What is the difference between suppressing emotions and managing emotions? I did not consider this issue in my article. But, having received comments from my readers, I decided to devote a separate article to this topic.
In this post I will answer the questions: what happens to emotions when we try to restrain them? Does everyone really need to experience strong emotions? Is it wise to “extinguish” emotions instead of giving them vent?
I am sure that these questions popped up in the minds of many of my readers and subscribers, even if they did not ask them in the end.
The legacy of psychoanalysis
In the mass consciousness, the opinion has become quite firmly established that a person needs certain “emotional lightning rods”, outlet channels for the emotions boiling inside, namely, things that provoke strong feelings and, thereby, provide a release of the emotional energy accumulated inside. From this belief it follows that if emotions do not receive the necessary discharge, then they are simply “buried” deep into the personality structure, “canned” there and turned into a time bomb that threatens to explode at any moment, releasing kilotons of suppressed energy and drawing in explosion of everyone around.
This is used to explain why, for example, people watch dramatic films, go to cheer for football teams, or hit a punching bag until they are blue in the face. It is believed that in this way they give vent to accumulated emotional stress. If they don’t do this, then all the energy will supposedly “go” in unsafe directions: people will begin to lash out at loved ones, swear in public transport and participate in squabbles at work.
Therefore, the philosophy of controlling emotions, in the thinking of many people, comes down not to working with the sensory world, but to finding the most harmless, least destructive outlet channels for one’s energy. This philosophy states that you cannot just get rid of, for example, anger, you just need to direct it into the right direction. This is an expression of a certain “law of conservation of energy” within the emotional world. If it has left somewhere, it will definitely arrive somewhere else.
This belief, in my opinion, is a consequence of the fashion for psychoanalysis, or rather the abuse of psychoanalysis. I don't want to say that this opinion is completely wrong, it's just that this position has limited area applicability, and this should not be forgotten. I believe that the belief in the need for emotional release has gained a place in public thinking because such a belief responds to considerations of psychological comfort. Not because it is true or false.
It is convenient for us to believe that we cannot escape our emotions and we need to direct them somewhere, otherwise they will be suppressed. From the perspective of this belief, our hysterics, sudden nervous breakdowns they get a reasonable excuse: “Well, I’m boiling,” “You understand, I’m so stressed out at work, that’s why I yelled at you.” It’s convenient to use such a philosophy to relieve yourself of guilt, don’t you think?
“Well, what should you do if this is true, and if you don’t take out your anger in time, it will be “canned” inside, giving you no rest? Don’t we need strong experiences, don’t we sometimes need to get angry, swear, suffer in order to fuse the accumulated energy somewhere?” - you ask. If this is so, then why do people who have achieved heights in controlling their minds, for example those who have been practicing yoga and meditation for a long time, look absolutely calm and unperturbed? Where does their irritation go? Maybe their peaceful appearance is just a mask, and when no one sees them, they enthusiastically beat the punching bag, taking out their anger? I don't think so.
The cause of negative emotions is internal tension
So, what is the difference between controlling emotions and suppressing emotions?
Let's try to figure this out. Negative emotions can be divided into two types, according to the source of their occurrence.
Emotions caused by internal tension
This applies to those cases of hypertrophied reaction to external irritations as a result of accumulated tension. These are exactly the cases when we say “I’m boiling.” It's been a difficult day, you've got a lot of problems, you're exhausted, your body is tired. Even the most insignificant situation, to which you usually react calmly, can now cause you to become violently irritated. This tension yearns to come out.
What can you do here?
1) Release this tension: snap at someone, punch walls, etc. Many, as I wrote at the beginning, see this as the only option for getting rid of tension. This is wrong. Imagine a boiling pan on the stove: the water is bubbling and foaming, trying to overflow the walls of the pan. You can, of course, do nothing and wait until some of the water spills onto the stove and extinguishes the gas, stopping the boiling. But in this case, there will be less water in the pan. The main thing is that no one gets scalded!
A more “economical” option is to simply turn off the gas as soon as boiling occurs. Then we will save some of the water that would have spilled if we had not done this. We can give the cat a drink, water flowers, or quench our own thirst with this water, that is, use it for good, and not put out the gas.
The water in the pan is your energy; when you try to find a way out of the created tension, you waste energy; when you simply calm down and extinguish the tension, you save energy. Your internal energy resources are universal: both negative and positive emotions are powered by the same source. If you spend energy on negative experiences, then you have less energy for everything else that is more useful and less destructive. The saved energy can be directed anywhere: for creativity, for development, etc.
It seems to me that “negative” and “positive” energy are simply two different states of the same thing. Negative energy can be translated into positive and vice versa.
Just giving vent to your emotions: falling into hysterics, starting to scream, cry - this is not working with feelings. Because this way you don't get anywhere useful result. This only gives temporary relief, but does not teach you how to control your emotions. Intemperate, angry people constantly scream and lash out. Despite the fact that they always give vent to accumulated feelings, this does not make them better or calmer.
Therefore much more effective option This:
2) Relieve tension: take a relaxing bath, play sports, meditate, do breathing practices, etc. I’m sure everyone can remember situations in their life when they were irritated and on the verge of a breakdown, but the calming environment and the presence of close people brought them to a peaceful state. Anger and irritation went away along with the tension. Emotions, however, were not suppressed, since their source—tension—was eliminated. By getting rid of it, you can completely get rid of negative emotions.
In other words, we turned off the gas under the pan trembling due to the boiling liquid in it. We saved water, i.e. energy.
I know from myself what severe moral exhaustion you can come to if you give in to negative emotions: constantly think, worry, worry, don’t let it out of your head. But if you pull yourself together in time and calm down, you can save a lot of nervous energy.
Therefore, it is good to be able to “turn off the gas”, but even better, keep it always off:
3) Avoid tension. The basis of controlling emotions is to bring your mind, your nervous system into such a state that external circumstances do not provoke tension within. I believe that this is the secret of equanimity in those who practice yoga and meditation. The gas under the pan for these people is always turned off; no circumstances can cause ripples on the surface of the water. They retain a large supply of energy within themselves, not wasting it on meaningless experiences, but use it for their own benefit.
In this state, negative emotions do not arise at all (ideally)! Therefore, here, especially, there can be no talk of any suppression, there is simply nothing to suppress! So when do we suppress emotions? Let's go further, there is another source of emotions.
Emotions as a reaction to external circumstances
These are those negative feelings that are provoked mainly by the external environment, and not by tension. In principle, the difference can be said to be arbitrary, since all negative emotions are simply a reaction to something. For us, events cannot exist on their own, there is only our perception of these events. We may or may not be annoyed by small children - it's all a matter of our perception. But the difference between emotions of the first type and emotions of the second type is that the first ones arise when we are tense and are associated mainly with our tension, and the second ones can appear when we are calm and relaxed.
These emotions reflect our reaction to some external problem situations. Therefore, they are not as easy to cope with as the feelings of the previous type. It is not always possible to simply pull them out of the socket (relieve the voltage), since they require solving some external or internal problems. Let's give an example.
It seems to you that your girlfriend (or boyfriend) is constantly flirting with others, casting flirtatious glances at other members of the opposite sex. Are you jealous. What can you do here?
1) Just “score.” You don't want to deal with family problems various reasons. Either you are afraid of admitting to yourself some feelings, or you are so worried about your work that you do not have time and energy to resolve family issues, or you are simply afraid of the unpleasant experiences associated with explaining and having an unpleasant conversation with your partner. other half. Anything is possible. Often you forget about jealousy, try to push thoughts away, distract yourself with work or other things. But this feeling inevitably returns... Why?
Because you pushed your emotions deep and did not give them the time and attention they required. This is what is called suppressing emotions. This is exactly the case. There is no need to do this, since suppressed emotions will still come back to you like a boomerang. It is much better to solve the problem, to face it with an open visor.
2) Understand the problem. It's more reasonable approach. What possible solutions can there be?
You can talk to your significant other and raise this topic. Try to understand, either your significant other is really abusing the attention of the opposite sex, or this is your personal paranoia, that is, some kind of irrational idea that in no way reflects what is actually happening around. Depending on what conclusion you come to, you can either make some kind of joint decision or work with your paranoia.
We, in the context of this question, are only interested in the last option: getting rid of unconscious jealousy, for which there are no reasons in reality (let’s imagine that you received confirmation of this: your girlfriend is not flirting with anyone - it’s all in your head). You are convinced that there is no reason for your feelings, that they are based on some kind of mania, an idea (“she cheats on me with everyone she meets”). You stopped believing in this idea and, every time thoughts of infidelity enter into you, you do not let them go. This is not suppression of feelings, since you got rid of the absurd idea that was at their basis and solved some internal problem.
Feelings may continue to arise due to inertia, but their influence on you will be much weaker than before, and it will be easier for you to take control of them. You didn't suppress your emotions because you brought them into the light of day, sorted them out and dissected them. Suppressing emotions is ignoring a problem, fearing to solve it. And working with emotions involves analyzing your feelings and taking actions aimed at getting rid of their source (external or internal problem).
The same applies to other negative emotions that are caused by absurd ideas such as envy and pride (“I should be better, richer and smarter than everyone else,” “I should be perfect”). If you get rid of these ideas, it will become easier for you to cope with these emotions.
Do we need strong experiences?
A person is not able to exist without emotions, this is a fact. He just won’t be able to make any decisions, he’ll lose all kinds of thoughts. The desire to have more money, not to be in danger of life - all this is of an emotional nature. My desire to share my experience about self-development with people and write this blog also comes from emotions.
But you need to know when to stop everything; if you don’t work with emotions, you can seriously spoil them. For many people, the need for emotional stress exceeds all reasonable limits. They experience an exaggerated desire to constantly expose themselves to strong experiences: to suffer, to fall in love, to experience anger (“torture your flesh with a touching knife” - as one song says). If they fail to satisfy their emotional hunger, then life begins to seem gray and boring. Emotions for them are like drugs for a drug addict.
My point is that, probably, a person still needs some kind of emotional work, just like food. But, which is true both for the need for food and the need for feelings, hunger should not turn into gluttony!
If a person gets used to constantly searching for strong emotions, then the water that flows along the riverbed (we turn to the old metaphor) gradually erodes the banks, the riverbed becomes wider and more and more liquid flows along it, at the moment of disturbance of the water. The more you get used to strong experiences, the more you begin to need them. There is an “inflation” of the need for emotions.
Still, in our culture the role of strong experiences is overestimated. Many people think that everyone simply needs to constantly bombard themselves with intense experiences: “you have to, you have to feel it,” many say. I don’t think that our whole life comes down to just strong feelings and that’s what makes life worth living. Feelings are temporary, it’s just some kind of chemistry in the brain, they pass without leaving anything behind, and if you constantly expect strong shocks from life, then over time you become their slave and subordinate your entire existence to them!
I do not encourage my readers to turn into emotionless robots. You just need to know when to stop your emotions and limit them. Negative influence for your life.
Is it possible to get rid of only negative emotions?
I do not at all believe that a person simply needs to sometimes experience negative emotions in order to function normally. Moreover, I do not agree with the opinion that if a person gets rid of negative emotions, he will also not be able to experience positive feelings. This is also one of the objections that I have come up against more than once. Like, emotions are a pendulum and if its deviation decreases in one direction, it will inevitably lead to the deviation decreasing in the other direction. Therefore, if we suffer less, then we will also have to rejoice - less.
I don't quite agree. I used to be a very emotional person and the amplitude of my emotional fluctuations extended from deep despondency to some kind of nervous enthusiasm! After several years, the condition stabilized. I began to experience much less negative emotions. But I wouldn’t say that I became less happy, on the contrary. My mood is elevated at almost every moment. Of course, I no longer experience almost manic bouts of enthusiasm, but my emotional background is always filled with some kind of feeling quiet joy, meek happiness.
In general, I cannot deny that the amplitude of the pendulum swing has decreased: my mood experiences “peak” states much less often, but, nevertheless, my state can be characterized as consistently positive. My pendulum is still moving much more in the positive direction!
Instead of throwing in a bunch of theories, metaphors and parables here, I decided to describe my experience. I must say that I would not exchange a single second of this quiet joy that fills me now for a whole burst of blissful inspiration that I could experience a few years ago!
Signs of depressed feelings
You may be thinking, “But if suppressing emotions happens almost unconsciously, how can I tell if I’m suppressing them?”
Besides painful physical symptoms, indicators of suppressed emotions are certain psychological problems. Here are some characteristics of people who for a long time, sometimes with early childhood, are accustomed to suppressing their feelings:
Perfectionism
The desire to do everything in life “excellently” - because then you won’t have to suffer from failures, criticism or rejection.
Passion for control
The desire to fully control both your life and the lives of others. The illusion of power over oneself, people and life gives hope that not a single uninvited, unwanted feeling will disturb the inner world of the “controller”.
Self-doubt and self-judgment
As a rule, people who are accustomed to suppressing their feelings grew up in a dysfunctional environment, did not receive the necessary love and experienced rejection. Often in childhood they were deprived of an atmosphere of security and family warmth. As a result, they came out adult life with low self-esteem and denial of self-worth. These beliefs remain for a long time, even if the person later achieves a lot.
Deep-rooted feelings of unworthiness and inferiority often manifest as self-doubt. Such people tend to avoid decisive action and devalue their decisions. They are afraid to set goals and make choices, especially if they have made real or imaginary mistakes in the past.
They are also characterized by a tendency to excessive self-criticism: cruel ridicule of their shortcomings, rejection of praise, habitual condemnation of themselves for the slightest mistakes and shortcomings. Such people find it difficult to accept new things. They immediately, without even delving into the idea and without assessing the new possibilities, say: “I don’t know.”
When meeting new people or finding themselves in an unfamiliar environment, they shy away and try to keep a low profile.
Cynicism and evil irony
Sometimes people who suppress their feelings take a cynical position in relation to the world around them - they criticize everything and everyone, use irony, devalue important concepts, achieving great skill in this. Cynicism helps them avoid feelings of rejection, resentment and other difficult experiences, because in this way they divert their attention from themselves and from their internal problems.
Promiscuous sexual relations
At first glance, the connection between repressed feelings and sexual promiscuity is not visible. However, many people with low self-esteem struggle to please others and thereby earn love. They look for love not where it can be received, and not from those who are able to give it. Messy sex life often characteristic of people who were disliked in childhood: as adults, they desperately try to create for themselves an atmosphere of security and warmth. The cause of promiscuity can also be an unconscious desire to “take revenge” after the breakup of a marriage.
Unexpected outbursts of feelings (increased emotionality)
Ask yourself:
Am I overreacting to the everyday little things in life? Does it happen that when I hear a song, I cry? Does the smell of some perfume bother or confuse me?
Do I have flashbacks or nightmares about difficult past events, such as violence or divorce?
Does it happen that when I see a person or a photograph, I suddenly flush, become numb, or experience deep sadness?
Keep in mind: if in response to mild stimuli you experience strong feelings, it means they want to tell you something. One of my patients told me that she was enraged by the smell of mint. She had the hardest time at Christmas - the smell of peppermint candies (traditional American sweets) followed her everywhere. What was the matter? While talking about her life, this woman suddenly remembered that as a child she was regularly sexually abused by her uncle. Every time he pestered her in the living room. The girl looked away so as not to see anything, and looked only at the pot of mint that stood on the table next to the sofa. It is not surprising that the smell of mint awakened deep-seated feelings in her: anger, bitterness and indignation.
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Suppressing emotions and feelings through guilt and shame leads a person to depressive reaction. Guilt and shame force him to replace body values with ego values, reality with images, and love with approval. He puts all his strength into realizing a dream that is not destined to come true, because it is based on an illusion.
The illusory nature lies in the fact that a person’s condition and the degree of his satisfaction depend solely on the reaction of others. Recognition, acceptance and approval become his main goals, completely ignoring the fact that their achievement is impossible until a person recognizes, accepts and approves of himself.
This illusion does not take into account that pleasure is primarily an internal state that spontaneously evokes favorable reactions from others.
Repressed emotions include those whose origin is associated with the anticipation of pain, namely hostility, anger and fear. These emotions are suppressed if they cannot be expressed or tolerated.
The individual has no choice but to deny them. This situation arises when the will of the parents and the will of the child collide. When this happens original reason conflict turns into clarifying the question “who is right and who is wrong,” and the child’s feelings no longer matter.
Since it is extremely difficult for the parent to admit or even momentarily imagine that he might be wrong, the child is eventually forced to comply. Being subordinate to the will of his parents, the child develops a style of behavior in his relations with them that makes his growing up as easy as possible.
However, underneath the external submission lies a resistance that gains strength and flares up when the young man gains more independence in teenage years.
Teenage rebellion does not release emotions repressed in childhood. It builds on the revealed prerogatives of adolescence and thus introduces new conflict in the relationship between parent and child. And although the teenager may have the upper hand in this new confrontation, nevertheless, the guilt and shame that are the legacy of his childhood experiences remain unresolved.
Buried in the unconscious, they fuel the flames of his opposition, the true purpose of which remains hidden to him.
The process of suppression consists of several steps: first, the expression of emotion is blocked to avoid continuation of the conflict; secondly, a feeling of guilt develops, forcing one to admit that this is a “bad” emotion; and thirdly, the ego successfully denies the emotion, thereby blocking its path to consciousness.
Suppressing emotional expression is a form of humility. The child no longer expects pleasure from his parents and is content with mitigating open conflict.
The ability to be objective, to understand that parents have it hard too and that their values are determined by their lifestyle, marks the next step in the development of the child's consciousness and lays the foundation for feelings of guilt.
This stage in development occurs during the latent period, between the ages of seven and thirteen (before the age of seven, most children are too subjective to feel guilt about their own attitudes and behavior).
The ability to evaluate one's own attitudes arises from identification with parents and other authority figures. Through such identifications a person reaches a position that is beyond his “I”.
Only from this position can you turn the ego against yourself, condemning your own emotions and creating feelings of guilt. From a position “outside” the Self, judged emotions are perceived as bad. Therefore, a person justifiably separates himself from them in order to reduce feelings of guilt.
On last stage In this process, the ego tries to eliminate the resulting split in personality by denying the emotion and replacing it with the embodiment of the opposite feeling.
A person who suppresses his hostility will see himself as loving and respectful. If he suppresses his anger, he will imagine himself to be kind and benevolent.
If he suppresses fear, he will present himself as a courageous and fearless person. The ego usually operates with images: the first is the image of the body, the second is the image of the “I”, and the third is the image of the world.
If these images are confirmed by experience, the person is in contact with reality. An image that contradicts experience is an illusion.
But a person often has to distort reality. For example, to play the role of a loving and obedient child, you need to pretend that your parents are loving and caring people.
Since illusions arise in the mind, they are maintained by its ability to rationalize. Thus, they influence not only a person’s behavior, but also the quality of his thinking.
Arguing with logical judgments is quite difficult. But a person living in illusion is convinced of the moral “purity” of his position and can give enough arguments in its defense.
Usually you have to wait for the illusions to collapse into the abyss of depression before a person is open to help. And depression in this case is inevitable.
Sooner or later the reserves will be completely depleted, and the person will find that he can no longer continue. In a state of depression, a person literally does not find the strength to maintain normal functioning.
Everything is vital important functions are suppressed: appetite is reduced, breathing is weakened, mobility is severely limited.
As a result of such a decrease in vital activity, energy metabolism decreases and the senses become dulled.
A person who is in touch with his body does not become depressed. He knows that pleasure and joy depend on the proper functioning of his body. He is aware of his bodily tensions and knows what causes them.
In this way, he can take appropriate steps to restore positive bodily well-being. He has no illusions about himself and about life. He accepts his feelings as an expression of his personality and has no difficulty verbalizing them.
The manifestation of emotions is an integral part of the psychological portrait of every person. There are no emotionless people; there are only those who, for some reason, hide or restrain their true feelings. In the eyes of others, such individuals look extremely closed and distant, causing mistrust and even fear. And all because emotional reactions are very difficult to control by the mind; it is even possible to realize them only after the experiences have subsided. So there must be really good reasons for deliberately hiding the mood, disguising it behind a demonstration of composure.
For example, the suppression of negative emotions such as anger or resentment can be explained by the desire to preserve reputation or protect loved ones from unnecessary worries. Internally struggling with sensual attachment or emotional dependence may also seem like a commendable act of self-denial. But is it always worth trying to take control? psychological mechanisms created by nature? And won’t this later turn into even bigger troubles than a strong but short-term explosion of passions?
Do you need to kill your emotions?
Emotions are conceived by nature as natural indicators and at the same time regulators of state nervous system person. Even after learning to control them at will, you will be able to control no more than 10% of these reactions. Everything else will remain in the realm of subconscious processes and will continue to manifest itself somatically. Inept suppression of emotions can lead to various physiological abnormalities, up to chronic diseases.
At the same time, blindly following your emotions is a sign of moral immaturity and irresponsibility to others. An overly nervous, exalted person who does not give himself the trouble to control his immediate reactions makes an unpleasant impression and encourages you to reduce communication with him to a minimum. So where is the golden mean that determines which emotions can be freely expressed and which should be strictly restrained? At first glance, it may seem that negative emotions need control, and positive emotions need demonstration. However, in reality their classification is much more complicated.
Psychologists divide emotions not into “good” and “bad”, but into constructive and destructive. And this characteristic largely depends on the situation and the person showing his feelings. Roughly speaking, in different circumstances the same emotion can be both desirable and vice versa. In order to identify it as the first or second, you first need to at least realize what is happening, and most emotional reactions are accompanied by a state akin to affect, when common sense does not take part in what is happening. Therefore, many are unnecessarily emotional people Those who recognize this characteristic of themselves turn to specialists for help.
Fortunately, most people are able to manage their feelings, or at least most of them, on their own. This is the main feature of the design in emotional manifestations. As long as your emotions are not harmful to you or others and can be recognized, they can be considered constructive and released. You need to work and restrain those passions that are stronger than you, and instead of subordinating your will, they themselves subordinate your behavior. If in a calm state you would not want to do what you would do in a fit of emotions, it means that you depend on these feelings, and instead of release and satisfaction, they cause harm, and not only to you.
How to suppress and/or control emotions
So, when it has become approximately clear which emotions are worth fighting, let’s move on to the second, no less important issue. What is suppression of emotions and what is control over them? Which action is preferable in most life situations? Oddly enough, the answer can be given quickly and succinctly: reasonable control is always preferable to any pressure. Especially in such a subtle area as psychological reactions.
Killing emotions means denying your body natural reactions to what is happening, even if it needs these reactions for protection. Therefore, it is much better to be not a “killer”, but the master of the situation and try to manage it. To do this, you will have to pull yourself together and do a number of difficult, but necessary actions. Over time, they will begin to come easier to you and, perhaps, even become automatic skills. 
Select one or more of the following techniques for managing your emotional state to use the new skill at the next opportunity. Its benefits are undeniable and will save you not only from exhausting experiences, but also from other negative consequences related to communication. Most emotional outbursts are within your control when you do them. This requires neither alcohol nor psychotropic drugs, the use of which is generally extremely undesirable and is allowed only as prescribed by a doctor and under his supervision. Be calm, balanced and keep peace in your soul and thoughts.
Many people look for the truth in smart books, in prayers or trainings, but the truth can be fully known only by looking inside yourself, knowing yourself, and accepting all your feelings: fears, pride, anger, envy...
By accepting, rather than suppressing, your feelings, you can discover the source of Love and Light within yourself. By learning to love ourselves, by wrapping every aspect of ourselves in a warm embrace, we can melt away all our inner fears and doubts, resentment, guilt, insecurity, self-pity, self-importance, the desire to constantly dwell in the past, and all that what was left unsaid and unfinished. These feelings destroy our peace of mind, or put blockages on the way to fulfilling our Dreams.
If we are in harmony with ourselves, we will be in the same state in relation to other people and the whole world.
To the point: What does it mean to accept yourself? The “Accepting Yourself” workshop will help you accept yourself unconditionally, and, therefore, truly forgive yourself...
Approval for small child as valuable as food or protection. Ultimately, if our parents, or other Adults, do not approve of us, we begin to feel ignored, if not abandoned. If a child is treated badly, he usually believes that it is only his fault, and that if he learns to be a good boy, then everything will be fine, so we learn to submit, to squeeze certain parts of ourselves in order to become “good”, in hope that then Grown-up people will begin to love us.
The trouble is that when we reach 20, 30, 40 and even 50 years old, many of us continue to behave as if we are still afraid of incurring the displeasure of Adults. We still try to be “pretty”, continue to seek the love and approval that we remember from childhood, believing that the earth will stop if we suddenly dare to be honest and speak the truth from our hearts.
First things first, most of us learn to suppress, deny, and distort our emotions. Our emotions are our Core Self's way of creating inner balance and harmony in response to everyday life. Sadness, for example, is a natural reaction to hurt, loss and grief. Anger is a healthy response to injustice or lack of respect. Fear is a response to threat and danger.
Emotions only turn into diseases when they are suppressed
Sadly, some people have been able to use New Age philosophy to suppress so-called “negative” emotions. They do not recognize sadness, resentment, rage, fear, loneliness, vulnerability, disappointment, but hide from them under the guise of apparent cheerfulness, essentially putting on “rose-colored glasses.” But since we have chosen the path of a person, we accept it completely: with all the depth and intensity of his emotions, in other words, completely and completely.
Read also: What is enlightenment? “Find the door of your heart and you will see that it is the door to the Kingdom of God. Therefore, you need to turn inside yourself, not outside.
Emotion is like an emotion, that is, energy-movement. It is supposed to pass through us, moving us towards what we should do: cry, scream, run, laugh or jump for joy. Our emotions help us stay balanced. Watch the little girl. Her eyes quickly fill with tears, she cries, and then, literally a few seconds later, she smiles and runs to continue playing.
The emotion passed through her, caused movement, the girl expressed the feeling, and everything passed. This is supposed to be the case. This is how emotion is supposed to work.
Unfortunately, from childhood, many of us learn that emotions must be hidden. It’s completely “not good,” for example, to be angry. Crying is stupid. To be afraid is cowardly. And if you are having fun, and the joy is overflowing, this is even inconvenient. "Be good!" - we constantly hear from childhood. So, we gradually begin to learn to “be good” and not be ourselves because we want love.
What are the dangers of constantly suppressing emotions?
When we become adults, many of us can already be called specialists in suppressing our own emotions. We tense up, we try not to fully breathe.
Read also: . Breathing is the basis of life, receiving energy from space and the key to the mysteries and secrets of our body.
All sorts of pills, exhausting work and other means that we quickly get used to “help” here. Instead of flowing calmly through the body and restoring balance, emotions turn into blocked energy, which creates a whole set of all kinds of problems. When we compress our emotions, distort, replace or hide them, the energy turns into depression, self-pity, physical illness or addiction to alcohol, tobacco or other drugs.
For example, let's take anger. I used to be proud that I had absolutely no anger in me, and I don’t know what it is, but one day, a friend of mine, talking with my guardian angels, told me that one of them was teaching me to show anger and defend myself.
We sometimes misinterpret our life situations and events, thinking: we are being offended so that we learn humility or patience; as I once thought. I was offended so that I could learn to respect myself. Anger is a messenger of self-respect and self-affirmation. It is a constructive force for personal and global change. It is a wonderful, powerful energy, and if allowed to flow quietly, it motivates us to action. But if we resist our own anger, telling ourselves that being angry is “not good,” “unspiritual,” or that we have no right to be angry, then the emotion begins to slowly smolder. And this happens over the course of hours, weeks, or even years.
Suppressed anger (as well as any other emotion) must, sooner or later, come to the surface. The most prominent signs of repressed anger are: depression and/or anxiety, self-pity, blame and resentment, guilt, apathy, inertia, sarcasm, irritability, struggle and martyrdom, addiction to drugs, alcohol, work, sex, food, etc. .d.
In addition, these are accidents (as an expression of anger directed at oneself); cancer, arthritis and other diseases; violence and aggression. Violence is not an expression of pure anger. It is a symptom of rage and fear bottled up, which eventually explodes. And since the world is a mirror, by noticing all the above symptoms in other people, you can thus observe your own suppressed anger!
Here is one example of how you can release your anger:
- Write a very angry letter on paper addressed to the person you are angry with. Don't hold back, write what you think from the bottom of your heart, and then burn it, or flush it down the toilet. (Resist the temptation to send it to the recipient!).
- Beat a pillow or punching bag. At the same time, breathe fully and simply “pretend” that you are angry until the emotion begins to move and comes to life on its own.
- Go for a jog, while internally screaming (if there are other people around): “I hate you!” or “How dare you!” or whatever your Inner Child wants to shout out.
Don't try to forgive someone who has hurt you or understand why you created the trauma in your life until you have dealt with your anger, resentment, and other emotions. Until we healed ours inner child, it is unlikely that you will be able to move forward; rather, you will begin to attract further unpleasant events, and they will bring your emotions to the surface.
It is important, at any stage of your development and growth, to honestly admit to yourself all your feelings and once suppressed emotions.
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