If you ask any of us whether we know at least one absolutely happy person, only one out of a hundred will answer, of course, I know such a person, and the rest then. Why are there more and more unhappy people? How do they become like this? Who needs it? There are more questions than answers. This article will be the beginning of a future discussion, as I understand perfectly well that everyone has their own point of view. I’ll start expressing mine.
is an individual who is dissatisfied with some area of his life. Most people are dissatisfied in all areas of their lives except the one area where they truly excel.
This could be an excellent housewife without a job, an amazing mother who raised successful children, but there is no man nearby who loves her, a wonderful employee who has no joys personal life, creative person who has no family. As you can see, the list can be continued indefinitely.
In my opinion, what happens is that we are successful in only one area of our lives, but are absolutely not successful in all others.
Unhappy, a person becomes from childhood. The costs of raising parents lead to them raising absolutely unhappy children. Of course, this is not their fault, because they were once “crippled” in this way by their own parents.
What is the lack of education that makes children unhappy? The main criterion is this: many parents simply want to see their child obedient. Obedience is the first trait unhappy person.
Many parents confuse the meaning of education with obedience. Education is built on dialogues of trust, when something is analyzed and certain actions are justified. Obedience is a condition. Why?
If Human, listens to others, which means he does not have his own opinion, his own desires, his own ideas for planning his life. It’s easy to be with an obedient person; he can be manipulated, which means the manipulator can get all the benefits at the expense of unhappy person.
Parents want their child to be obedient. They put him before a choice that is unspoken but obvious: “either you listen to us, or we don’t love you.” All this is manifested in everything. The child is constantly told (hammered into it) to run quietly, learn his lessons, behave modestly, be cultured - sometimes arguing with words known to everyone:
“But I won’t be friends with you,” “I don’t love you like that,” “You’re like that to me, you can continue on your own,” etc. And what is more important for a child is, of course, the love and care of parents.
So it turns out that from childhood a person learns to be obedient, in a word, he must give up his natural, natural desires, otherwise no one will ever love him. Most parents lay this destructive program on their child from childhood.
- This is the most teachable individual in the world. When a person does not experience joy, he has time for something else. For example, to search for answers to his questions, to improve the qualifications of his specialty, to study everything that surrounds him.
Once a desire to move arises, which is noticeable only when a person has nothing else to do, it means that he must become the most trainable.
- the most ideal employee. Most employers value only those employees of their company who are ready to work, from morning to night, overtime, with zeal and desire. The unfortunate individual has no spiritual desires, only physical needs remain, which can only be satisfied through money.
Where there is money, there is fame, honor (the misconception of many in life) and perhaps what a person lacks: love, understanding and true respect. That's why unhappy the individual is a typical “workaholic”.
Who constantly works not because he finds work attractive, when he forgets about time seven days a week, but because no one at home is waiting for him or loving him.
- this is a robot modern world. After all, a happy person cannot be forced to do anything against his will, he cannot be manipulated, a happy person will always say no to other views that contradict her worldview, she will never stay up late, since she has her own home, where her family and loved ones are always waiting her people.
A happy person is the creator of his own happiness. He will never agree to exchange, the gift of life itself is his personal time to satisfy other people's interests. And most importantly - happy man he is spiritually developed, knows how to love, he already has what he needs, which means there is nothing to hook him with.
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Unhappiness as a personality quality - having heavy karma, not knowing happiness, joy, good luck; to be a victim who is constantly pursued by misfortune.
One day a visitor came to the sage and began to complain: “I’m so unhappy.” Everything is so bad for me, it can’t get any worse. I lost my job, my wife is sick, my daughter can’t get married, my son doesn’t want to study... Tell me, maybe you know what I should do to become happier? “There is one ancient remedy,” answered the sage. - You need to take a lot of pieces of paper, write on them: “And this will all pass,” and place them in all the rooms.
The puzzled man thanked him and left. A couple of years later, the same person returns and says: “How grateful I am to you, how grateful, there are simply no words!” Everything has changed in my life. I found a great job, my wife recovered, my daughter got married, my son finished his studies and got a job... Everything is just great! Thank you very much! Yes, I just wanted to ask: “Those papers that I laid out in the apartment, can they be put away already?” - Why clean it? - the sage shrugged. - Let them lie down for now.
Unhappiness is the harvest of the consequences of your past actions. Heavy karma has come - open the gate. Retribution has come. Bills need to be paid. Unhappiness is a boomerang for violating the laws of the universe in the past. Misfortune is a harsh lot for lack of piety. If a person has done evil, where will the funds come from in the heavenly account of piety? Red balance. This means no happiness, joy or luck. Piety accumulates in one who lived with dignity and decency, who served people. Happiness and joy come to him.
Misfortune is the verdict of the Heavenly Court: he lived like a pig, therefore, let him suffer. Maybe he will learn something, realize how to live correctly, and understand that he needs to increase the level of his spirituality. Maybe it will finally dawn on people that happiness is a spiritual category. From the temporary, material, you cannot get the eternal, spiritual. The spiritual path knows no loss.
The real taste of happiness must be sought in spirituality, and not in clothes, trinkets and material wealth. They haven't made anyone happy yet. You cannot take them with you at the hour of death. If you see main goal living in hoarding money and material goods, at the end of your life you will definitely experience disappointment and emptiness.
The nature of the soul is eternity, knowledge and bliss. The soul is charged with happiness. A person becomes unhappy because of himself. The soul has a property: it listens to the feelings, the desired mind, the personality traits manifested in a person. In a word, the soul can be conditioned by someone or something. She is easily suggestible. Under the influence of vices, the energy of the soul is distorted. There is nothing left of happiness and joy. The energy of envy, greed and pride is released. The bottom line is that we have unhappiness cultivated by man himself. If you add heavy karma to this, the picture takes on a sad and sorrowful appearance.
Unhappiness can be the rotten fruit of ignorance. For example, interested parties inspired a person that he should live for the happiness of his great-grandchildren, whom he will never see. And so he humps for the sake of someone else’s, selfish goal. Naturally, no one thinks about his great-grandchildren. The grabbers and burnouts think about their own pockets, and they use such gullible, fanatical gullibles and suckers as they please.
Once a sage was walking along the road, admiring the beauty of the world and enjoying life. Suddenly he noticed an unfortunate man hunched over under an unbearable burden. - Why do you condemn yourself to such suffering? - Asked the sage. “I suffer for the happiness of my children and grandchildren,” the man answered. - My great-grandfather suffered all his life for the happiness of my grandfather, my grandfather suffered for the happiness of my father, my father suffered for my happiness, and I will suffer all my life, only so that my children and grandchildren become happy.
Was anyone happy in your family? - asked the sage. - No, but my children and grandchildren will definitely be happy! - answered the unhappy man. - An illiterate person cannot teach you to read, and a mole cannot raise an eagle! - Said the sage. - First learn to be happy yourself, then you will understand how to make your children and grandchildren happy!
An unhappy person is a carrier of unhappiness. He is riddled with failure. Trouble is on his heels. Unfortunately, it is contagious. Communicating with an unhappy person is dangerous, because part of his karma passes on to those around him. Take, marital relations. Marriage is an exchange of karmas. Having married an unlucky man, a woman shares his unhappy fate with him. And vice versa, by marrying the lover of unhappiness, you receive her karma in “all its glory.”
The oligarch comes to the astrologer and says: “I want to divorce my wife.” We are too different. She is already behind me in intelligence. I'm not interested in being with her. The astrologer carefully studied the fates of the spouses and said: “Do you know why you became an oligarch?” According to the karma of his wife. Your karma is to be a simple clerk. Once you divorce her, all your wealth will disappear. You'll go broke. You will be unhappy.
There lived an old man in the village. He was one of the unluckiest people in the world. The whole village was tired of him: he was always gloomy, always complaining, always in bad mood, always sour. And the longer he lived, the more bilious he became, the more poisonous his words were. People avoided him: misfortune became contagious. It was somehow insulting not to be unhappy around him. He created a feeling of unhappiness in others too. But one day, when he turned eighty, the incredible happened - no one could believe it. Instantly the rumor spread around everyone: “The old man is happy today, he doesn’t complain, he smiles, even his face has changed.” The whole village gathered. The old man was asked: “What happened to you?” What's the matter?" “Nothing,” answered the old man. “For eighty years I tried to become happy and nothing came of it.” So I decided to do without happiness. That's why I'm happy.
Peter Kovalev
Have you tried to stop and look at your life from the outside? Think about whether you are happy or not? Believe that happy life For the most part, it depends only on your actions and thoughts, because some of them simply program for long-term or permanent failure. the site suggests studying the habits of such losers and checking whether you have similar habits. The article will tell you how an unhappy person behaves - beware of such actions and eradicate them from your behavior. After all, hopeless depression and unhappiness are unlikely to be your goal.
An unhappy person and dependence on present and future circumstances
To be satisfied with life, do you need a new position, an increase in your salary, or the appearance of a wealthy man in your destiny? - Alas, even if you wait for all these benefits, the feeling of happiness will not visit you for long. What will happen if you never get them, because this is quite possible? In this case, will you really spend your whole life waiting for happiness, real life, instead of living here and now and learning to find a reason to rejoice in what you already have?
Learn to see happiness in today, and not wait for a bright future, like the sea of weather. After all, in this way you develop dependence on external circumstances. And any addiction is a road to unhappiness.
Unhappy man: keeping up with others
Drop constant comparisons with others and focus on yourself and your life. If you experience even slight envy and jealousy of someone else's achievements, you will not feel your own happiness. Don't chase something just because others have it. Surely you also have a lot of good things that can give you joy.
A study was conducted where respondents said that they would not want great material wealth if other people did not have them either. If you think In a similar way, then urgently change your train of thought. This tactic leads to an unhappy life, because it is impossible to earn all the benefits, everyone has their own capabilities and abilities. Yes, and you don’t need to have a lot of material things to be happy.
An unhappy person is often fixated on material things and does not indulge himself in impressions
Have you ever thought about how much effort and time goes into buying things? Repeated studies have shown that material wealth does not lead to happiness. Going shopping to lift your spirits is useful, but when chasing after things is a habit, then luck will not come to you. Sooner or later, a period will come when a person realizes that by wasting time on purchasing material things, he has lost more - himself. Spend a free hour going for a walk with your family, visiting your parents, or riding a bike. You will get more in return positive emotions than from another shopping trip.
Dissatisfaction with life leads to a desire to avoid others, but you should not follow it. Communication will help overcome the blues. Call a friend and have a cup of tea with her in a cafe. After communicating, you will notice how your worldview has changed. It is not necessary to go out every day; sometimes lying around under a blanket at home is also useful, but only if it has not become part of your usual way of life.
A pessimistic attitude and the role of a victim will make any person unhappy
People who have not experienced happiness in life find it difficult and uncontrollable. This philosophy promotes apathy, a feeling of helplessness and an unwillingness to change everything in life. better side. Change the role of the victim to the role of a predator who knows what he wants, and even when experiencing difficulties, goes towards his goal. Remember that troubles happen to everyone, but everyone deals with them differently.
What can bring trouble is nothing more than pessimism, which helps to predict everything bad. A pessimistic attitude is appropriate when you do not look at the facts. Really assess the situation and make sure that not everything is so bad.
Unhappy person: complaints and worsening problems
A common situation: a friend calls regularly and endlessly complains about her life (her husband doesn’t appreciate her, her children don’t listen, she doesn’t have enough money, etc.). Have you noticed where this is leading her? Of course, this leads to an increase in the negative attitude, because she thinks and talks about the bad, without seeing the positive (the children are healthy, the husband earns money, there is no money today, but there will be tomorrow). And with a constant negative background in someone’s home, problems actually begin to appear - the husband runs away, the children get sick, and in adulthood they run away even faster.
I hope that this does not concern you personally. Remember that troubles are a temporary phenomenon, take them for granted, and not as the fact that circumstances are always unfair to you and fate is initially predetermined and terrible. The life of happy people is available to each of us.
However, complaints do not always have a negative impact on life. Sometimes you need to discuss your real problems and pour out your soul to someone. Learn to determine for yourself when you complain in vain, unpromisingly and become more and more despondent, and when, after a one-time outpouring of your soul, you feel better and find a way to change your situation for the better. Try to talk about your worries only if it happens therapeutic effect from the conversation.
Unhappy people don't solve problems and don't improve.
You are responsible for your actions, and if you made a mistake, try to correct it. Don’t hide your problems or accumulate them, but make decisions in a timely manner. Then you will not be burdened by worries, and the feeling of joy will not bypass you.
Losers do not try to change anything in their lives, they, on the contrary, expect a portion of the next problems and sorrows to arrive. But don’t give up, learn to control your life on your own: set goals, study, improve yourself, get out of your comfort zone. Then you will notice changes in your life for the better.
An unhappy person can be easily identified if you know his habits. Actions and thoughts are not aimed at solving problems, but at aggravating them. You can change the course of events if you don’t sit idle, communicate and learn something, don’t envy the benefits of others, etc. Try to see the positive in every day you live.
Thoughts and actions characteristic of an unhappy person occur in everyone. The main thing is that they do not become daily, habitual. If at least one of the listed 6 habits is your own, then get rid of it quickly. Psychologists believe that knowing happiness is given to everyone and it depends, first of all, on one’s attitude, but not everyone uses this opportunity. Rejoice at the good events that have happened to you - everyone has them, even if they are small things. And if you fail, don’t dwell on it. There is no silver lining - says folk wisdom. Today's failure will seem insignificant to you tomorrow if you set yourself up correctly and do not stop your life because of it. Life is very diverse and changeable. And everything is in your hands: be happy today!
I am 30 years old. I'm an unhappy person. I understand that there is no reason for this, I understand that there is no need to whine; on the contrary, how you set yourself up is how you will feel. Why are there simple things that normal people They make me happy, I’m not interested in, for example, a partner, children, furnishing my home. I don’t need anything. There is emptiness inside me. You are experts, tell me what’s wrong with me? Maybe my self-esteem is too high? And how can I lower it?
Answers from psychologists
Hello Asel
The question is that something inside you hurts and suffers. You also talk about feeling empty inside. What is happening to you is important and needs to be understood and explored. It's not a matter of attitude here, but at least with you in this situation, a simple attitude will not work. You need to take care of yourself, treat your soul.
Good answer 4 Bad answer 1Hello Asel. Of course, it is very sad when a person stops enjoying life. I think that high self-esteem has nothing to do with it; your feeling of emptiness is more alarming. It couldn't just happen like that. It is important to explore this condition of yours only then it is possible to do something about it.
All the best, Ella.
Good answer 3 Bad answer 2Hello, Asel. Most quickly, you for a long time you don’t live in harmony with yourself. Normally, a person enjoys life when he lives according to his desires and interests. He tries to do what he likes. Most likely, you don’t know how to live like that. You probably live from the word Must, or , I MUST. And this is a complete mismatch with yourself. You will be tired of the new day, already getting out of bed in the morning. Since the day does not promise you anything personally. And if layers of years accumulate, then the body goes on strike. It is overcome by emptiness, coldness, indifference, depression, regret, boredom. And nothing will happen until you change your attitude towards yourself. To live from the word I WANT, you must love yourself and be in line with your desires. Then your interests will go uphill, and sparkles will appear in your eyes.
Good answer 5 Bad answer 0 
Hello Asel!
Perhaps you are now going through some kind of life crisis, when a person evaluates what he has achieved in life and what else he would like. At the age of 30, your true values begin to appear and it happens that they run counter to generally accepted ones. Try to give yourself some time to be with this emptiness in your soul. Perhaps there is some kind of restructuring going on in it now and this will take time. If you feel that this emptiness does not bring you to a new level of life, a new understanding and vision of life, but, on the contrary, drags you into a depressive swamp, then it makes sense to consult a psychologist to understand what is behind this emptiness and what your needs are now. soul.
Good luck! Svetlana.
Happiness comes in different forms and sometimes it can be difficult to feel it right away. On the other hand, misfortune is always easy to identify.
Misfortune is fatal to everyone. Both for the unfortunate person and for the people around him. Stanford's Terman's famous study lasted eight years and found that being around unhappy people was associated with poorer health and shorter lifespan.
Life circumstances have little to do with happiness, because happiness is the result of habits and outlook on life. Psychologists at the University of California who study happiness have found that genetics and life circumstances determine only about 50% of a person’s happiness. The rest depends on the person himself.
“The Constitution gives people the right to happiness. But you must catch it yourself." - Benjamin Franklin
10 Habits of Chronically Unhappy People
When people are unhappy, it's much harder to be around them, let alone work with them. The feeling of unhappiness makes a person fall into vicious circle, which holds him back from achieving all he is capable of.
And happiness is determined by habits (in thoughts and deeds), so you need to carefully monitor them to make sure that they do not drag you into the abyss.
Some habits lead to unhappiness more than others. There are ten habits to be particularly wary of.
1. Expect the future
Convincing yourself: “I will be happy when...” is one of the most destructive habits. The way the statement ends has no meaning of great importance(this could be a big incentive wage or new relationships). Because of this, a person begins to pay too much attention to circumstances, and improving circumstances does not lead to happiness.
Don't waste time waiting for something that seems to affect your mood. Instead, focus on being happy right now, in the present moment.
2. Spend too much time and effort buying “stuff.”
People living in extreme poverty experience happiness when they financial position is improving. Eat a large number of research that shows that material things do not make you happy. The habit of chasing things ultimately leads to dissatisfaction with life and disappointment.
Friends, family and hobbies can make you happy.
3. Avoid people
When a person feels unhappy, there is a temptation to avoid the company of other people. This is a huge mistake because socializing is great for lifting your mood.
We all have days when we want to be alone and not talk to anyone. When this behavior becomes a trend, it destroys the mood.
4. Feel like a victim
Unhappy people tend to find life to be both difficult and uncontrollable. In other words, “Life is difficult for me and I can’t do anything about it.” The problem with this philosophy is that it reinforces feelings of helplessness, and people who feel helpless are less likely to take action to make things better.
The thing to remember: You are not the only person to whom bad things happen, and everyone has the opportunity to take control of their future. You just need to take action.
5. Pessimism
Nothing fuels unhappiness better than pessimism. The problem with a pessimistic attitude, besides the fact that it is highly dependent on mood, is that it is realized in life: if a person expects bad events, then most likely bad events will happen.
Pessimistic thoughts are difficult to discard until you understand how illogical they are. Force yourself to look at the facts and you will see that things are not as bad as they seem.
6. Complain
Complaining is a self-reinforcing behavior. By constantly talking - and therefore thinking - about how bad things are, a person confirms his negative beliefs.
Talking about things that bother you can make you feel better, but there is a fine line between complaining and trying to identify the source of your problems.
7. Exaggerate
Bad things happen to everyone. The difference is that happy people see it as a temporary failure, while unhappy people see it as further proof that their life is a complete nightmare.
8. Avoid solving the problem
Happy people are responsible for their actions. When they make mistakes, they remain in control of themselves and the situation. On the other hand, unhappy people find problems and mistakes threatening, so they try to hide them. Problems tend to get bigger when they are ignored.
The more you do nothing to solve the problem, the more stronger feeling helplessness and inability to determine one’s own life.
9. Sitting with difficult hands
Because unhappy people are pessimists and lack control over their lives, they tend to sit back and wait for life to happen to them. Instead of setting goals, learning and improving themselves, they just keep waiting and then wonder why nothing is changing in life.
10. Compare yourself to others
Jealousy and envy are incompatible with happiness, so if you are constantly comparing yourself to others, then it's time to stop. In one study, the majority of subjects said that they would be fine living with less income, but only if everyone else's income also decreased.
Beware of this type of thinking as it will not make you happy and more often than not has the opposite effect.
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