Good afternoon friends!

Sometimes life throws wood on the fire of unpleasant events. And it happens that we cannot deal with some people. An annoying personality resembles a fly: you drive it away from one side, and it already goes into a steep dive in order to sneak up from another angle.

Often we have no choice and have to communicate with such a person, constantly making sure that we do not aggravate the situation and spoil what is already hanging on by a thread. How to get rid of an obsessive person correctly, accurately and tactfully?

In today's article, I have prepared several methods that will help you develop the desired model behavior and be patient. So where to start?

Method 1. Control of emotions at the moment of attack

• Don't react.
  Sometimes people annoy us in order to get the desired reaction or answer. First of all you should learn keep calm. Thus, it will be more difficult to break through the “armor” and the annoying person will not feel comfortable digging into your neck for a sip of blood.
  Don't express emotions in the usual way for an irritated person: do not smack, do not grimace, do not laugh and do not think about obscene words in your head as an answer. Avoid anything that might make an already difficult situation worse.
• Breathe in full breasts, use sense of humor, for softening corners and own “switching”;
• Remember that taciturnity- not a sign of weakness or loss. Accumulate energy for more important things.
• Demonstrate your cool attitude as well.

Method 2: Change the flow of the conversation in the opposite direction

Method 3: Mark the time

Shy man, often falls into the web of “obsessive maniacs.” It is difficult for them to express their position due to the fact that fear of offending someone, overpowers the need for one’s own comfort.

To cope with the dilemma, I advise you, in advance indicate time which you can devote to the conversation. Tell your interlocutor that you have an important meeting or call in five minutes, so that later he won’t be surprised why you retreated so quickly.

• Train ability stand up for your time and do not give it to those people who are fundamentally not pleasant to you.
• Remember you don't have to explain their actions, and even more so their reactions.
• Talk about leaving the cradle of “boring stories and company” early. This way you can avoid unsuccessful explanations, lies, as well as situations in which you need to tell your opponent the reason for ending the dialogue.

Method 4. Have an honest conversation

Uninteresting man, is unlikely to realize that you gave him such a nickname and certainly does not think about how to save the current situation.

If you cannot avoid the carrier of obsession and you have to communicate with him every day, then ignoring the problem will become dangerous. Sooner or later, the level of annoyingness will go off scale and then you will say everything you think about certain features of the unpleasant person.

Don't be afraid talk about your feelings. To ensure that the essence of your thoughts is correctly heard and freed from offence, practice “I am sentences.”

For example, instead of the phrase: “ You annoy me! How long can you annoy me with your stupid stories? !", say this: " I feel rude emotions when you talk about strange topics, because in this case I think that you are doing this on purpose ».

By avoiding blame, you can help a person build new behavior model taking into account your comments and try to improve relations.

Method 5. Question - as a means of understanding the real problem

Personal growth training, always teaches us to look for a solution to a problem not from the symptom, but from the very essence. Ask the person why he behaves this way towards you and people? Where does obsessive behavior come from and how can you help it?

Excessive talkativeness inappropriate behavior and the demand for constant attention to yourself is a symptom of a deep problem that could happen to your friend, acquaintance, colleague or even relative.

Friends, that's all. Subscribe to my blog updates and recommend it to your friends to read. In the comments, tell us how you deal with annoying people and what tactics you follow?

See you on the blog, bye-bye!

INTRUSIVE

INTRUSIVE

INTRUSIVE, obsessive, obsessive; obsessive, obsessive, obsessive.

1. Unpleasantly intrusive, brazenly or annoyingly offering his services; such that he imposes something on everyone or wants to impose (see impose 1 in 3 meaning) something. An obsessive person. Intrusively (adv.) to offer something. “What right does your unsolicited, your obsessive love give you?” A. Turgenev .

2. Intrusively, remaining in consciousness against the will (book). He was haunted by an obsessive thought. Obsession. Obsessive state(the state of a person haunted by an obsession, obsessive attraction; honey).

Ushakov's Explanatory Dictionary. D.N. Ushakov. 1935-1940.

Synonyms:

See what “OBSUSIVE” is in other dictionaries:

Incessant, persistent, persistent, affectionate, unstoppable, bothersome, annoying, annoying, persistent, stubborn, impudent. As obsessive as a fly... Dictionary of Russian synonyms and similar expressions. under. ed. N. Abramova, M.:... ... Synonym dictionary

OBSESSIVE, oh, oh; Iv. 1. Intrusive, annoyingly pestering with something. N. visitor. Intrusively (adv.) to offer something n. 2. Intruded into consciousness against the will, persistent. Obsessive thought. Obsession. N. motive. | noun obsession, and... Ozhegov's Explanatory Dictionary

intrusive- oh, oh; chiv, and 1) Annoyingly pestering with something; annoying. An obsessive travel companion. An obsessive fortune teller. Intrusive questions. She is an obsessive woman; she pursues me with her love (A. Ostrovsky). Synonyms: doku / chivalrous (obsolete), it is necessary ... Popular dictionary of the Russian language

intrusive- incredibly intrusive... Dictionary of Russian Idioms

Adj. 1. Annoyingly pestering with something; annoying (about a person). 2. Remaining in consciousness against the will. Ephraim's explanatory dictionary. T. F. Efremova. 2000... Modern Dictionary Russian language Efremova

Obsessive, obsessive, obsessive, obsessive, obsessive, obsessive, obsessive, obsessive, obsessive, obsessive, obsessive, obsessive, obsessive, obsessive, obsessive, obsessive, obsessive, obsessive, obsessive, obsessive,... ... Forms of words

intrusive- intrusive … Russian spelling dictionary

intrusive - … Spelling dictionary of the Russian language

Aya, oh; chiv, a, o; 1. Annoyingly pestering with something; annoying. N. neighbor, visitor. Don't be intrusive! 2. Firmly ingrained in the mind, constantly appearing in memory; relentless. No idea. N. motive. ◁ Intrusively, adv. N. offer something. ◁… … encyclopedic Dictionary

intrusive- oh, oh; chiv, oh, see also. obsessively, obsession 1) Annoyingly pestering with something; annoying. Intrusive neighbor, visitor. Don't be intrusive! 2) Firmly ingrained in the mind, constantly appearing in memory; relentless. New idea... Dictionary of many expressions

Books

• Obsessive motive: 1990-2001, Maltseva Nadezhda Elizarovna. Nadezhda Maltseva’s first book, Smoke of the Fatherland, was published in Russia only in 2006. Soviet years her poems were published abroad, but had no chance of publication in the USSR. The second book was...

Sometimes we just can't deal with certain people. However, often we have no choice and have to communicate with them. But even when we can stop communicating, we need to do it in a way that doesn't worsen the relationship. When interacting with people we don't like, we must consider how own feelings, as well as the feelings of those around us.

Steps

Keep your cool when a person is harassing you

Don't react. People often annoy us in order to get a reaction. Try to avoid non-verbal expression of your irritation and not lash out. Don't roll your eyes, make faces, mutter under your breath, or do anything else that might make the situation worse.

Change the subject. If you feel a conflict is brewing, changing the topic can be in a good way to distract a person. Often, annoying people can be deliberately insolent or intractable because they view confrontation as a battle of ego. As soon as you smooth out the conflict, the person will no longer have the need for self-affirmation.

Remain calm and complacent. Your ability to tolerate annoying people is proportional to your emotional and mental stability. Relax and try to have a good time. If you notice that someone annoys you too often, consider whether you can change something in your life to maintain a good mood.

Remember, sometimes you yourself can behave boorishly. Sometimes it is difficult for us to admit our own mistakes. If someone constantly complains about your behavior or asks for something that you don't think he/she deserves, it's worth considering whether your negative attitude to a person is not justified. Listen to friends or family when they criticize your behavior to help you understand your mistakes.

Start mentioning your departure. Most people take the hint that you're starting to pack up and start winding down the conversation. Signaling that you need to leave through body language can help you avoid awkward excuses to the other person for stopping the conversation.

Come up with a polite excuse. If you tell the person that you don't have time, start getting ready, and he/she doesn't react at all, you need to directly state that you are leaving. Try to be polite and pretend that you are very sorry that this happened.

Ask someone for help. Agree with a friend about a signal so that he/she will come and pull you out of the conversation. Otherwise, try talking to someone standing nearby. The other person must realize that they are no longer part of the conversation and eventually leave.

Scream. If someone refuses to leave you alone, run to crowded place and scream. Yell: “Leave me alone!” Fear of other people's interference will cause even particularly persistent people to retreat.

• This is the most extreme solution. Only resort to it if you feel your safety is at risk.

Restoring relationships

1. Point out the person's habits that irritate you. Don't be afraid to talk about your feelings. Instead of blaming the person for something, use "I" statements to explain how their behavior affects you. To do this, say: “I feel ______ when you do _______ because ______.”

   Ask the person why he behaves this way. If he demands increased attention, is constantly anxious or excessively talkative, perhaps this is due to his personal problems. Ask if something is wrong with the person. Talking can help him deal with this. If not, perhaps you yourself can help the person in some way.

   See if the person wants to change. After you have pointed out the person's mistakes, you must give him/her time to respond. Notice whether he/she wants to change his/her behavior and become a different person. Don't push too hard, or the person may start criticizing you back. If you've already spoken, let him digest the information.

2. Say you need a break. If a person continues to behave as if nothing had happened, and you think that you can no longer tolerate it, sit down and tell everything honestly. Say that your friendship is no longer satisfying and that you need to stay away from each other for a while. Show that it hurts you to say this, but that it will be better.

   • This will give the person more time to digest your complaints and try to correct them. This can also save your relationship from an unpleasant breakup, since if you accumulate negativity within yourself, sooner or later you will explode in anger and only make the situation worse.
   • Remember that you may be doing this person a favor. If everyone around you considers you an annoying person, would you like to know how to fix it?
   • Be polite and stick to "I" sentences. "I'm going through now difficult times, and I hate it when you ask personal questions because it reminds me of what happened. Can I be alone for a few weeks?"

How to behave with overly intrusive acquaintances, communication with whom does not bring pleasure? How to get rid of an obsessive person?

We are not ready to let every person close. But one person perceives relationships at arm’s length calmly, while the other is obsessive and tries to break the distance. Hence the problem: it seems like you don’t want to offend your interlocutor, but you don’t have the strength to endure the familiarity of an intrusive person. What to do when a random, intrusive acquaintance begins to behave as if you were playing in the same sandbox, and your neighbor confuses you with a “vest”?

Sorry, this is personal

Think about how to get rid of an obsessive person: perhaps the problem is actually you. If you do not always manage to correctly build the boundaries of your own personality, is it any wonder at the invasion of aggressors - obsessive people?!

Do you know how to speak openly about your feelings, desires, preferences? Or even a primitive question like “would you like coffee or tea?” makes you blush and hesitate?.. Saying “no” is an impossible task for you. And I really want to please everyone! Are you always ready to listen to everyone, take care of them and come to the rescue, even to the detriment of yourself? Then, in this case, you will attract obsessive acquaintances like a magnet...

To get rid of obsessive people and prevent such relationships, be more confident. Learn to understand, appreciate and defend your own interests. Of course, to do this you will have to understand yourself and change some habits.

And you can start by attending psychological training, because with the help of a specialist, personal growth becomes both easier and more exciting.

Counterattack

Sometimes, of course, you have neither the strength nor the patience to work on yourself for a long time. In this case, the easiest way out is to act using the “enemy’s” methods. If your friend’s behavior is far from tactful, then in order to get rid of such a person, bombard her with loud dubious compliments at every meeting, calling everyone to witness how perfectly the new suit “conceals” her “shortcomings”...

And rejoice when you see an annoying neighbor on the doorstep: you just need help - either re-lay the carpet, or sort through the potatoes, or borrow money, or run to pick up your child at kindergarten...

Blockbuster Star

Don't you like such “cheap” manipulations? Would you rather just be more assertive, but find it difficult to find the right tone in your conversation and behavior? Copy the star pattern that will help you on how to get rid of an obsessive person!

Remember a film in which the heroine finds herself in similar situations and comes out of them with honor, or simply has the character you “need”. Insert the disc. Watch the movie several times, taking turns “filming” intonations, gestures, and gait. Pay more attention to the little things: turning your head, waving your hand, smiling, the length of the pause, sighing - all this will help you enter deeper into the image and easily get rid of the obsessive person. Play the scene in front of the mirror several times.

In order for someone else’s behavior to become organic for you, you can add a little “gag” to the “role”, the main thing is not to lose the general mood. And in order to get used to it and get comfortable even better, “wear” the image in neutral situations - go out “wearing it” to the store or clinic.

Feeling ready for the “premiere”? It's just a matter of little things: pull on your mask every time you see an annoying acquaintance whom you want to get rid of. And do not give in to provocations! Keep your distance even if she accuses you of being arrogant. Feeling that there is no turning back, she will change the “victim”...

I would like to note right away that this article will not talk about “man-woman” interests of a sexual and family nature. I want to talk about human-human relationships and why very often in this interaction each other's boundaries are violated.

Our free will is something that the Universe has unconditionally awarded us. We live in such a time and in such a place. We have the right to choose with whom to be friends, with whom to build intimate relationships, with whom to start a family, and this is a huge gift (it could be different, right?). However, even in such a wonderful situation there are people who are capable of imposing their will on another, violating the boundaries of their neighbor’s life. They are interested in how and what you live, they ask too personal questions, they control your life and every step, look through your pages in in social networks and, of course, they actively make friends, often even too much. Such people are often called obsessive; various excuses and reasons are made for them, which sometimes results in retaliatory aggression.

So, let's look at 3 types of obsession.

Selfish obsession

You will be surprised, but this is the most harmless type. They most likely invade your life because you are successful, rich, smart, everything you take on goes well, money comes into your hands and any project works. Others are not able to make financial maneuvers so easily, but they want to. And the only option that they clearly see is to make their life successful at the expense of others. Such intrusive people most often consciously invade your space and violate its boundaries. They know and see their goal, relying on your upbringing and inability to refuse.

One day a seminar participant told the following story. A young successful entrepreneur constantly suffered from an obsessive friend who did not get along in any job, leaving everywhere with scandals. Deciding that her friend, an entrepreneur, was her only chance, the brawler began to simply beg for herself workplace. After six months of daily calls and requests, a place was found, and not the worst one. But it ended sadly, as the young entrepreneur expected: her friend began to do everything to borrow high position in company, neglecting the feelings and desires of other people. As a result, there is no friendship, and several employees.

What happened in this situation? What conclusions will be correct?

Obsession on the part of loved ones is dangerous: having refused them, we are afraid to burden ourselves with an immense feeling of guilt for being able to do this to a loved one. And a close, obsessive friend will keep reminding you of your refusal. Arguments have almost no effect on obsessive people. Therefore, if you feel that the boundaries of your desires have been violated, do not be afraid to speak about it out loud. Ask the person not to put pressure on you, explain that he is not a supporter of combining work and friendship, give an example from the bitter experience of other people. Most likely, your arguments will not be heard, but you will save yourself once and for all from the feeling of guilt, because you are more likely to speak these arguments for yourself.

Emotional intrusiveness

This type of people is a more serious task. Why? Because when such a person appears in your life, a constant dilemma and an even greater feeling of guilt will appear. With emotional obsession, the most worthy victim is chosen: she/he has success in society, crowds of fans (not necessarily a star, just a magnetic personality), attractive appearance, the right attitude towards life and other people, wisdom, friendliness.

The victim of such people seems to glow from within and charms everyone around. Watching her, an obsessive person wants to get closer, get to know his victim, understand how she lives, how she breathes, where she gets her strength for inspiration, how she manages to remain honest and wise. The obsessive person begins to take small steps to approach the object of interest (not to be confused with m+f relationships!), give gifts, say kind words, add friends everywhere, write comments. Once the victim has allowed these steps into her life, she may believe that there is no turning back.

Then the calls, SMS, and then requests for a meeting begin. Then the obsessive one begins to keep watch: no, nothing bad! He just wanted to give you another gift. There is no physical danger from such a person, but moral danger is more than real. Be prepared for the fact that in six months or a year your whole life will be under the total control of an obsessive person, then he will switch to your relatives and friends.

If you start to ignore him (and you will, sooner or later you will get tired), the obsessive will come to your home. And the whole story will end in a trivial way - you will be angry that your space is being violated, for which you will receive aggression from the intrusive. Be prepared that for a very long time you will receive tons of negativity about yourself behind your back. The obsessive one was satisfied that he had learned as much as possible about you, and if he still found some flaws in you, he would constantly reproach you with them. His revenge for your refusal of his invasion will be long and cruel.

I went through this situation in my life, it lasted 4 years. And I am writing this article with vast experience of going through this and with the ballast of my own mistakes. I once had a random friend who cared for her and called herself a sister - I gave up and opened up to the person as much as possible. It’s rare for a person to treat gifts and attention with a cold heart... But when the girl crossed all the boundaries of my existence, started visiting my relatives, calling my friends, when everyone started complaining about her, I realized that I needed to cut this karmic knot. During the day they took me “under control”: dozens of SMS messages from an obsessive friend were extracting information: where I went and with whom, what I did yesterday and what I will do today... I had to cut it off. With pain, with reproaches and accusations.

And these accusations continue to this day, accompanied by not the most nice words. I want to protect you all from such a fate: remember, my dears, that if a person crosses the boundaries of your space with goodness, then he will also cross them not in peace. Healthy friendship and communication is when there are no violations of boundaries, when people are free and easy with each other.

Energy obsession

This type of obsessive behavior can become dangerous to you and your health. This is where not only emotions come into play, but also energy withdrawal. Has there ever been a person in your life who came or called to complain about their troubles, discuss an evil boss or colleagues, or yearn that others are doing better?

He is no less intrusive than the first two types. Because it feeds on your life force. You don’t just listen to his moans, you give advice, you look at him and ask him to pull himself together, you try to help the person. He doesn't need your help, does he? He doesn't follow your advice, does he? Of course not. After all, if he follows them, his life will improve, but he is not ready to afford it, and there will be nowhere to get energy. He calls you to enjoy the energy of your positivity, happiness, and take away your vitality. And you quietly give them away, although consistently after 2-3 days you feel overwhelmed. Well, right?

Recently on individual work the girl told about her friend and asked for advice. A plump friend who doesn’t have a loved one and is afraid of relationships often calls to complain. Complaining about his unlucky figure, personal life unstable, my friend asks me for advice over and over again. They give it to her, support her, console her. But nothing changes. She still hasn’t signed up for the gym, she doesn’t like herself. I asked my interlocutor: “How many times have you sincerely tried to help a person?”, to which I received the answer: “Now it’s difficult to count. But I always feel bad after her calls... gray and sick, although everything was fine before the call.”

You need to help a person three times. Make three attempts. If he is ready to hear your advice, he will hear it from the first. If not, you have a typical obsessive vampire, his food is your vitality. Painful advice, but the only true one: to tear yourself out of life.

Chat with positive people. Value your boundaries. Obsessive people will always accuse you of being cynical, not wanting to be simpler, of living in “your own little world.”

I forbid you to feel guilty before such people.

You have your own personal space and you only let in whoever you want. To violate it is to violate the laws of the Universe. And every violator will be held accountable for his actions.

And you don’t keep in mind those who did not respect your personal boundaries: open your heart to those who love you carefully and love you in return.