perception of a person's social and personal life. This includes the traditions of marriage.
The anticipation of the first wedding night by the newlyweds is an exciting moment of the wedding. Now they can know each other as husband and wife. The postnuptial "ritual" is shrouded in many beliefs and customs, enshrined in the minds of believers.
The first wedding night in the Christian tradition
Christianity has built its own system of sacred dogmas that affect marriage. Although the majority of Christians in Russia have long been loyal to the immorality of some brides, the girl's chastity has always been held in high esteem. This idea is also common in the modern Christian world.
There is still a tradition in Christianity to send young people to the house of the groom immediately after the end of the wedding feast. There the next day a young family will receive guests.
The Orthodox faith does not force to observe outdated customs (wooden flooring with bags instead of a bed with a mattress; seeing off the newlyweds to their home by a noisy crowd; newlyweds eating bread and chicken in the bedroom) associated with the first married night. The Orthodox pay great attention to preparing the place where the newlyweds will spend the first night.
The newlyweds are allowed to make a bed for the matchmaker, sisters or the groom's mother. Bridesmaids are not allowed, as they can envy the happiness of the young. Bed linen should be new, clean and ironed. After the sleeping place of the future spouses is prepared, it should be sprinkled with holy water and baptized. There may be icons in the room of the newlyweds. They do not need to be removed or covered with a cloth, as intimacy in marriage is not considered a sin.
The Orthodox Church recognizes legal and ecclesiastical unions of people. Christian priests say that only after the wedding, the newlyweds will learn the sacrament of marital intimacy. Therefore, it is carried out immediately after the official registration at the registry office or on the next day after the wedding. Intimacy outside of spiritual marriage for deeply religious Christians is considered fornication, therefore the first wedding night should occur after the wedding in the church.
Intimate contact between spouses on the first night is impossible if the bride is having her period on that day. On such days, the girl's body is considered unclean. Brides need to calculate in advance whether the wedding falls on "critical days", since during this period a woman is prohibited from attending church.
Left alone with each other, the wife, as a true Christian, must demonstrate her meekness and humility. To do this, she needs to take off her husband's shoes and ask permission to share the marriage bed with him. On this sacred night, spouses should be especially gentle and affectionate with each other.
The first wedding night in the Muslim tradition
Islam has its own wedding traditions. The last stage of nikah (this is the name of the Muslim marriage union) is the first night of the newly-made spouses. For Muslims, it occurs after the bride arrives at her husband's house with her things. The bulk of the bride's dowry is made up of countless pillows and blankets. A wedding night is impossible without a comfortable mattress and good bedding.
In the room where the husband and wife are, there should be no strangers, including animals. Lighting should be dim or completely absent, so that the newlyweds are less shy of each other. If the holy book of the Koran is kept in the room, it should be wrapped in a cloth or taken out. A man should not be in a hurry and be rude towards a young wife. First, a Muslim should invite his wife to try the dishes - sweets (for example, honey or halva), fruits or nuts, a legal drink () and spices.
Before intercourse, newlyweds need to fulfill several conditions for a happy and charitable family life. The groom should put his hand on the bride's forehead, say basmalu (a sacred common phrase among Muslims) and say a prayer. In it, a Muslim asks for blessings from Allah, who should give them a strong union, where there will be many children. Then it is advisable for the spouses to perform namaz (joint two-raka'at prayer) and again turn to the divine power with the question: “O Allah, bless me in relations with my wife (husband) and her (his) in relations with me. O Allah, affirm the good between us and in the event of separation, part us in a good way! " During lovemaking, the husband should be affectionate and gentle with his wife so that she can respond in kind.
In Islam, it is not forbidden to postpone the first marital intimacy to another time, but there must be good reasons for this: the bride's period, bad mood or well-being of the newlyweds, the recent acquaintance of the spouses.
In some families, relatives like to stand at the door of the young, to make sure that the girl is a virgin. Islam requires not to spy on or spy on people, since this is a violation of the precepts of the Koran. In the Islamic faith, there is another custom associated with the maiden honor of the bride: if the young wife was an innocent girl, then the spouse should spend seven nights with her. If the newly-made spouse was already married, then the man should stay with her for only three nights.
The first wedding night in the traditions of other religions
Religious principles about the first wedding night in other religions differ little from those that have already been listed. But there are still small differences.
In Buddhism, there is a custom to decorate the room luxuriously and brightly where the bride and groom spend their first night. Followers of the faith believe that such an environment has a positive effect on the mood of the newlyweds and is a good start to their colorful and prosperous life together. Fresh flowers are used to decorate the interior of the bedroom of the young. On their wedding night, spouses should be frank and relaxed, strive for mutual pleasure from the process.
In Judaism, it is generally accepted that the initiative to enter into sexual intercourse between young spouses should come only from the woman. Sex in this religion is not a simple entertainment and a way to satisfy instincts, but carries the sacred meaning of the union of the bodies and souls of lovers. So that the first wedding night for the newly-made Jewish family is really the first, all meetings of the young before the wedding take place only under the supervision of older relatives.
There is a custom that says that a man must read a prayer before fulfilling his marital duty. In it, he turns to the Lord with a request to grant him physical strength and an heir - a son. This prayer is repeated three times at the marriage bed.
Common traditions for all religions
There are certain traditions for the first marriage night, common to all religions. These include:
Ablution after intercourse
In all religions, it is strongly recommended to wash the genitals immediately after an intimate act or rinse completely with water. This is especially true for men. It is customary to perform the action for hygienic reasons, and to protect the body from the evil eye.
Do not overeat before intimacy
The religious principle “do not please your womb,” which is approved in many religions, operates. Newlyweds should be humble in their eating habits and full of energy for the sacred act of marriage.
The wedding night, in the traditional sense - the first sexual contact of the newlyweds, accompanied by the defloration of the bride; today it is largely a conditional term, since such a night can take place long before the official conclusion of marriage or some time after the registration of the marriage union; moreover, the first intimate encounter does not always take place at night.
Even with inexperience in matters of sex, the newlyweds are able to have sexual intercourse, however the wedding night Is too important an event in the life of lovers to be taken lightly.
So, according to Steckel, "for a woman's love, the circumstance plays an exceptional role, whether the first bars passed with dissonance or with a complete harmonic chord" (see Sexual Harmony). The conditions that it is desirable to fulfill at the first intimacy are quite simple, but you should think about them in advance. It is quite clear that the wedding night should take place without witnesses and with the complete confidence of the young that their privacy will not be disturbed even by accident. The marriage bed should not creak, it is desirable that the room be twilight. Both spouses should remember about the need for preliminary hygiene procedures (warm water and soap are enough for this).
It should be remembered that the attitude towards the first sexual intercourse in girls is significantly different from that of men. Most girls have a certain fear of first intercourse. They like hugs, kisses, caresses and tender words of a beloved man, but the upcoming sexual intercourse is often perceived with fearful, wary. The persistence of a young man, his unwillingness to reckon with the feelings and experiences of the girl, and sometimes gross violence can cause her mental, and if she resists, physical trauma, often with serious consequences for further intimate life (for example, the development of vaginismus or the formation of disgust in a young woman to sexual intercourse). You need to be patient-persistent, gentle and necessarily confident in your abilities.
With defloration, pain can be reduced to a minimum if the first coitus is carried out in one of the following positions. The wife lies across the bed on her back, lowering her legs to the floor, the husband spreads her hips to such an extent that he can stand between them, leaning on his hands on either side of his wife (holding his weight), at the time of insertion of the penis, he is in an inclined position ... Even more gentle is the posture when a girl, completely lying on her back, puts a pillow or a rolled-up blanket under her buttocks, and raises her bent knees to her chest, which ensures maximum tension of the hymen at the entrance to the vagina and ensures its rupture. Powerful and elastic muscles of the perineum, straining, narrow the entrance to the vagina, making it difficult for the first sexual intercourse, in connection with which it is necessary to consciously relax them. The next sexual intercourse is recommended no earlier than a day or a few days later (after the tears of the hymen have healed), even if the young wife does not mind doing it earlier. Very rarely, bleeding does not stop for a long time - in this case, you need to consult a gynecologist (see Gynecology).
If, during the first intimacy, a young woman does not have blood and complaints of discomfort arising from insufficient degree of sexual arousal (due to the lack of vaginal lubrication), sexual intercourse can continue until its logical conclusion - ejaculation. In this case, it is possible to use one of the methods of contraception: interrupted coitus, condom, calendar method, etc. (see Prevention of pregnancy). Conception in wedding night can hardly be considered the best option, although such cases are by no means uncommon.
On match wedding night with menstruation, you need to know that intercourse during this period is undesirable (see Genital Hygiene). Occasionally, women experience vaginismus, when it is pointless to use force, achieving the introduction of the penis into the vagina, since this is almost impossible to achieve, and the relationship will be damaged for a long time. In some cases, men may have premature ejaculation (sometimes already with intense caresses or the very first frictions), but there should not be strong feelings about this, since after a short period of time an erection may arise again, and the degree of a man's arousal will decrease slightly, which will increase the duration intercourse.
Often, mainly among timid, shy, suspicious, insecure young men, penile erection does not occur or it weakens sharply when trying to imissia (see Introitus), and sexual intercourse ends in failure. It is very important that the young wife behave correctly in this situation. It is well known that reproaches and irritations from a partner contribute to a young man's neurotic fixation on sexual problems, increase his fear of intimacy, and hence the likelihood of repeated breakdowns with each subsequent attempt to have sexual intercourse.
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