“If you hate, it means you have been defeated”
(c) Confucius
Do you agree that without emotions you would be bored?
Emotions make life rich and interesting. And, at the same time, they can destroy your psyche, health, destiny...
To prevent this from happening, you need understand, accept and manage their emotions.
This is confirmed by spiritual sources:
“You must strive for emotional harmony and tranquility within the illusory world of the higher fourth dimension as you attempt to adjust to the mental plane of the lower fifth dimensional environment.”
(c) Archangel Michael through Ronna Herman. May 2015
How achieve emotional harmony? Read the article and a lot will become clear to you.
What is the difference between emotions and feelings?
First, let's look at the concepts emotions and feelings, connections and differences between them.
Emotion- This impulsive reaction people to what is happening in this moment event. It is a short-term state and reflects the attitude towards the event. Comes from Lat. emovere - to excite, excite.
Feeling is an emotional experience that reflects steady attitude person to the surrounding world, significant people and objects. Feelings are not related to a specific situation.
Character- is the totality of human qualities that influence behavior and reactions in various life situations.
To summarize: emotions, as opposed to feelings, situational, this is a temporary experience of the immediate present moment. Simply put, we perceive the world feelings, but react to it with emotions.
Let's consider this For example football fans during the match.
They were brought to the game by a feeling of love and interest in this sport (this is their constant state).
And during the match itself they experience short-term emotions: pleasure and admiration for the game, the joy of victory or disappointment in defeat.
As a rule, we feel Soul, but we express our beliefs with emotions.
Also, through emotions they manifest themselves our feelings(joy at the sight of a loved one, anger at the sight of a “hated enemy”).
At the same time, emotions and feelings are situational may not match or contradict each other. Example: a mother became angry with her deeply loved child.
Depending on the character, people show different emotions in the same situations.
For example: the company's profits have fallen.
If the owner is positive in life man, he will be a little upset, but he will quickly pull himself together and will take effect. He will open up his attitude to the problem as a motivation for creativity.
For a weaker person, the same situation will cause state of apathy, inactivity, depression.
If you experience a depressed, depressed state for no particular reason, and even an unwillingness to live - what could this mean?
Like unbalanced emotions
ruin your life
What happens if you cannot or do not want to understand and control your emotions?
Relationships with people deteriorate
In a person caught up in emotions, sensitivity dulls to the people around him, even to his loved ones.
Therefore, people in an “excited” state manage to say a lot of unpleasant and even hurting words.
Habitual your emotional response shapes your mood and character.
For example, if you don't work through your resentment, the “character of the victim” will be formed. You will react sharply to the slightest comments from others, enter into frequent conflicts, and then feel unhappy and depressed.
Your performance decreases
You are wasting your energy resources to endless, exhausting experiences.
As a result, you may simply not have enough strength to realize your goals and achieving success.
Write down times in your life when your emotions unsettled you. How did you deal with this?
A non-standard approach to problem solving... a 3-step algorithm.
Your attitude towards yourself is getting worse
An excess of negative emotions creates the belief that “everything is wrong in life” or “everyone is against me.”
As a result, you have self-esteem drops. You may judge and blame yourself, even become depressed.
Your health is being destroyed
Uncontrolled emotions play a big role in the occurrence of many diseases. It is called psychosomatics.
Surely you are familiar with the expression “the disease developed due to nervousness”?
This happens when
- excessive emotional response(hysterical, self-inflicted),
- looping on negative emotions (when you feel constantly guilty or offended),
- denial and suppression their emotions (“You can’t be angry with your mom”).
Detailed decoding of the meaning of diseases from Louise Hay
Denying and inflating your emotions is not an option. So you will only ruin your life and make it unbearable.
If you want to achieve success in life, you need to study understand and control your emotions.
How to manage your emotions
Make a quality decision to get out of any difficult situation perhaps if you are in a state emotional balance. That's the only way you soberly assesses e what is happening and are able to act adequately.
1. Recognize the emotion and name it.
To work with emotions, you must first acknowledge their existence.
Learn to name your emotions: I'm angry, I'm sad, I'm happy. Look for shades emotional states— there are more than a hundred of them!
At least admit it to myself that you have “negative”, “disapproved” emotions: cowardice, gloating, curiosity to delve into other people’s secrets...
If you are not fully aware of your experiences, then you do not understand the role emotions play. for you personally.
WITH accepting any of your emotions the ability to control them begins.
Otherwise, for any similar situations you will be forced to experience an emotional explosion and endlessly walk in circles.
2. Analyze what your emotions are saying.
Learn to realize what essence and value your emotions, especially the “negative” ones.
- About what signal your experiences?
- What do they pay your attention to? attention?
- What is worth thinking about?
- What should be changed?
Be honest with yourself when answering these questions.
Perhaps resentment indicates need for recognition, and anger protects you from the destructive person in your life.
Or maybe you're used to hysterical behavior to get wish from intractable people? In this case, it is worth looking for other options...
Once you understand the value behind the outburst of emotions, they automatically subside.
3. Don't take it personally
Learn not to accept personal account everything that happens to you.
If your husband or boss yelled at you, this does not mean that you have done anything wrong.
Perhaps they have Bad mood, this has nothing to do with you personally. You were just in the wrong place at the wrong time.
Don't get drawn into this negativity by reacting with emotion. resentment or anger. However, you have the right to calmly and correctly defend your boundaries.
4. Use meditation and spiritual practices
If you are prone to emotional outbursts or prolonged experiences, you have high sensitivity - learn to calm down even in the most difficult situations.
They help with this meditation. Even after a short practice, you will feel relaxed and the intensity of your emotions will subside.
Regular meditation will tune your brain to think more positively.
During meditation, the brain changes frequency electrical impulses to deep and calm alpha waves. They induce a state of peace and relaxation in a person.
Another simple and effective technique is breathing. Take a deep breath and exhale into the ground several times.
5. Do things differently.
Train yourself to react differently to familiar“negative” situations.
For example, you can try to turn the brewing scandal into a joke, and thus discharge situation.
Simple practices on how to get out of an emotionally charged situation
If you can't figure out how to do things differently, practice this in game form(for example, at trainings). You can get inspiration from books and films.
6. Understand the nature of emotions
Read books and articles about emotions: why they arise, how they affect the body and consciousness.
Every person given the opportunity keep yourself in a positive mood.
Deliberate a person knows how to control himself, monitor and manage his emotions.
Do not suppress emotions in yourself, but understand the reasons for their occurrence both in yourself and in others.
And by this, manage your life, creating more happiness and inner harmony in her!
P.S. Perhaps the most important step to emotional healing is a skill forgive your offenders, let go of the pain of your past.
Essentially, there is nothing wrong with any emotion, but some of them can cause problems if you don't control yourself. Luckily, you can use a number of techniques and make lifestyle changes to help you manage negative feelings in a healthy way.
Steps
How to reconfigure your mind and body
- For example, if you are assigned to a work committee whose members are acting disorganized, such meetings may upset you. One way to solve the problem is to ask to be transferred to another committee.
Notice situations when emotions get out of control. The first step is to notice that there is a problem. Pay attention to the physical and mental sensations in such a situation in order to recognize the symptoms in the future. Use mindfulness, awareness and rational thinking to “seize” the moment. The mere ability to recognize an emotion will only create an attachment to the present moment.
Start doing the opposite of what you are used to. Stop if you are reacting to an acute emotion in a habitual way. Think about what would happen if you tried to do the opposite. How will the outcome change? If it becomes positive or productive, then choose a new reaction.
Remove yourself from the situation that creates negative emotions. Sometimes the best solution is to simply walk away and hide from the irritants. If the situation allows you to leave and not offend others, then it is better to do so.
How to communicate confidently and decisively
-
Express your feelings clearly and confidently. Learn to express your feelings decisively in order to vent and control your emotions, but at the same time change an unwanted situation. It's okay to express your opinion or deny others something that makes you uncomfortable or that you simply don't have time for, as long as you're polite and straightforward.
- For example, if a friend invites you to a party, you can say: “Thank you for remembering me! Alas, I don’t like big companies, so I’ll refuse this time. Maybe we can go to a coffee shop together?” Give an outlet to your feelings so that they don’t sit inside and control you.
-
Speak in the first person to express your thoughts without blaming others. This method of communication allows you to express emotions without blaming or humiliating anyone. Before you say something accusing or judgmental, stop and reframe the sentence as a simple observation or your own opinion.
- For example, instead of saying: “You don’t care about me,” it’s better to say: “I was offended when you didn’t call me back, although you promised. What happened?
-
Invite others to express their point of view. Every situation is multifaceted. Invite others to share their thoughts to better understand their point of view and create equal dialogue. You need to actively listen to keep yourself in control, control your emotions, and be in such a mental state, which will help you wisely use other people's ideas.
- For example, when expressing your opinion, supplement it with the question: “What do you think?”
-
Avoid using subjective words like “should” and “should.” Such statements blame others and can lead to feelings of irritation and anger because the situation is not working out the way you would like. If you say “should,” “should,” or similar words and phrases, stop and remember that we are all not perfect. Accept the imperfection of the world and the current situation.
- For example, instead of thinking, “My partner should never hurt my feelings,” remind yourself that the situation is nothing personal. You both make mistakes from time to time.
- If you are too hard on yourself, show kindness and compassion. For example, if thoughts like: “I should have prepared better. I will fail the exam,” then change them to: “I did my best and prepared as best I could. Whatever the outcome, everything will be okay.”
How to calm yourself down with your usual routine
-
Exercise regularly to relax and let off steam. Do these physical exercise, which involve calming and repetitive activities (swimming, walking, or running) to calm the mind and senses. You could also try yoga or Pilates to calm your thoughts through gentle stretching and breathing exercises.
Engage different senses in new ways to calm your body. Learn to notice beauty and quietly admire the world around you for the sake of daily self-care. Your focus on gratitude and physical sensations will help you quickly pull yourself together in moments of stress or irritation. Experiment with different methods:
Use the soothing touch method. People need loving touch to feel happy. Positive touch releases oxytocin - strong hormone, which improves mood, relieves stress and enhances feelings of affection. Common options for soothing touch:
- Place your hand on your heart. Feel your heart beat, rise and fall rib cage, and heat emanates from the skin. Repeat to yourself pleasant words like: “I am worthy of love,” or: “I am a good person.”
- Give yourself a hug. Cross your arms over your chest, place your palms on your shoulders and hug yourself gently. Repeat a positive phrase like, “I love myself.”
- Cup your face in your palms, as if you were a child or loved one, and then begin stroking your face with your fingers. Repeat to yourself good words like: “I am a wonderful and kind person.”
-
Practice meditation. Meditation is a great way to ease anxiety and depression and learn how to manage stress. Regular mindfulness meditation helps control emotions. Sign up for a class, use recommendations online, or learn mindfulness meditation on your own in the comfort of your own home.
Do you ever find yourself yelling at your husband and then regretting it? Does it happen that you say offensive things to him, the reality of which you yourself do not believe? How often do you feel remorse for actions that destroy your relationships? Does this sound familiar to you? Then this article is written for you!
To get started, answer the following questions:
- Do you think it is possible to control emotions?
- What advantages and benefits will we get if we learn to control our emotions?
- What damage do we cause to ourselves and our family by failing to control ourselves?
I think it's obvious that self-control is a skill worth learning, but how?
When I first got married, my ability to control my emotions was at best 10%, and today I can proudly say that I have 90% control over my emotions. I not only learned to control my emotions, but also began to help other women in this difficult task. I have developed several exercises that, with constant practice, give amazing results.
How to control your emotions and maintain peace in the family?
Follow the six rules!
Rule 1: Don't dramatize the situation
Many women simply “wind up” themselves and make a big deal out of any little thing: “He didn’t call me, that means he forgot about me, that means he doesn’t care about me, that means he doesn’t love me anymore, etc.” and so on".
Remember - as a rule, you are offended or angry not at the event itself, but at the meaning that you attach to it. Learn to think more positively and more broadly: “He didn’t call me because he has an important project at work; he didn't call because he wanted me to miss him; he didn’t call because he didn’t want to distract me from my business.”
Or even: “He didn’t call, simply because he forgot.” That's all. No drama.
Rule 2: Take care of your well-being and emotional state
Imagine being tired, hungry and on edge nervous breakdown due to the amount of work. And then your husband comes home an hour later than promised. You throw out on him everything that has accumulated at work, and all your fatigue for last days, and maybe months or years.
Very often we take our anger out on our husband, although in principle he has nothing to do with it. He just came across it at the wrong moment.
So, your direct responsibility is to take care of yourself and your happiness. Then your husband will get a piece of your happiness instead of a ton of your stress.
Rule 3: Play the role of a happy and good wife
Yes, as they say, “fake it till you make it.” That is, play it until you get it - until it becomes second nature.
Here the necessary books, films and live communication with those who can serve as an example will help you.
Say goodbye to your previous image, because you didn’t choose it, life somehow imposed it on you without your consent. Choose a new image for yourself and be who you want to see yourself as, playing this role as an actress. Very soon this will become a habit, and before you know it, you will become the person you always dreamed of being!
Rule 4: Analyze your intentions, behaviors and results
Behind every action there is a good intention. For example, a woman yells at her husband because she wants him to understand and accept her feelings. But does her action - raising her voice - lead to the desired result? Obviously, this leads to the opposite. The husband simply ignores her and insists on his own even stronger.
Therefore, it is important to ask yourself: “Why am I screaming? What do I want to achieve with this? Does this lead me to the desired result? What alternative action can I take to achieve what I want? Learn to ask yourself these questions and analyze your behavior, and not just act automatically.
Rule 5: Count to ten and breathe deeply
At any stressful situation The first reaction, as a rule, is animal, instinctive: attack or run away. Therefore, women either make a scandal, or slam the door and leave in offense. Neither one nor the other option is a way out of the situation.
You need to understand that rational and creative thinking comes into play a little later in a stressful situation. That’s why they recommend counting to ten and then reacting. More effective way- this is to make a complete breathing exercise: 8 seconds while inhaling, 32 seconds holding your breath, and 16 seconds exhaling. After this exercise, you literally become a new person with whom you can communicate again.
Rule 6: Go to another room to beat a pillow
As a last resort there is very effective remedy for the release of negative emotions without sacrifice, without remorse and without harm to others. As soon as you feel like you are about to explode, move away from witnesses and, when you are alone, feel free to start hitting the pillow and shout loudly: “A-a-a-a-a!”
I assure you that even a minute of such entertaining pastime will be enough for you to again feel that you are “perfectly in the saddle”! You can again talk, communicate and clarify various issues without fear for your health.
Remember, you may not always have power over the situation, but you can always have power over yourself. This is what I wish for you!
Instructions
Analyze your current situation. Watch your behavior. If emotions prevent you from speaking out if little things cause a strong reaction and desire is cruel, if emotions are preventing you from thinking sensibly and acting logically, it’s time to come to your senses.
Analyze the manifestation: do you immediately start shouting at your interlocutor if something doesn’t suit you, or do you remain silent, harboring a grudge? Both are fraught not only with damage, but also with psychogenic diseases. Try to talk calmly about the problem that is bothering you.
If during a frank conversation you are constantly tempted to start a scandal, be silent for a while, count to ten, take a deep breath and exhale.
Analyze your behavior. Why is it fundamentally important for you that in this matter the interlocutor acts exactly as you want and says what you expect? Is it so important to insist?
Video on the topic
note
The ability to awaken and ignite will help you take control of your emotions positive emotions. This is done by simple willpower and through regular training. Practice evoking different feelings, or better yet, sign up for a special training, where they will tell you how to learn to control your emotions and how to consciously switch from one emotion to another.
How can you control your emotions? Managing feelings does not mean ignoring them. Emotional control means that you acknowledge your shortcomings, but act on them when you deem it appropriate. You will not react impulsively and uncontrollably. But first you need to figure out how you can manipulate your emotions in general.
It is common for a person to experience not only positive, but also negative emotions, such as anger, irritability, and aggressiveness. If he is unable to overcome them, if he allows them to spill out, especially in front of strangers, this at least makes an unpleasant impression. In the worst case, such incontinence can cancel out his career advancement and jeopardize his marriage. Therefore, it is very important for every person to be able to restrain negative emotions. How can this be achieved?
Instructions
Master the technique of self-hypnosis. It is relatively simple, and with a certain desire and perseverance, you will soon learn to restrain yourself. Mental counting, slow, deep breathing, meditation exercises - all this will effectively help in the fight against negative emotions.
Make every effort to be less likely to find yourself in situations that can provoke an outburst of negative emotions in you. For example, are you annoyed by some employee at work? Does he seem unbearably boring, stupid, lazy to you? If possible, keep communication with him to a minimum. Even better, try to objectively and calmly analyze which particular qualities of his do not suit you. Maybe you should talk to him frankly, explain yourself? Of course, in private, without unnecessary ears. It is possible that the conversation will be useful for both of you.
Try to look at yourself “from the outside” as often as possible, and precisely at the moment of outburst of emotions. Believe me, the sight you see will be so unsightly that you will experience embarrassment at best, and burning shame at worst. You will involuntarily want to restrain yourself and not get into such situations again.
If you still feel that irritation (or rage) is boiling uncontrollably within you, if possible, quickly distract yourself and transfer your attention to something else. At least for a short time, leave the room, or look outside the window, or ask someone a question. IN as a last resort, crumple a sheet of paper, break a pencil. These are completely acceptable forms of outburst of emotions, and you will hardly be judged for them.
Avoid communication with gloomy, gloomy people at all costs. Refrain from watching television programs with negative content (crime reports, reports about tragedies, natural disasters etc.) Instead, try to get positive emotions as often as possible!
Well, if none of the listed measures bring any effect, then it is advisable for you to contact a qualified psychological help.
All people periodically require a certain psychological relief. Suppressing emotions leads to their intensification, so you shouldn’t hold them back. This will not give an outlet to tension, which will accumulate and ultimately find an outlet in some form, for example, in illness.
Instructions
Tears and sincere conversations with friends help relieve tension, in which you can pour out your soul, share your painful problems with them, and describe the depressing situation on paper. It’s quite possible to “let off steam” with anyone in a suitable way.
Sometimes it is very useful to “relapse into childhood.” This behavior significantly improves your well-being. Memories of carelessness happy childhood help a person to lift their mood.
You can quite easily free yourself from emotional stress by resorting to the simplest techniques of self-hypnosis. To do this, take a comfortable position, relax and repeat simple phrases: “I feel calm,” “peace envelops me,” “there is peace in the world,” “I find absolute peace,” “I feel better.”
You can free yourself from unwanted emotions simply by sharing your existing adversities with yourself. To do this, sit in front of the mirror and talk about painful things. Using this method, you will begin to more clearly understand the reasons that caused mental discomfort, and you will find quite simple ways getting rid of them.
In acute situations, you should not make hasty decisions, unless, of course, they are dictated by the circumstances themselves, for example, a certain kind of disaster - a fire, flood or earthquake. Well-known recommendations are quite suitable for solving most everyday situations. First, count to 10. Try to normalize your breathing by slowly inhaling air through your nose and holding your breath for a while. Then gradually exhale through your nose, focusing on the sensations associated with your breath. At emergency stand up and, after excusing yourself, leave the room and find a suitable place of solitude.
Moisten your temples, forehead, hands cold water. Take a glass of water and drink it with concentration, slowly, trying to concentrate on the sensations that arise. Slowly looking around, move your gaze from object to object, mentally describing them appearance. Look out the window at the sky, examine it in detail, focusing on visible objects.
A small exercise helps relieve emotional stress perfectly: straighten up, place your feet shoulder-width apart, bend over, exhale, relax your shoulders and neck, your head and arms should hang freely towards the floor. Breathe deeply. After 1-2 minutes, slowly straighten up and look around again. Try to look at objects from different positions, mentally naming everything you see.
Controlling your emotions is sometimes very difficult. But in order to look decent in the eyes of those around you, you need to work on yourself and learn to restrain yourself. anger and irritability. Anger destroys relationships. Words spoken in anger That is, it leaves an unpleasant mark, and decisions made in such a state most often turn out to be incorrect.
Instructions
Try to understand the reasons that cause you anger. Is it a certain person or some hot topic that is the provocateur? Or are you angry at any remark addressed to you? If someone annoys you, keep your communication to a minimum, and chance meeting force yourself to smile and greet politely. If you cannot stand a certain topic of conversation, then avoid it, or try to take a passive part in its discussion. If flashes anger and appear in response to any remark addressed to you, then you need to work on your personal worldview and the ability to accept criticism.
Imagine what you look like from the outside during a flash anger and how the interlocutor perceives you. If possible, go to the mirror in an irritated state and evaluate the appearance of a person who is unable to control himself.
Before you answer your interlocutor rudely or yell at him, try to calm down. Make a few deep breaths. Count to ten and formulate the correct answer in your head.
If you realize that you can't hold back anger, go into another room or outside. Make a few physical exercise so that the body receives a discharge. If anger is beating you at work, take some unwanted paper and tear it into small pieces. Try switching to some activity.
Try to look at the situation from the outside, whether the problem is worth such an outlay of emotions. Is it possible to find correct solution? Do you have enough arguments to defend your opinion? If you are not sure that you are right or do not know how to prove your words, step back from the conversation.
Practice controlling emotions
What do psychologists recommend? If you have a fairly developed imagination, try to imagine specific actions - your work colleague is pissing you off and you want to throw a vase at him? Throw it, but in your imagination. You can become a real director of your own film without harming anyone.
Coping with irritation An imaginary wall will help, which will isolate you from the source of irritation. By the way, this can be not only a wall - a dome, a hole, a hollow. The main thing is that you feel comfortable and cozy.
You can draw a real picture with a pencil or pen. It doesn’t matter at all that you don’t know how to draw - it’s just a way to cope with negativity.
Train yourself to think that a person who causes negative emotions in you is a kind of simulator on which you will practice controlling your emotions and anger. When you communicate with him, mentally answer three questions: “what are real reasons your behavior?”, “What remarks of the interlocutor irritate you?”, “What will you do if the situation repeats?”
The true reasons for your behavior cannot be hidden in the behavior of another person - it is your attitude towards him. You still won’t be able to change another person, but you can easily change your attitude towards him. In any unpleasant situation, look at things through the eyes of your opponent - this will help you understand the true reasons for the behavior of the “source of irritation.”
If none of these methods work, simply minimize contact with the source of irritation, eliminate irritating factors and remember - nerve cells are not restored. Take care of yourself and your loved ones.
Loading...