Does your baby still sleep with you? Tips on how to wean your child from co-sleeping with his parents. Co-sleeping with a baby: pros, cons, safety rules, ways to wean

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How to wean a child from co-sleeping?
The problem of weaning a child from co-sleeping with his parents is by no means far-fetched. Many people are faced with the fact that their children, accustomed to sleeping in parent's bed, do not want to leave there even when they reach a completely conscious age. Why is it so difficult to “force” a child to sleep separately and how to do this as painlessly as possible for him and his parents?
Anastasia Gareeva
Psychologist

Pros and cons of co-sleeping
Co-sleeping with an infant it is very convenient for him and his mother. A child who has been in a warm, soft and cramped space for nine months does not feel very comfortable in a crib. He, accustomed to the beating of his mother’s heart and her breathing, is lonely and scared to remain without the usual sounds and sensations. Constant contact with the mother gives the baby a feeling of security and calm. A mother sleeping with her child is also calmer; she manages to get enough sleep without wasting precious night hours getting up frequently. crying baby. She simply hears his grunting and immediately gives him the breast, while she can continue to sleep. The child, having had enough, falls asleep and snores sweetly, clinging to his mother. Even if a woman does not breastfeed, it is difficult to overestimate the importance of these contacts for forming a close bond with her child. In any case, you need to get up to the baby at least 3-5 times a night and spend some time on any feeding (breast or bottle). You can hug, stroke, and cuddle the waking baby in time, then he may not completely clear up and, importantly, the duration of the mother’s sleep will increase. Let's move on to the cons. Although many people classify cases of small children being strangled by their mothers as folk horror stories, this possibility cannot be ruled out. It seems clear that maternal sleep is instinctively very sensitive, but this sensitivity may be dulled if the mother has taken, for example, a sedative and sleeping pill or just very tired. Also, one should not discount the fact that there is also a third person in the parent’s bed – the child’s father. It’s good if the bed is wide, and dad is able to refuse his wife’s marital duties for some time. Otherwise, he will not only be forced to huddle somewhere on the edge or against the wall, but also not feel much better than a child, “postponed” to another bed. Many parents sleep more shallowly and restlessly when their baby is in their bed, which does not allow them to fully rest and recuperate. A child may develop a persistent need for the constant presence of adults, up to a dependent state. Shared sleep, with all of it positive aspects, interferes with the acquisition of the skill of falling asleep and sleeping alone. It may turn out that parents will be forced to “ensure presence”, contrary to their plans and capabilities, just so that the baby sleeps peacefully through the night. To avoid accidents, doctors advise adhering to the following restrictions:

  • Do not take the baby to bed if the parents smoke or have taken alcohol, sedatives or sleeping pills.
  • Bed linen must clearly match the size of the bed.
  • The mattress should fit snugly against the headboard
  • Make sure that there are no soft pillows or blankets near the child's face.
  • Make sure that there is no gap between the bed and the wall into which the child could fall.

    What is better - to wean or not to wean?
    Of course, the issue of weaning a child from sleeping together is unlikely to arise in a family where the child sleeps separately from birth. This choice in each specific case must be made by the parents themselves, based on their own capabilities and weighing all the pros and cons. However, you may encounter the fact that a child slept peacefully in his own bed until he was 1.5 years old, and at this age or a little later (when the first conscious fear of the dark appears) he begins to “be capricious”, refuses to sleep separately, does everything possible, even before applying manipulations to remain in the parent's bed. If parents are too principled in this matter, then evening “showdowns” with the child can develop into real battles, and the child will develop nervous exhaustion. The same applies to children who have slept with their parents since birth. Therefore, if you decide to wean your child from co-sleeping, do it before or after this age. Here is another disappointing argument for those who are convinced that the child should sleep separately. Statistics show that children who still sleep with their parents at 5-6 years of age have most often had the experience of sleeping separately, and more than half of them came to their parents' bed after 1.5 years. That is, when parents do not sleep with a child for five months, there is no guarantee that they will not have to do this after 1.5 years. Some mothers practice sleeping separately with their child until he reaches six months of age, that is, until the child shows significant anxiety while lying in his crib. And then they start taking him into their bed because he makes it clear that he doesn't want to go back to his place. With this scenario, it is extremely difficult for a child who initially slept separately to wean him from sleeping together in the future. Finally, convinced supporters of co-sleeping with a child must be aware that a child sleeping with parents not only in the same bed, but even in the same room, can become a witness to their sexual relations. Moreover, even if this happens at an age when parents believe that he is not developmentally capable of understanding what is happening, this can be very traumatic for him. It is believed that the optimal age for moving a child to his own bed is about 3 years old: the child has already experienced his first night fears, feeling the support of mom and dad, and at the same time he already feels like an individual, a person who has his own individuality and owns certain property. A separate bed – a personal corner – can become such property. Although even at this age problems may arise. More often this happens to those children whose parents tried to put them away before they reached the age of 3. Such children remember their discomfort and their fears, and it can be very difficult to convince them that this time everything will be fine. Actually, the most the best option It would be better not to push the child, not to try to move him into his own bed, but to wait for the moment when he wants to do it himself. Indeed, in most cases this moment comes by itself. Well, let this happen a little later than at 3 years old, because each child is individual, and some of them are more and some are less attached to their parents. And the level of anxiety in children is different. However, we do not always have the opportunity to “let the situation take its course.” Sometimes children do not show any desire to “move out”, although it seems that all conceivable and inconceivable deadlines have already passed. And sometimes new family circumstances simply arise - people change their place and living conditions, another little one appears, or the parents are simply tired, unable to relax at night and be alone with each other. And then the question, as they say, is posed bluntly.
    How to wean a child from sleeping with his mother?
    It’s good if the baby at a certain stage goes to his own bed on his own. Just because he wants it. However, the situation becomes more complicated and can take the most unexpected turns if the child is “not morally mature.” So, if you decide that the “X-hour” has come, and the child does not even think about moving to his own bed, you will have to come to terms with the fact that the process of weaning him from the parental bed can take a lot of your time and effort. Of course, this issue must be approached with all responsibility and everything must be done so that it is not too traumatic for the child. It is very difficult to convince a grown-up child, accustomed to sleeping with his parents, that his little brother or sister needs his mother more than he does. This can arouse strong jealousy on his part. Put yourself in his place: what is it like to be rejected for some squeaking lump, to sleep in separate bed when your beloved mommy hugs your competitor. The child may feel betrayed and harbor resentment towards the people closest to him. Perhaps in in this case It would be better, along with weaning the older child from the parental bed, not to accustom the younger one to it either.

    From personal experience: My eldest daughter was very attached to me. Until she was 2.5 years old, she slept in the same bed with me, and it was important for her, when falling asleep, to cuddle up to me or at least hold my hand. Realizing that after the birth of my second child I would have to take him into my bed from time to time, I decided that the four of us would definitely not fit there, so the children would have to sleep separately. Weaning our daughter off co-sleeping was surprisingly easy when we bought her her own crib and placed it in our room, in which the little one also slept in a stroller. The presence of her own corner with a beautiful and cozy crib, as well as the argument “look, Egorka is so small, but sleeps separately from his mother” did the trick - the daughter began to sleep “like an adult” with pleasure.

    From personal experience: The most difficult thing about moving our 3-year-old son into a separate room was that he categorically did not want to fall asleep alone. He quickly fell asleep in his crib, but at the same time he demanded that someone hold his hand. Then we offered him a companion - our dog. She was already old, and the breed was “small” - a lapdog. So, we were sure that it would not harm a baby sleeping in a crib with a lattice. The child accepted this idea with a bang! The only one who was against it was the dog: she didn’t like being locked in the room. But we compensated her for the temporary inconvenience with some kind of treat. Within a week, our son was falling asleep alone.
    In any case, even if no more offspring are expected in your family, it is quite easy to motivate your child to sleep separately by buying him a bed to suit his taste. Now there is a huge selection in children's furniture stores. A bed in the shape of a car, for example, will become a boy’s favorite place not only for sleeping, but also for playing, and a crib with a canopy and feather bed, similar to a princess’s bed, will charm any girl. There are even beds from which you can slide down a slide attached to the side - what a gift for your playful little one? You can also make your life easier by simply placing the baby crib next to your own, first removing one of its walls and adjusting the height. When you hear your baby crying, you can easily take him out and feed him or calm him down, and then return him to his place. As your baby grows, you simply move his crib to a distance that is comfortable for him and you. It is much more difficult to teach a child to sleep in a separate room. Usually, at an age when parents try to wean a child from co-sleeping, he develops childhood fears, one of which is the fear of the dark. Perhaps the mother should sleep with the child in his room for a while until he gets used to it and makes sure that nothing bad will happen to him. It is very important for any child to follow a certain ritual before bed. A ritual is a few simple actions in a clearly defined sequence. Children are afraid to fall asleep; many have a subconscious fear that the world will change while they sleep, and mom and dad may disappear when they wake up. They want to sleep with their mother because they are sure that she is nearby and will not go anywhere. Very often you can notice that when a child wakes up, the first thing he wants to do is make sure that his parents are there. And following the ritual gives confidence and sets the child up for sleep. Some parents practice the following: if an older child does not want to go to his crib, they “go to bed” in the parent’s bed - read fairy tales, perform other bedtime rituals accepted in the family, and then transfer the fallen asleep child to his bed. Well, there's nothing wrong with that. If a child, when waking up in the morning, does not react too violently to the absence of his mother, then this is not stress for him. And, getting ready for bed, mother and child experience moments of closeness that are so necessary for both of them. There is another option: the mother puts the child to sleep in his crib, and after completing all the rituals, she simply sits next to him for a while. Children are very sensitive to their mother's smell. Feeling it, they feel safe. Therefore, if a child is anxious about the need to sleep in his own crib, put some of the things with your scent there. You can try to use the so-called “replacement method” - when putting the child to sleep in his own crib, the mother leaves for a while (at first just for a few minutes), motivating her departure with some urgent matter, and leaves the child’s favorite toy in her place, “entrusting "She should take care of the baby. When returning, mom should “thank” the toy for her care. Gradually, the child gets used to sleeping with a toy, which he identifies with something reliable that protects his sleep. A night light can be very useful. You can try using a night light that projects moving pictures onto the ceiling or walls. And of course, to prepare for bed, it is necessary that evening games be worn calm character. Also for peace of mind nervous system Short walks before bed are beneficial. In the end, no matter what the situation, you always need to listen to the child and your own feelings. By doing this, you will always choose the optimal tactic - the one that suits you and your child. And then the process of weaning the baby from co-sleeping will be as painless as possible for everyone.

It's convenient, naturally. You can forget about endless motion sickness, vigils at the crib until midnight. Mom gets enough sleep and feels rested in the morning. Co-sleeping goes well with on-demand breastfeeding. This means there will be no problems with lactation.

Many infants have restless sleep, waking up every 20-30 minutes. If the baby sleeps separately, the mother is forced to jump up to the crib all night. I had this with my eldest daughter when we left the hospital. The first night I got up to see her every hour.

When to wean

Even if the baby sleeps with the parents, the question always arises up to what age co-sleeping with the child can continue. I am not a fan of forcing things. If there is no urgent need, it is better to wait until the baby is 2-3 years old. In any case, some time before this you need to wean the baby from the breast.

In some cases, a mother, up to a year old, wants to know how to wean her baby from co-sleeping. Perhaps another child is expected in the family. Or mom is just tired. After all, even in the parent’s bed, children’s sleep can be restless. Toddlers often twist, kick and push. Some are ready to gnaw on their mother’s tit all night so that the nipple hurts and there is no sleep.

Experienced mothers on forums say that you can wean a child up to one year old from co-sleeping, according to at least, already about 10 months.

4 ways to wean your child off co-sleeping

There are several gentle weaning strategies. Radical ways In principle, I do not consider crying through crying, although they can also be effective.

1 way. For the youngest children there is an option with an additional cot. Take a special side bed with 3 walls and one open side. Or, on a regular crib, one side partition is removed. They place it close to the parent’s bed to create a common space.

Now the child can sleep with his mother, but in his own crib. If necessary, the mother will move, feed or calm him. And then everyone will sleep peacefully in their own bed.

Gradually, the crib can be moved further and further.

If your baby hangs on his tits all night, try feeding him something more satisfying before bed. There are special soothing porridges for the night.

Method 2. A ritual for falling asleep is created. For example, they play lullabies for a child and rock the bed until he falls asleep. This may take 40-50 minutes. After a while, you can try playing a lullaby and walking away without getting rocked. Or first leave for 5-10 minutes. Then increase this time. Perhaps the child, without waiting for his mother, will fall asleep on his own.

3 way. Suitable for those children who have completed breastfeeding. As a rule, at the age of 1.5-2 years, a child can already sleep alone for some time. For example, during the day. In the evening, the baby is taken with him until he falls asleep soundly. Then he is transferred to a separate crib, which stands nearby.

The crib is next to the sofa where the parents sleep

At night, the baby will most likely wake up and come to his mother. Let him fall asleep again, and then they put him back. Yes, in this case mom will have to run. But. This method worked great for me because my baby, at 2.1, still wakes up to use the toilet up to 5 times a night. And then he goes to bed with me.

What I did: set several alarms for 12.30, 2.00, 4.00, 6.00. I wake up when the bell rings, put my daughter out over the basin (I write in detail how this is done) and put her back in the crib.

After about a month and a half of this regime, she sometimes sleeps all night in her own room and is often even dry. And if she’s wet, it’s because mom didn’t hear the alarm clock.

How can?!

Experts say that for at least 6 months (and preferably up to a year), a child should sleep in the same room with his parents. Until what age does a baby have the right to take a place in the parent’s bed? This is what Tatyana Chkhikvishvili, a consultant at the Center, thinks about this baby sleep and development of BabySleep:

“It all depends on the child and on the parents’ desire to continue co-sleeping. If the parents understand that they are not yet ready to part with the baby at night, or the mother works all day and feels that she and the baby lack contact during the day (and he gets it at night), then co-sleeping can be continued for as long as desired. There are no age restrictions. Sooner or later the child will leave anyway, it’s inevitable.”

Enough!

Here are the main reasons for stopping parents and child sleeping together in the same bed (if at least one of the points listed below applies to you, you should think about moving your baby away):

Co-sleeping is inconvenient for the mother (she cannot relax, wakes up at every rustle, sleeps poorly, experiences increased anxiety and is afraid of crushing the child).

Parents cannot provide safe sleep child in the same bed with them (for example, the mattress is too soft - the child will not be able to breathe freely if he buries his nose in it).

The child's father is against co-sleeping, because in this case he does not get enough sleep, and in the morning he has to go to work.

Separate sleep: is the child ready?

As a rule, co-sleeping is convenient for the mother (especially if the child is on breastfeeding). “But there are also children for whom co-sleeping is a very important need, about 15-20%. Such babies need constant close contact with their mother, and this manifests itself not only at night, but also during the day. “Tame” children constantly want to keep their mother at least in sight,” explains Tatyana Chkhikvishvili. If the baby is able to do without you during the day (for example, for a long time play independently in a sun lounger), then, most likely, the child will be able to fall asleep in his own bed at night.

Action plan!

So, you have weighed everything and decided that sleep should be separate. Where to begin? The first step is to build a rhythm of sleep and wakefulness for the child.

“An overtired, overexcited baby will resist innovation. In order for your child to agree to change, make sure that he gets a good night's sleep and is in good health by the time he goes to bed. good mood", advises a child sleep consultant.

Check the table of sleep and wakefulness norms in accordance with age, adjust the regime to the child’s needs. “If the baby gets up at 8 a.m. kindergarten, and the norm for night sleep is 11 hours, which means that by 9 pm he should already be asleep. This is not the time to start bedtime!” - explains Tatyana Chkhikvishvili.

Now your task is to teach your baby to fall asleep on his own.

“If a baby needs the help of his parents to fall asleep - rocking, stroking, his mother's breast, it will be extremely difficult to transfer him to sleep in a separate bed. The child will wake up when sleep cycles change every 40 minutes - 1.5 hours and require the mother’s participation, which is very exhausting,” says Tatyana Chkhikvishvili. Teach your child to fall asleep on his own, then at night the child will wake up and immediately fall asleep without your help.

Now we send the baby to sleep in a separate crib. There are two ways to do this.

Change the conditions for falling asleep immediately and present the child with a fact: that’s it, with today you sleep separately. However, you should not leave the baby alone so that he screams, humbles himself and falls asleep. Help the baby adapt to new conditions, comfort him. “There are children who calm down when they hear their mother’s voice, and there are those who, on the contrary, are excited by the sounds. Observe throughout the day - what helps your child cope with crying? What methods of consolation are familiar to him? They will also come in handy in the evening,” explains the baby sleep consultant.

You can also gradually change your sleeping conditions. This is what Tatyana Chkhikvishvili recommends: “To begin with, continue sleeping together, but when the child falls asleep, try not to lie next to him, but to sit. When your baby gets used to it, sit a little further away. Then just be in the same room with him. Now try to move the baby to a separate crib and be nearby when the baby falls asleep.” So, gradually your child will learn to fall asleep on his own in his own bed, and not next to you.

A small baby bundle that smells like milk cuddles up to you and snorts next to you - what could be better? But is it so harmless for mother and baby to sleep together? What should young mothers do in order to have a good rest at night, without being afraid to move due to the close presence of the baby? This article provides tips on how to wean a child from sleeping with his mother, you will also find out what pediatricians and psychologists think about this, and young mothers will share their experience in solving similar problems.

If your beloved child falls asleep only when feeling the close proximity of one of the parents, then this is not something out of the ordinary. This state of affairs is easy to explain, since the baby was inseparable from his mother for nine months; he lived in the womb in unison with the knocking mother's heart, he felt comfortable and warm.

Having been born, he is still connected with his mother, because she is the source of his food and main man, taking care of him, is calm and serene with her.

Donald Woods Winnicott in his work “Little Children and Their Mothers” writes: “The mental health of an individual from the very first days is laid by his mother, providing what I call “facilitating, helping environment"(facilitating environment), in which the process of natural development of the child occurs in accordance with hereditary patterns. The mother - without thinking or knowing - lays the foundations of a mentally healthy personality." And the baby’s sleep next to the person who brought him into the world is one of the steps towards this health.

If a child grows up in a family where they were not taught to sleep with their mother from birth, then most likely they will not encounter such a problem. This decision must be made directly by the parents, weighing all the positive and negative aspects.

If the mother is patient during the period when the baby wakes up at night to eat, then she will not encounter the problem of co-sleeping. Naturally, for a young woman who has just given birth to a baby, it is very difficult to get up several times a night to feed the baby. That's why mothers choose more easy way- sleep with the child.

Pros and cons of co-sleeping

In order to decide whether it is necessary to wean a child from co-sleeping with his parents, first of all, it is worth knowing the positive and negative aspects of this process.

Benefits of co-sleeping

  • The baby is warm and comfortable, emotional connection, which began in the prenatal period, continues;
  • It is easier for mother to cope with night feedings, the baby is always under control;
  • From the maternal warmth of her presence, a child up to three months of age calms down faster and suffers less intestinal colic;
  • Regular emptying of the breast improves lactation;
  • Both baby and mother get better sleep.

Risks of sleeping with parents

Risk to the child's life

The first and very serious reason for putting the baby in a separate crib is to eliminate the risk of crushing the baby in his sleep. Such cases have been known since ancient times and are still common today. If a woman falls asleep while breastfeeding, her breasts may accidentally block the baby's breathing. It happens that in a dream a woman simply rolls over carelessly, and this ends in tragic consequences. Such risks should be taken into account by young mothers and those who are forced to take sedatives or sleeping pills at night.

Risks of infections and viruses

Sleeping a baby with mom and dad is unhygienic and harmful to the baby’s health: the child automatically receives all the baggage of viruses and infections from the parents.

Lack of a fulfilling sex life for parents

Among the disadvantages, we must remember the dad, who is relegated to the background. A sleeping child between parents can lead to a lack of proper sex life, which can result in disagreements and problems in the relationship between spouses.

Famous children's pediatrician, doctor medical sciences, Evgeniy Olegovich Komarovsky says: “We cannot make a child happy at the cost of his dad’s unhappiness.” This doctor advises mothers who have decided to sleep with their children to listen to the dad's opinion and involve him in raising the child.

How to make co-sleeping safe

If, nevertheless, by mutual decision of the parents, the child sleeps with them, you need to adhere to some advice from doctors.

Children and alcohol do not mix

After reception alcoholic drinks Under no circumstances should you take your child into your bed.

You can't put a child between parents

The sleeping place should be safe and comfortable

Bed linen must be exactly matched to the size of the bed; there should be no blankets or pillows near the baby’s face. There should be no gaps between the bed, mattress and wall. It is important to ensure sleeping area for a baby with the recommended mattress hardness in such cases, otherwise there is a risk of developing scoliosis. The child should have his own blanket; sleeping under a shared blanket is dangerous for the baby’s life. In addition, there is a risk of hypothermia if the baby's blanket falls off due to the parents' fault.

Why sleep separately from your child?

There is a compelling reason for parents to understand why it is necessary to sleep separately from the baby.

The child develops independence

A separate dream, from the first days of life, allows you to develop an independent personality in a little person. The baby develops the concept of his own territory: his room, his bed. Modern means communications, such as a baby monitor, will help the mother hear the baby’s cry and respond to it in a timely manner. As an option, the cradle can be placed in the parent’s bedroom, but the children’s and adult space can be divided into separate zones. If a child is 4 years old, and he continues to sleep in his mother’s bed, then there is a possibility that this will lead the child to the inability in the future to make independent decisions and dependence on his mother even in small things.

If the child is already 4 years old or older, and he still sleeps with his mother, then it’s time to think about it. There may be two reasons: the child has psychological pathologies or you have difficulties in personal life. In fact, this problem can be solved, but you need to know how to properly organize the weaning process so that it does not cause psychological trauma for the baby.

12 ways to stop your baby from sleeping with his mother

Of course, it would be abnormal in every sense for an over-aged child to stay in the same bed with his mother at night. When to wean and how to wean - questions worrying parents sleeping with the baby.

Until the age of two or three, experts in psychology and pediatrics do not consider co-sleeping an anomaly, but recommend starting the weaning process at the age of 2.

Mom, you need to be patient and prepare for a difficult and lengthy weaning process. It is very important to do this painlessly so as not to traumatize the child’s psyche. If a child is facing important changes in life, then weaning off co-sleeping should be postponed a little, because it may falter psychological condition baby. This change could be the birth of another child, moving to a new apartment, hospital or kindergarten.

1. There is no need to immediately put the child to sleep separately.

Under no circumstances should you abruptly wean your child from sleeping with his mother. Start with some kind of barrier between you. It could be the edge of a blanket, soft toy or pillow.

2. Create conditions for comfortable sleep

If you decide that your child is ready to sleep in his crib, create comfortable conditions for him. The bed linen should be clean, the crib and mattress should be comfortable. The crib should be a place in which the child wants to sleep, where he will feel good and cozy.

3. Have a holiday move

With children over 2 years old, you can choose a crib, bedding, toys for sleeping together and arrange a festive move to their sleeping place. Let this be an event for the child; he should know that he has become more mature.

Victoria, mother of 3-year-old Ulyana: “We decided to buy our daughter a new bed and move her out of ours (she grew up as a child with high sides, and never slept there). They invited Ole to choose it together and did not object when she settled on pink with flowers, although it did not match the interior of the room. In order to somehow fit the bed into the interior, we chose stickers for the closet and shelves, and even re-glued wallpaper on one wall (the renovation was done before the birth of the child, when we did not yet know the gender). My daughter was so carried away by the process that she moved to sleep in the “new” room without any problems.”

4. “Relocation” should begin with sleep during the day.

For a while nap send the baby to his crib. If your baby is breastfed, put him in his crib after he has eaten and fallen asleep. If the child is over 2 years old, then the mother should be nearby and the baby should be in his own crib.

You cannot punish a child by saying that if he does not obey, he will sleep in his own bed.

5. Prepare for an independent night's sleep

Place his favorite toy next to him and read him a bedtime story. It is important that the room is ventilated, a night light is attached to the wall and, if possible, a painting in the form of a favorite cartoon character.

6. Start gradually

If the child reacts very painfully to the “relocation”, suggest making a rearrangement first. Move his crib closer to your bed. If suddenly the baby becomes scared, he will quickly be able to climb over to you. When your child gets used to this arrangement, slowly move his crib away from yours. You need to be consistent and do everything step by step.

Nastya, mother of Ilya, 2.5 years old: “I tried to wean Ilya from sleeping with me from the age of 2. The method of gradual relocation suited us: first I sat next to him on his crib, then on a chair next to the crib, then near the door. This took about 3 months. Then the chair moved under the nursery door with reverse side. Ilyusha fell asleep, and I sat in the corridor. After six months of such “get-togethers,” my son learned to sleep with us and began to fall asleep alone in his room.”

7. Encourage your child to be independent

Use the desire for independence characteristic of a 2-3 year old child in order to “move him away” from his mother. Let the baby choose for himself what to sleep with and on. If he wants his favorite huge car, let him have it, so he will be calmer. Give your child freedom of choice: let him decide what bedding to sleep on. Also let your child choose his own night light.

By teaching your child to be independent, you will help him increase his self-esteem. The child will understand that you consider him an adult. And this will make it easier for the child to accept the “move” from the parent’s bed to his own.

8. Engage influencers

For children, the opinion of authoritative adults (grandparents, older brothers or sisters) is very important. Ask this “influencer” to casually start a conversation about co-sleeping. Be generous and grateful, praise your baby. If a child has been sleeping separately for a week, this may be a reason for a small celebration. Give him some kind of medal for courage.

Prepare for the fact that at first your child will often come running to you at night. You need to immediately go back with the child, put him to bed and sit next to him until he falls asleep.

10. Avoid active games and TV

To prevent your child from waking up at night and coming to you, you need to exclude active games and watching TV 3-4 hours before bedtime. Cartoons and programs on TV, as well as games on a tablet, overload a child’s brain with an abundance of information, which prevents him from resting peacefully at night. It is better to take a fragrant bath with foam and your loved ones and feed your baby well.

11. Create a bedtime tradition.

The process of putting a child to bed should become a good tradition, and not a fear for life.

Maintain the sequence of actions: first bathing before bed, then milk and honey, and after all this a short but very important conversation with mom and a bedtime story.

12. Reassure and don’t be lazy when your child calls

All children have a fantasy, so they think that overnight the world will become completely different, and their mother will disappear completely. This is what should motivate you to be supportive of your child and have a close emotional connection with him.

How to wean a baby from co-sleeping with his mother

If you want to train your newborn to sleep separately or one year old child, here the matter is a little more difficult, especially if the child is still breastfed.

Good Alternative option- find a compromise with the baby and allow him to fall asleep in his parents’ bed, and after he “goes to bed” transfer him to his own bed. This option is ideal for babies who do not throw tantrums in the morning after waking up in their crib.

If you breastfed your baby, when transferring him to your crib, make sure that there is no strong temperature change. To do this, you can slightly warm the sheet or diaper by ironing it or placing it on the radiator in advance.

In order for the weaning process to be as painless as possible, parents need to gain strength and patience, be wise, gentle, but at the same time persistent, and not violate their decision to sleep separately.

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The problem of weaning a child from co-sleeping with his parents is by no means far-fetched. Many people are faced with the fact that their children, accustomed to sleeping in their parents’ bed, do not want to leave there even when they reach a fully conscious age. Why is it so difficult to “force” a child to sleep separately and how to do this as painlessly as possible for him and his parents?

Pros and cons of co-sleeping

Co-sleeping with an infant is very convenient for him and his mother. A child who has been in a warm, soft and cramped space for nine months does not feel very comfortable in a crib. He, accustomed to the beating of his mother’s heart and her breathing, is lonely and scared to remain without the usual sounds and sensations. Constant contact with the mother gives the baby a feeling of security and calm.

A mother sleeping with her child is also calmer; she manages to get enough sleep without wasting precious night hours on frequent getting up to see her crying baby. She simply hears his grunting and immediately gives him the breast, while she can continue to sleep. The child, having had enough, falls asleep and snores sweetly, clinging to his mother. Even if a woman does not breastfeed, it is difficult to overestimate the importance of these contacts for forming a close bond with her child. In any case, you need to get up to see the baby at least 3-5 times a night and spend some time on any feeding (breast or bottle).

You can hug, stroke, and cuddle the waking baby in time, then he may not completely clear up and, importantly, the duration of the mother’s sleep will increase.

Let's move on to the cons. Although many people classify cases of small children being strangled by their mothers as folk horror stories, this possibility cannot be ruled out. It seems clear that maternal sleep is instinctively very sensitive, but this sensitivity can be dulled if the mother has taken, for example, a sedative and sleeping pills or is simply very tired.

Also, one should not discount the fact that there is also a third person in the parent’s bed – the child’s father. It’s good if the bed is wide, and dad is able to refuse his wife’s marital duties for some time. Otherwise, he will not only be forced to huddle somewhere on the edge or against the wall, but also feel not much better than a child “put aside” in another bed.

Many parents sleep more shallowly and restlessly when their baby is in their bed, which does not allow them to fully rest and recuperate.

A child may develop a persistent need for the constant presence of adults, up to a dependent state. Co-sleeping, for all its positive aspects, prevents the acquisition of the skill of falling asleep and sleeping alone. It may turn out that parents will be forced to “ensure presence”, contrary to their plans and capabilities, just so that the baby sleeps peacefully through the night.

To avoid accidents, doctors advise adhering to the following restrictions:

* Do not take the baby to bed if the parents smoke or have taken alcohol, sedatives or sleeping pills.

* Bed linen must clearly match the size of the bed.

* The mattress should fit snugly against the headboard

* Make sure that there are no soft pillows or blankets near the child’s face.

* Make sure that there is no gap between the bed and the wall into which the child could fall.

What is better - to wean or not to wean?

Of course, the issue of weaning a child from sleeping together is unlikely to arise in a family where the child sleeps separately from birth. This choice in each specific case must be made by the parents themselves, based on their own capabilities and weighing all the pros and cons.

However, you may encounter the fact that a child slept peacefully in his own bed until he was 1.5 years old, and at this age or a little later (when the first conscious fear of the dark appears) he begins to “be capricious”, refuses to sleep separately, does everything possible, even before applying manipulations to remain in the parent's bed. If parents are too principled in this matter, then evening “showdowns” with the child can develop into real battles, and the child will develop nervous exhaustion. The same applies to children who have slept with their parents since birth. Therefore, if you decide to wean your child from co-sleeping, do it before or after this age.

Here is another disappointing argument for those who are convinced that the child should sleep separately. Statistics show that children who still sleep with their parents at 5-6 years of age have most often had the experience of sleeping separately, and more than half of them came to their parents' bed after 1.5 years. That is, when parents do not sleep with a child until 1.5 months, there is no guarantee that they will not have to do this after 1.5 years.

Some mothers practice sleeping separately with their child until he reaches six months of age, that is, until the child shows significant anxiety while lying in his crib. And then they start taking him into their bed because he makes it clear that he doesn't want to go back to his place. With this scenario, it is extremely difficult for a child who initially slept separately to wean him from sleeping together in the future.

Finally, convinced supporters of co-sleeping with a child must be aware that a child sleeping with parents not only in the same bed, but even in the same room, can become a witness to their sexual relations. Moreover, even if this happens at an age when parents believe that he is not developmentally capable of understanding what is happening, this can be very traumatic for him.

It is believed that the optimal age for moving a child to his own bed is about 3 years old: the child has already experienced his first night terrors, feeling the support of his mother and father, and at the same time he already feels like an individual, a person who has his own individuality and owns certain property. A separate bed – a personal corner – can become such property. Although even at this age problems may arise. More often this happens to those children whose parents tried to put them away before they reached the age of 3. Such children remember their unpleasant feelings and their fears, and it can be very difficult to convince them that this time everything will be fine.

In fact, the best option would be not to push the child, not to try to move him into his own bed, but to wait for the moment when he wants to do this himself. Indeed, in most cases this moment comes by itself. Well, let this happen a little later than at 3 years old, because each child is individual, and some of them are more and some are less attached to their parents. And the level of anxiety in children is different.

However, we do not always have the opportunity to “let the situation take its course.” Sometimes children do not show any desire to “move out”, although it seems that all conceivable and inconceivable deadlines have already passed. And sometimes new family circumstances simply arise - people change their place and living conditions, another little one appears, or the parents are simply tired, unable to relax at night and be alone with each other. And then the question, as they say, is posed bluntly.

How to wean a child from sleeping with his mother?

It’s good if the baby at a certain stage goes to his own bed on his own. Just because he wants it. However, the situation becomes more complicated and can take the most unexpected turns if the child is “not morally mature.” So, if you decide that the “X-hour” has come, and the child does not even think about moving to his own bed, you will have to come to terms with the fact that the process of weaning him from the parental bed can take a lot of your time and effort. Of course, this issue must be approached with all responsibility and everything must be done so that it is not too traumatic for the child.

It is very difficult to convince a grown-up child, accustomed to sleeping with his parents, that his little brother or sister needs his mother more than he does. This can arouse strong jealousy on his part. Put yourself in his place: what it’s like to be rejected for some squeaking lump, to sleep in a separate bed, when your beloved mommy cuddles your competitor. The child may feel betrayed and harbor resentment towards the people closest to him. Perhaps in this case it would be better, along with weaning the older child from the parental bed, not to accustom the younger one to it either.

From personal experience: My eldest daughter was very attached to me. Until she was 2.5 years old, she slept in the same bed with me, and it was important for her, when falling asleep, to cuddle up to me or at least hold my hand. Realizing that after the birth of my second child I would have to take him into my bed from time to time, I decided that the four of us would definitely not fit there, so the children would have to sleep separately. Weaning our daughter off co-sleeping was surprisingly easy when we bought her her own crib and placed it in our room, in which the little one also slept in a stroller. The presence of her own corner with a beautiful and cozy crib, as well as the argument “look, Egorka is so small, but sleeps separately from his mother” did the trick - the daughter began to sleep “like an adult” with pleasure.

From personal experience: The most difficult thing about moving our 3-year-old son into a separate room was that he categorically did not want to fall asleep alone. He quickly fell asleep in his crib, but at the same time he demanded that someone hold his hand. Then we offered him a companion - our dog. She was already old, and the breed was “small” - a lapdog. So, we were sure that it would not harm a baby sleeping in a crib with a lattice. The child accepted this idea with a bang! The only one who was against it was the dog: she didn’t like being locked in the room. But we compensated her for the temporary inconvenience with some kind of treat. Within a week, our son was falling asleep alone.

In any case, even if no more offspring are expected in your family, it is quite easy to motivate your child to sleep separately by buying him a bed to suit his taste. Now there is a huge selection in children's furniture stores. A bed in the shape of a car, for example, will become a boy’s favorite place not only for sleeping, but also for playing, and a crib with a canopy and feather bed, similar to a princess’s bed, will charm any girl. There are even beds from which you can slide down a slide attached to the side - what a gift for your playful little one?

You can also make your life easier by simply placing the baby crib next to your own, first removing one of its walls and adjusting the height. When you hear your baby crying, you can easily take him out and feed him or calm him down, and then return him to his place. As your baby grows, you simply move his crib to a distance that is comfortable for him and you.

It is much more difficult to teach a child to sleep in a separate room. Usually, at an age when parents try to wean a child from co-sleeping, he develops childhood fears, one of which is the fear of the dark. Perhaps the mother should sleep with the child in his room for a while until he gets used to it and makes sure that nothing bad will happen to him.

It is very important for any child to follow a certain ritual before bed. A ritual is a few simple actions in a clearly defined sequence. Children are afraid to fall asleep; many have a subconscious fear that the world will change while they sleep, and mom and dad may disappear when they wake up. They want to sleep with their mother because they are sure that she is nearby and will not go anywhere. Very often you can notice that when a child wakes up, the first thing he wants to do is make sure that his parents are there. And following the ritual gives confidence and sets the child up for sleep - more about this in the article Sleep, my joy, sleep. About the benefits of rituals before bed .

Some parents practice the following: if an older child does not want to go to his crib, they “go to bed” in the parent’s bed - read fairy tales, perform other bedtime rituals accepted in the family, and then the fallen child is transferred to his bed. Well, there's nothing wrong with that. If a child, when waking up in the morning, does not react too violently to the absence of his mother, then this is not stress for him. And, getting ready for bed, mother and child experience moments of closeness that are so necessary for both of them.

There is another option: the mother puts the child to sleep in his crib, and after all the rituals are completed, she simply sits next to him for a while.

Children are very sensitive to their mother's smell. Feeling it, they feel safe. Therefore, if a child is anxious about the need to sleep in his own crib, put some of the things with your scent there.

You can try using the so-called “substitution method” - putting the child to sleep in his own crib, the mother leaves for a while (at first just for a few minutes), motivating her departure with some urgent matter, and leaves the child’s favorite toy in her place, “instructing” her to take care of the baby. When returning, mom should “thank” the toy for her care. Gradually, the child gets used to sleeping with a toy, which he identifies with something reliable that protects his sleep.

A night light can be very useful. You can try using a night light that projects moving pictures onto the ceiling or walls.

Calm, just calm! Of course, to prepare for bed, it is necessary that evening games be calm. Short walks before bed are also useful to calm the nervous system.

In the end, no matter what the situation, you always need to listen to the child and your own feelings. By doing this, you will always choose the optimal tactic - the one that suits you and your child. And then the process of weaning the baby from co-sleeping will be as painless as possible for everyone.

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