How to support a person when it is difficult for him. How to support a person in a difficult moment? Tips of psychologists and everyday wisdom

Instruction

To support the person close to you during the disease, first of all, you need to make it clear that it remains as native and necessary for you. And even if the disease broke some of your plans for working, personal life, trips, explain that his condition will not become a burden or burden for you, and the concern for him is an important part of your life.

Speak the words of love and encouragement. Cut a lot of time with a sick person, talk with him. Share those news and events that have happened at your work or throughout the day. Ask the Council. Thus, you will emphasize that your attitude towards a loved one has not changed because of it is healthy or sick. You still appreciate and value Him.

Patients even in a state of coma are able to distinguish between the voices of relatives, and may also experience certain feelings. Therefore, only positive impact on your loved ones will be delivered by your kind words. Talk, even if it seems to you that you do not hear.

Come up with a lesson that would deliver the pleasure of a person you care for during the disease. You can just watch some kind of program on television, read the book, listen to music. If this is a child - do some crawl with it, draw a picture, collect a mosaic. The main thing is your presence and participation. In a state of illness, many feel lonely, so a joint occupation is just that the joy can bring and encourage a person who is sick.

Try to entertain and distract the patient from his illness. Create a cozy atmosphere in the room where it is located. If this is a hospital - bring some any homework there, photos, books. You can bring your favorite indoor plant from the house. If the patient is at home - make him a gift without waiting for this special reason. Most oncological, being depressed, tend to "give hands". Therefore, showing the care of this kind, you will give an example of faith that he, like you, have tomorrow, and therefore a healthy future.

If the disease is not infectious, invite friends. Prepare your favorite treat. Tea drinking with friends or colleagues for work, perhaps will improve the mood and give strength to combat the disease.

Helpful advice

And an important moment - do not forget about yourself. Look in every situation positive, communicate with friends and loved ones. Do sports, feel good. If you have healthy thinking, an optimistic attitude and a large supply of patience, a sick person, who is near you, will feel comfortable and reliable.

Sometimes it is difficult to choose the words to express support to your beloved person. But it is very important that close to feel your faith in it, especially in a difficult situation. Sometimes only this faith helps to avoid many mistakes caused by the desire to prove to others, and sometimes helps to stand up and start living with new forces.

Instruction

Believe in the strength of your loved one man And in his success. Not in words - it should be inner conviction. Always consider your loved one man The best in the world. It inspires and instills confidence. Emphasize constantly remind of the best qualities of your beloved man, its strengths, especially if a person for some reason is insecure.

Get rid of the habit of criticize and doubt. If you want to warn about any consequences or express your experiences, then express only your feelings and fears and only from your face. Use "I-statements", say: "I'm worried about the consequences," instead of the phrase "you always enjoy something in anything."

Think of good, wishes sincere success in all the endeavors of your loved one. Express him more often words of approval and support, your understanding and adoption. If a person is deeply worried, listen more to him. It often happens that, expressing, a person is easier and faster comes to some decision, takes steps forward in overcoming painful experiences, doubt.

Create houses atmosphere of goodwill and rest. The house is really the fortress that bears a sense of security to man gives strength and confidence. Filling it with positive, comfort, calm and understanding, you will create a favorable background for moral and psychological support for your beloved man.

Sources:

words support loved

In the life of everyone man There are situations when you need support for loved ones and friends. You may not always help with something, but here we have moral support is the opportunity even in the most critical cases. If you want to support a friend or friend in short, and in the head, as I discharge, absolutely nothing comes, read carefully. Perhaps in the instructions there will be a useful information for you.

Instruction

In any situation, try to look for positive moments. It is sometimes so frustrated or exhausted by constant experiences that he simply does not have forces on the search for light sides. Try to find something positive and cheer your friend. You may not always be appropriate to pay a joke, so try to raise your mood carefully, but you can make a certain stake in a sad story of optimism. Of course, there are situations in the life, in which there is absolutely no one and there can be nothing good. Do not look for positive moments in the death of loved ones or severe illness - you will only finally spoil the mood and you can customize it against yourself.

We all know how hard it is in a situation where you need to console someone, and the right words are not.

Fortunately, most often people do not expect specific advice from us. It is important for them to feel that someone understands them that they are not alone. Therefore, you just just describe what you feel. For example, with the help of such phrases: "I know that you are very hard now," I'm sorry that you have so hard. " So you will understand what you really see, what is now a near person.

2. Confirm that these feelings are clear to you.

But be careful, do not drag all the attention of yourself, do not try to prove that you were even worse. Mention in briefly, which used to be also in a similar position, and ask more about the state of whom you comfort.

3. Help your close person understand the problem

Even if a person is looking for ways to resolve the situation, first he just needs to speak. This applies to women.

So wait to offer problems solutions and listen. This will help to someone you comforting, deal with your feelings. After all, it is sometimes easier to understand your own experiences, telling others about them. Answering your questions, the interlocutor can find some decisions yourself, understand that everything is not as bad, as it seems, and just feel relief.

Here are some phrases and questions that can be used in this case:

Tell me what happened.
Tell me what bothers you.
What led to this?
Help me understand what you feel.
What scares you most?

At the same time, try to avoid issues with the word "why," they are too similar to condemnation and only angry the interlocutor.

4. Do not mean the suffering of the interlocutor and do not try to make it laugh

When we face tears of a loved one, we are quite natural, we want to cheer it up or convince that his problems are not so scary. But the fact that weself seems to be a trifle can often upset others. Therefore, do not mean the suffering of another person.

And if someone really worries because of the trifle? Ask, whether there are any data that diverge with his mind on the situation. Then offer your opinion and share an alternative way out. It is very important here to clarify whether your opinion wants to hear, without this it may seem too aggressive.

5. Offer physical support if it appropriate

Sometimes people do not want to talk at all, they just need to feel that there is a close person nearby. In such cases, it is not always easy to decide how to behave.

Your actions must correspond to ordinary behavior with one or another person. If you are not too close, it will be enough to put the hand on the shoulder or slightly acquisition. Also, look at the behavior of another person, maybe he himself will understand what he needs.

Remember that you should not too diligence when you comfort: a partner can take it for flirting and offended.

6. Offer way to solve the problem

If a person needs only your support, and not specific advice, the above steps can be enough. Sharing your experiences, your interlocutor will feel relieved.

Ask, can you do something else. If the conversation occurs in the evening, and most often it happens, offered to go to bed. As you know, the morning of the evening is wiser.

If your advice is needed, ask at first, is there any ideas at the very interlocutor. Decisions are achieved by one who comes from the one who is in the controversial situation. If the one you console, vaguely represents what can be done in his position, help develop concrete steps. If he does not know at all, to do, offer your options.

If a person is not sad because of a particular event, but because he, immediately go to the discussion of concrete actions that can help. Or suggest to do something, for example, go for a walk together. Extra reflections not only will not help get rid of depression, but, on the contrary, will exacerbate it.

7. Promise to maintain further

At the end of the conversation, be sure to mention again that you understand how hard it is now a close person, and that you are ready to continue to maintain it.

For the start of understanding and accept one piece: Let you have been familiar for a long time and you know a person as irradiated, now it does not mean that his behavior will correspond to your expectations. "There are some general stages of feeling grief. You can easily focus on them, remember, of course, that an individual approach is still needed to each of us, "the psychologist Marianna Volkov explains.

Our experts:

Anna Shishkovskaya
Psychologist Gestalt Center Nina Rubestein

Marianna Volkova
Practitioner psychologist, Family and Individual Psychology Specialist

How to support a person if he is shocked

Stage №1: Usually a person is in full shock, confusion and simply cannot believe in the reality of what is happening.

What should I say. If you are really close friends, best of all to be nearby, not counting on the phone, Skype or SMS. For some people, tactile contact is very important, the opportunity to see the interlocutor in front of him. "At this time, the conversations and attempts to express condolences are not needed, - I am sure Marianna Volkov. - None. Therefore, if your friend asks you to stay nearby and at the same time refuses to communicate, do not try to talk it. Contrary to your expectations, it will not be easier for him. It is worth talking about what happened only when the close will be ready for this. In the meantime, you can hug, sit nearby, keep your hand, stroke your head, bring tea with lemon. All conversations are strictly in the case or on distracted topics. "

What to do. The loss of a native person, sudden terrible diseases and other blows of fate assume not only reflection, but also many worries. Do not think that to assist such a kind is simple. This requires a large emotional return and very extinguishes. How to support a person in such a situation? For starters ask how you can be useful. Much depends on what state is your friend. You may have to take on organizational issues: call, find out, negotiate. Or take the unfortunate sedative. Or along with him to wait in the doctor's reception. But, as a rule, it is enough at least to deal with the solution of household issues: to clean up, wash the dishes, cook food.

How to support a person if he is sharply experiencing

Stage №2.: accompanied by sharp experiences, offended, misunderstanding and even aggression.

What to do. It is clear that it is difficult to communicate at that moment. But it is now a friend needs attention and support. Try more often to come, be in touch, if he stayed alone. You can invite it to visit for a while. It is important to clearly understand whether you are ready for this morally.

Sobolences words

"Most people, expressing condolences, use generally accepted phrases that do not make sense. Actually, this is the manifestation of politeness and nothing more. But when it comes to a close person, you need something more than formality. The template suitable for each situation, of course, does not exist. But there are things that are definitely not worth talking, "says Marianna Volkov.

If you do not know what to say - silence. Better after all times, show that you are near and at any time ready to help.
Avoid expressions like "everything will be fine", "everything will pass" and "life continues." You seem to promise good, but only in the future, and not now. Such conversations annoy.
Try not to ask extra questions. The only appropriate in this situation: "How can I help?" Everything else will wait.
Never pronounce words that may appreciate the importance of what happened. "And someone can not walk in general!" - This is not a consolation, but mockery for a person who has lost, say, hand.
If your goal is to rendress moral support, first of all, you must hold it very much. Skid, inhibiting and talking about injustice of life is hardly reassured.

How to support a person if he is depressed

Stage number 3.: At this time, awareness of what happened to the person comes to a person. Wait from friend of depression and depressive state. But there is a good news: he begins to understand what you need to somehow move on.

What should I say. We are all different, so the best thing you can do is to ask what a close person is waiting for you.

Some need to talk about what happened. "There are people who in a difficult situation are vitally need to pronounce their emotions, fears and experiences. Friend does not need condolences, your task is to listen. You can cry or laugh with him, but give advice and in every way to insert our five kopecks, "I advise Marianna Volkova.
Someone to survive the grief, you need to distract. You are demanding conversations for foreign topics, the involvement of a person in solving some questions. Insuit urgent cases requiring full concentration of attention and permanent employment. Do everything so that a friend once was to think about what he tries to escape.
There are people who prefer loneliness in difficult life situations - so it is easier for them to cope with their emotions. If a friend tells you that it does not yet want any contacts, the worst thing you can do is try to climb into his soul from the best motives. Simply put, forcibly "cause good." Leave a person alone, but definitely make it clear that you are near and at any time ready to provide all the assistance.

What to do.

In the first case, a domestic help is required, especially if your close is not from those who easily agree, communicates and can easily choose the best of several proposed options.
You have to help a friend to move a little away from what happened. If working questions are associated - you can spend distracting maneuvers in this direction. Good option - sports. The main thing is not to torment yourself and its grueling workouts, but choose what to do. You can walk together to go to the pool, on the court or on yoga. The goal is to try to enjoy.
In the third event you only need what they are asked about. Do not insist on anything. Invite to "go out and disperse" (what if you agree?), But the choice is always leaving for a person and do not be intrusive.

How to support a person when he already survived the grief

Stage number 4.: This is a period of adaptation. You can say - rehabilitation.

What should I say. It is at this time that a person re-establishes contacts, communicating with the surrounding little, takes its usual appearance. Now a friend can be needed parties, traveling and other attributes of life without mourning.

What to do. "If your buddy is quite ready for communication, you do not need to try to behave in his company. Do not try to quickly cheer, shake and lead. At the same time, straight views can not be avoided, sit with sour face. The more habitant you will raise the atmosphere, the easier it will be a person, "says Marianna Volkova.

Visit to psychologist

Whatever from the stages there is a person, friends are sometimes trying to assist, which is not needed. For example, forcibly submit to a psychologist. Here you will have to be especially attentive, because sometimes it is necessary, and sometimes it is completely unnecessary.

"The experience of misfortunes, sadness is a natural process, which, as a rule, does not need professional assistance," said psychologist Anna Shishkovskaya. - There is even the term "work of grief", which healing the effect of which is possible, provided that the person allows himself to go through all the stages. However, this is what it becomes a problem for many: allow yourself to feel, meet with experiences. If we are trying to "escape" from strong, unpleasant emotions, ignore them - "the work of grief" is broken, "jam" can occur on any of the stages. Then, really the help of a psychologist need. "

Cons Support

The experienced tragedy sometimes gives people a reason to manipulate others. Of course, it is not about the first, the most serious period. But you may require constant presence for a long time. Your personal life, work, will not be able to take into account. Let's say you invited a friend to live for a while for some time - a rather common practice. But all agreed deadlines have long passed, and man continues to visit. You are silent, because it is impossible to say about inconveniences, but a lawsuit will be spoiled relationships.

The financial issue is no less important. It happens, time goes, everything that was needed is done, and the need for investment does not disappear. And you inertia continue to give money, afraid to answer with refusal. " Noticed that you start sacrificing myself and your interests - it means there is a reason to talk And clarify the situation, - reminds Anna Shishkovskaya. - Otherwise, the accumulated insult and indignation once provoke a serious conflict with mutual claims. It would be nice to not bring to the scandal, and in time to designate the borders. "

Personal dramas - just one of those faces that are familiar with friends. And your behavior during this period is probably somehow affecting your relationship. Therefore, it is worth rushing only if you sincerely want it.

And which one is not worth? The site will tell you how to render moral support to a person in a difficult situation.

Mount is a human response resulting from any loss, for example, after the death of a loved one.

4 stages of experience

The man who is worried about the mountain passes 4 stages:

Phase shock. Lasts from a few seconds to several weeks. It is characterized by unbelief in all what is happening, insensitive, low mobility with periods of hyperactivity, loss of appetite, problems with sleep.
Phase of suffering. Lasts from 6 to 7 weeks. It is characterized by weakened attention, the inability to concentrate, disruption, sleep. Also, a person is constantly alarming, the desire to retire, lethargy. Pains in the stomach and feeling of the coma in the throat may occur. If a person is experiencing the death of a loved one, during this period he can idealize the deceased or, on the contrary, to experience anger in relation to him, rage, irritation or a sense of guilt.
Phase adoption Ends a year after the loss of a loved one. It is characterized by restoring sleep and appetite, the ability to plan their activities with the loss. Sometimes a person still continues to suffer, but the attacks happen more and less.
Phase recovery Begins after a year and a half, the grief is replaced by sadness and a person begins to relate calmer.

Do you need to console a person? Undoubtedly yes. If you have not assisted the victim, it can lead to infectious, heart disease, alcoholism, accidents, depression. Psychological assistance is invaluable, so support your loved ones as you can. Interact with him, communicate. Even if it seems to you that a person does not listen to you or does not show attention - do not worry. Time will come, and he will be with gratitude to remember you.

Should I console unfamiliar people? If you feel enough moral forces and desire to help - do it. If a person does not push you, does not run away, it does not shout - it means you do everything right. If you are not sure that you can console the victim, find the one who can do it.

Is there a difference in the consolation of familiar and unfamiliar people? In fact - no. The difference consists of only one person you know more, the other is less. Once again, if you feel strength, help. Stay nearby, talk, involve in overall activities. Do not be greedy to help, it is never unnecessary.

So, consider the methods of psychological support in the two most difficult stages of experience in grief.

Phase shock

Your behavior:

Do not leave a person alone with you.
Unobtrusively touch the victim. You can take the hand, put your hand on the shoulder, you can stand close on your head, hug. Watch for the victim's reaction. Does he accept your touch, does not repel? If repels - do not impose, but do not leave.
Make sure that the comforted more rested, I did not forget about meals.
Consider affected by simple activities, for example, some kind of work on the organization of funeral.
Actively listen. A person can talk strange things, to repeat, lose the thread of the story, the point and the point to return to emotional experiences. Discard advice and recommendations. Listen carefully, ask clarifying questions, talk about how you understand it. Help the victim just spoke your experiences and pain - he will immediately become easier.

Your words:

Speak about the past time.
If you know the deceased, tell me something good about him.

You can not talk:

"Do not recover from such a loss", "only time heals", "you are strong, strong." These phrases can cause additional sufferings of a person and strengthen its loneliness.
"On all the will of God" (it helps only deeply believers), "hesitated", "he will be better there", "forget about it." Such phrases can hurt the victim strongly, because they sound like a hint to cut their feelings, do not experience them, but even forget about their grief.
"You're young, beautiful, still marry / give birth to a child." Such phrases can cause irritation. A person is experiencing a loss in the present, he has not yet recovered from her. And he is offered to dream.
"Now, if the ambulance arrived in time," here if the doctors had given more attention, "here if I didn't let him down." These phrases are empty and do not carry any benefit. First, the story does not tolerate the subjunctive inclination, and secondly, such expressions only enhance the bitterness of loss.

Phase suffering

Your behavior:

In this phase, the victim already can be given from time to time to be able to be alone.
Let's the victim more water. He must drink up to 2 liter day.
Organize physical exertion for it. For example, take it for a walk, take physical work around the house.
If the victim wants to cry, do not bother him to do it. Help him spare. Do not hold back your emotions - pay together with him.
If it takes anger - do not interfere.

Your words:

How to console a person: loyal words

If your ward wants to talk about the dead, take a conversation to the area of \u200b\u200bfeelings: "You are very sad / lonely", "you are very confused", "you can't describe your feelings." Tell us about what you feel.
Tell me that this suffering is not forever. A loss is not a punishment, but a part of life.
Do not avoid conversations about the dead, if there are people in the room who are extremely experiencing this loss. Tactful avoidance of these topics wounds more than the mention of the tragedy.

You can not talk:

"Stop crying, take himself in hand," "Enough suffer, everything went away," it's tactless and harmful for psychological health.
"And someone is worse than you." Such topics can help in a divorce, separation situation, but not the death of a loved one. It is impossible to compare the mountain of one person with a grief of another. Conversations leading to comparison can create an impression from a person that you don't care about his feelings.

It makes no sense to speak the victim: "If you need help - contact / call me" or ask him "How can I help you?" In a person who worries Mount, it may simply not be forces to raise the phone tube, call and ask for help. He may also forget about your offer.

So that this does not happen, come and sit with him. As soon as the grief slightly calms down - take it for a walk, get along with him to the store or in the movies. Sometimes it should be done forcibly. Do not be afraid to seem obsessive. It will take time, and he will appreciate your help.

How to support a person if you are far?

Call him. If it does not respond, leave a message on the answering machine, write an SMS or an email. Express condolences, inform your feelings, share the memories that characterize the most light sides.

Remember that helping a person survive grief is needed, especially if it is a close man. In addition, it will help to survive the loss not only to him. If the loss touched and help you, helping the other, you yourself will be able to survive the grief easier, with less losses for your own mental state. And it will save you from the feeling of guilt - you will not edit yourself for the fact that you could help, but did not become, waving from other people's troubles and problems.

We all know how hard it is in a situation where you need to console someone, and the right words are not.

2. Confirm that these feelings are clear to you.

3. Help your close person understand the problem

Even if a person is looking for ways to resolve the situation, first he just needs to speak. This applies to women.

Here are some phrases and questions that can be used in this case:

Tell me what happened.
Tell me what bothers you.
What led to this?
Help me understand what you feel.
What scares you most?

At the same time, try to avoid issues with the word "why," they are too similar to condemnation and only angry the interlocutor.

4. Do not mean the suffering of the interlocutor and do not try to make it laugh

5. Offer physical support if it appropriate

Sometimes people do not want to talk at all, they just need to feel that there is a close person nearby. In such cases, it is not always easy to decide how to behave.

Remember that you should not too diligence when you comfort: a partner can take it for flirting and offended.

6. Offer way to solve the problem

If a person needs only your support, and not specific advice, the above steps can be enough. Sharing your experiences, your interlocutor will feel relieved.

Ask, can you do something else. If the conversation occurs in the evening, and most often it happens, offered to go to bed. As you know, the morning of the evening is wiser.

7. Promise to maintain further

At the end of the conversation, be sure to mention again that you understand how hard it is now a close person, and that you are ready to continue to maintain it.