In an ideal world, all the people with whom we have to communicate will be good, kind, attentive, smart, generous. They will enjoy our jokes, and we will enjoy theirs. We will live in a wonderful environment where no one is ever upset, no one will swear or slander others.
But, as you have already noticed, we live in an imperfect world. Some people drive us crazy, and we ourselves can drive others crazy. We don't like those who are inconsiderate to others, harsh, like to spread rumors, meddle in our affairs, or simply don't understand our jokes, but expect us to laugh at their jokes.
You've probably wondered whether it's possible to be objective about those who constantly annoy you and who you would never want to have lunch with, and how to learn to be kind to every person you meet.
Even in an ideal world, creating a team consisting entirely of people you would like to invite to your barbecue is unrealistic. That's why smart people often hang out with people they don't like. They are simply forced to do it. And this is how they do it.
1. They accept that they can't please everyone.
Sometimes we fall into the trap of thinking that we are good. We think that everyone we meet likes us, even when they don't. But you will inevitably encounter difficult people who are against what you think. Smart people know this. They also recognize that conflicts or disagreements result from differences in value systems.
The person you don't like is actually a good person. The reason for your rejection is that you have different values, and this difference creates tension. Once you accept that not everyone likes you and not everyone likes you, due to differences in value systems, you can eliminate emotions from assessing the situation. This will help you come to an agreement.
2. They tolerate (rather than ignore or dismiss) those they don't like.
Sure, you can put up with someone's constant criticism, grit your teeth at lousy jokes, or ignore someone's intrusive company, but there is nothing worse than constantly suppressing your irritation. From a performance perspective, trying too hard to get people to like you is a bigger problem than not getting them to like you.
You need people who have different points of view and are not afraid to argue. They are the kind of people who don't let you do stupid things. It's not easy, but you have to endure them. They are often those who challenge or provoke us, but they encourage us to new understandings and help us move towards success. Remember that you are not perfect either, but still people tolerate you.
3. They are polite to those they don't like.
Regardless of your feelings towards someone, the person will be guided by your behavior and attitude towards him, and, most likely, will treat you the same. If you're rude to him, he'll likely throw all manners aside and be rude back to you. Remember, if you are polite, people will be tolerant of you.
The ability to control one's face has great importance. You must be able to show that you consider the person to be a professional and treat him well. This will help you avoid stooping to their level or getting caught up in what they do.
4. They keep their expectations in check.
People often have unrealistic expectations of others. We can expect that in a certain situation others will act in exactly the same way as we would act, or will say what we might say, that is, want to hear now. However, this is not real. People have innate personality traits that largely determine how they react. Expecting others to take the same actions that you would take is setting yourself up for disappointment and frustration.
If a person makes you feel the same way every time, adjust your expectations accordingly. This way, you will be psychologically prepared, and his behavior will not take you by surprise. Smart people do this all the time. They are never surprised by the behavior of an unlikable person.
5. They analyze themselves, not their opponents.
No matter what you're going through, people can't get under your skin. It is important that you know how to manage your feelings when dealing with someone who annoys you. Instead of thinking about how this person annoys you, focus on why you are reacting the way you are. Often we don't like in others what we don't like in ourselves. Also, they don't create the button, they just click on it.
Pinpoint the triggers that could be affecting your feelings. Then you may be able to anticipate your reaction, soften it, or even change it. Remember, it is easier to change your perceptions, attitudes and behavior than it is to force someone else to become a different person.
6. They take a break and take a deep breath.
There are some things that constantly irritate you. Maybe it's a coworker who regularly misses deadlines, or a guy who makes stupid jokes. Figure out what annoys you and who is pushing your buttons. This way you can prepare for it.
If you can pause and control the raging adrenaline and then turn to the intellectual part of your brain, you will be better able to negotiate and justify your judgments. Deep breath and taking one big step back can help you calm down and protect you from becoming overstimulated, thereby allowing you to approach the task with a clearer mind and an open heart.
7. They voice their needs.
If certain people constantly rub you the wrong way, calmly let them know that their behavior and communication style is a problem for you. Avoid accusatory phrases, try using the formula instead: “When you..., then I feel...”. For example: “When you interrupt me during a meeting, I feel like you don’t appreciate my work.” Then take a break and wait for a response.
You may find that the other person didn't realize that your presentation was not yet finished, or that your colleague was so excited about his idea that he blurted it out in a fit of excitement.
8. They keep their distance
If all else fails, smart people create distance between themselves and what they don't like. Apologize for yourself and go your own way. If this happens at work, move to another room or sit at the other end of the conference table. By being away and having perspective, you may be able to return to the discussion and interact with the people you like and not worry about those you don't.
Of course, everything would be easier if we could say goodbye to people we don't like. Unfortunately, we all know that life doesn’t work like that.
Hundreds of people ask themselves the question every day: why don't people like me? Do you want to know why exactly people don't like you?
In most cases, if others don't like you, it's your fault. Perhaps you are too critical of everything or do not know how to keep yourself within limits, are vulgar or are always so sad that others become uncomfortable with you, that is, you push people away from you with the manner of your behavior. Perhaps you lack ordinary friendliness and ease of communication. Maybe you are too shy and have a hard time meeting people. Maybe you made it all up for yourself? Maybe you should test yourself first:
Let's take a closer look at individual cases and try together to find a decent way out of them.
1. You complain too much
There are situations when you want to cry to someone “into your vest.” For a chronic “crybaby,” his whole life is a reason for complaints.
A normal person will not complain to others that on the way home he lost a handkerchief or a comb. “Crybaby” will turn this story into a tragedy.
He will talk for a long time about how wonderful his comb was, how good it was to comb his hair, and how he will now manage without it. Somewhere in the middle of his monologue, someone will want to buy him the same comb, just so that he will stop his whining. It can be argued that people will try to avoid communicating with such a bore.
If you have discovered the traits of a “crybaby” in yourself, do not ask why people don’t like me - change urgently. No one, not even the best friend, can tolerate such outpourings for a long time.
If you are not going to change, you should know that you are an extremely unpleasant person to communicate with.
2. You are an alarmist
This manner of behavior is more characteristic of women, but there are also men who are often susceptible to causeless behavior. Such people listen with bated breath to gossip, reports of robberies, violence, plane crashes, murders and other horrors.
From them you learn that daily diet leads to asthma, and playing basketball leads to death from being hit by the ball. These people amaze everyone every day with stories about terrorists, murderous maniacs and drugged teenagers. After a month of communicating with such a person, it will truly seem that nothing else is happening on our planet except murder and violence.
>If you have discovered the traits of an “alarmist” in yourself, change urgently. No one wants to be in company with a person who predicts only misfortunes and sorrows for everyone. A gloomy attitude towards everything turns your friends away from you.
3. You are a know-it-all
Such a person will never go to the doctor. He himself is a walking medical encyclopedia, and medicine is an insignificant area of his knowledge.
If he is invited to dinner, he will immediately begin teaching the hostess the best ways to prepare meat dishes.
If he suddenly finds out that someone has spent his entire month's earnings on a beautiful but expensive thing, he will immediately inform where he can buy a better one, but three times cheaper. Then he will talk about the greenhouse effect and explain to his table neighbor why he is such a mediocrity, having analyzed it using the latest methods his pedigree.
Even if he is caught lying, he will turn the conversation in such a way that those around him will feel awkward, having slandered such a good person.
If you have discovered the traits of a “know-it-all” in yourself, change urgently. Always knowing everything and telling everyone about everything, you are simply unbearable.
4. You can't control your behavior
The destructive power of such a person surpasses any bomb. Flower pots with violets and ficuses, pencils, cups, papers, boxes fly around the room like a whirlwind. Probably, as a child he was never told that it was impossible to extinguish outbursts of anger in public places.
Or, on the contrary, they spoke too often and achieved the opposite effect. Such a person breaks down not just daily, but hourly. He screams, tears the papers into shreds, his eyes sparkle, and his hair stands on end. No intelligible arguments calm him down.
After communicating with such a person, you will involuntarily want to have a muzzle and a straitjacket with you and use them for their intended purpose.
If you have discovered the traits of an “uncontrollable person” in yourself, change urgently or in the near future you will have no one to demonstrate your eccentric character to.
5. You are too intrusive
Such a person dares to do little: fly on an airplane, eat unfamiliar food, swim or travel. But he boldly “hangs” on everyone who happens to be nearby when he has a headache, lost his glasses, or something else happens.
Sticky people require the kind of devotion that only close kinship obliges. It is extremely difficult to get rid of them.
They want the person on whom they “hang” not only to know everything about their life, but also to live their life. They describe to him every day in great detail, telling him what they are going to do tomorrow, the day after tomorrow, and so on.
In order to protect yourself from such a friend, you want to move to another house, even better, to another city, absolutely wonderful - to another country, but best of all - to another planet.
If you find that you have “sticky” traits in yourself, change urgently. There is a limit to the burden that can be placed on the shoulders of friends. Cross the limit and your friends will scatter.
6. You are too critical
Such a person questions everything and everyone. If he is presented with leather gloves, he will look at them for a long time, and then say: “Is this leather?”
No matter where he sits in the cinema, he feels bad everywhere and can’t even see anything.
He pesters everyone with stories about his boss who is a freak, about his co-workers who are cretins, about a government that doesn’t do a damn thing. If he is invited to a restaurant, he will study the menu with great passion, and when the ordered dishes are finally brought, he will criticize them so much that he will take away the appetite of those around him, completely ruining their mood.
At a party, he unceremoniously discusses those present, but he considers himself higher and more infallible than them.
If you have discovered the traits of a “critic” in yourself, change urgently. If you see only flaws in people, they will not want to deal with you. Why, if you still won’t please?
7. You have no sense of humor
For such a person, laughter is the most deadly sin. He sits with a sour expression while everyone else is dying of laughter.
Moreover, he asks specifically for him to explain what is funny about what everyone has been laughing at for so long. When someone with the best intentions tries to make him laugh, he gets offended and leaves the room.
It is very difficult to be with a person who has no sense of humor. There is always a tense atmosphere in his presence; those around him are afraid of offending him with a random joke, so that they don’t have to apologize many times and explain that he misunderstood.
If you find yourself lacking a sense of humor, change urgently. Try to treat yourself with a certain amount of irony and you will not have to suffer and torment others with your tediousness; you will more easily begin to endure the difficulties that befall almost every person. Having a sense of humor does not mean amusing your guests. This is the ability to withstand life's difficulties.
Svetlana Bestuzheva-Lada, Candidate of Historical Sciences, sociopsychologist
http://www.passion.ru
Why don't people like you?
Probably every person in different time, under different circumstances, I wondered why he might not like it. This mainly happens during depression or deep upheaval. When a person has a career, personal life and relationships with friends, he is unlikely to rack his brains over this issue. But as soon as one of these components does not add up, then with self-analysis you begin to solve the problem of why people don’t like me. If you find yourself in a similar situation and are concerned about solving the problem, we advise you to do the following:
Why people don't like me and what to do
First, determine who in your circle did not like you and on the basis of what, you had to draw such conclusions. Then think about whether you have a desire to communicate with these people and whether you need them.
If you like people and prefer to continue communicating with them, then think about your behavior and what exactly you might have done wrong. You may have to adjust your character a little and criticize your immediate environment less. And then the question: why people don’t like me will not appear in your head.
Probably in Lately Not everything is going well for you and all they hear from you is complaints. Try to take advantage of the current situation and start telling those around you less about your problems. Even the most patient people get tired of dealing with complainers.
Think about whether you tell a lot of bad and criminal news to the people around you. Try to share positive emotions, tell more fun and funny things.
Give out less information containing a lot of all kinds of knowledge. People don't really like to communicate with a person who knows a lot. And use less criticism.
The answer to the problem of why people don’t like me may be contained in periodic outbursts of anger. Try to control yourself in public without speaking harshly.
And most importantly, try to behave more naturally and simply.
After all, it is always more pleasant to communicate with the person himself, and not with the image he created. There is no need to try to live up to someone else's ideals. Simplicity and naturalness are the way to good communication and long-lasting friendship.
There are many ways to make others want nothing to do with you. And most of them don't require much effort. After all, sometimes one glance at your behavior on social networks or a simple greeting from you is enough for a person to start avoiding you. Let's look at some common reasons why people may not like you.
Posting too many photos on social media
It’s interesting that, as a rule, relatives don’t really like it when you post too many photos of your friends, and friends, on the contrary, are not happy to see a lot of photos of your family. 
Too many or too few Facebook friends
In one study, college students were asked to view fictitious Facebook profiles and answer how much they liked their owners. The subjects themselves had about 300 friends on this social network.
The results showed that students liked more those profiles whose owners also had about 300 friends. Moreover, those with less than 100 and more than 300 received negative reviews equally. Why didn’t the subjects like users who had more than three hundred friends on Facebook? According to them, such people seemed to them too passionate about the social network and trying in every way to increase their popularity.
Revealing too personal details to your interlocutor
In general, people bond faster if they share some honest details with each other. In fact, scientists believe this is one of the best ways to make new friends as an adult. However, if you are on early stage When meeting a person, as they say, dumbfound him with too intimate details (for example, that your sister has a secret extramarital affair or something like that), then with a high degree of probability you will only alienate your interlocutor.
The key to success lies in revealing some details of your personal life, without switching to too intimate details. So, psychologists advise telling a new acquaintance, for example, about your hobbies and interesting childhood memories. Surely, such frankness will make you more attractive in the eyes of your interlocutor. 
Ask questions without saying anything about yourself
Posting a photo of your face with a close-up shot of your face on your social network profile
According to studies, users are more likely to like people posting photos taken with a camera from approximately 135 centimeters away. If you were photographed from a distance closer than 45 centimeters, then it is better not to post such a photo on a social network, as it will only cause a negative reaction.
Hiding emotions
Numerous studies have shown that the best way drawing closer to people is a demonstration of your true feelings regarding a particular object or event. Therefore, if you avoid showing your emotions, others may think that you have little interest and that you are an unemotional, cold person. Therefore, they are unlikely to want to do business with you. 
Always behave too well
Many people believe that others like people who never refuse anyone anything and are always ready to help. However, in reality this is not the case at all. According to research, this behavior can make people think that you have some hidden motives and goals that you plan to achieve by behaving this way. After all, looking at things objectively, it becomes clear that you hardly want to be the one who is always ready to run out for pizza or drinks during a meeting, fill the printer with paper, etc. It is completely normal to sometimes refuse the requests of others.
Excessive self-criticism
If you do not want to alienate new acquaintances or potential employers, then you should not exaggerate your shortcomings. Of course, you shouldn’t praise yourself too much either. Thus, according to research, people have a negative reaction when their interlocutor, answering a question, exaggerates his weaknesses.
Excessive nervousness
Under no circumstances should you allow others to see, much less feel, that you are sweating. According to research, the smell of sweat can subconsciously influence other people's opinions of you. Therefore, you need to try to control yourself and be sure to use deodorant, which can help at least a little in such a situation.
I'm unlucky in everything. Especially in a team, I’ve already changed three educational institutions and it’s still the same thing, for some reason people don’t like me, although I don’t wish them harm, and I have no friends at all, I had two best friend but they betrayed me. And very often thoughts of suicide come to mind...
Support the site:
No one, age: 17/28/02/2014
Responses:
Hello! Drive these thoughts away! You are very young, you have a lot of time ahead to make friends and find love. And I’ll also give you advice: always try to mentally wish good things for people. They will feel it and reach out to you. Tested by my own experience! )
Good luck!!! Happy spring to you!)
Moonwalker, age: 32 / 02/28/2014
The team has its own laws. You never need to “accommodate” anyone, try to please them, just be yourself. Like attracts like, so don’t wear a mask and don’t play a role, so as not to “attract” people who are strangers to you.
By the way, a common reason for people’s hostility is misunderstanding. Be simpler so that people can understand you and your actions. Open to communication, but carrying yourself with dignity - this is the ideal model of behavior. By the way, hygiene of the body and clothing also plays an important role; this also needs to be monitored.
And a person who is sincerely passionate about something always evokes respect and interest: be it sports, collecting stamps, or something else.
I believe that you will succeed!
Olga, age: 25 / 02/28/2014
Hello! On the one hand, you are doing the right thing by seeing the problem in yourself, but it is better not to overdo it.
I think the problem here is a combination of external and internal. Both the team and you in this team.
The solution to the problem is your sincere desire to communicate with new people. Don't perceive them negatively right away, don't perceive them negatively even when they hurt you. Try to forgive! And smile, help them, because one day it will come back to you like a boomerang!
To be honest, I also had a hard time with new people, but I (sometimes overcoming myself) still tried to improve relationships. Things got funny! For example, one day the boss once again undeservedly poured “a bucket of dirt” on me, and then asked me to help her - and I helped with a smile! Then she said in amazement and bewilderment: “Well, you are a persistent tin soldier!..”. From then on she treated me with respect.
I told you all this so that you understand that people can test you, test your strength. In literature this is called the initiation rite. You are deliberately offered a number of barriers, obstacles, through which you gain experience and become one of them, one of the members of this team.
Remember that in life you will constantly have to gain your authority, defend your right to exist - in kindergarten, school, university, at any new job. Everyone, of course, has their own method. But one of the universal ones that I have tested in my own experience is an initial and constant friendly, sincere attitude towards people. This method will also preserve your peace of mind - you will not accumulate grievances and make plans for revenge, you will forgive, thereby purifying yourself)))
Good luck and success to you!!! Everything will definitely work out!
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