In an ideal world, all the people with whom we have to communicate will be good, kind, considerate, intelligent, generous. They will love our jokes, and we will love theirs. We will live in a wonderful environment where no one is ever upset, no one will swear or slander others.
But, as you have already noticed, we live in an imperfect world. Some people drive us crazy, but we ourselves can drive others mad. We do not like those who are inattentive to others, harsh, like to spread rumors, meddle in our affairs, or simply do not understand our jokes, but expects us to laugh at his jokes.
You've probably wondered if you can be objective about those who constantly annoy you and with whom you would never want to dine together, and how to learn to be friendly towards everyone you meet.
Even in an ideal world, creating a team full of people that you would like to invite to your barbecue is unrealistic. Therefore, smart people often hang out with people they don't like. They just have to do it. And this is how they do it.
1. They admit that they cannot please everyone.
Sometimes we fall into the trap of thinking that we are good. We believe we are liked by everyone we meet, even when they don't. But you will inevitably run into difficult people who oppose what you think. Smart people know this. They also recognize that conflicts or disagreements are the result of differences in value systems.
The person you don't like is, in principle, not a bad person. The reason for your rejection is that you have different values, and this difference creates tension. Once you admit that not everyone likes you and not everyone likes you, because of the difference in the value system, you can exclude emotions when assessing the situation. This will help you come to an agreement.
2. They tolerate (rather than ignore or fire) those they dislike
Sure, you can put up with someone's constant criticism, grit your teeth at lousy jokes, or ignore someone's intrusive company, but there is no worse thing than constantly suppressing your irritation. In terms of performance, being overly eager to win people's sympathy is a bigger problem than their lack of sympathy.
You need people who have different points of view and are not afraid to argue. They are kind of people who don't let you do stupid things. It is not easy, but they must be tolerated. Often these are the ones who challenge or provoke us, but they encourage us to new understanding and help us move towards success. Remember that you are not perfect either, but nevertheless people tolerate you.
3. They are polite to those they dislike.
Regardless of how you feel about someone, the person will be guided by your behavior and attitude, and will most likely treat you the same way. If you are rude to him, most likely, he will drop all propriety and be rude to you in return. Remember, if you are polite, people will be tolerant of you.
The ability to control your face is of great importance. You need to be able to show that you think the person is professional and that you treat them well. This will help you not sink to their level or get caught up in what they are doing.
4. They hold back their expectations.
People often have unrealistic expectations about others. We can expect that in a certain situation others will act in the same way as we would, or say what we could say, that is, we want to hear now. However, this is not real. People have innate personality traits that largely determine their reaction. Expecting others to act the same way as you would prepare yourself for frustration and frustration.
If the person evokes the same feelings in you every time, adjust your expectations accordingly. This way, you will be psychologically prepared and his behavior will not take you by surprise. Smart people do this all the time. They are never surprised by the behavior of an unsympathetic person.
5. They do not analyze the opponent, but themselves
No matter what you are experiencing, people cannot get into your skin. It is important that you know how to manage your feelings when dealing with someone who annoys you. Instead of thinking that this person is annoying you, focus on why you are reacting to it that way. Often we dislike in others what we dislike in ourselves. Also, they don't create a button, they just click on it.
Pinpoint the triggers that might affect your feelings. Then you may be able to anticipate your reaction, soften it, or even change it. Remember, it is easier to change your perceptions, attitudes and behavior than it is to force someone to become a different person.
6. They pause and take a deep breath.
There are some things that annoy you all the time. Maybe it's a coworker who regularly misses deadlines, or a guy who makes stupid jokes. Understand what annoys you and who is pressing your buttons. This way you can prepare for it.
If you can take time out and take control of the surging adrenaline and then turn to the intellectual part of your brain, you can better negotiate and justify your judgments. Taking a deep breath and taking one big step back can help calm you down and protect you from over-arousal, thereby allowing you to get down to business with a clearer mind and an open heart.
7. They voice their needs.
If some people constantly offend you, calmly let them know that their demeanor and communication style is a problem for you. Avoid accusatory phrases, try using the formula instead: "When you ... then I feel ...". For example: "When you interrupt me during a meeting, I feel that you do not appreciate my work." Then pause and wait for a response.
You may find that the other person did not realize that your presentation was not over yet, or your colleague was so excited by his idea that he threw it out in a fit of excitement.
8. They keep their distance
If all other techniques fail, smart people create distance between themselves and what they don't like. Apologize for yourself and go your own way. If this happens at work, move to another room or sit at the other end of the conference table. With a distance and perspective, you may be able to return to discussion and interact with people you like and not worry about those you dislike.
Of course, things would be easier if we could say goodbye to people we don't like. Unfortunately, we all know that this does not happen in life.
Hundreds of people ask themselves the question every day: why don't people like me? Do you want to know why people don't like you?
In most cases, it is your fault if people around you do not like you. Maybe you are too critical of everything or do not know how to keep yourself within limits, are vulgar or always so sad that others feel uncomfortable with you, that is, you push people away from you with the manner of your behavior. Maybe you lack the usual goodwill and ease of communication. Maybe you are too shy and find it difficult to get along with people. Maybe you have come up with everything for yourself? Maybe you need to test yourself first:
Let's take a closer look at individual cases and try to find a decent way out of them together.
1. You are complaining too much
There are situations when you want to cry to someone “in the vest”. In the case of a chronic “crybaby”, his whole life is a cause for complaints.
A normal person will not complain to others that he lost his handkerchief or comb on the way home. “Crybaby” will turn this story into a tragedy.
He will talk for a long time about what a wonderful comb he had, how good it was for her to comb her hair, and how he will do without it now. Somewhere in the middle of his monologue, someone wants to buy him the same comb, just to stop his nagging. It can be argued that people will try to avoid communicating with such a bore.
If you find the features of a “crybaby” in yourself, do not ask: why people don’t like me - change immediately. No one, even the best friend, will endure such an outpouring for a long time.
If you are not going to change, you should know that you are an extremely unpleasant person for communication.
2. You are an alarmist
This demeanor is more inherent in women, but there are also men who are often subject to the unreasonable. Such people, with bated breath, listen to gossip, reports of robberies, violence, plane crashes, murders and other horrors.
From them you learn that a daily diet leads to asthma, and playing basketball leads to death from a ball. Every day these people amaze everyone with stories about terrorists, maniacs, murderers and teenagers who have been chipped in. After a month of communication with such a person, it will indeed seem that on our planet, apart from murder and violence, nothing else happens.
> If you have found in yourself the traits of an "alarmist" - urgently change. No one wants to be in a company with a person who predicts only misfortunes and sorrows for everyone. A gloomy attitude towards everything turns your friends away from you.
3. You are a know-it-all
Such a person will never go to the doctor. He himself is a walking medical encyclopedia, and medicine is an insignificant area of his knowledge.
If invited to dinner, he will immediately begin teaching the hostess the best ways to cook meat dishes.
If suddenly he finds out that someone has spent the entire month's earnings on a beautiful but expensive thing, he will immediately notify where you can buy the best, but three times cheaper. Then he will talk about the greenhouse effect and explain to a neighbor on the table why he is such a dull, analyzing his pedigree using the latest methods.
Even if he is caught lying, he will turn the conversation in such a way that others will feel embarrassed by slandering such a good person.
If you have found in yourself the features of "know-it-all" - urgently change. Always knowing everything and telling everyone about everything, you are simply unbearable.
4. You do not know how to control your behavior
The destructive power of such a person surpasses any bomb. Flower pots with violets and ficuses, pencils, cups, papers, boxes fly around the room in a whirlwind. Probably, as a child, he was never told that it is impossible to extinguish outbursts of anger in public.
Or, conversely, they talked too often and achieved the opposite effect. Such a person breaks down not just daily, but hourly. He screams, tears to shreds of paper, his eyes sparkle, and his hair stands on end. No intelligible reasoning can calm him down.
After communicating with such a person, you will involuntarily want to have a muzzle and a straitjacket with you and use them for their intended purpose.
If you find in yourself the traits of an “uncontrolled person” - urgently change or in the near future you will have no one to show your eccentric character to.
5. You are too intrusive
Such a person dares to do little: fly in an airplane, eat unfamiliar food, swim or travel. But he boldly "hangs" on everyone who is near when he has a headache, lost glasses or something else happened.
Stickers demand the kind of dedication that only close kinship requires. It is extremely difficult to get rid of them.
They want the person they are hanging on not only to know everything about their life, but also to live their life. They describe to him every day to the smallest detail, talk about what they are going to do tomorrow, the day after tomorrow, and so on.
To protect yourself from such a friend, you want to move to another house, even better to another city, absolutely fine - to another country, but the best thing - to another planet.
If you find yourself "sticky" traits - urgently change... There is a limit to the burden that can be shouldered by friends. Cross the limit - and friends will scatter.
6. You are too critical
Such a person questions everything and everyone. If he is presented with leather gloves, he will look at them for a long time, and then say: "Is this leather?"
No matter where he sits in the cinema, he feels bad everywhere, and he can't even see anything.
He pesters everyone with stories about his ugly boss, about fellow cretins, about a government that does not do a damn thing. If he is invited to a restaurant, he will study the menu with great passion, and when, at last, the ordered dishes are brought, he will criticize them in such a way that it will discourage the appetite of those around them, completely ruining their mood.
At the party, he unceremoniously discusses those present, but he considers himself higher and infallible than them.
If you find the traits of “criticism” in yourself, change urgently... If you see only flaws in people, they will not want to do business with you. Why, if you still can't please?
7. You have no sense of humor
For such a person, laughter is the most deadly sin. He sits with a sour face while everyone dies with laughter.
Moreover, he asks specifically for him to explain what is funny about what everyone laughed at for so long. When someone with the best intentions tries to make him laugh, he takes offense and leaves the room.
It is very difficult with a person who has no sense of humor. In his presence, there is always a tense atmosphere, those around him are afraid that they might offend him with a random joke, so that they do not have to apologize many times and explain what he misunderstood.
If you find yourself lacking a sense of humor, change immediately. Try to treat yourself with a certain amount of irony and you will not have to suffer and torment others with your boringness, you will more easily begin to endure the difficulties that fall to the lot of almost every person. Having a sense of humor does not mean amusing guests. It is the ability to withstand life's hardships.
Svetlana Bestuzheva-Lada, candidate of historical sciences, sociopsychologist
http://www.passion.ru
Why don't people like you?
Probably, each person at different times, under different circumstances, wondered why he might not like it. This mainly happens during depression or deep shocks. When a person develops a career, personal life and relationships with friends, he is unlikely to puzzle over this issue. But as soon as one of these components does not add up, then with introspection, you begin to solve the problem of why people do not like me. If you find yourself in a similar situation and are concerned about solving the problem, we advise you to do the following:
Why people don't like me and what to do
To begin with, determine which of your environment you did not like and on the basis of what, you had to draw such conclusions. Then think about whether you have a desire to communicate with these people, and whether you need them.
If you like people, and you prefer to communicate with them further, then think about your behavior, and what exactly you could have done wrong. You may have to slightly correct your character and less criticize the immediate environment. And then the question: why people don't like me won't appear in your head.
Probably, lately, not everything is going well with you and only complaints are heard from you. Try to take advantage of the current situation and start talking less to your environment about your problems. Even the most patient people get bored with complainers.
Consider if you share a lot of bad and criminal news with the people around you. Try to share positive emotions, tell more funny and funny things.
Give out less information containing a lot of all kinds of knowledge. People do not really like to communicate with a person who knows a lot. And use less criticism.
The answer to the problem of why people don't like me can be contained in periodic outbursts of anger. Try to control yourself in public without speaking out harshly.
And most importantly, try to be more natural and simple.
After all, it is always more pleasant to communicate with the person himself, and not the image he has created. There is no need to try to conform to someone's ideals. Simplicity and naturalness are the path to good communication and lasting friendship.
There are many ways to prevent others from wanting to have anything to do with you. And most of them don't require much effort. After all, sometimes just one glance at your behavior on social networks or a simple greeting from you is enough for a person to start avoiding you. Here are some common reasons why people may not like you.
Uploading too many photos to social media
It is interesting that, as a rule, relatives do not really like it when you post too many photos of your friends, and friends, on the contrary, are not happy to contemplate a lot of pictures of your relatives. 
Too many or too few Facebook friends
In one study, college students were asked to view fictitious Facebook profiles and how much they liked their owners. The subjects themselves had about 300 friends in this social network.
The results showed that the students liked the profiles the owners of which also had about 300 friends. Moreover, negative reviews were equally awarded to those for whom this indicator was less than 100 and more than 300. Why did the subjects not like users who have more than three hundred friends on Facebook? According to them, such people seemed to them too keen on the social network and trying in every way to increase their popularity.
Disclosing too personal details to the interlocutor
In general, people get closer together faster if they share some frank details with each other. What's more, scientists consider it to be one of the best ways to make new friends in adulthood. However, if at an early stage of acquaintance with a person, as they say, overwhelm him with too intimate details (for example, that your sister has a secret extramarital affair or something like that), then with a high degree of probability you will only alienate the interlocutor ...
The key to success lies in revealing some of the details of your personal life, while not switching over to too intimate details. So, psychologists advise to tell a new acquaintance, for example, about your hobbies and interesting childhood memories. Surely, such frankness will make you more attractive in the eyes of the interlocutor. 
Asking questions without saying anything about yourself
Posting your photo with a face shot in close-up on your social network profile
According to research, users are more attracted to people posting photos taken with a camera from about 135 centimeters away. If you were photographed from a distance closer than 45 centimeters, then it is better not to post such a picture on the social network, as it will only cause a negative reaction.
Hiding emotions
Numerous studies have shown that the best way to get closer to people is to demonstrate your true feelings about an object or event. Therefore, if you avoid expressing your emotions, then those around you may think that you are of little interest and that you are an unemotional, cold person. Therefore, they are unlikely to want to deal with you. 
Always being too good
Many people believe that others like people who never refuse anyone in anything and are always ready to help. However, in reality, this is not at all the case. Research has shown that this behavior can lead people to think that you have some ulterior motive and goals that you plan to achieve by behaving in this way. After all, looking at things objectively, it becomes clear that you hardly want to be the one who is always ready to run for pizza or drinks during a meeting, fill the printer with paper, etc. It is perfectly okay to sometimes deny others' requests.
Excessive self-criticism
If you do not want to alienate new acquaintances or potential employers, then you should not exaggerate your shortcomings. Of course, you shouldn't praise yourself too much. So, according to the studies, people have a negative reaction when their interlocutor, answering the question posed, exaggerates his weaknesses.
Excessive nervousness
In no case should you be allowed to see others, and even more so to feel that you are sweating. According to research, the smell of sweat can subconsciously influence how other people think about you. Therefore, you must try to control yourself and be sure to use deodorant, which can help at least a little in such a situation.
I'm not lucky in everything. Especially in a team, I have already changed three educational institutions and everything is the same for some reason people don’t like me, although I don’t wish them bad things, and I have no friends at all, I had two best friends, but they betrayed me. And very often thoughts of suicide come to mind ...
Support the site:
No one, age: 17/28/2014
Feedback:
Hello! Drive these thoughts away! You are very young, you have a lot of time ahead of you to make friends and find love. And I will also give advice: try to mentally always wish people good. They will feel this and reach out to you. Checked on my own experience! )
Good luck !!! Happy spring to you!)
Moonwalker, age: 32 / 02.28.2014
The team has its own laws. You never have to "adapt" to anyone, try to please, just be yourself. Like attracts like, so do not wear a mask and do not play a role, so as not to "attract" people who are alien to you.
By the way, a common reason for disliking people is misunderstanding. Keep it simple so that people can understand you and your actions. Open to communication, but holding on with dignity - this is the ideal model of behavior. By the way, the hygiene of the body and clothes also plays an important role, this also needs to be monitored.
And also a person who is sincerely passionate about something always arouses respect and interest: whether in sports, collecting stamps or something else.
I believe that you will succeed!
Olga, age: 02/28/2014
Hey! On the one hand, you are doing the right thing that you see the problem in yourself, but with this it is better not to overdo it.
I think the problem here is a combination of external and internal. Both the team and you are in this team.
The solution to the problem is your sincere desire to communicate with new people. Do not take them negatively at once, do not take them negatively even when they hurt you. Try to forgive! And smile, help them, because one day it will come back to you like a boomerang!
To be honest, I also had a hard time with new people, but I (sometimes overcoming myself) still tried to improve relations. It came to curiosities! For example, one day the boss at first once again undeservedly poured a "tub of mud" on me, and then asked her to help - and I helped with a smile! Then she said in amazement and bewilderment: "Well, you are a staunch tin soldier! ..". Since then, she has treated me with respect.
I told you all this so that you understand that people can test you, test your strength. In the literature, this is called the initiation rite. You are deliberately offered a number of obstacles, obstacles, passing through which you gain experience, become one of them, one of the members of this collective.
Remember that in life you will constantly have to gain your authority, defend your right to exist - in a kindergarten, school, university, at any new job. Everyone, of course, has their own method. But one of the universal and tested by me on my own experience is the initial and constant benevolent, sincere attitude towards people. This method will also preserve your peace of mind - you will not accumulate grievances and make plans for revenge, you will forgive, thereby cleansing yourself)))
Good luck and success !!! Everything will definitely work out!
Loading ...