Hatred…. Happy is the person who has never experienced this terrible, destructive feeling, who has not writhed in mental convulsions, while smiling kindly at the object of hatred, who has not experienced the torment of understanding his own powerlessness without any hope of somehow calming down his anger. Not wanting to take bread from psychologists, women's magazine JustLady, however, will try to understand the problem and maybe give some advice. practical advice readers about how to get rid of misfortune, namely, how to stop hating.
Misanthropy is slow suicide.
(Friedrich Schiller)
Hatred - strong feeling dislike for another person, oneself, dissatisfaction with life or circumstances. People are capable of hating own body, and so on the world. The most powerful and destructive feeling is hatred of one’s own kind.
Sometimes hatred arises at one moment as a result of some actions or statements of another person, sometimes anger and irritation accumulate for years, eventually turning into a burning, irresistible feeling that is almost impossible to cope with.
Hatred is a destructive feeling. It gives people a lot of energy, which cannot be directed towards anything positive. Hatred craves ruins and scorched earth, the grief of others.
Hatred primarily harms the one who hates. The hater is exposed to its destructive effects. Many illnesses, both physical and mental, are caused by this terrible feeling.
Judge for yourself, it’s huge negative energy literally bursts you from the inside at the sight of the object of your anger or even the mention of it. At the same time, you most often cannot show your emotions in all their intensity, you have to restrain yourself. Where does the energy go? That's right, it penetrates inside, destroying everything in its path.
Feeling that it is impossible to live like this anymore, people begin to think about how to stop hating. Hatred will not go away on its own; this must be firmly understood. To cure hatred you need to work for a long time, every day, every hour. If you are a believer, turning to God and confessing will help.
Often people think that stop hating they can only if hated person will die. But this rarely brings relief. Having learned that the person for whom they grew hatred and cherished them for dear years has died, they relax and realize that they even feel sorry for him. The grievances seem small and insignificant. And then a person has a chance, having spent half his life in hatred, to spend the second half tormented by feelings of guilt.
Meanwhile, having spent a lot of time hatching plans for revenge or simply constantly thinking about the object of hatred, with the loss of this very object, the hater simply loses the meaning in life. No matter how scary it sounds, this really happens.
Therefore, if you experience such feelings, you need to try with all your might to get rid of it, stop hating.
Without claiming the laurels of a specialist psychologist, I still want to give some advice, or rather, even indicate the direction in which you should try to move. In my time this method help me.
How to stop hating. Step One: Find the Reason
Hatred cannot arise out of nowhere, although sometimes when asked why we hate a person, we can answer that we are annoyed by his very presence on earth, we hate him simply because he exists.
In fact, there is a reason for hatred and it is extremely specific. Another thing is that it can be completely insignificant, and over time we can even forget about it. But the anger will remain. Often it is the understanding of the insignificance of the reason that helps a person stop hating.
Maybe the person you hate said or did something that made you angry and completely rejected you. Or maybe you hate your boss who pesters you every day with nagging. Or is it a relative of your husband or friend (whom you cannot refuse to meet) who behaves completely unacceptable to you? Find out the reason and it will be easier for you to take the next step.
How to stop hating. Step two: put yourself in his shoes
The other person, as surprising as it may sound, may not even be aware of your hatred. He may do something without knowing how it affects you. Moreover, those around you are not even aware of your attitude towards him. Why would they suspect something was wrong if you are overly kind and attentive to the object of your hatred? It is the hated person who causes us increased attention and the desire to be pleasant. After all, our goal is to hide our feelings and not allow emotions to break through.
As a result, we get what we get. All you need to do is talk to this person, ask him to change his behavior, think about his statements. How many internal conflicts have been resolved in this way!
But it also happens that, putting yourself in his place, you understand that he does nasty things, in your understanding, only out of a desire to annoy you. He is well aware of your feelings and makes you angry so that he can enjoy the manifestation of your emotions or watch with pleasure your attempts to suppress them in yourself.
Why is he doing this? Yes, simply because he likes it. Apparently there are some reasons, most often complexes, that prevent him from establishing normal contacts with people, or attracting attention to his person in some other way.
Maybe you hate the person who did a bad thing. Think about why the person did or is doing this. Did he do something terrible? What would you do in his place? Do you think you could have done the same in a similar situation? Maybe you will understand that an unsightly act is simply a manifestation of the weakness of that person.
So I bring you to the next step.
How to stop hating. Step Three: Try to Forgive
As we have seen, nasty actions and words are most often caused by the fact that a person is weak and follows his own weakness. No matter how insidious he may look, this is most often a weakness.
It is this thought that should help you forgive him and calm down. It’s easy to say: “Forgive!”, but how to do this if you hate with all your heart? If the mere thought of this person tightens the stomach, it is impossible to eat or sleep, and yet thoughts constantly revolve around the object of hatred.
There is one simple exercise that can help you. the main idea- Every person has a soul. She is innocent and beautiful, like a child. So imagine this person as small child. It may be difficult, but at this stage you should not feel any contradiction. After all, the object of your anger was once really a baby, he had a loving mom and dad, he was naive and touching.
Imagine that this child continues to live inside this person. He is scared and unhappy, he closes his eyes every time the “master” says nasty things to you or provokes you. Have pity on the baby, let him know in your voice and intonation that you know about him, feel sorry for him, and are ready to support him.
This doesn't mean that when an unpleasant person appears, you should approach him, knock on his chest and say something like, “Hey, kid, I know you're there.” No, just talk to the person as you would talk to a child. Don’t be fooled by provocations, take pity on his little pure soul instead of hating him.
To many, this exercise may seem stupid and useless. That is until you try. This technique I used it on myself at one time. The hatred for the man was so strong that I even began to treat his relatives badly because they tolerated him and even managed to love him.
The object of my hatred harmed me, said nasty things, did dirty tricks. Moreover, he didn’t even enjoy his victories, he didn’t care, he just believed that he had the right to do this, well, simply because he didn’t like me.
Only after understanding the situation, highlighting specific reasons, having found out what exactly supports my hatred and tried to understand why he behaves this way, I saw what his reasons are (albeit unfair, but understandable), I understood why he does exactly this (simply because other methods are not available to him , since he is the easiest thing to do). I was able to forgive him own imperfection, stupid complexes, I could even regret it.
The process was slow, it was quite difficult, but I tried to learn to perceive a person as a kind of experimental object, to distract myself from my hostility at least for a while. Then I was able to see the baby in him and talk only to him.
As a result, we have had peaceful relations for the last few years. The man stopped plotting and saying nasty things and even treats me with some warmth. I didn’t love him with all my soul, it’s simply impossible, but I perceive him normally, without anger or hostility, and I don’t grit my teeth when he comes to my house.
I don’t claim that this method is a panacea, but in not too advanced cases, with your strong desire, of course, it can work. I really hope it helps someone stop hating, and there will be one less hater in the world.
If you cannot cope with yourself, and your hatred is so great that you cannot tame it for a while in order to at least analyze the situation impartially, it is probably better to turn to a specialist.
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Hatred is the opposite feeling of love. This definition It seems trivial, but in reality it is not. Just like love, hatred is a very strong feeling. It is capable of completely taking over a person and his entire life, so it is often impossible to give a rational assessment to it. Folk wisdom says: “From love to hate there is one step.” And indeed, how much you can sometimes hate a person who was most recently dearly loved. Of course, this happens for a reason, but in response to offended feelings (for example, a husband’s betrayal can cause sincere disgust in a wife, although most recently the wife sincerely loved her husband). Thus, love and hatred are closely interrelated, although they are at opposite poles of the scale of human feelings. After the disappearance of both love and hatred, a person ultimately becomes completely indifferent and indifferent.
Hatred is always associated with threats, fear, violence and crime. A person gripped by this feeling is capable of any action, since his mind ceases to control other feelings. Thus, hatred is a negative feeling. After all, a person blinded by it is unpredictable, and no one knows how and when his anger will break out. In the worst case, the person becomes obsessed with anger or revenge, although this condition is rare. Most often, everything ends in a fight or the person demonstrates clear disrespect towards the object of his hatred, for example, insults, starts quarrels, etc. Sometimes hatred does not manifest itself at all. However, it continues to exist and provide Negative influence for a person's life.
Hatred can completely take over a person and poison his life. Due to the effect of negative emotions, a person sometimes does not realize his actions.
How to respond to hatred?
The reaction depends on who hates whom and in what form it manifests itself.
They hate you
If you see that you have caused someone's anger, then there are only two options: you must either try to talk to this person and explain yourself, or avoid him. Still, the first option is better, since only a frank conversation and analysis of the causes of anger will allow you to get rid of it and improve relationships. However, sometimes it is better to stay away from a hateful person, thereby trying to protect yourself from him.
you hate
If you feel that you hate someone, you should not immediately suppress this feeling. First of all, we must try to understand the reason for this attitude, whether it is justified. You need to ask yourself:
- Why did I have negative feelings? What words or actions caused them?
- Do I know this feeling? Did similar events previously cause a storm of negative emotions in me?
- What actions am I capable of under the influence of anger?
- How can I manage these feelings?
- How do I feel knowing that another person hates me greatly?
Only frank answers to these questions and their careful analysis will allow a person to understand complex mechanisms the emergence of negative emotions and try to develop a plan for further behavior with people around you.
Attitude towards yourself
Self-hatred can lead to personality destruction. For example, various pathological attractions, depression, self-doubt. The extreme manifestation of self-hatred is suicide.
However, hatred is an insidious emotion, and it can destroy not only from the outside, but also from the inside. According to psychologists, those who hate primarily suffer from hatred, and not those who are hated. Therefore, if hatred has settled in your heart, then this is dangerous for your health and your life. Fortunately, hatred can be dealt with if you follow certain rules.
Reasons for hatred:
Hatred is strong because it is not one emotion in its essence, but a hellish fusion of many emotions at once, each more destructive than the other. Hatred usually consists of anger, anger, resentment, mental pain, jealousy, often envy or resentment, etc.
Unlike many other negative emotions, hatred can “hide” and subside when a person consciously suppresses it, but it certainly flares up with a vengeance if the right situation arises. Sometimes the slightest push is enough to “awaken” this terrible emotion, under the influence of which the mind becomes darkened.
Extreme hatred is like the bubbling lava of a volcano, trying to burst out. And if the release of boiling negativity does occur, then this is akin to a real social catastrophe, which causes irreparable damage to any relationship, and sometimes becomes the cause of a crime.
The destructive effects of hatred on health:
From a health point of view, hatred has a destructive effect on many organs. human body and can lead to “a wide variety of diseases, including fatal ones.
Thus, emotions of hatred actively weaken the immune system. Viral infections They quickly attack an organism blinded by hatred.
Hatred provokes diseases of the nervous and cardiovascular systems, which has been proven by medical research. It activates the production of stress hormones, which increase blood pressure, lead to chest pain, hypertension, damage the valves and muscular system hearts, and also accelerate aging at the cellular level, harm the liver, bladder and intestines.
And hatred also hits hard on the head and eyes. Epilepsy, paralysis, head injuries and injuries in general, migraines, eye diseases, tumors, severe skin diseases may be the result of hatred.
In general, hating someone is more expensive to yourself in every sense. Psychologists say that it is easier to overcome hatred if you clearly understand that this destructive feeling primarily harms you, and not the offender.
There are no ideal people:
In no case should you nurture hatred, but you must gather your strength and begin the difficult path to your own liberation from negative emotions.
The first and most important thing to do is, through careful self-analysis, to understand the primary source of this life-poisoning feeling. Reflect on why hatred has become such an important part of your life. Perhaps this is the result of personal unfulfillment, inability to make decisions, unwillingness to let go of grievances.
Objectively and impartially evaluate the reasons that make you hate a person. Try to see all of his character traits, not just the negative ones. Take an unbiased look at the situation from the outside. This provides an excellent opportunity to understand the motivation of the abuser. Sometimes people's behavior towards us is a mirror reflection of our own behavior.
Put yourself in the shoes of the person you feel for negative emotions. Often this is what allows us to see that the offender acted without malicious intent. In the end, ideal people do not exist, and, alas, you are not ideal either - this should not be forgotten.
Inner harmony and peace of mind:
Life is such a thing that there are always plenty of reasons, reasons and situations that can again evoke feelings of hatred in you. To avoid falling victim to this incredibly destructive emotion, you need to change your own view of the world and your own behavior.
In fact, everything depends on ourselves, on our reactions to what is happening. Learn to disengage from what is happening, especially if it is negative and you cannot change it. Don't let others disturb your inner harmony and peace of mind. If you succumb to the manipulation of other people, it means that you recognize that they are stronger than you and, thus, give them power over you.
No one but yourself should control you, your actions, emotions, thoughts and words.
How to deal with hatred:
In general, it is not at all necessary to delve into the jungle of psychoanalysis in order to cope with the hatred lodged in the heart. One of the most effective means in confrontation with it there is forgiveness.
By not wanting to forgive, you make things worse for yourself first of all. The offender does not care what you feel for him, but seething hatred takes away strength, time, and most importantly, health exclusively from you.
Therefore, the ability to forgive enemies is necessary for those who do not want to live a life full of grievances, shocks and health problems.
1. Hate in response to hate
We usually don't like people who don't like us. The more we think they hate us, the more we hate them back.
2. Competition
When we compete for something, our mistakes can benefit our competitors. In such cases, in order to maintain our self-esteem, we shift the blame to others. We begin to blame our failures (real and imaginary) on those who are doing better. Gradually our disappointment can turn into hatred.
3. Us and them
The ability to distinguish from enemies has always been vital for safety and survival. Our thought processes evolved to notice potential danger more quickly and respond accordingly. Therefore, we constantly enter information about others into our own “directory”, where all our views about different people and even entire classes of people.
We usually classify everything into one of two categories: right or wrong, good or bad. And since most of us do not stand out in any way, even minor, superficial differences, such as race or religious beliefs, can become important source identification. After all, we, first of all, always strive to belong to a group.
When we consider ourselves part of a particular group that we perceive to be superior to others, we are less inclined to sympathize with members of other groups.
4. From compassion to hatred
We consider ourselves responsive, empathetic and welcoming. Then why do we still experience hatred?
The fact is that we have a clearly formed opinion about ourselves and our rightness. And if we cannot reach a compromise, we, of course, blame the other side. Our inability to fully appreciate the situation, as well as the fact that we always make excuses for ourselves, lead us to believe that the problem is not with us, but with those around us. This view often incites hatred.
In addition, in such situations we usually consider ourselves the victim. And those who violate our rights or limit our freedom seem to us to be offenders who deserve punishment.
5. The influence of prejudice
Prejudice can influence our judgments and decisions in many ways. Here are some examples.
Ignoring the other side's strengths
There are no clear-cut situations. Everyone has their own advantages and disadvantages. But when we are in the grip of hatred, ours is distorted to such an extent that we do not see any positive qualities. This is how we develop an incorrect idea about a person, which is then quite difficult to change.
Hate by association
According to this principle, the nature of the news influences our perception of the person reporting it. The worse the incident, the worse everything connected with it seems to us. This is why we blame the messenger, even if he has nothing to do with the event.
Misrepresentation of facts
Under the influence of prejudices based on likes and dislikes, we usually fill in gaps in information about an event or person, relying not on specific data, but on our own assumptions.
The desire to please
We are all in varying degrees We value the opinions of others. Few people want to be hated. Social approval greatly influences our behavior. Remember the words of the French writer and philosopher La Rochefoucauld: “We willingly admit to small shortcomings, wanting to say that we do not have more important ones.”
How does hatred manifest itself?
Physical and mental pain is a very effective stimulus. We don't want to suffer, so we strive to either avoid or destroy the enemy. In other words, hatred is defense mechanism against pain.
Hatred can find different expressions. The most obvious of them is war.
Moreover, it manifests itself in politics. Remember these eternal confrontations: left and right, nationalists and communists, libertarians and authoritarians.
How to get rid of hatred
- First, through prolonged close contact with people. Particularly effective Team work, when you cooperate to achieve a common goal or unite against a common enemy.
- Secondly, thanks to equal status in all aspects (education, income, rights), which will not only apply on paper.
- And finally, and most obviously, we must realize own feelings and try not to dismiss the feelings of others. When you are overcome by strong emotions, it is better to just step aside and do deep breath and try to get rid of your prejudices.
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